DISCLAIMER: Give me a N! (N) Give me an O! (O) Give me a T! (T) What does that spell? (NOT) Now at 'HING' and you've got what I have.

Take a look at this chapter too while you're at it. Man I got this up fast.

-I've Seen It Before-

It seemed so clear now. The hidden key, the double locked door. The closed blinds and the buzzer turned off. It was just so obvious; but only after the fact. Only after the humiliation and shock, only after stumbling on yet another disappointment. That's how it was, she always knew, but only after everything came tumbling down.

Rory groped the door frame blindly, her fingers searching for the key normally propped against the wall. Finding nothing, she frowned and withdrew an empty hand.

She had thought of knocking. Thought of stirring him from his supposed slumbers. But she hadn't wanted to disturb him. To rouse him with her surprise visit. So she had continued her search for that slim piece of metal, so craftily shaped.

She sifted frantically through the papers thrown sloppily in her back seat. She knew there was a key somewhere in the car, finding where that was, was proving harder than expected. Grumbling to herself she lifted the carpeted mat laying on the floor in a last attempt. Relief washed over her as her eyes caught a small object glimmering in the night's gentle light. The key was found.

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Rory cautiously stepped though the threshold and slipped off her heavy shoes. She was determined not to wake Todd, to not be a burden. All she wanted was to see him. To have that little bit of contact she had quickly grown accustomed to. And she certainly saw Todd that night, plus a little more.

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Todd's head jolted upwards as he heard the bedroom door squeak open. There Rory stood, eyes wide and questioning as she took in the sight before her.

"Rory, it's not what it looks like," he managed as he frantically pulled the covers up around him and his "guest".

"What?" She asked dumbfounded. She didn't know why she was asking that, it was most definitely what it looked like.

Todd's response was that of pure confusion. He had expected a rant, an angry one at that, with his name entwined with as many profanities as possible. But all he got was a blank stare, filled with hurt and desperation.

Rory took the initiative, "Bastard."

Still no response. She was getting annoyed, she had expected an 'I'm sorry' at the very least. Her eyes darted quickly around the room as she ran a vast possibility of follow up insults through her brain. "Screw you. No, she can do that for you." Her ears rang with her sounding immaturity. Todd just gave her an apologetic shrug, not quite enough. She heaved a frustrated sigh as she shook her head, and turned to walk out the door.

"Wait."

She paused briefly, waiting for him to continue. Still nothing. Taking one more breath, and dramatically blowing it out of her nose she opened the door, slamming it behind her.

You taught me how to see.

Everything is so clear.

Rory wiped violently at her reddened eyes in a desperate attempt to stop the steady flow of tears now cascading down her cheeks. Her head was pounding, pounding with thoughts, with emotion. Swarming with the fact that she'd lost someone again. Driven them away. It didn't even matter that she hadn't loved him. She had known he wasn't the one, that he wasn't even close. But he'd at least given her some sort of control, an escape from reality. Now, she was brought back to the truth; he had left her lonely once again, with nothing to distract her from the pain.

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Her body shook with heavy sobs as Rory lay limply on the couch. Her body was useless, her mind put on hold. She felt dead inside, like her light had gone out. She had never felt so alone, so detached from the world. And it scared her. It scared her that she'd become so attached, so dependent upon one relationship. It scared her that Todd had so easily taken her away from the pain, and just as easily pushed her back. It scared her that once again she had failed. That she had taken a wrong turn, and had to find her way back.

All the pain, all the hurt.

All the hate, all the fear.

She didn't want to feel this way, to be so distraught. She wanted to be strong, to be independent. She wanted to be like her mother. Only once, had Rory seen Lorelai fall apart. Only once had she lost her cool, needed a break. Only once, had she not been strong. And that one time was for Luke. Her Luke, he was the one. Luke needed her, and she needed Luke. Her breakdown was expected, it was called for and rational. Rory wanted that, she wanted to only react when it was necessary.

She remembered that day, that call. The worry that was written across people's faces, the concern in everyone's voice. She remembered Sookie, and how she said "something had happened." How her own heart had skipped a beat. And she remembered her mother, laying pathetically under the covers, her cheeks stained with tears. She remembered how she wanted to make it go away, to help her mother like Lorelai always did for her. But she couldn't. She couldn't help because it was wrong, the whole situation was wrong. The only thing that could make it better was if it was right, because Luke and Lorelai, they were right.

It was never that way with Max, or Chris. Her dad and disappointment went hand in hand, yet Lorelai never fell apart. The hurt was always anticipated, there was always that hovering sense of failure, and somehow that lessened the blow. It wasn't a surprise when he left, so Lorelai never broke down. Rory knew, that if it were her, she would break down. She would fall apart. Because any little change, now or then, threw her entire life off balance, and that was not something she was good at. That was proven with Dean, with Jess, with Logan, and most recently with Todd. Each had held such an influence upon her life, and each, had led to change.

Dean had been her first love, her first boyfriend. Letting go of him meant letting go of comfort, letting go of something reliable. Yet when they broke up, Lorelai had been there. Had been there to tell her it was okay, that she would get through it, and that maybe she should wallow. Rory had marveled at her mother's knowledge, her help, her care, but she hadn't really felt right until she was in Dean's arms again.

But as time went on, her focused changed. It changed towards the towns new rebel, Jess. And painfully she switched from Dean to Jess, seemingly jumping from boy to boy. Once again, Lorelai had stood behind her, ready to make the catch as Rory threatened to fall. It had been the same when Jess had left, when she had crumbled as he pulled away. Lorelai had dried her tears, and proven once again, that things would be fine.

Now, the more Rory thought about it, the more she needed her mother. Not only had Lorelai been strong throughout her own break ups, she had been the support in Rory's as well. And for the first time in her life, Rory was having to face her problems on her own.

I can see it all.

Nothing to hide the facts.

So she lay there helplessly, wishing more than ever, that she would awaken from a dream. That her life was simply a nightmare. Yet the more she wished and the more pain she felt, the more she knew that it was true, that she could not escape.

What the world contains.

Or sometimes what it lacks.

EL FIN