Disclaimer: One little note before you people start correcting me. I know "Van" is a middle name (Dutch, I believe) but I use it as a shortcut in writing him name instead of writing GVH all the time. AND I DON'T OWN VAN HELSING!!!! WAHHHHHHHH, NO FAIR!!!!!

Spanish Translations:

Verdugo- hangman

Pido otra vez- I ask again

¡Debo haber sabido! - I should have known!

¿Por qué está usted aquí? - Why are you here?

Ahora- now

Pregunta- question

Por la vez última- For the last time

Qué sucederá, suceder- What will happen, will happen

Pozo hecho- Well done

.................................................................................................................................................

"I don't think the city likes us." Carl was trying to adjust his wrists in the shackles that pinned him to the cell wall.

"Ya think?" Van wasn't getting anywhere either.

What happened?! First thing, he and Carl were making their way into the city, the next, knocked out apparently, for Van felt a slight sting on the back of his head. Moonlight glared through their cell bars at a slant.

So what? He had tried to defend some townie for getting their guts sucked out of them, but evidently, they were against prevention. Van sighed as he tried to make himself comfortable but having his wrists soldered to the wall, his shoulders quite hurt.

"I think we gave the wrong impression." Carl looked out his cell window.

"Would you look at that." Carl sounded awed.

"Well, I would but I'm kinda CHAINED TO THE WALL!"

"Oh, sorry. Well, it seems we're having a visitor." Surrounded by five bodyguards, the man cloaked in white marched rather hurriedly to the jailhouse.

A few minutes later, the jingling of keys was heard, and the iron door swung open to let the cloaked man inside.

"So, they were tru! Ie knew there was somesing wrong when Ie lay eyes on yu. Yu are none other than Gabriel Van Helsing; thei demon slaiyer! ¡Debo haber sabido!" Van flailed a hand as if to tip his missing hat in salutation.

"¿Por qué está usted aquí? Who sent you!? Answer me!"

"Well, I could if you'd speak plain." The man rushed right up into Van's face, his eyes glaring in the moon's ray.

In the slits from the cloth mask, Van noticed the stranger's eyes gleamed like a Tiger's Eye stone.

"Either you geeve me some answers, or Ie'll let thei verdugo get ready. I want answers, ahora!"

"Don't you know any English?"

"Since yu want to spleet hairs, Meester Van Helsing, we'll start 'ff with thei easiest pregunta. Why are yu here?!"

"Ah, some straight questions. Why? Can't say, except on vacation."

"Yes, you're so quick to give us questions, what about you?" Carl lifted his nose in a snobbish way, "What's your name?"

"My name es of no emportance to yu!" Spat the stranger, his eyes flashing angrily, "Pido otra vez, why are yu here?!"

"I told you; sightseeing."

"A man does not come to "sightsee" with an arsenal- in- a- bag equeepped with 'im. Unless eet ees a new fashion that Ie was unaware 'of. Por la vez última, who sent you?!"

Van kept silent, his eyes half open and relaxed against the man's glittering glare. He leaned back, exhaling deeply.

"Qué sucederá, sucederá. Yu ave made ae foolish deecision, Van Helsing." The figure walked out and slammed the door behind him like a condemning sentence that had been passed.

A few silent moments passed.

"Well, that went well." Carl looked frightened at how relaxed Van was at saying that.

"B- but, we're going to be hanged tomorrow!"

"Oh, we'll see." Van grinned, giving the I- know- something- that- you- don't- know look.

That Morning...

"You were saying, Van Helsing?" Both of their wrists were tied as the boa thick rope hung from their necklace like a poisonous snake.

"I've had worse, Carl. Trust me."

"Trust you?! Well, maybe I've called you an arrogant, reckless popinjay, but this unbelievable!"

"I didn't know you called me an arrogant, reckless popinjay."

"Well, not to your face."

An Egyptian man dressed in khaki uniform marched out from his guard booth, his sword glimmering in the dawning sun. Van tried to move his wrists, but the bonds were well taut. The sergeant started shouting commands to the hangman, dressed in the classic black tunic and balaclava. Van noticed his arsenal bag being held by a captain, pillaging through to find anything of worth.

"Oh, he's going to get it SOOO bad!" Van jerked his wrists violently, and his coat sleeve came loose.

"I didn't think it would come to this!" Carl screwed his eyes shut.

"Neither did I!" Van didn't show a hint of hesitation.

Three...

Two...

ONE!

Carl opened his eyes to see himself wearing a loose noose. He torn it from his neck, and saw that the rope had been cut off cleanly.

Van, meanwhile, was making a mad dash for his bag, slicing guards with his melee Tojo blades. He heard gunfire, and noticed that a squad had been requested and were firing with their Winchester rifles. Doing a cycle of hopping somersaults, Van grabbed his revolver in mid jump and fired six times, each hitting a guard that either killed them or crippled them. Landing behind the hanging stage, Van reloaded, thanks to the box of bullets he had snatched up as well. Waiting for them to stop firing to reload, Van whipped out from behind the post, and fired desperado- style.

"Carl, keep down!"

"No sht!"

"Carl, what did I say about you cursing?!" Van was still firing.

"I'm still just a friar, dammit!"

"Just stay down!"

Van advanced on the squad, dodging bullets like a snake. When he had made a path, Van hurtled for his shotgun. Its silver bust gleamed in the grip of the captain, who suffered a deep scratch mark from the claw gauntlets that slid over Van's hands instantly. They came in handy when he was hunting Hyde, so why not use them again? Flipping the shotgun upright with his foot, Van pulled back the loading spring, and fired.

It was like he had released a lead storm of needles. The men that had been standing only moments ago were now dead, their bodies and faces covered in lead pinpricks stained with their blood. Carl looked up over the post, trembling from how close he had came to being claimed as the bullet's victim.

"You alright, Carl?" Van was breathing hard from the tango of bullets and blood.

Carl unleashed a harem of curse and swear words from every language he knew. Van tsked mockingly.

"You've got some explaining to do when we report to Cardinal Jinette." He rested the barrel of his shotgun on his shoulder, but suddenly winced.

"Van Helsing? Van Helsing, are you alright?!" Carl rushed over to Van's aid.

He was on one knee, his hand gripped around his side. He pulled away to reveal blood and a bullet wound in his side.

"I'll be alright." He managed to say, pulling himself up with the help of Carl.

Van was gently balanced against the wall of the bloodstained building as Carl dressed Van's wound.

Over the corner of the barbed wire wall, something whit vanished over the edge.

"Pozo hecho, Van Helsing. Yu could just be able tu defeat heem. "

Some Time Later...

"Great, now we're branded as fugitives. What next; horse thieving?"

"Good idea."

Van and Carl snuck behind a stack of water kegs, watching as a line of guards rushed in the direction they came in, shouting Egyptian phrases as they went.

"Okay, let's go." Both started for the stables when a cry was heard.

"Oh, great." Van took out his revolvers, "Carl, run!"

"You don't need to tell me that!" Carl ducked and ran to the nearest horse.

A hoard of guards were charging down the bazaar path, their halberds gleaming in the desert sun. Not wanting to kill anyone else, Van shot their weapons out of their hands. He was doing pretty well.

Until the pain in his wound got to him.

He faltered and fell to his knee, trying to overcome the bleeding explosions of pain. A guard who hadn't been disarmed charged for Van, his halberd swinging in the air. Van rolled out of the way, and slammed his foot into the guard's chin, blood flying from the cracks in his teeth. Van shakily got up, and whipped out his Tojo blades. Looks like combat was needed.

Carl was busy saddling up two horses, praying for forgiveness every few seconds.

"I can't believe what I am doing!"

Van was fending off guards as though they were little children, if that. Two guards pushed Van back with their sabers, but Van parried their attack with the blades. One, unfortunately, had not been disarmed when Van was shooting, and slammed the hilt of his sword into Van's wounded side. He gasped for breath as he fell to his knees, letting his arms drop to the dirt paths. One soldier grabbed a fistful of Van's espresso brown hair, and placed the blade of his sword against Van's Adam's apple. He swung his sword up, and brought it to Van's neck for the decapitation. Van screwed his eyes shut and her a sword.

Van looked to see that his head was still on. The soldier who was to kill him lay stunned on the ground, a rusted horseshoe next to his head.

"Van Helsing, keep your head on!" Carl flung another horseshoe like a lethal boomerang at another soldier.

Guards lay dazed and bloodied but not dead.

"Well, I think that's it for them." Carl was tugging Van's sleeve violently as he stared ahead.

"I think not." A barricade of soldiers now filled the alleyway, each armed with a Winchester.

"I think that's our by your leave, Carl!" Van grabbed Carl's caol, and leapt onto a saddled black horse while Carl landed on a chestnut brown.

"HYA!" Both horses cried out in surprise, and rammed right through the human barrier.

They weaved their way through the labyrinth of bazaar paths, dodging bullets and leaping over carts. People ran into shops as the two wanted galloped for their lives. The double doors gates to Cairo were in view.

"We've going to make it; God be praised!" Carl was jumping the gun.

"Praised for locking us in, I take it?" Carl looked over Van's shoulder as saw the giant doors slowly close.

The horses skidded to a halt, rising up on their hind legs as the neighed and hoofed at the door, but it was no use.

"Turn around! TURN AROUND!" Waiting for them was a cluster of guards.

"Oh boy."

The leader of the squad demanded something in Egyptian. The soldiers pulled out some sort of dagger from their army vests, and attached it to the endpoints of their rifles; bandoleers. They lowered their guns forward, crying out a war shout to intimidate the two. Well, Carl needed to use the facilities ASAP. Van was just stoic to their shouts. He went into his inside holster to take out his revolver when the men suddenly faltered.

"Desert Spirit!"

"Run for your lives!"

A behemoth shadow soared over Van and Carl's heads and from the sudden explosion of dust and chaos, Van couldn't make out the shadow that was towering over them.

"RUN!"

"Don't you mean-"

"RUN!!" The horses galloped, but not back down the road.

Instead, they hopped onto what looked like stepping- stones up onto the roofs of Cairo. Van heard the soldiers below scream as the shadow consumed them, while others managed to escape from the creature's grasp. They began to fire as Carl and Van, reloading every few seconds like a man on the brink of insanity.

"I don't think this was a good idea!" Carl practically hugged the horse's neck as they cantered.

"What makes you say so?" It was like he was asking for a death wish.

The wooden roof suddenly collapsed underneath Van, and him and his horse fell to the level below.

"Van Helsing!"

"Just keep going; I'll catch up!" Carl grit his teeth, and pressed onwards, avoiding bullets.

Van was racing blindly through streets covered in hazy mist and many torn red banners that had been used for shade. The guards had finally gotten smart; they were chasing after Van and Carl on horseback now. He ducked gunfire as he sprinted through the poorer section of the bazaar. He noticed something odd up ahead. It took nanoseconds for him to realize it was a fork.

"Carl! CARL! Quick, left or right!"

"Where do you want to go?" Carl's voice sounded faint.

"OUT!"

"Well, I'm not sure if that's right or-"

"WHICH WAY!?"

"Uh, ummmm..."

"WHICH WAY!?"

"Uh, right! No no, wait, left, NO, uh."

"WHERE?!"

"RIGHT!"

Van yanked on the reins, and the horse veered right while some guards crashed right into a fruit stand. Van looked through the mid rafters to see Carl catching up with him.

"When I say which way, I need an answer immediately!"

"Well, ex- cuuuuse me!"

Van grinned as he pulled up his face bandana, and found another set of stones to hop up onto.

"Ah, Carl. Long time, no see."

"I don' think it's the time to be making jokes, Van Helsing!" They saw the rim of the city, but not only was it fifty feet in the air, but guards were setting up a blockade. Van looked behind him to see the horsemen back on their feet and in full gallop. Van went into his coat, and threw out a bundle of sharp objects.

"Where on earth did you get caltrops?"

"Picked them up when I was serving for Empress Maud."

"Empress Maud?! That dates back to the tenth century!"

"Well, you asked!"

He heard the horses behind him whine and knew they had fallen in the trap. Now it was just to get out that was the hard part. Van saw a guard post nearby, and already a plan was formulating in his mind.

"Carl, when I say to," His hand went back into his coat, "Jump."

"What?!"

"You heard me. When I say to, jump."

"Onto what?!"

Van secretly grinned as he whipped out his grappling gun, and taking careful aim, fired. The hook went right through the guard's heart and grappled onto the other end. Van hooked the gun onto his belt, and kicked his heels hard into the horse.

"Vada." He whispered into the horse's ear.

The horse screeched and now was ramming its hooves into the roofs as it hurtled to the wooden barrier of pikes that had been laid. At the last moment before impact, the horse leapt into the air.

"JUMP!"

Carl flung himself onto Van's horse as he drew in the grappling cord. The horse was now nine feet in midair, thanks to Van, and well over the pikes. The other horse had stopped, and in skittishness, started ramming guards in their gut as they tried to control it.

"Grab hold!" Carl wrapped his hands around Van's waist as the saddle left their legs, and the horse fell fifty feet into the harbor of the Nile. A few seconds after the splash, the horse popped its head out of the water, and started shaking excess off.

Meanwhile, fifty feet in the air, Van and Carl were swaying in the air.

"Well, that wasn't as bad as I expected it to be." Van smirked seeing Carl's pallid face of horror mixed with relief.

"W- w- well, n- now that we-we've sorted th- that out...HOW DO WE GET DOWN!?"

"I'm working on it, I'm working on it!" Holding the gun with one hand, Van released a claw gauntlet and grabbed onto the limestone behind him. Yanking the grapple loose, he fired to a limestone harbor pillar.

"Hang on tight." He let go of the stone.

Carl yelled as Van skillfully swung two hundred feet across the Nile harbor with his legs in front of him as though he was on a swing, and bounced off the pillar with ease as his grappling wire came loose and wound back up into the container of the gun. At the same time, Van's horse was salvaging itself from the water.

"Well, that was fun." He turned to face Carl, and was stunned by his appearance.

Carl teetered for a moment, said the blackest curse in Latin, and fainted. Van caught him before he smashed his nose into the limestone, and hoisted him onto his horse.

"I guess you were telling the truth when you said you weren't a field man."

Van grinned as he rode off into the midday sun.

Though he shouldn't have.