O0o0O

Don't give me a knife.
And don't leave me alone.
'Cause I'm at the point,
That I want to cut both wrists,
And break every bone.
So if you want me to live,
Then watch what you give
To me.

She didn't want to go into the common room, and since she was sure that Lily was at lunch, and so were her room mates, there was nobody who could make her. She could spend the rest of the day hiding from Sirius in her dormitory. Sure, she could… But should she?

Was she really so scared of seeing Sirius? Recently, she had lost her fears of many things, because she had gained more important fears. They weren't childish fears, like her past fear of not being able to pass her seventh year. They were real fears, like death, breaking a heart, or having a broken heart.

She was beginning to consider walking down into the common room. It was not to prove that she wasn't scared, but simply because she was tired of staring at the four boring walls of her dormitory.

Her roommates had decorated their side with posters of famous singers. There was one poster of a Quidditch player, but that one wasn't up because they liked the way he played Quidditch, or supported his team, but it was because they thought he was terribly good looking. They probably didn't even know his name.

The walls of her side of the dormitory weren't decorated at all. This was just because she didn't have any favorite singers and didn't like people just because they were good looking… Well, usually she didn't.

Soon enough, she realized that she was going to have to see Sirius eventually, and she might as well just get it over with. It was one of those 'better sooner than later' moments.

"Accio brush." She muttered, waving her wand with her left hand and holding out her right hand so the brush could come there.

The brush flew across the room and right into her hand, which instantly started to brush her hair very carefully. She never noticed how many knots got tangled in her hair until she actually took the time to untangle them.

When her blonde hair was finally perfect, she put down the brush and walked down into the common room, looking straight forward until she got to the couch closest to the fire, and sat down. After taking the time to get comfortable, she turned her eyes from left to right to see if Sirius was in the common room. He wasn't, which actually let her relax. She had worried for no reason.

Or maybe she had worried for a reason, because just them the portrait hole opened and she heard four pairs of footsteps coming into the common room and very familiar voices that she wished she wasn't able to recognize, for only one reason. One of them was Sirius.

James was saying something to the other three. By the sound of his voice, it sounded like one of those stories that are a joke. Raine could recognize a few words: bed, scream, dormitory, window and shoes.

The other three boys were laughing at what James was saying, even Sirius. Lily had said that Sirius was sad, but it didn't even seem like it! This was probably as sad as he could possibly be after a break up.

She knew that they either didn't notice her, or ignored her, because they walked right past.

Raine was scared to go into the common room, because she was sure that Sirius was there, and she didn't really want to see him at the moment. But she knew that she would have to leave her dormitory eventually. It was better to get it over with sooner, right?

She quickly brushed her hair, then slowly went into the common room. "Thank Merlin. He's not here!"

She lay down on the couch and stared up at the ceiling, hoping that Sirius wouldn't come into the common room soon. "Please, please, please, please don't…"

But she heard the portrait hole open and footsteps coming into the common room. She heard the voices of four boys and couldn't help but recognize one of them as Sirius. Please don't say anything to me. She shut her eyes.

The voices passed her. She could hear James say something, then Sirius laughing and saying something else. Lily said that he was sad… Well, of course, this was probably as sad as Sirius Black could ever get about a breakup.

Well, at least she wasn't going to have to worry about dying anymore.

O0o0O

"No, Lily. I'm not hungry."

"No, Lily. I really can't eat anything. Maybe for dinner."

"No, Lily. I am not turning into one of those girls who starve themselves because they think that they're fat when they're really underweight."

"Yes, Lily. I'm okay."

"No, Lily. I'm not hungry."

"No, Lily. Can you please leave me alone for a moment?"

"No, Lily. I haven't finished my homework."

"No, Lily. I haven't talked to Sirius since we broke up."

"Thank you, Lily. For cheering me up."

"No, Lily! Don't go! I'm not tired yet! No! I want to stay in the common room. No, Lily! I don't care if it's two o' clock already. No! Don't drag me up there. No!"

"No, Lily! The textbook is eviiiil! Take it away! Take it away! Take it awaaaay!"

"No, Lily. It's not blood. It is only red ink. No, I'm not lying. I bought it at Hogsmeade last year. Smell it. See, it's only ink. And you thought that I was stabbing my quill into my hand! I only do that in private. Duh!"

"Lily, do you hate me?"

"No, Lily. There's nothing that I haven't been telling you!"

"No, Lily! Don't roll up my sleeve!"

"No, Lily! Don't throw that snowball or I'll- Hey! I told you not to throw it!"

"Yes, Lily. I do know how much you absolutely love James and how much fun you had on your date yesterday."

"No, Lily. I am not going to miss Hogwarts."

"No, Lily. I am not sad that this is my last November day that I will ever be in Hogwarts unless I become a teacher."

That was how the rest of November passed by. She hated it so much that she would've been happier dead. There were a few times that a natural smile appeared on her face.

As November slowly turned into December, it became even colder. There was that one time in November that it snowed, but that was only because of a prank that Sirius and James had made up…

Although she no longer cried about not being with Sirius anymore, whenever she saw him, she felt pain inside. She had heard his voice plenty of times since that horrible day, but it was never directed to her. One time, she had asked Remus why Sirius was acting that way, and Remus had said, "I have no idea, Raine. He usually stays friends with all his ex-girlfriends, unless their break up involved a big argument, which doesn't usually happen, and didn't happen with you two."

"How would you know?"

"I'm one of Padfoot's best friends (other than Prongs, of course). Why wouldn't I know exactly how you broke up with him?"

"No idea… Well, thanks Rem'." She hugged him.

"Your welcome, Raine."

She smiled slightly, lying her head on his shoulder. "I'm sooo tired."

What she loved about being friends with Remus was that no matter what she said or did, it wouldn't seem flirty at all. They were just good friends and until he died, that would be all.

"Then go to sleep."

"No… Not until at least midnight…"

"Why not?"

"I have to wait until my room mates fall asleep."

"Why?"

"They'll start asking me questions."

"Oh…"

Raine's eyes slowly closed. She really hadn't wanted to fall asleep, but she was in a good mood that day. And she was tired…

"Good night." She could hear Remus say before she fell asleep.

O0o0O

"What homework do we have due tomorrow?" Raine asked Lily in a tired voice. She had come over to Lily's room to study, but by the time they found all their books, quills, parchment and ink, it was eleven o'clock.

Lily pulled out her assignment book and flipped a few pages, until she found the date and said, "Practice the spells on pages fifty-six to sixty-one for Transfiguration, write the History of Magic essay, fill out the ancient rune chart, and read two chapters in our Defensive Theory book."

"Done any of it yet?"

"The essay."

"I've done all of it except practicing the spells for Transfiguration."

"Well, you can do that until I'm done, then." Lily suggested.

"Okay, can I use your Transfiguration book? I lost it…"

O0o0O