Spoilers: Season 2 as Ronon is in it.

Warnings: Angst, fears etc. A bit emotional.

Disclaimers: I do not own any part of this world, or gain anything from playing in this world, except enjoyment.

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Ronon shifted his weight slightly as he raised the weapon up over his shoulder. Teyla watched the subtle tensing of muscles and knew his intent a split second before the weapon swung towards her. Throwing herself to the left she struck out one end of the staff to block his blow and struck out at his head with the other end. That is what she intended, however Ronon had seen her attack and countered. She saw the slight smile across his lips at her attempt. She spun around his intercept and struck at his legs. His massive weight leapt from the ground as if he were made of feathers instead of heavy muscle. Annoyance interfered with her follow up blow, so that he had time to send a strike to her right shoulder.

Teyla dipped her body back and away from the strike just in time, but not without a sharp shearing pain tearing through her side. Unable to keep herself upright under such pain she gasped as her knees hit the bare floor of the training area. Her vision blackened briefly and she once again cursed her wound. She drew a deep centring breath in, pushing the pain aside.

"Teyla?" Ronon's voice sounded concerned as it echoed around the empty room and her pain filled head.

"Do not concern yourself, you did not injury me. That was a good attack." Teyla stood carefully and was glad that the pain in her side had reduced down to a dull ache.

She turned to Ronon making eye contact, seeing the concern and pity in his eyes. Annoyance returned. She did not want pity from anyone, let alone him. Looking away from his kind eyes she picked up her fallen staff and swung it carefully around herself.

"You said your wound was fully healed." Ronon's tone implied he had no further intention in continuing to spar with her. Looking back at him she saw the hard set of his features, all pity had gone and a stony resolve had taken its place.

"It is. Carson would not have allowed me to resume exercise if it was not." She explained with a measured tone.

Ronon frowned at her.

"He said you could resume exercise, but maybe you should take your time-"

"Ronon! I do not need anyone telling me how to train. I know what is best for me. This was not the first time I have been injured. You of all people should appreciate the importance of maintaining strength and agility especially in the face of injury."

"But, you were severely injured-"

"Yes, but I have fully healed. Now, let us continue." She knew her voice sounded curt. It was a tone she had found herself using a lot lately. She just needed to get on with her training and get back in the field again, but everyone wanted to talk about the mission and her injury. She did not. What was past was past and she felt no reason to dwell on it. She just needed to get back into shape. Sparring with Ronon was a good challenging way to work on her weaknesses.

Ronon apparently had different ideas as he was leaving the training area, retrieving his bag and headed towards the door.

"Well, I have had enough for today. You keep training if you want." He said over his shoulder as he left through the door.

Teyla dropped the end of her staff loudly against the stone floor. She allowed a harsh sigh to pass her lips at his rude exit. She knew what he would do now. She could practically hear the conversation he was going to have with either Sheppard or Carson, perhaps both. She knew his intentions were good, but she needed help training not soft handling. Turning to pack up her gear she worked once again on keeping down the growing anger within her.

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The mess hall was relatively quiet around Teyla as she sat by herself munching slowly through a toasted sandwich. She had chosen a table overlooking the ocean. Looking out over the endless tidal blue water seemed to calm her.

"May I join you?" Doctor Weir's soft kind voice asked over her shoulder. Teyla turned with surprise and watched as the Atlantis leader sit down opposite her, unintentionally blocking her view of the ocean.

"Of course. How are you, Dr Weir?" She asked through a forced smile. She enjoyed the woman's company, but would rather have been left alone today.

"Oh, fine except I'm buried in paperwork as usual. How are you?"

The question was innocent enough, but Teyla heard the added concern and inquiry in her tone. She frowned slightly, occupying her time refilling some of the sandwich on her plate. Ronon had gone to Dr Weir! Or perhaps Carson went to her. She had expected John to be the one who would confront her. She had been worrying about it all afternoon. She had been carefully, and hopefully subtly, avoiding the Colonel. She told herself it was because he probably wanted to talk about her injury.

In her mind she had guessed how it all would play out. He would confront her; order her to take better care of herself. Use his authority as her commander first and then he would probably show some more friendly concern. During which they would both pretend to forget the kiss they had shared. She would have to share some facts of what she had gone through on the mission with him, he would have comforted her in some kind way, perhaps try to make her feel better with a joke to two. She would allow herself to show some weakness, to satisfy his worry. Then the tension between them would drop away, she would regain her strength, rejoin the team and everything would return to normal.

However, Dr Weir was here. Her confrontation with John would be put off for a little while longer. Though she feared it, she was disappointed it wasn't him. Realising she had not answered the Doctor; she continued to smile as best as she could at the leader.

"I am fine, Dr Weir. I have some work to do to regain my strength and stamina, but it will not take long. I should be ready for duty soon."

"I'm glad to hear it. I don't want you over doing it though. It may take some time to get back to your old self. It might be a good idea to speak to Dr. Heightmeyer."

Teyla gritted her teeth at the Doctor's tone, telling herself that she wasn't trying to be patronising. Teyla realised she had sat in almost this exact same place last year with Dr Heightmeyer. Were they questioning her sanity again? True she had been avoiding people lately, perhaps snapping a lot when people asked about her injury. But, they couldn't be questioning her sanity again, could they?

"Are you alright, Teyla?" Weir's voice was worried and finally too patronising for Teyla.

"I am fine. Why won't people see that? Did Ronon talk to you? Or Carson? I caught my wound just slightly whilst we were sparring, nothing more. Of course it is going to be hard work, I know that. I have no problem with what happened. The Wraith attacked; I was injured, yet survived. Believe me, it was not the first time! I do not need people to walk so softly around me. I am FINE!"

Weir was sitting right back in her chair, her eyes wide and leaning as far away from Teyla as possible. Teyla was aware that people around them had stopped talking. Weir glanced around the room before leaning across the table towards Teyla.

"I'm sorry if I offended you, Teyla. And in answer to your question; no, neither Ronon nor Carson came to speak to me about you. I just haven't had a chance to catch up with you. I am glad to see that you are doing well."

Teyla lowered her eyes as she stood.

"Then, thank you for your concern, but I am tired of people treating me differently. I apologise if I took that annoyance out on you. Excuse me."

She turned away from Weir and her eyes feel on John Sheppard. He had been queuing up for food. He stood watching her with obvious concern. Ignoring the annoyingly worried expression on his face, she walked out of the mess hall at what she hoped was a measured pace.

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Teyla stalked down the corridors, heading straight for her quarters. She needed to be alone, before she really did shout at someone. She only passed a couple of people on her way, but both of them seemed to avoid any eye contact with her. This only helped to fuel her paranoia further. What were people saying about her now?

Finally at her quarters she slipped through the doors as quickly as possible, pulled off her jacket and threw it in the general direction of her bed. She then began pacing around her room, moving restlessly among her belongings. These were items that usually calmed her, connected her with home and family. But today they seemed to make her feel more alienated in this glorious city.

Behind her the door suddenly opened. She spun with outrage at whoever would just walk into her room uninvited. She stopped short of shouting something when she saw the look on John Sheppard's face. He marched into her room, his eyes blazing with fury. It reminded her of that night before she had left on the mission. Irritated at the sudden memory and the emotion that accompanied it, she readied herself for the argument he was about t o throw at her.

"The reason everyone is avoiding you and tip toeing around you, is that you have been behaving like a bloody tigress; stalking the hallways, glaring at everyone, snapping at anyone who you think might even remotely worry about your health. Hell, even Ronon has been hiding from you."

Teyla shook her head at the ridiculous statement.

"What?"

"Ever since you woke up properly in the infirmary, you've been so grumpy and sulky that no one wants to talk to you. You bit off Rodney's head the other day for asking when you would be back with the team. You just embarrassed Weir in front of the entire mess hall. You think everyone has a problem with you – they don't, it's all you. Now, sort it out!"

Teyla glared, mouth open at him.

"What!"

But, john had not finished. Stepping forward till he was less than a foot away he jabbed his finger at her.

"You made your decision to go on that mission, you were lucky to survive, now deal with it. You pushed away any help and you almost died because of that."

"I am not angry because of that. I do not regret my decision and I am not snapping at people." She spat out at him.

John pulled his head back with exaggeration, his eyebrows raised.

Awareness of her current behaviour began to sink in. She had just snapped at him, and she had frightened Rodney the other day. Surely this wasn't all in her mind. Had she really been treating people badly? She looked to the floor her mind scattering with jumbled thoughts.

"If it is not the mission, then…what's wrong, Teyla?" His tone was soft and totally unexpected. She looked up at his handsome face and saw the honest concern. "Tell me."

His voice was deep and kind to her ears. She had wanted his anger, not his…love? Turning from him she headed towards the small window that overlooked the wide ocean. He deserved more than what she was right now. He needed her strong and full of fire, not weak, injured and powerless. What good was she to Atlantis like this? What good was she to him?

Unbidden emotions surfaced as she gazed out at the freedom of the waters below. Could she tell him of her fears? Her weaknesses? Perhaps now was the time to tell him, before things got too complicated between them. Without turning to him she spoke her truth to him.

"Since I was a child I have had to be strong. My mother was taken when I was young and it was only my father and I. Over the years, many of those I cared for were taken by the Wraith. That was life. I dealt with it. Then my father was taken and I had to care for my people. They were my life, my family. I have always been strong. I fought to keep myself physically and mentally strong. It has been my way."

Behind her she heard him move closer, felt his clothes slightly brush hers as he stepped up beside her. Yet, she kept her eyes focused on the distant horizon.

"When I was lying there at the base of the tree, hiding from the Wraith, I knew there was no strength left in me. It had all gone and I had nothing else to give to save those around me. I was weak. I could not save myself, or my people." She turned her eyes to John's, knew there were tears running free. "Without my strength, what else is there for me to give?"

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To be continued