Van Helsing Helsing Quirk # 7: When I saw the movie for the first time (opening day), my friends and I noticed a lot of horses that materialized out of thin air and never drew back from whence they came. And mostly…they were never ridden. Except over long distances ( I mean LONG; the Romanian journey must have taken a week or so). So, my friend leaned over to me and whispered, "Where did those horses come from?"
I answered, "I dunno. Maybe they had an Avis around or something."
And that was the birth of the term "Avis horse".
Every time we saw a horse on the screen, my friends and I would whisper in unison "AVIS HORSE!"
Van Helsing cracked his neck as he adjusted his shirt. His coat, vest and hat were nowhere in sight, but he knew they wouldn't have taken them for…whoever the people were around here. He'd have to shoot their heads off.
"Oh, Van Helsing. Are you well?" Carl was walking over to help him to the entrance.
"I've had better, Carl. Are you alright?"
"Just dehydration, but I should be fine now. You gave us all a shock a week ago. What was that?"
"What was what?" Van Helsing had trouble walking to the entrance.
"Well, when you were administered the cut for the bleeding procession, you screamed. But not like any I've heard before. Almost….wolfish…" Van Helsing's eyes widened slightly.
"Are you sure lack of water wasn't going to your head?"
"Well, I suppose so. But, um...to tell you our location, well." Van Helsing already pulled back the flap and was staring out at a bizarre but beautiful landscape.
Well for one, there was sand as far as the eye could reach. But the dunes were gently curved like a Sidewinder's path, puffs of sand gently blowing to the breeze. Evidently, this wasn't the only tent. Van Helsing was looking at a village of them, some without frontal flaps (marking them as stores of some sort) and those with them, but were tattooed to show which home was theirs. A rather large oasis sat snugly in a corner of the place. What loomed over the village was what caught Van Helsing's eye.
It was a sunken temple, stones strew about its entrance. The very doorway made him feel like he was gravitating towards what lay inside. Four ruined columns supported the alcove into the temple, each with their arms crossed and a faded animal head. There was a jackal head, a falcon's, a cat's and a snake's. Each was holding the trinkets of the pharaoh: the flail and crook. Van Helsing was captivated at the sight, just staring at the statues of long since past.
"Hola! Van Helsing!" Scorpion was walking up to him as though he was an old friend.
Behind him followed four other inhabitants, though they walked with an air of authority. On their faces, their tattoos were different. One had a Shen on his forehead, one had a pair of Udjats on her cheeks, and one had a large Sekhem running down the middle of his face, the red paint glistening in the sun. The last one had three Sas, two going down her cheeks and one down the bridge of her nose.
"I see yu are feeling well, hermano. Bienvenidos a Orahk Telkset." He placed his hands of Van Helsing's shoulders.
"I'll survive. Where are we?" He shifted slightly.
"Ae place called Orahk Telkset. Me company here asks what yu are doing en Egypt."
"Uh, I'm here on a personal account."
"El está aquí porque el es perdió. (He is here because he is lost.)"
"Sakmet heere asks what for."The one with the Sekhem down his face questioned his response.
"Ummm. Can't say."
"El no puede recordar porque el se cayó en su cabeza. (He can't recall because he fell on his head)." The group snickered.
"I think your friend here just made fun of us." Carl didn't trust these people; it was either their tattoos or their muscle tone that freaked him out. He couldn't decide.
"What did you tell them?"
"¿Qué?"
"What did you tell them?"
"That yu were lost en thei desert and was on important matters." Van Helsing could sense he was lying, but he didn't know Spanish well enough.
"Sakmet says yu are allowed to stay por a peeriod of time, under one condition. If yu do leave, yur memory is ours to claim. We cannot 'ave anyone that ees not welcome in thes place."
Van Helsing shrugged; it wasn't like he was going to lose any precious memory.
………..
The evening sun set fire to the sandy horizon as Van Helsing and Carl were invited into Scorpion's tent.
"Snowball! Aw, come heere." Scorpion scooped up the white cat in his arms, pampering the creature as if she were royalty.
She looked at Van Helsing and threw her snout up into the air as if to scoff at him in arrogance. Van Helsing glared at the creature, and placed his hand over the highly sensitive area that she had scratched; his face turning slightly red.
"You personas are such 'orrible caretakers. You left thes cat tu bee slaughtered en thei butcher houses! Luckily, Ie saved eet."
"Damn. That's a shame." The cat swiped at Van Helsing's wounded area, just missing as he threw his hat over the spot. Scorpion giggled.
"Oh, Ie know what happeened with yu and Snowball aquí. In Egeeptian culture, cats are treated like gods." Snowball gave him a crafty look as she purposefully snuggled in Scorpion's arms.
"Help." Van Helsing decided to sit down on one of the makeshift chairs that were basically pillows covered in a carpet covered in more pillows.
He nearly toppled back on the seat because of how light the pillows were. Thankfully, balance was on his side, and he adjusted himself. Scorpion poured the two of them tiny glasses full of a lemony tasting liquid mixed with honey. Scorpion took none for himself.
Carl looked at his cup, closed his eyes, and swallowed it in one gulp. He started to hack as though he had just drank a whiskey. He covered his mouth, and wiped off any excess.
"So, Van Helsing. Can you, eef yu do not mind, tell me why yu are heere? Truly?"
He sighed as he took a sip, and squinted to get use to the taste. It actually wasn't that bad after three sips; his throat wasn't crying for water anymore and it softened his neck. Scorpion watched him take his first sip, his eyes fixed.
"Sour?"
"I'm really not allowed to tell you about my business." Scorpion looked puzzled.Van Helsing shook his head.
"Ie save your life, and all Ie ask in reeturn is a leettle bit of information."
"Sheesh! Vampires, mummies…anything else more impertinent than them?!"
"Hang on. Mummies?"
"We are here to vanquish the Mummy that has been terrorizing Cairo for centuries." Carl wanted no more of being ignored.
"Go on." Van Helsing went back to drinking his beverage.
"Well, we had heard that Cairo was being terrorized by something called The Desert Spirit." Scorpion's eyes dilated slightly.
"And?"Carl stopped to yawn deeply.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that people were in need of assistance. So that's when we came in." Van Helsing started to get a warm feeling inside of him, as though he had just woken up.
He swirled what was left in the cup, and took it all in one last gulp. Scorpion's eyes diverted from Van Helsing's hand to Carl, who was already sinking in his seat.
"Yu were saying, Carl?"
"Well……..we heard that some group needed…..{yawn}…oh, excuse me, some help and……….uhhhhhhhhh………" The cup slid out of Carl's loose grasp and thunked against the carpet.
"Carl? Carl!" Van Helsing rushed over to catch him before he fell to the ground.
"What's wrong with him?! What did you- ?!" And then it clicked.
Scorpion's expression, the glass of lemon honey, and the fact that Scorpion had not a drop. They had been drugged. Scorpion had taken none for himself; that should have been enough for him to rouse his suspicions, but no. He had to place trust in a complete stranger. He felt himself start to go woozy.
"You…why?!" Van Helsing staggered to get up, but he fell to his knee.
"You wouldn't understand…" Scorpion's image swam out of focus.
Van Helsing tried to fight off the sedative, but he fell face first, out cold. Scorpion hummed a small tune as he got up, placed the empty cups back on the silver tray, placed Carl back in his bed over to a corner of the tent, and lifted Van Helsing onto his back while grasping his arm to hold him in place.
"The reasons are too complicated for yu to comprehend at thei moment, but Ie think, after this test ees over, you will know." The stars began to wield the sky as Scorpion walked down the cobblestone path and stopped before the entrance to the temple.
The torches were lit, casting eerie shadows upon the column faces. Scorpion took a deep breath, and entered into the alcove underneath the monument.
…………
If Van Helsing had been awake, he would have run.
He had been stripped of his vest and shirt, leaving his chest bare to the desert cold. Small puffs of his breath lightly streamed out of his mouth and nose, but he didn't twitch to the cold. He was lying down on a stone embalming table, an unseen light glaring down upon him. Ten shadows circled him, each wearing a ceremonial mask.
Scorpion walked up to Van Helsing, and ran his fingers over the bite scar he had had for sixth months now.
"¿Todo listo? (Is everything ready?)"
"I must know….everything about him……We wouldn't want heem to lay bounty to…. heem…."The man wearing the Scarab mask nodded.
"Scorpio…"
"¡Sakmet, le he dicho ya! Si debemos ahorrarlo...y yo, debemos tomar ciertas medidas. (Sakmet, I have already told you! If we are to save him…and me, we must take certain measures.)" Scorpion pulled off his right glove and stared at his wrist.
( I should have lost this.) thought Scorpion, (But, because of him, and live this way, under his command.)It was covered in stitches, holding his hand to his arm.
"¡Comience la anexión! (Begin the annexation!)"
If he were conscious to the sound of those words, Van Helsing would be high- tailing it to the next boat out of Egypt.
ARGH! OKAY, FINE!! I'LL WRITE AS "Van Helsing"! HAPPY!?! Sheesh! Sorry, been having a bad day, BUT IT'S ANNOYING AFTER AWHILE!!
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VAN HELSING…