Summary: Has anyone else noticed how shippy Singularity is? Well, I present to you, scenes pondering how one of my fav characters must have felt during a few key scenes of this lovely episode.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing at all. Zilch. Nada. Zip. I could go on, but I'm getting depressed.
Saying Her Name
"Jack…she's going back down."
"The hell she is…Captain Carter? Captain Carter! Sam! Do you read me?
"Captain Carter? Can you hear me?"
silence
"Sam. Can you hear me?"
-Stargate SG-1, Singularity Daniel, then the rest Jack
He knows, standing here, leaning slightly against the wall for support, that he will never forget how scared he has been these past few minutes. And that in itself scares him, that nothing he has ever been through has been more terrifying than the threat of losing her, but the thought is erased in the rush of overwhelming relief. She's ok. She's not hurt, she's fine, she's alive. For a brief second, he feels the urge to give a prayer of thanks for the first time since he was 12 and his parents stopped making him go to church, but he stifles it. No need to let Teal'c and Daniel know just how scared he was any more than they have probably already gathered from the way he said her name.
He said her name. That act alone was what let him know how much it would kill him to lose her…the way that, almost despite himself, her name slipped from his lips, first when Daniel told him that she was going back down and his heart seemed to stop, then again in the agonizing seconds after when the explosion should have been, when he thought that if she didn't answer, he, Colonel Jack O'Neill, might break down. He would be willing to bet that these past two minutes have taken ten years off his life. It was the first time he said her name, too, except for when he saw her in that dress, and that was so much different than his desperate entreaties for her to say something, do something, anything, to keep herself from dying down there.
He couldn't vocalize the panic he felt when the elevator started going back down, started going the wrong way, and even though he'd never admit it, he almost wishes that she had left Cassandra down there. She couldn't, and he knows she couldn't, and he knows that if it were him he would do the same, and he knows that part of why he loves her is how she does things like that, but he also can't help but think that nothing in the world would be worth losing her for. Not the death of that girl, not the destruction of the Goa'uld, nothing. She is so much more precious to him than anything, for how brilliant she is, how strong, how true, how incredibly lovely and unique. And he felt so helpless trapped there as the seconds ticked down, with absolutely nothing he could do except wait. Wait, and look at his watch, and wish he was down there with her, or that they were both far away. He couldn't help her in the slightest down there, and he hated it. But she's fine, she's ok, and he suddenly can't help but wish that he had said her name for the first time in different circumstances…of course, he can't be sure that she even heard him…And he can't decide whether that's a good thing, or a bad.