Disclaimer: I do not own what JKR does. If JKR does not own it (or created it) then it is my own creation unless otherwise mentioned.
When Seliina reached the Ravenclaw girls dormitories, she noticed that Katarina's curtains were already pulled shut around her bed.
"Katarina, don't do this. Please, come down to the common room with me, meet the new first years. Black's an ass, don't let him get to you." Seliina pleaded. Katarina heard her but didn't reply. She waited a few minutes and finally heard Seliina go downstairs. She couldn't follow Seliina down there, put on a happy smile, and pretend everything was okay when it clearly wasn't. She was having trouble breathing and she was being plagued by stabbing chest pains every few minutes. She also couldn't stop her mind from replaying her brother's death over and over again. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, she wanted everyone to share her pain, so that she could have a little less of it and feel a little less alone. But she couldn't. If she did any of those things she'd have to tell someone how it happened and that was something that she could not do. Her parents still didn't know the whole story and none of her friends knew that she'd been there or been injured in struggle. She absently scratched at the scar that cut from the left side of her forehead, across her nose, to her right cheek. She'd kept the scar as a reminder of what had happened. Still, she'd covered up the scar so that no one would ask questions. She'd used Madame Tuntseva's cover-up. It claimed that it could make anyone's skin appear smooth. It had worked so far, and even though it was mildly itchy, Katarina was glad that she had decided against showing it. Her parents knew it was there, but that was all.
She sighed heavily. Despite the fact that she was still angry with Sirius Black she knew that he hadn't meant to say what he'd said. After all, that was the only time she'd ever heard him apologize, in a non-sarcastic way, for anything. And even though she had enjoyed their sparring matches in the past, she was not enjoying the vicious fights that seemed to erupt every time they spoke. When her brother had been there, she had laughed and joked and teased with Sirius, James, and Remus on a regular basis. They had never been good friends, but they had certainly been friendly towards each other. Now that Piotr was dead, all that was gone, all because of one of her stupid ideas. What girl in her right mind would walk the streets of Moscow alone at night? But of course, she was cocky. She was a witch and in her mind no muggle could harm her. Her belief that she was almost invincible got her brother killed and nearly her as well. At this thought Katarina felt a stabbing pain in her chest. It was worse than all the others before. It felt as though her heart were being torn in two. She bit her lip to keep from crying out. Her vision blurred and her breaths came in short gasps.
"So this is what a heart attack feels like." She mumbled the instant before losing consciousness.
She awoke with a jolt five hours later, her body bathed in a cold sweat. She looked down at her clothes and saw that she was still wearing her uniform and her robes. She shook her head violently, as if the action would make her remember how she came to be in this position. Slowly, she remembered sitting on her bed, the curtains drawn, thinking about her brother's death. She also remembered the violent chest pains and thinking that she was having a heart attack. She slowly opened the curtains on her bed and noticed that everyone else was asleep. She quietly slipped out of bed and headed downstairs into the common room. Thankfully, it was empty. She slipped out through the portrait hole and headed in the direction of the hospital wing. Passing out due to severe chest pains and shortness of breath was not something that she wanted to become a regular occurrence, so she decided to go see Madame Pomfrey immediately.
As Katarina was walking through the corridor near the Great Hall, she thought she saw something peculiar. It was Severus. His body was rigid and he was propped up against a suit of armour wearing a hat covered in pink and purple feathers and a boa to match.
"I'm going to kill Sirius Black." She mumbled, before releasing Severus from the spell. "Let me guess, Potter and Black?" She asked.
"Who else would it be?" He snarled, as he threw off the hat and boa. Katarina glared at him. It wasn't her fault that Sirius and James enjoyed torturing him.
"Well, seeing as you're free now, I'll just get on my merry way." Katarina said evenly. "Oh, and next time this happens, you'd do well to thank the person who helps you out."
"Thank you." He grumbled before stalking off towards the dungeons. Katarina watched him leave before she started walking towards the hospital wing again. She shook her head. Even thought she counted Severus as one of her best friends, she couldn't help but notice that he could be a real prick sometimes. She scowled, thinking that she had acquired another person to fight with.
Katarina reached the hospital wing a few minutes later. The door was locked, but she had expected that, as it was past midnight. She felt a twinge of guilt at coming here so late, but it passed fairly quickly. She knocked firmly on the door, knowing that Madame Pomfrey would hear her and arrive fairly quickly. She did, nearly out of breath.
"What is the matter my dear? I gather it is something important or you would not be here so late?" The older woman asked, after catching her breath. She opened the door to the hospital wing with a flick of her wand and ushered Katarina in.
"I was in my dorm earlier, sitting on my bed when I began having chest pains. I ignored them, but then there was one that felt like it was tearing my heart in two. At the same time, my throat tightened up and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Then I passed out and awoke five hours later and decided to come here. I wasn't sure if it was serious, but I didn't want it to happen again." Katarina told her. Madame Pomfrey frowned inwardly. The first thing that came to her mind was that Katarina had had a panic attack. Her symptoms fit and she had also recently suffered a traumatic experience.
"It sounds like it could be a few things." She said finally. "I think you should stay here tonight and we'll do some tests in the morning."
"I think that would be good." Katarina answered with a nod. Madame Pomfrey showed her to an empty bed and gave her a robe to change into.
"If it happens again, just ring the bell and someone will come to help you." She told Katarina, before leaving to go back to her quarters. Katarina closed the curtains around her bed and quickly changed out of her uniform into the robe Madame Pomfrey had given her. She splashed some cold water on her face, which seemed abnormally warm to her. Then she slipped under the covers and drifted into an uneasy sleep.
She didn't know how it happened, but somehow she was there again. She felt the thug's pocketknife slice across her face. She felt the warm blood run into her eyes and down her face. She heard herself howl in pain. And she saw her brother run across the road to come help her. She wanted to scream at him, to tell him to go, and that he would only get himself killed, but she found she couldn't speak. So it all happened all over again. She watched as her brother noticed seconds too late that there was someone else. She saw the trigger being pulled and the bullet strike her brother.
She awoke seconds later with an unbearable pain in her chest. She bit back a cry of pain and managed to ring the bell before her vision blurred and she once again fell into unconsciousness.
She awoke with a jolt a few minutes later, the smelling salts Madame Pomfrey held under her nose bringing her back to consciousness. She opened her eyes and found she couldn't see. There was something blocking her vision. She ran her hand over her face and found that her hair had fallen down over her eyes. She brushed it off her face and ran her fingers over her scar as she sat up. The make-up must have come off when she'd splashed the water on her face. There was a soft light coming from the oil lamp beside her bed.
"An accident over the summer." She explained as Madame Pomfrey stared at the scar that ran across her face.
"I think you need to see Professor Dumbledore." Madame Pomfrey told her quietly. Katarina paled noticeably.
"I would prefer not to." Katarina said, her voice wobbling slightly.
"That is not an option." Professor Dumbledore told her, as he stepped into the light. "You are hiding things Miss Ivanova and it is making you ill. We now know one of them." He gestured at her scar. "Why did you feel the need to hide that?" He asked.
"I wanted to be pretty." She said sarcastically.
"Try again." Dumbledore told her.
"I didn't really feel like answering any questions. They'd ask me how I got it, and that is something that I don't want to get into."
"Well, fortunately for you I already know how you got that scar. When your parents informed me of your brother's murder they also informed me that you were injured in the attack as well." At the mention of her brother's murder, Katarina immediately felt a sharp stabbing pain in her chest and inhaled sharply. "Something wrong, Miss Ivanova?" Dumbledore asked, looking concerned.
"Chest pains." She choked out.
"Do you think she'll have another attack?" Dumbledore asked, turning to Madame Pomfrey.
"It is almost certain." She replied.
"What do you mean attack?" Katarina asked angrily. "What is wrong with me?"
"You have been experiencing panic attacks." The nurse explained gently. "From what your parents told the school before you returned, I understand that this is not the first time you've experienced such attacks." Katarina nodded dumbly. When she was 10 her great-grandfather passed away the summer before she was set to go to Hogwarts. Every time she thought about starting school without being able to talk to him, she would be unable to breathe and would pass out. She was given an anti-depressant and a mood elevating potion which she had to take every day until school started. She was fine as soon as she had realized that Piotr would be there with her.
"Does this mean that I need to take the mood elevating and the anti-depressant potions again?" She asked.
"Yes. Otherwise the attacks will continue and there is a good chance that during one you will injure yourself." Madame Pomfrey informed her. Katarina scowled. She didn't have anything against the potions. After all they were mostly comprised of chocolate and had a very enjoyable taste. No, the problem she had with them was that they made her feel weak. She was Russian, she was strong. She shouldn't need these potions to function normally. She should be able to handle her problems herself. It was what she wanted to do. Unfortunately her body rejected her plan for dealing with things and instead forced her to have to take potions so that she wouldn't pass out at the thought of her brother.
"Fine, I'll do it then. But I don't want to have to come here every day to take them. I don't want anyone else to know about this." Katarina agreed sullenly.
"I think we can manage that." Dumbledore told her. "Right Poppy?" He asked Madame Pomfrey.
"We can. I have enough for one month right now of each, which I can give you to take yourself. As you've taken it before I'm sure you'll be perfectly capable of doing it on your own." Katarina nodded.
"Alright." She agreed. "Then what, I come in here once a month for a re-fill?" She asked. Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey both nodded. "Wonderful." She said sarcastically. "May I still cover my scar? I would prefer not to open myself up to all the questions that my fellow students will undoubtedly have." They both nodded again.
"You may do what you wish about the scar." Professor Dumbledore told her. "It is not our place to tell you otherwise."
"Fine, thank you." Katarina said grudgingly. Professor Dumbledore nodded as he turned and left the hospital wing as silently as he had entered it.
"It is nearly morning. You may return to your dormitory if you wish." Madame Pomfrey told her.
"I think I will." Katarina answered. She closed the curtains around her bed and quickly changed out of the hospital robe and into her uniform. She re-opened the curtains and handed the robe to Madame Pomfrey, who gave her two small bottles, a small spoon, and two pieces of parchment in return. "Thank you." She said before heading off to her dorm.
She shoved the potions and everything that went with them into the pocket of her robe. Then she ran as quickly as she could to her dorm, hoping to arrive before anyone was awake. That way no one would know that she'd spent the evening in the hospital wing and she wouldn't have to make an excuse for being there. She dashed into the common room and breathed a sigh of relief to see that no one was there. She bolted up the stairs into the girl's dormitory as quietly as she could, hopped into her bed, and pulled the curtains shut behind her. She had made it. She was exhausted, but she had made it. She fell back on her bed and, checking her watch, saw that she had about an hour left to sleep before she had to get up for breakfast. She took a dose of each of her potions and fell into a dreamless sleep.