Disclaimer: I don't own a thing, no suing plaese, thanks
Please review this bad boy lol
Note: okie dokie, this is the 4th chapter and it is from ceciles pov. I'm not quite sure of the response i'm going to get because it isn't very pro kathryn/Sebastian, not as a couple but as people in general lol. I hope you guys like it :) shout out to all those great people that review me and to sam for helping me out on this one :), thanks, morgan
cecile
I'm still surprised at my ability to feel. one would think that after all that took place i would be left an empty shell, a blank slate, but unfortunately, no. Emotions still come to me, although not in waves as they use to, now its more subtle, instead of a sharp sting its a dull ache. Instead of sheer happiness theres a muddled satisfaction. Instead of searing pain theres simple acceptance. The only real emotion i feel with full force is pity. Yes i may still have a heart but it has not and will never weep for you sebastian, you or any of your accomplices. The only person involved in this game that deserves pity is me and on one of my good days i'd include annette...but today isn't a good day.
Ithink the worst part of it all is having to relive it everyday. Having to hear the insipid play by play of events that people simply refuse to stop discussing. You, you lucked out as usual, you got to die while i have to endure it day after day for the rest of my life. The tragic love of kathryn and sebastian. The heartbreaking romance of sebastian and annette. The trio of tragedy, the triangle of torment...fuck you. Thats all anybody seems to be able to discuss, they all seem to forget the innocent ones, typical. Thats what hurts the most i think, there all blinded by your boring love affairs, so much so that they can't see what was left behind, they can't see what price some had to pay just so you could feel enlightenment.
Would you like to know what hasn't escaped there attention? The fact that you defiled me, the fact that i was a joke, a walking punchline. No, that they haven't forgotten. I still get snickers and hear the whispers, my mother still reminds me of it everyday, how badly i embarassed her. It's quite ironic isn't it? in any other part of the world, i would be the one people sympathized with, i would be the one people cried for. But not here, not in manhatten where being a vindictive whore is the only acceptable way of life for a girl, thank god that i've acramated.
Another thing that i'm sure you'd take great pleasure in is knowing that there are actual girls who envy me. There are some girls so desperate to get there grimy hands on you that they actually want to be me. Cecile caldwell, a one time whore of mr sebastian valmont, sad. The questions never cease even though they know it is the last thing i'd ever want to discuss, especially with girls with such low self esteem they actually think what transpired between us was romantic.
There was nothing romantic about it was there sebastian? you made sure of that. You didn't even put forth the effort to comfort me with lies like you did annette. I wasn't even worth the brain cells you would have wasted trying to come up with them. I was just a favor for kathryn, i was just a chore. But despite all of that...you enjoyed it...didn't you? You took imense satisfaction, not because i was a good lay but because you always did enjoy being merciless, and what is more merciless then that?
You made me keep the lights on...you wanted to watch it. You wanted to witness the penetration, the violation, you liked to watch! I begged you for what felt like hours to grant me just that one wish. I didn't want to see it, i didn't want to watch you do that to me. i begged you to show some sort of kindness...it never came, not even when i cried. You didn't waste your time with pleasentries, what would have been the point of that? i was only done out of boredom, i wasn't there to enjoy myself, i was there to amuse you, to occupy your time. Nothing about it was soft, not your skin, not your touch and certainly not your kiss. Your lips were big and puffy yet felt like murder, you kissed me like a massacre. Although your touch felt like punches, i took blow after blow because it stopped me from thinking, which admittedly, i never really did much of. Thinking only makes things worse, only makes you aware of the reality of the situation.
You didn't give me much direction, you only barked instructions every now and then, although they were closer to commands. I remember that i was awash with confusion, the only help i recieved was "god, spread your legs cecile" i was too stupid then to hear your mocking tone but boy oh boy i can hear it now. I was also to dumb to expect pain. My logic had been, it can't possibly hurt that bad...everybody does it. And once again kathryn had led me astray. The pain is almost undescribable. It felt as if you had placed your mammoth hands inside me, spread me open, then tore me apart. I'm not sure if i actually did or not, but i could have sworn i heard a ripping sound, a shredding, as if a piece of cloth was torn into strips. I couldn't feel anything other then fire and i had felt very confidant that you had struck a match and let it burn inside me.
Your hands gripped my shoulders for leverage as you pummeled me, you didn't start off slow like a nice boy would have. My mouth cracked open with whiny protests but they were only met with " take it like a big girl" and my heart broke..along with any security i had ever foolishly felt in your presence. I had known that you didn't love me, which was fine, i didn't love you either, but i had thought that you at least...liked me. I had thought that...maybe...we were friends. I had thought that maybe...you would be nice to me, that i would be safe with you...stupid. I realized then that you weren't interested in being friends...i wasn't worth that was i sebastian? All i could think of was i how wished you were ronald, cause ronald is a nice boy. He would have stopped when i asked, he wouldn't have snickered and bit me, he wouldn't have gone out of his way to hurt me.
Afterwords i tried to pull myself together, tried to show you that i was a big girl... a big girl like kathryn. Hell, i didn't even flinch when you chucked the filthy condom on my belly with a giggle and ran to the shower to wash any sign of me off of yourself. I didn't cringe at the evidence of my corruption, i simply stared at it in fascination, i was something to you after all! I was your trashcan, i was your entertainment, i was your walking hole, i was your cheap porno. I ducked my head under the pillow to hide my sorrow and planned on staying hidden until my 18th birthday.
I was never interested in being loved by you sebastian, because I, unlike others, never really found you all that charming and trust me when i say that it wasn't your charm that got my legs to spread. Most people thought of you as a god, well your not my god boy so don't think for one second that i ever worshipped at the alter of sebastian valmont...your not my god sebastian. Everybody thought you were different, they thought you were superior, you and kathryn both agreed with the majority i'm sure. You both thought so highly of yourselves, that you were smarter then the rest. Well...your dead and kathryn is slowly decaying somewhere in...witchita?...ohio? i don't really remember...nobody does, nobody really cares, poetic justice at its finest, tell me...how superior is that babe?
You were really nothing special, neither of you. There was nothing beautiful or tragic about what happened. Whats beautiful about a fading coke princess and a whore? Whats beautiful about two selfish siblings hurting innocent people out of jealousy? Thats what you were wasn't it? jealous? Jealous because I had a chance of normalcy, i had a chance for love without lies and deception, and you would never have that...who would ever love a slut like you? When its all boiled down, when you pull all the components apart...you were just...a bad person, you and her. People go on and on about the two of you, your love for one another, but there are no excuses sebastian, the things you did...neither of you ever deserved to be loved.
And now...i'm sad to say..i'm not that much better. I do things that a person with self respect would never do. I lie in bed with my legs wide open just waiting for the next guy, thats my life now, just waiting for the next guy. But despite all of that, i'm still far better then either of you ever were. Sure, i whore it like the best of them, but...i'd never hurt someone, i'd only hurt myself. I know your rolling your eyes at this moment at my stupidity but i don't care because i can live with myself. I've done awful things but only to myself and thats what matters, i would never hurt someone the way you did, i would never want to be seen as a bad person...you never know just how you look through other peoples eyes.
Do you remember the last words you said to me sebastian? I do. It was the day you died. I was on my way to meet up with ronald, i wasn't scared though, i knew he would do it nicely. You grabbed my arm and pulled me towards you. That fat mouth of yours trailed my ear as you asked with a snarl "how does it feel to be a whore?". To answer your question sebastian...it feels superb!
I wonder from time to time if when kathryn dies, will you reunite? will you combine forces once more and bring on an apocalypse? For some reason i doubt it or maybe i just don't really care. Do you ever think of me sebastian? Of taring me apart? Of ruining the life that had just started to blossom? If i was a gambling woman i'd put my trustfund on "no", its just too much to expect, that i'd be good enough to remember. I hope you both never forget what you did. I hope you both suffer for the selfish pain you caused. But most of all...i hope that when kathryn licks your fingers clean she'll taste my blood on your hands.