Part 11
There were tests, hundreds of them, needles poking her everywhere, ex-rays and MRI's. The doctors kept coming in and out of her room with concerned looks in their eyes, whispering among them selves in medical lingo she could only partly understand. Alexx was with her all the time, stroking her hair, talking to the doctors, looking through the charts.
She made her swear not to call the others, not even Horatio. She told her that she didn't want them to worry, but the truth was - she simply didn't want them to know. She was a CSI, a ballistics expert - and now she couldn't feel her hand...how would she be able to do her work with out the use of her hand? What would she do if she wouldn't be able to fire a rifle properly?
It took hours but finally, the doctor came into her room wearing an expression that told her he finally had an answer.
*
Speed walked slowly into the police station and looked around until he spotted Hagen on the other side of the large room. He walked over and leaned against the wall of Hagen's cubicle, watching the other man as he pulled open some drawers and took out a few personal items.
"So, the rumor mill is saying you stormed out of an IA investigation..."
"What do you want Speed?" Hagen spat impatiently, not bothering to look at him as he continued packing the contents of his desk into a small box
"I want you to stop acting like an idiot and go back in there" Speed said forcefully, and kept on his stern expression even after Hagen shot him an angry look - it wasn't every day that someone got to call Hagen an Idiot and live to tell the tale. "Yeah, I called you an idiot - deal with it! Now, do you mind telling me what the hell you think you're doing messing with IA like this?"
"They think we shouldn't have gone in there, that we should have waited for the SWAT team" Hagen sighed and shook his head "forget it Speed, just let it go..."
"Why? What's going on John?"
Hagen pulled the lid on the small box and grabbed his jacket "It's over Speed. I stormed out, I told them they could have my badge..."
"Come on, you were just angry...they're not..."
"They just did..." Hagen said somberly "I'm on leave without pay until further notice. The captain got pissed, the IA people are breathing down his neck and he had to do something - I gave him the perfect excuse. They want me to see a shrink - they're saying I might not be psychologically stable enough for work"
Hagen turned and started heading towards the exit and Speed silently followed him, still shocked at what he had just heard.
They worked with a lot of detectives over the years, some weeks they would work with 4 or 5 different detectives at once - some of them were good some of them were bad, a lot of them didn't trust forensic science and thought the whole thing was some kind of voodoo-black-magic crap that deserved little attention or respect, Hagen was always an exception. Maybe it was his relationship with Horatio, maybe it was something in his character – but he always gave forensics the proper respect – he didn't dismiss it, he didn't expect it to solve the entire case while he sat around and did nothing – he took it at face value – which was rare.
Speed was so caught up in his thoughts that he hardly even realized that he was walking Hagen down to the parking garage until Hagen dumped his box on the back seat of his car and turned around to him expectantly
"Is this the point where we hug goodbye? Cause I got to tell you, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with these displays of affection" Hagen tried to joke
"Seriously John, what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know" Hagen shrugged "Take a vacation, go somewhere, learn to surf..."
They finally parted and Speed watched him drive away, then took out his cell phone and checked for reception – Horatio had to be told about this.
*
He knew something was wrong as soon as he walked into the room. Calleigh was lying, facing the window, watching the darkness outside. He could make out traces of tears on her cheeks. If she heard him walk in, she wasn't showing any sign of it so he simply sat down in the chair next to her bed with out saying a word.
He waited for the better part of an hour until she turned around and looked at him, even then he somehow knew it wouldn't be right to simply come out and ask her what's wrong.
"They told me you killed Kerner"
"He was holding a gun to your head..." he shrugged, this was the last subject he wanted to discuss that moment.
"I'm glad...I'm glad he's dead!!!" for some reason the rage in her voice and fire in her eyes made him feel uneasy.
"He was a bad guy, it was a hostage situation..."
"They're not sure if I'll ever be able to use my hand" she spoke so quietly he could hardly hear her but her words still came as a shock "There was some nerve damage... they say with some physical therapy I'll be able to regain control of my muscles, I'll be able to move it again, but the doctor says I'll never be able to use it like before...it'll never be the same"
For a long time the two of them were quiet, she ran out of words, and he simply didn't know what to say. He had a lot of questions – but he wasn't sure this was the right time for them.
In the end he simply moved closer and took her hand in his, watching as the tears washed over her again and waiting until the sobs subsided. He stayed until she fell asleep – and hours after that.
*
When she woke up again it was close to dawn and she didn't know how much time she was asleep but she figured it couldn't be that long since Hagen was still there by her side. He gave her a small smile when he noticed she was awake, and she tried to return it but decided not to bother.
"The others... do they know about this?"
"No, and you can't tell them! They can't know about this!"
"They're your friends Calleigh! They're going to want to be there for you, to help you!"
"I don't need their help!" the Duquesne stubborn streak was once again rearing it's ugly head "I'm not helpless, I can deal with this myself!"
"Deal with it? Calleigh, what exactly does this mean?"
"It means, I can take care of myself, I can still do my job, I don't need any pity or help!" she said stubbornly and for a moment he wasn't sure whether she was trying to convince him or herself "Hagen, please! Promise me you won't tell them! I need you to give me your word!"
There were tests, hundreds of them, needles poking her everywhere, ex-rays and MRI's. The doctors kept coming in and out of her room with concerned looks in their eyes, whispering among them selves in medical lingo she could only partly understand. Alexx was with her all the time, stroking her hair, talking to the doctors, looking through the charts.
She made her swear not to call the others, not even Horatio. She told her that she didn't want them to worry, but the truth was - she simply didn't want them to know. She was a CSI, a ballistics expert - and now she couldn't feel her hand...how would she be able to do her work with out the use of her hand? What would she do if she wouldn't be able to fire a rifle properly?
It took hours but finally, the doctor came into her room wearing an expression that told her he finally had an answer.
*
Speed walked slowly into the police station and looked around until he spotted Hagen on the other side of the large room. He walked over and leaned against the wall of Hagen's cubicle, watching the other man as he pulled open some drawers and took out a few personal items.
"So, the rumor mill is saying you stormed out of an IA investigation..."
"What do you want Speed?" Hagen spat impatiently, not bothering to look at him as he continued packing the contents of his desk into a small box
"I want you to stop acting like an idiot and go back in there" Speed said forcefully, and kept on his stern expression even after Hagen shot him an angry look - it wasn't every day that someone got to call Hagen an Idiot and live to tell the tale. "Yeah, I called you an idiot - deal with it! Now, do you mind telling me what the hell you think you're doing messing with IA like this?"
"They think we shouldn't have gone in there, that we should have waited for the SWAT team" Hagen sighed and shook his head "forget it Speed, just let it go..."
"Why? What's going on John?"
Hagen pulled the lid on the small box and grabbed his jacket "It's over Speed. I stormed out, I told them they could have my badge..."
"Come on, you were just angry...they're not..."
"They just did..." Hagen said somberly "I'm on leave without pay until further notice. The captain got pissed, the IA people are breathing down his neck and he had to do something - I gave him the perfect excuse. They want me to see a shrink - they're saying I might not be psychologically stable enough for work"
Hagen turned and started heading towards the exit and Speed silently followed him, still shocked at what he had just heard.
They worked with a lot of detectives over the years, some weeks they would work with 4 or 5 different detectives at once - some of them were good some of them were bad, a lot of them didn't trust forensic science and thought the whole thing was some kind of voodoo-black-magic crap that deserved little attention or respect, Hagen was always an exception. Maybe it was his relationship with Horatio, maybe it was something in his character – but he always gave forensics the proper respect – he didn't dismiss it, he didn't expect it to solve the entire case while he sat around and did nothing – he took it at face value – which was rare.
Speed was so caught up in his thoughts that he hardly even realized that he was walking Hagen down to the parking garage until Hagen dumped his box on the back seat of his car and turned around to him expectantly
"Is this the point where we hug goodbye? Cause I got to tell you, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with these displays of affection" Hagen tried to joke
"Seriously John, what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know" Hagen shrugged "Take a vacation, go somewhere, learn to surf..."
They finally parted and Speed watched him drive away, then took out his cell phone and checked for reception – Horatio had to be told about this.
*
He knew something was wrong as soon as he walked into the room. Calleigh was lying, facing the window, watching the darkness outside. He could make out traces of tears on her cheeks. If she heard him walk in, she wasn't showing any sign of it so he simply sat down in the chair next to her bed with out saying a word.
He waited for the better part of an hour until she turned around and looked at him, even then he somehow knew it wouldn't be right to simply come out and ask her what's wrong.
"They told me you killed Kerner"
"He was holding a gun to your head..." he shrugged, this was the last subject he wanted to discuss that moment.
"I'm glad...I'm glad he's dead!!!" for some reason the rage in her voice and fire in her eyes made him feel uneasy.
"He was a bad guy, it was a hostage situation..."
"They're not sure if I'll ever be able to use my hand" she spoke so quietly he could hardly hear her but her words still came as a shock "There was some nerve damage... they say with some physical therapy I'll be able to regain control of my muscles, I'll be able to move it again, but the doctor says I'll never be able to use it like before...it'll never be the same"
For a long time the two of them were quiet, she ran out of words, and he simply didn't know what to say. He had a lot of questions – but he wasn't sure this was the right time for them.
In the end he simply moved closer and took her hand in his, watching as the tears washed over her again and waiting until the sobs subsided. He stayed until she fell asleep – and hours after that.
*
When she woke up again it was close to dawn and she didn't know how much time she was asleep but she figured it couldn't be that long since Hagen was still there by her side. He gave her a small smile when he noticed she was awake, and she tried to return it but decided not to bother.
"The others... do they know about this?"
"No, and you can't tell them! They can't know about this!"
"They're your friends Calleigh! They're going to want to be there for you, to help you!"
"I don't need their help!" the Duquesne stubborn streak was once again rearing it's ugly head "I'm not helpless, I can deal with this myself!"
"Deal with it? Calleigh, what exactly does this mean?"
"It means, I can take care of myself, I can still do my job, I don't need any pity or help!" she said stubbornly and for a moment he wasn't sure whether she was trying to convince him or herself "Hagen, please! Promise me you won't tell them! I need you to give me your word!"