Chapter IX

The End of all Things

"Come on, Razorwire! We have to move faster!"

Dorfo and Bordo had seen Spanky several days ago, heading back toward Isengard. The balrog had had the Neo-Nazgul's cloak draped over his shoulder. Dorfo had wanted to jump out and greet his old friend, but Bordo had restrained him. Dorfo reluctantly stayed back; he realized that Spanky most likely still wanted to kill him to avenge his father. Dorfo did demand that they follow the balrog, especially since Spanky seemed to be heading toward Sauron.

Sauron. He would take care of this problem. He would know how to mend the gap between Spanky and Dorfo. Dorfo's opinion of Sauron had changed so much since they first met in the rubble of Mount Doom. Dorfo was terrified, then, desperate to find a way out of his captivity. But the journey had seemed to change Sauron. Sauron had accepted Dorfo. They were partners. Possibly even friends.

With Sauron's help, Dorfo could explain to Spanky what had happened. He would make Spanky understand. They would be friends again and continue their quest. They would.

"I moving fast as I can, Dorfo," Bordo said. The hobbit had developed a nasty limp, given to him by the Neo-Nazgul. They needed to find a horse, or something, if they were to have even the slightest chance of keeping up with Spanky.

Then Dorfo saw it: a large, gray hump protruding from the treetops less than a mile ahead of them. He recognized that shape immediately.

"Ollie!"

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Spanky was lucky to be alive. The Neo-Nazgul – Armor had been his name – was much stronger than Spanky. Every blow the balrog had delivered was returned with twice the force. The only thing that had saved Spanky was a well-timed swing at Armor's right hand. The fiery blade neatly separated Armor's hand from his body, and more importantly, his Ring from his body. With the Ring severed from the body, Armor toppled nearly immediately, losing the capital "A" and becoming a lifeless pile of armor once more.

Spanky had been wearing Armor's red cloak ever since. Wearing it was easier than carrying it, and Spanky's flames apparently had no effect on it. He would not abandon the cloak. Spanky would return it to Sauron as proof that his loyal subject had been utterly defeated by a simple balrog.

And then there was the matter of Dorfo. Spanky was no fool; he knew that Dorfo and the other halfling had been following him for several days. He rarely saw the other halfling, but he routinely saw Dorfo peering through underbrush, crunching through leaves, belching loudly, and so on. Dorfo was never very good at maintaining a low profile.

Spanky smiled in spite of himself. He didn't want to have to kill Dorfo. He really didn't. He didn't even like killing. But he had promised. He had to do it for his father.

Didn't he?

But that could wait. Right now, his business was with Sauron.

When Spanky crested the hill he had been climbing, he realized just how true that statement was. Standing on the hillside, facing each other in a not very friendly manner, were the familiar shapes of Sauron and Zombie Gollum. They were talking in indistinct voices, which Spanky strained to understand. Spanky could also see a large black area devoid of grass, and the charred remnants of...of what? People? He returned his gaze to Sauron, who aimed his sword at Zombie Gollum's throat. The Zombie held up his arms in apparent defeat.

Spanky acted. Fast as red lightning, he streaked across the hill and dove at Zombie Gollum, safely knocking him out of the way. The two tumbled down the hillside. Zombie Gollum then began to struggle. He headbutted Spanky and tried to bite his arms as the two rolled.

"What are you doing?" Spanky shouted as best he could. "I'm trying to help you!"

The two continued to wrestle until Spanky gave Zombie Gollum a hard shove and the two separated. Spanky rolled to a halt. He turned his head and saw Sauron sprinting over to where Zombie Gollum lay. He was also shouting something about Armor. As interesting as that was, Spanky's attention quickly became focused on something much closer. There, lying not two meters away, was a filthy old ring with a hint of gold on one side. Dirty as the ring was, that fleck of gold shone like the sun.

The Ring also had two little black appendages.

Spanky knew it instantly. He was staring at the Two Ring.

He grabbed it and held it tight. The Ring seemed to squirm under his grip. Spanky continued to gaze, entranced, at the Two Ring as he listened to Sauron and Zombie Gollum behind him.

"You will obey me, Two Ring. You will obey me or I will destroy you!"

Zombie Gollum's face looked back at him, perplexed. So Zombie Gollum had been wearing the Two Ring, Spanky thought. That's why Sauron was so angry!

"Yes, master!" the Zombie said. "Smeagol will do as you say! We just wants some juicy fish to eat! That's all we ask!" There was a pause. When Sauron spoke again, his tone had changed drastically. He sounded ecstatic. "Armor, well done! You've gotten my Ring! Give me the Two Ring, Armor. Armor?"

Armor? What the devil is Sauron talking about? Then Spanky snapped out of his trance and remembered he was wearing the late Armor's cloak. His back was to Sauron. Sauron was talking to him. That idiot thought a balrog was Armor! Spanky was going to enjoy this.

"Guess again, Sauron." Spanky growled.

The balrog turned around as slowly and dramatically as possible, and then flung the cloak off and drew his father's sword. He grinned at the look on Sauron's face.

"You didn't really think your foolish Neo-Nazgul could finish me off, did you? He learned that the hard way, and so will you." Spanky pointed the tip of his sword at Sauron. "Now, we still have a score to settle. I won't die until you do."

Spanky struck. His flaming sword flashed toward Sauron's neck, but the Dark Lord's blade was up to block the stroke in plenty of time. Spanky growled and spun, his sword aiming for Sauron's legs this time. Again the Dark Lord parried the stroke.

"Give it to me!" Sauron shouted after he dodged a nasty slash aimed for his neck. "Give it to me and you won't suffer!"

Spanky leapt back and held the Two Ring up between thumb and forefinger. Its little legs danced in the air.

"Why did you give it legs?" he asked, examining the little black protrusions. "This whole thing could have been avoided if you hadn't have given it legs."

"It was a good plan!" Sauron screamed. Before Spanky could react, Sauron transformed into the Eye and barreled into the balrog. The impact caused Spanky to lose his grip on the Two Ring. The little ring arced away and landed in the grass. Spanky scrambled for it. Sauron was close behind, floating centimeters above the ground. Spanky reached the Two Ring first, snatched it up, and was once again hit in the chest by Sauron's Eye. Once again the Two Ring flew backward, down the hill. Sauron and Spanky struggled for it, but neither made much forward progress. While they wrestled in the grass, the Two Ring came to a halt in front of a figure Spanky knew well. Or thought he knew well.

With Sauron's Eye pressing him down into the grass, Spanky lifted his head just enough to see ahead. His eyes widened.

Dorfo!

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Dorfo Sackville-Baggins knelt and picked up the Two Ring. He couldn't take his eyes off of the sight in front of him, however. Spanky and Sauron were struggling with each other. Fighting each other. He thought it couldn't possibly be true, that what he had been seeing as he and Bordo approached was some sort of mirage, or possibly a different balrog and giant flaming Eye doing battle. Just like it did when Spanky learned Dorfo's true name, the little hobbit's world came crashing down on him again.

Why are they fighting? We're on the same team!

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. It wasn't! He had imagined something more along the lines of this:

Dorfo Sackville-Baggins knelt and picked up the Two Ring.

Sauron, a huge grin stretching across his metallic face, ran over to where Dorfo sat, cradling the Two Ring in his hands. The Dark Lord clapped him on the shoulders.

"We have done it, Dorfo! We found it! Dorfo, I could not have done this without you. You have been the best partner I have ever dealt with in all my years. Ever. Also, I plan on renouncing my Dark past and instead will use the Two Ring to bring peace to the world."

Dorfo smiled up at him, and glanced over at the rest of their fellowship. Spanky, Ollie, and Zombie Gollum all stood there, expressions of joy painted on their faces.

Dorfo stood and handed the Two Ring to Sauron...

But it wasn't happening like that at all! The fellowship was disintegrating, just like it had before. He couldn't let this happen. He couldn't.

"What is going on here?" he shouted at the two struggling shapes.

After a few moments, Spanky and Sauron disentangled themselves and stood to face Dorfo. Sauron transformed back to his human form. Both had worried looks on their faces.

"Halfling!" Sauron exclaimed. "You have the Two Ring! Good! I knew I could count on you. Now, bring it to me."

Dorfo took a step forward, unable to disobey his master.

"Dorfo, don't!" Spanky shouted. "He's evil, Dorfo! Don't you realize that? Stop helping him!"

Dorfo shook his head. "He's...he's changed! He's not evil anymore. He's not."

There was a pause. Then, Sauron spoke. "He's, uh, right! That's right! Not evil! Now give me the bloody Ring, you fool halfling!"

"Dorfo," Spanky said, "listen to me. I don't care what has happened between us. Well, I do, but that is irrelevant now. We will settle that score later. But right now, we have to do everything in our power to keep that" - Spanky pointed at the Two Ring - "away from that." - he pointed at Sauron. "All of Middle-Earth depends on it, Dorfo! This is no game! Now, we have to get away from here!"

Sauron apparently did not like the sound of this plan.

"You will not take the Two Ring from me, balrog!" Sauron dove at Spanky. The balrog was caught off guard and went sprawling. The fight began anew.

Bordo, who had been standing beside Dorfo, drew his little sword and took a step forward.

"Razorwire, are you insane? Your leg!"

"Leg fine, Dorfo," Bordo lied. "Must help balrog. Sauron cannot win!"

With that, Bordo limped toward the two combatants and joined the battle.

Dorfo watched in horror as his three friends fought. Zombie Gollum and Ollie were the only ones who seemed to have any sense. The Zombie sat off to one side, uninterested in the current happenings, and Ollie remained at the base of the next hill, nearly a mile away.

Dorfo, desperate, looked at the little Ring he still clutched in his hand. There was a way to stop all this. It would be foolish. More than foolish – it would be complete and utter insanity. But he had to. He had finally found somewhere he belonged! Somewhere he was accepted! He would not allow his fellowship to crumble!

Dorfo slid the Two Ring onto his finger.

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It's happening all over again, Sauron thought as he watched the halfling put the Ring on. For the moment, everything was forgotten – his defeated Neo-Nazgul, the balrog, everything but the Two Ring and its new vessel.

"Dorfo, no!"

That was the balrog, shouting from somewhere beside Sauron. The Dark Lord paid him no mind; Sauron was already running toward the halfling. He made it nearly halfway before the Two Ring hurled a ball of fire at him. It struck Sauron in the chest and knocked him onto his back, unhurt but embarassed.

Sauron watched from his knees as the halfling turned his attention toward the balrog. The other, crippled halfling charged, trying to stop the Two Ring's rampage, but he was thrown off to the side by one small arm. The balrog tensed, but the Two Ring stopped several paces away.

"I will kill you all for doing this to me," it said with the halfling's voice.

Flames erupted all around the Two Ring. Sauron leapt away from one rather heavily concentrated area of fire, only to have more appear in front of him. The balrog and the cripped halfling danced around in a similar manner, powerless to stop this barrage.

He's trying to destroy everything around him, Sauron thought, unable to keep the proud smile from creeping onto his face. That's my boy!

"Dorfo!" Sauron heard the balrog's voice booming from beyond the flames. "Dorfo, you have to fight it! Don't let it control you!"

The flames died down a bit. Enough for Sauron to see the others, at least.

"I am not Dorfo." The Two Ring stood in front of Spanky and raised his arms. "Now, young balrog," his frown very, very slowly curled into a smile – Sauron thought this was awfully familiar – "you will die."

Before the Two Ring could unleash a barrage of death, Spanky grabbed the halfling's arms and held them tight.

"Listen to me! You are Dorfo Sackville-Baggins! My friend! You don't kill your friends! You may kill your friends' fathers, but that is another story. Besides, I do believe it really wasn't your intention to kill him. But as I said earlier, that is beside the point. I am not your enemy." The balrog pointed toward Sauron. "He is."

The halfling and the the Two Ring writhed in the balrog's grasp. They seemed to be fighting for control.

"Come on, Two Ring!" Sauron shouted. "You can do it!"

"Shut up!" the balrog shouted back.

The writhing stopped, and the Two Ring whispered something inaudible to the balrog. After a few moments of hesitation, the balrog released him. The Two Ring turned and began slowly walking toward Sauron.

"That's it! Come to your master! We will teach that fool balrog not to toy with us!"

The Two Ring lifted the halfing's arms in a very threatening manner. It kept walking toward Sauron.

"Wait...wait a moment," Sauron stammered, "this isn't...how it's supposed to be." He held his arms in front of him, fear creeping – no, streaming – into him. "Two Ring, no! This isn't how it's supposed to end! What about the prophecy? I haven't fulfilled the prophecy yet! I haven't..."

It was too late. Sauron was still wondering how everything had gone so horribly wrong when the Two Ring obliterated him.

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The Two Ring had done it.

It slid off the halfling's finger, who quickly collapsed. The balrog and the other hobbit rushed over to comfort him. The Two Ring skittered a few meters away from the companions.

It was finally free of Sauron! No more forced captivity! No more being used by others for its power! And it had this little hobbit to thank for it all. The Two Ring had completely lost control, as it did whenever it was being worn. It couldn't help but destroy anything and everything. But the hobbit had managed to control and calm it. To focus it so they could destroy Sauron together.

It was done.

But what would it do now? Where would it go? The Two Ring had no friends, no companions. It did not like the idea of spending all of eternity alone.

It looked over at the halfling, Dorfo, who was just now sitting up. The Two Ring came to a decision.

The Two Ring had done it, but it had not done it alone.