Disclamer: I only own Thrifty, my screwed up mind and a computer, ie not any of the genre's I'm about to destroy. Thankyou -
Thrifty McTadger: Genre Hijacker
Chapter 1 The Collapse.
My name: Thrifty McTadger. My Occupation: Genre Hijacker. The reason why I'm balanced 50 ft up in the air half naked holding onto the burning corpse of my arch nemesis's wife while the entire Universe collapses around me is… well it's a long story…
Flashback
His name was Gordon Freeman. One of the few survivors of the Black Mesa Incident; Saviour of the Masses; and Figurehead for all who needed guidance. Reduced to looking in the library for a book called "How to make Cakes".
Gordon stroked his dark brown beard and squinted at the tiny writing on the spine of a hideous purple book labelled "The Muffins and I: 50 Ways Not to Cook Muffins", It had to be here somewhere! He sighed. Two whole hours he had spent in this dusty, dated building with nothing but headcrabs for company. Even they were becoming tired with the lack of action now the resistance had taken control.
Suddenly there was a loud crash to his right. Gordon jumped, whipped his pistol out of his pocket (Yes it was a pistol) and started to edge along the wall. There was tension in the air. With every second that went past his heart beat faster and faster. Budum. Nothing. Budum. Nothing. Budum. Still nothing. With slow uncertainty, Gordon poked his head round the corner and found… Nothing. Just a pile of fallen books and the remains of the headcrab that had consequently knocked them over. Or was it just a pile of books?
One of them seemed to be glowing. Slowly he stepped forward towards the pile. Yup, definitely glowing. He scanned the cover. "Delia Smith's How to Create an Evil Nega-Universe."
After a 3 hour epic struggle to get back to the labs, Gordon burst through the lab door shoving the book at Dr Kleiner. Dr Kleiner sighed and scratched his head. "How very interesting. What you seem to have found here Gordon is a solution to all of our teleportation problems. Fetch me that spanner over there would you?"
"But Dr Kleiner" exclaimed Gordon, his voice tainted with an air of uncertainty. "Doesn't it say EVI…?"
But it was no use, the Dr wasn't listening, he was too busy fiddling with the teleportation controls and tightening nuts and bolts.
It was hours before the adjustments were finished. Gordon, being the type who always liked something to do, had become ridiculously bored with waiting around and had fallen asleep whilst reading the glowing book. It was only when the Dr screamed in joy did he awake. "I've done it my boy!" screamed the Dr, "It needed some adjustments but I've finally done it! Now when the trans-dimensional gateway connects the two constants of being, it creates a fusion of exo…" Gordon nodded off again.
FZZZZZ BZZZZZ PJAKKKKK. Blurry eyed, Gordon awoke again from his slumber. Something was wrong. Peeling the book from his face he looked up to gaze directly into a gaping vortex. He looked around the room. In the corner, slumped over an overturned table was the mutilated body of Dr Kleiner.
This was bad.
Raising from his seat Gordon tripped and knocked the book onto the floor. A page fell out. Picking himself up, he grabbed the page and sat back down again. "Risks" he read out loud. Now he knew something was seriously wrong. "The user must be sure that all external wires are connected before pulling vortex manipulation leaver. Failure to do so will result in inter-dimensional connection." He turned the page. "The user must also note that such a connection may result in the release of the one known only as Thrifty, thus ending the world as we know it. Gordon looked up sheepishly.
A dark shape was emerging from the centre of the inter-dimensional hole.
The ceiling cracked.
The ground shook.
The thousands of test tubes and apparatus shattered...
Then a large blackened boot stepped through the wiry film that made up the surface of the hole. More of the beast began to emerge. Huge muscular legs hidden under black ripped jeans followed. Gordon stared in sheer terror as, like a creature rising from the depths, its powerful body emerged followed by the head. It was a he. Looking down it took one last step forward. Then the wings emerged. Feathered and angel like, but as black as the hole from which they had emerged.
Infinite darkness.
It was only then that the figure looked up. Gordon was astonished. This…man had the bluest eyes he had ever seen, but even this did not disguise the cross shaped tattoo on his left cheek. Behind him, the vortex fluctuated then disappeared without a trace.
All went silent.
The figure's eyes remained fixed on him, never moving, never breaking contact. Then he spoke. "This is the end. All will be destroyed."