I KNOW! Have not updated for AGES! But I promise you, I'm trying to make a habit out of updating regularly. I have no excuses. This one is extra-long. It will be the entries of Malik, Marik and Bakura. And then I'll update again next week. I'll make it a weekly thing. I promise. I promise promise promise! And if I don't update in a week, e-mail me with hateful things.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of its characters and etc… I love the word 'etcetera.' It's awesome.

Oh yeah! And don't be offended by my remark of the French. Nothing against them.

Cover: Malik and Marik's Book. Of…stuff. GET OUT ISHIZU!

Entry: January 13, 2006

Marik's Entry:

Diary,

Today is Friday the 13th! It's exciting because it's supposed to be a very unlucky day. I don't believe in that sort of thing, but Ryou does, so Malik, Bakura and I are going to mess with him. It's going to be AWESOME! YAY! We've already messed with him a lot. Right now he's shaking in his basement, mumbling swear words in his fruity English accent.

Ha-ha! So far we have killed his dog. Oh yeah. He got a new dog. It's some runt bitch Chihuahua named 'Bleeper' or 'Blinker' or something like that. It's so ugly. It never shuts up. We'd been planning its demise for days. Stupid dog. I've always hated those runt dogs. So tiny. Like warts or something. I loved when people put them in little clothes. It's embarrassing and they deserve it…

Anyhow, we had been planning to kill it for a while. We brainstormed a few days ago. You know, tossing around ideas like tying it to a piece of wood and shoving it in a dryer filled with hornets, putting on the dryer and listening to the awesome buzzing. Forcing it to listen to Hilary Duff on full blast. That kind of thing. But Bakura came up with the best idea. I guess it's due to his having to listen to it yap 24 hours a day. That kind of torture can drive a yami crazy. Or even more crazy than it already is…

I get off topic easily. I remember someone telling me that one time, but I didn't believe them. Then I got all angry and blew them up. Ha! Santa Clause is immortal MY ASS! Stupid fat man…

Oh yeah! The PLAN! So what we finally did was Bakura's idea. We decided to play a nice game of catch with Blanker. Blower. Whatever. Well, we were playing a game of catch… with a Frisbee of DOOM! AKA Yugi. It was fun… Yugi's pointy hair kept stabbing Booker and making it bleed and yap and whine, and Yugi kept getting bitten and screaming for help from Yami. But Yami was too busy being covered with Bopper's dog food and being shoved into a cage filled with rabid dogs…

Good times, good times. Aha! I have to go now; it's time to mess with Ryou some more… And this time it will include Bakura's chainsaw and a very horny rabbit.

Malik's Entry:

Diary,

Today was the best day EVER! Looking back through our book, I noticed that Marik has already explained what we did before the other thing we did. What else did we do, you ask? All in good time my good lad, all in good time. I'm feeling odd… More of that later though

So anyways, after we killed Binger, Bouncy or whatever the hell that demon thing is called, almost killed Yami, and made that stupid little Yugi cry, (something about dogs being meant for loving and not death) we decided to play one more prank of Ryou, and then move onto Ishizu. I'm sure Bakura will tell his own diary about that later, so I'll just explain what happened with Ryou… It was marvelous…

Well, he was rocking back in forth in the basement when it happened. For some reason, Ryou has always had a large troop of twinky little girls following him around. Well, it's not so much following as stalking… Anyways, they all love him. Their ages range from 14-89. (Don't ask) So anyways, we set them on him. It was awesome!

They all crowded around him. At first they fawned over him, which was quite scary, but then they started fighting over who would 'get him.' And then they started a big brawl over custody and shit like that. It was hilarious! Ryou started shrieking like a little girl as they clawed at his face for his eyeballs. Apparently they're the best part. It was like he was the new Elvis or something. Which reminds me, I need to let Elvis out of my torture chamber sometime soon…

Well, I'll go now. We're about to wreak some havoc on Ishizu.

Cover: Bakura's book of DOOM! DOOM DOOM DOOM! DOOOOOOOOM! Doom.

Entry: January 13, 2006

Bakura's Diary:

Ah… Today is my favorite day. Most people are superstitious of this day for some reason. Something to do with the French… I don't doubt it. Those baguette-eating bastards.

Anyways, as I said, Ishizu's not superstitious, so we were thinking of ways to scare her. Like putting her face into the chest cavity of the rotting corpse of a small elephant that died of hemorrhoids and had an HIV and letting her face stay in that smelly, rotting nasty dead body until she slowly went unconscious from the smells of death. But let's not go into details.

But in the end, we had no way to move the dead elephant body so we couldn't do that cause there was no way we could drag Ishizu that far after using Laudanum to drug her. She's been eating a lot of chocolate lately. Apparently that fat chick from Jenny Craig said she could eat anything she wanted and still be thin. Fat chance. Pardon the pun.

So in the end, we just decided to use all her makeup to decorate the house. Not very imaginative, I know, but we were running out of time. She freaked out.

She kept yelling something about Este Lauder or something. Stupid bitch.

Ah well, that's enough evil for one day. I must go now.

A/N: Yay! Super long (kind of) and funnier than usual! I think this one's better than the lame stabs I've done before! Well, you be the judge.