Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Star Wars universe. Sue me if you want, but since I have no $$$, that would be a pointless endeavour.
A/n: I was feeling particularly inspired to write some serious angst, and yes, was listenign to my "Revenge of the Sith" soundtrack (again). And so unfolded the following... I double-checked the movie for dialogue accuracy in some spots. I would also like to totally acknowledge and thank Moony (or moony's number 1 as she's known 'round here) for betaing every last bit of this and helping me come up with a decent summary. THANK YOU! This fic is dedicated to you, even though you've already read it. :P Second lastly, the poem before this is posted seperately, but I felt it was rather necessary to add it so the ending has the full kick to it. And lastly, I now have three Star Wars poems up, all Revenge of the Sith related.
I can't believe my eyes
I can't believe my feelings
I can't believe my heart is breaking.
My brother, my brother.
He was the chosen one
I believed it
And there he stands with the Sith Lord.
My brother, my brother.
My heart surely cannot take this burden
To kill my brother
It can't be done.
I step off the ramp
Trying hard to be indifferent and cold
Just like him.
My brother, my brother.
The battle rages on
The only thing more sharp then the hot rage coming from him
Is the icy pain ripping through me.
A final attack in a moment of blind offense
Anakin is down and screaming
My heart is no more.
My brother! My brother!
The words he screams in hate only make me hurt more
It is not possible to hurt that much and be alive
I don't know whether that applies to me or him.
I loved him like a brother
Qui-Gon loved him as a son
Padme loves him as the father of her child.
Anakin had been burned away
Only Vader remains.
My brother… my brother.
It was a blur of light, twisting this way and that as he grimly directed it to protect himself from the penetrating laser bolts being shot at him. He was numb. Completely numb, and focusing only on dispatching his enemies. He refused to give any form of a thought to the fact that the enemies he was fighting had been his allies only hours ago.
The smoke lifted and the bolts stopped. All the armored men were down. He sighed heavily and tried hard not to look at their fallen bodies as he hurried into the smoking building behind a small green creature.
He followed Yoda through the ravaged temple, his heart aching sharply and his eyes stinging. Bodies of colleagues, friends and people who seemed like family littered every floor. Things were still smoking and burning. The smell of smoke and death hung in the air and Obi-Wan found it extremely difficult to breathe.
They reached the floor where young children were trained to be Jedi, still searching for survivors and finding none. The damage was just as bad on this floor, but this time the casualties seemed a far greater loss.
Obi-Wan knelt down beside one youngling he had once taught a class to. "Not even the younglings survived." He said, his voice soft and choked.
"Killed not by clones. This… Padawan… by a lightsaber, he was." Yoda said, pointing to the burn mark in the poor boy's stomach.
Obi-Wan touched the boy's shoulder, willing him to be alright. He was suddenly struck full force with Master Yoda's words. A Jedi. He thought. A Jedi did this.
"Who?" he asked suddenly. "Who could have done this?" he felt shocked and even sadder than before. It was bad enough that the Jedi Temple had been attacked by Clone troops turning on the Jedi, but that fact that one of the Jedi has been leading the attack was almost too much to swallow and made the attack seem all the more worse.
Yoda didn't answer but just shook his head sadly.
Obi-wan remembered their purpose and grimly followed Yoda to the security floor.
Once there, Obi-Wan focused his mind on recalibrating the alarm code in the security system. It was tedious work and he didn't mind in the slightest. It pulled all his concentration to the task at hand and he didn't have to dwell on the dead younglings murdered by a fellow Jedi.
A few moments later, he was finished and reluctantly let the tiny digital tray slide back into its place in the lit wall before him. "I have recalibrated the code warning all surviving Jedi to stay away." He said somberly.
"For the Clones to discover the recalibration, a long time it will take." Yoda predicted wisely. He paused for a moment and then began slowly plodding towards the door, their job finished.
Obi-Wan swallowed and slowly started to follow. He slowed his steps to a stop, however, just as he was passing the console where the security tapes were made and kept. He had to know. He had to know who'd betrayed them all, who'd murdered so many Jedi, who'd killed younglings.
"Wait, Master." He said and stared at the console. "There is something I must know." Obi-Wan strode over to the console and began swiftly setting it up to replay the correct area of tape for him.
"If into the security tapes you go," Yoda said, his ears turned down sadly. "Only pain will you find."
"I must know the truth, Master." Obi-Wan swallowed and felt like his breath was stuck in his chest. He was going to find pain – he agreed with Master Yoda on that. But he couldn't leave without knowing whose hands had cut down so many.
Yoda sighed heavily. You've been warned. He thought.
Obi-Wan flipped some switched and the tapes began to play, a small blue-tinted hologram on a small circle beside the console. There was someone in long black Jedi robes slashing at anyone who came near enough as Clone troops blasted anyone who the Jedi missed.
Obi-Wan couldn't see the face of the Jedi for a few seconds, but his chest was already tightening painfully. Watching the act being committed was far worse than seeing the aftermath. He was about ready to look away and forget about knowing the truth when suddenly the face of the attacking Jedi was visible as he swiveled around to face the camera.
Yoda shook his head and shut his eyes sadly.
Obi-wan couldn't breathe at all now. His chest was so tight he felt as though a single movement would make him explode. Shock ripped through him and he stared open-mouth, trying hard to not believe the cold evidence before his own eyes.
Anakin.
"It can't be…" he whispered, feeling very nauseous. His voice caught in his throat as the shock waves buffeted him hard, again and again, with each blow the hologram figures received from Anakin's blazing lightsaber. "It can't be!"
On the tape, a very sinister figure – the Sith Lord, Obi-Wan guessed immediately – said in a gravelly voice, "You have done well, my new apprentice."
"Yes, Master."
The figure that was Anakin knelt before the Sith Lord and tears sprung to Obi-Wan's eyes has icy cold pain seared across his heart.
"Now," began the Sith Lord. "Go and bring peace to the Empire."
With a very shaky hand and the taste of bile rising in his throat, Obi-Wan switched off the tape. "I can't watch anymore." He said ever so quietly, his voice dead and hollow. Tears burned his eyes and he could feel his heart snapping inside his still very tight chest. He felt as though he wasn't breathing and would never breathe again.
How could you, Anakin? He thought. My brother… how could you do this?
"Destroy the Sith, we must." Yoda's voice gently brought Obi-Wan back to their situation, his voice a mix of urgency, calm, determination.
"Send me to kill the Emperor." His voice trembled as he spoke. "But I will not – cannot – kill Anakin." Saying those words aloud made his feel even sicker. He needed to sit down before he fell down…
"To fight this Lord Sidious, strong enough, you are not." Yoda stated firmly.
His voice was filled with pain as Obi-Wan nearly cried out, "He is like my brother!" he inhaled sharply and tried to focus calmly instead of being on the verge of weeping. "I cannot do it." His legs felt like jelly as he stared at Yoda pleadingly.
Yoda didn't miss the hurt and betrayal pouring from Obi-Wan's eyes, but he knew it had to be done. It had to be this way. "Twisted, by the dark side, young Skywalker has become." Yoda stared back at Obi-Wan, trying to convey the importance of everything going on. He kept his voice without any emotion. He wasn't trying to be cold, he just needed Obi-wan to understand.
Unwaveringly, Yoda continued. "The boy you trained… gone, he is. Consumed, by Darth Vader."
Obi-Wan again forced his mind to focus on Yoda's words and not the acute pain stabbing through him – the images of Anakin slaying younglings still burned in his mind. "I do not know where the Emperor has sent him." He said hollowly, feeling defeated. "I do not know where to look."
Yoda almost sighed. He wanted to be patient with Obi-Wan but their time was running shorter by the second and at this moment in time Yoda didn't have time to be sympathetic.
"Use your feelings, Obi-Wan, and find him you will." Yoda's words had an edge of haste to them as he started for the door again, more hurried this time.
Obi-Wan stood and reluctantly followed. He knew where he had to go to inquire of Anakin's whereabouts. He just didn't want to face the fact that his brother had gone past the point of being rescued.
The cruel fight had been raging for some time and Obi-Wan had no idea what part of the planet he was now on, how far away from Padme's ship he was. He was tiring quickly in the intense heat around him and felt soaked with sweat. He was aching inside and out. Obi-Wan was trying his hardest to stay alive and had to remain somehow distanced from the battle so he could numbly fight on, without second thoughts.
So far, he was succeeding. But it was becoming increasingly difficult to look at the face of the boy he had trained and the apprentice he had grown to love as brother, twisted with rage and emulating the deepest hate.
Finally there was a pause in the desperate struggle, Anakin on one small skiff and Obi-Wan on another. The skiffs were moving swiftly over a boiling lava surface as Obi-Wan panted and tried to take the moment to gather some strength.
"I have failed you, Anakin," he said between breaths. "I have failed you." As hot as his surroundings were, there seemed to be a frigid block of ice in the pit of Obi-Wan's stomach that refused to melt. He looked into the eyes of his old apprentice, wondering how in the world he had let it come to this.
"I should have known the Jedi were plotting to take over!" Anakin shouted across the small gap between him and Obi-Wan, his voice ripped with anger and hurt. Obi-Wan couldn't understand how Anakin was the one feeling betrayed at this moment in time.
"Anakin, Chancellor Palpatine is evil!" he shouted back. He couldn't believe what he was hearing!
"From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!" Anakin still had the hurt look in his eye and Obi-Wan felt his own anger surge at Anakin's words.
How could Anakin be so persuaded, twisted and affected by Palpatine when his life-long dream was to be a Jedi? And now, here he was, swept up in a blanket of darkness, fighting one of the few people in the world who truly cared for him.
"Well, then you are lost!" Obi-Wan cried out angrily.
For a few seconds, they merely stared at each other and Obi-Wan was deeply frightened by the darkness surging around Anakin and the pure hate radiating from him. He felt sharp pinpricks of pain somewhere in his chest as he took in this awful sight.
Why, Anakin? He thought for what must have been the hundredth time. Why did you do it?
"This is the end for you, my Master." Anakin said hotly.
The word 'Master' somehow sounded tainted coming from Anakin after he had heard Anakin say it to Sidious. Obi-Wan prepared himself for another hard attack from Anakin, feeling overwhelmed by the fact that he was fighting for his life. He steeled himself and drew into that numb area of focus – he knew it was either kill or be killed.
Anakin leapt off of his skiff and onto Obi-Wan's, where there was hardly enough room for one person to safely balance, let alone for two people fight on. The battle started up once again. Blue light filled Obi-Wan's vision as Anakin charged. Both struck, parried, blocked and thrust, testing each other, watching for the other to drop their guard for just an instant, ready to take advantage of the tiniest mistake.
Obi-Wan continued to defend himself forcefully, and felt his strength waning again. He needed a way out and fast. Hurriedly he reached out with the Force and felt the skiff sliding towards an ashy shore. In an instant, he used the Force and catapulted himself to that shore, a short distance away from the lava river.
He exhaled. The battle wasn't done, but at least he had the higher ground now – the advantage he desperately needed against Anakin's alarming new strength.
"It's over Anakin." Obi-Wan panted tiredly. He still felt frightened by Anakin and above all sad, but he was doing his best to mask those emotions.
Anakin shook his head and more hate and fury seemed to pour from him as he spoke. "You underestimate my powers!"
Obi-Wan also shook his head, though worriedly. "Don't even try it." He quickly braced himself for anything.
Anakin stared at Obi-Wan for a split second longer before yelling angrily and using the Force to vault himself up and right to Obi-Wan. He was high enough that it seemed as though he'd intended to go over Obi-wan.
In the same instant, Obi-Wan reacted and delivered a slicing blow with his humming saber.
Anakin cried out in agony and dropped to the ground. He rolled a little bit down the ashy ground and lay groaning near the edge of the rushing lava river, both his legs severed off from the knee down. There his body stopped and he began screaming in pain.
Obi-Wan felt absolutely nauseated with what he just done. He immediately sheathed his lightsaber, his eyes stinging with tears. He took several steps back. He couldn't finish Anakin off.
Anakin continued to moan in anguish. His eyes looked brilliant yellow and red, physical evidence of his betrayal. He glared up at Obi-Wan loathingly.
"It was said you would destroy the Sith – not join them!" Obi-Wan shouted, his voice breaking as tears blurred his vision. He blinked them away and took several breaths to try and quell his own pain bursting through him.
"Bring balance, to the Force…" he started to say and had to stop.
Anakin tried to pull himself up the hill, his murderous gaze still trained on Obi-Wan. His torment and pain was like none other Obi-Wan had ever seen. Regardless of the intense battle against Anakin, Obi-Wan wished he could kneel down and take Anakin away to a medical facility – anything to stop his suffering.
"Not leave it in darkness…" Overwhelmed and defeated, Obi-Wan looked away and picked up Anakin's fallen lightsaber. He started to walk away but turned back to look at Anakin one last time.
For a single instant, Obi-Wand swore he saw sadness and regret flash across Anakin's features. Help me…
But the next split second, those emotions were tenfold replaced by more fury, bitterness, misery and hatred.
"I HATE YOU!" Anakin screamed with every fiber of his being. It cut Obi-Wan deeper than anything had ever cut him before.
His heart was shreds now, he knew. He could feel it, burning cold and hot at the same time.
"You were my brother, Anakin!" Obi-Wan yelled, his tears almost spilling over. Again he blinked them away. "I loved you."
The edges of Anakin's clothes caught fire and there was nothing Anakin could do about it. Obi-Wan looked away and wiped his eyes. He didn't have it in him to kill Anakin. He supposed it was far worse to let him suffer so, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it, no matter how hard he tried.
Anakin screamed and screamed and Obi-Wan was caught in the most terrible nightmare possibly imaginable. He wiped the tears beginning to spill onto his cheeks away with a dirty sleeve; his throat and chest seemed permanently constricted.
He couldn't tell who was more of a monster.
With his remaining strength and will power, Obi-Wan turned away and stumbled blindly in the direction which he hoped Padme's shuttle would be.
I did all I could… He's gone… Obi-Wan thought and hastily wiped his eyes again.
He wished with all his heart and soul that Anakin would call out for Obi-Wan to turn back and help him. But then, even if he did call out for help, Obi-Wan hoped with all his heart and soul he could believe Anakin.
The further he went from Anakin's body, the more his pain intensified. He was leaving him to die. He kept his eyes dry and hoped they didn't look red – he didn't want Padme to know he'd been crying. She'd find about Anakin eventually and didn't want to be the one to tell her.
He plodded past C-3P0, not hearing a word the droid was saying to him, just merely his voice speaking. He caught the words: "Padme needs medical attention," and tuned out the rest.
He reached the area where she laying, very pale and very weak. She looked up at him, her beautiful features marred by deep worry.
"Obi-Wan," she sounded relieved and very concerned at the same time. "Is Anakin alright?"
Obi-Wan forced the faintest of smiles and touched Padme's forehead, using the Force to gently prod her into a calming sleep. He swallowed and bowed his head to hide his renewed tears.
He had just left the father of Padme's child to die.
After Obi-Wan had set the ship into hyperspace and switched it onto auto-pilot, he headed to main quarters and shut the door. Feeling extremely cold, he sunk down onto the bed and wept.
My brother, my brother.
END
A/n: Weeeell? Let me know what you thought! Reviews are oxygen. :D