Eight

She woke up after about half a week, but refused to allow me in when she was naked. I tried explaining to her that I wasn't violating her with my eyes and that I'd already seen her, and was more concerned with her health than with her nudity, but somehow, she still would refuse me- refuse to talk to me even through the door as well. This, over all things, shattered my heart.

So for another week while Zelda healed, I puttered around Zora's domain, learning about the fish people. Every once in a while, I'd go with Ruto to feed Jabu-Jabu, the Zora's patron god, or I'd swim with the clerics on pilgrimages to the great fairy's fountain, or just wander around and be a pain in general. When I'd asked Ruto why we couldn't have just taken Zelda to see the Great Fairy to fix everything, she responded tersely that they had- and the fairy had done all she could.

"The rest," Ruto informed me, "is up to Zelda."

While I waited for Zelda, I learned what I could about the Zora, about their culture, waters, their religious views, everything: but more than anything, I focused on the security of the domain, the abilities of the watery kingdom to stand against siege, the floor plans of the building and the many winding natural passages that connected to the cavern and where they led. Most were too small for anything but currents of water to fit through, but some were large enough that I might squeeze through on my belly. So I learned and explored, greedily consuming any bit of knowledge I could get my hands on- just in case.

Half a week before Zelda and I left, the first news of battle began to drift to my ears. "Skirmishes", the Zora King called them, fights between patrol soldiers and Gerudo warriors. We all knew better, though- we knew it was another sign of the impending war. Though I'd come to enjoy dwelling in the domain (to a degree), I was itching to get moving, to feel the heft of a sword in my hand, to break Ganondorf's neck.

I wasn't quite so eager, however, to face the king of Hyrule.

When it had been determined that Zelda had recovered enough to emerge from the healing waters without risking serious relapse, the Zora women dressed her in silver and blue robes like Ruto's- her nightdress that she'd been kidnapped in had been ruined beyond repair. After the Zora had fed us and packed us plenty of food for the road- mostly fish and bread, and lots of water- and scried thoroughly to make sure our path was clear, Zelda and I bid the kind people goodbye and set out.

Zelda rode atop Epona, who I guided on foot through the twisting labyrynth that was the spell-guarded entrance to Zora's domain. When we had, at last, crossed the final bridge and jumped the last stream crossings, I swung onto Epona, behind Zelda. She was stiff and unmoving in my arms as I took the reins: inwardly, I sighed. This was not good.

After more than an hour of painfully silent travel, my frustrations had mounted. Far on the horizon was the castle- drawbridge up, and sentries most likely patrolling the battlements. While we still had time, were still out of view, I sighed, stopping Epona in a little glade where she could graze and rest, and dismounted.

"What are you doing?"

It was the most she'd spoken to me since she'd woken up, the only other things ever out of her mouth having been "Get out" or "no". I opened the saddle horn, pulling out some of the Zora's food, and plopped down on the grass, starting to munch.

"Link, what are you doing?" she asked again, impatiently.

"Eating," I replied through a mouthful of fish. She sighed, lurching and holding onto the reins as Epona began to wander, looking for grass and ignoring the young woman on her back- Zelda had lost so much weight that I almost doubted Epona knew she was there.

"Why did you have to pick now of all times to eat? If we're attacked and I'm taken back, I know who to blame."

"We won't be attacked. Besides, I'm hungry, and you're completely ignoring me. So we're going to kill two birds with one stone- I'm going to eat, and I'm not going to take you back to the castle until you talk."

"I'm on your horse," Zelda replied, gripping the reins tighter and squeezing Epona's flanks. "I can ride on to the castle without you and leave you here."

"No you can't," I replied, popping a piece of bread into my mouth. "Epona won't listen to you."

"Why you-" Zelda kicked Epona's flanks, whipping the reins, but to no avail- Epona turned her head to look at Zelda, chewing serenely on a blade of grass. Zelda only looked angrier at this, and I sighed. Where had the old Zelda gone?

"Why are you so angry at me?" I asked her, looking at her in all her icy, silver majesty upon the horse. "I saved you from the fortress."

"You saved me when there was nothing left to save," Zelda replied angrily. "You came too late."

"What do you mean, I came too late? Seems to me I got you out of there just before you lost it completely. I think you're angry because I saw you in such a damaged state, instead of seeing you being strong and resisting. You've always tried to be so strong, and when you finally did break, I saw you. For this, you can't forgive me."

"I didn't break!" She yelled, fuming, nostrils flaring in anger. "The reason I was in that cell was because I refused to break. They told me that if I'd just accept Ganondorf's offer of marriage then they'd let me out, or that I could have it the hard way and stay in there and rot until he returned from his business across the desert and forced me. And you know what, Link? I stayed in there, waiting, praying I'd die of starvation or poison before he came back. I hardly ate, only consuming that which I thought might be poisoned, and only slept when the Goddesses forced me to, and most of all, I didn't break. So don't accuse me of weakness, Sir Link. I'm not the one who leaves their ... who lets people rot in cells for months. And now, because you took so bloody long, my future and the future of Hyrule has been ruined."

Irritation crawled up my neck. "There are a few facts wrong in there, princess. First, you weren't even in that cell for a week. Second, I got there as quickly as I could. Your father was quite the road block, and I had to discover your whereabouts on my own, which took several days. Third, if you're thinking about that stupid bargain you made with the King-"

I stopped, mid sentence, cursing inwardly. I'd blown it. A look of utter horror was written across Zelda's face. "How long have you known?" she asked me, her voice deadly quiet.

"I overheard you making the bargain with your father."

"You were eavesdropping."

"I was," I replied, expressionless, though inside my heart was thudding. This, I admitted to myself grimly, could quite easily be the end of my life.

"You were using me."

"I was not," I stated simply, plainly, void of all indignance or defensiveness. It would do no good to be hostile- only truthful. "I would never use you, or anyone for that matter, especially not you."

"How can I know that? How can I possibly judge that?" she asked me angrily. "Everything I ever thought I knew about you has flipped!"

"Well, you're not the only one, princess," I responded, temper boiling. "I saved your life and will probably be cast out of Hyrule for serious insubordination because I went to rescue you, and now you hate me for it. I've given up everything for you, Zelda. I didn't expect a thank you, but I didn't expect uninvited, unending, baseless antagonism!"

"Maybe you were just trying for the throne all along, Link. The Gerudo told me that you were manipulating me for your own purposes, and it would appear they're right! All the things you said and did were false. You didn't want me, you wanted the throne."

"Is that what you think? That I don't care about you? That you're a tool to me? If I didn't care for you, why would I have taught you archery? Why might I have introduced you to Esten and Damleda? Why would I have dried your tears time and time again, saved your life, risked my whole world and all my dreams just to try and find you?"

"To fit the part. Insurance. You wanted me to trust you, and you had to risk everything to get me because I'm your only way of getting the crown."

"I don't care about the crown, Zelda. For what it's worth, I don't even really care so much about what happens to Hyrule. I used to- protecting this land used to be my life, but now I only care about you. As long as you're safe, nothing else matters- dammit, the Gerudo could take over the castle, and I wouldn't care as long as I knew that you couldn't be hurt. You're all that matters, Zelda. Or, at least, you were, but now it seems you only have disgust for me despite all I've done."

"You lie."

"I would never," I replied, standing and walking to her, looking down into her angry face. "Not to you. Never to you, even if my life depended on it."

"You didn't tell me you knew about the deal," she replied, quietly, icily. "You lied."

"Because I hardly even though about it. The only times it ever crossed my mind were when I was worrying for your happiness. Goddesses's sake, Zelda... I never in all the realms would have dared to hope to be the one to stand beside you before your kingdom- dreamed, yes, every day, but never dared to hope. I told myself that being your friend and loyal knight would be enough- if not for me, then for you. Curses, Zelda, I'm telling you, you're all that matters to me anymore."

She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring up at me. "Prove it," she snapped. "If you can, prove to me that I'm worth everything."

My mouth fell open in my anger. I began to say something, then stopped, thinking. What the devil was she getting at. I turned sharply to face her, and then, slowly, I brought a hand up to her cheek, touching the soft, pale skin there.

"Poor Zelda," I whispered, my anger draining suddenly out of me. "So fragile, so in need of love..."

I bent my head to kiss her lips, a feathery brush that still somehow expressed my desperation. I pulled away- her eyes were fixated firmly on my face, unreadable. I sighed, closing my own eyes, and knelt before her.

"I know you don't believe me," I said, taking her pale hand in both my own and pressing it to my forehead. "But if you'd just give me a chance- marry who you will, if you so desire, but that doesn't mean that I'll ever stop worrying about you, caring for you as much as I do, breathing every breath of air for you. You are who I live for, who I fight for- who I would gladly undergo hell every day for, be tortured for, die for. Perhaps you will never accept me, or perhaps you will never forgive me, but even if you continue to hate me every day until we both die, that won't change..."

I took a deep breath, steeling myself. "It won't change how much I love you. Nothing will change that, ever."

I stood, drained of everything, at once eager to return to the castle, despite the many nightmares awaiting me there. Zelda remained motionless, looking down at the ground before her as I fetched Epona and put away the food.

"Come on, Majesty," I said to her quietly, guiding Epona over. Zelda turned to me, face blank, and allowed me to help her mount. I swung up behind her, taking the reins around her once more, and spurring Epona onwards to the castle. For the rest of the trip she was motionless, a statue before me, save for the silent tears that dripped, unbeknownst to me, down her cheeks.

&-

We returned to fanfare and cheering- the princess had returned! But I was quite sure that the joy of the people was lost on us- though Zelda's posture softened slightly as she played the part of a princess, her lack of enthusiasm was detectable- at least, it was to me. I wondered how the people had known that we would be returning when we did, and then I recalled the Zora, their swift messages. They'd probably sent word ahead in the water.

We rode up to the castle, followed by an eager crowd, and then past them, across the inner drawbridge. Soldiers were waiting out front, as was the king. I stopped Epona, dismounting, a growing feeling of dread in my stomach as I helped Zelda down. She walked to her father, who considered her gravely, and then, suddenly, enveloped her in a hug. The people began to cheer, and, while they were distracted, I snuck away.

I took Epona to the stable, then meandered glumly to my room. Once in, however, I didn't stay: where I was hiding was far too obvious, and I didn't want anyone who was looking for me to find me. There would be people looking for me, alright: whether to congratulate me or kill me, I didn't feel like finding out.

So, carefully, I opened my window, looking out of the castle and around. Good- nobody in sight. I looked at the walls near me, thinking carefully. Finally, I pulled my head back inside, walking swiftly to my bedroom door and locking it. I strode back to the window, putting my feet on the ledge and looking out, simply breathing in the clear air. Then, I turned myself around and began to climb.

The roof wasn't very far above my bedroom, and it only took me a minute of gripping the rough stones to make it up. Once atop the shingles, I sighed, laying on my back and staring at the heavens. Far below, I heard the sound of people beating on my door, calling for me. I might have heard Esten's voice, but at that point, I didn't care. I just wanted to relax, let the big blue sky and the sweet warm wind wash away my thoughts.

I woke suddenly- it was dark, late. I'd fallen asleep and missed dinner. Not that I really cared about missing the meal, but lying on the hard surface of the roof had made my still strained and achy muscles hurt even worse. Quietly, I climbed back down to my window, slipping in and pulling off my boots. Looking out at the Temple of Time, I estimated that I'd just missed dinner, and that people would be going off to bed soon.

No loss, really. I wasn't even hungry anyhow.

I lit a candle and stripped down to nothing, throwing my clothes aside to be laundered later. Not really tired, but not really motivated to do anything else, I crawled between my sheets, enjoying (as much as I could while consumed by apathy) the feel of them sliding across my naked skin. I lay there for what felt like forever, until the castle had gone silent and still and the single lone candle next to my bed had dripped down low, a puddle of wax on the table. I didn't think much as I laid there, just stared up at the ceiling and felt horrible.

I never should have involved myself with her, I told myself. I should have stayed back at the castle during that hunting trip so long ago. I never should have let her close. I never should have fallen for her.

As I laid there, I began to think, to formulate, to plan. I loved Zelda- this was plain and simple, but it was obvious now that she could never love me, not after what had happened. All those long ago promises, both said and unsaid, had shattered into a thousand heartbroken shards, without hope of repair. So I'd save myself the agony- she obviously didn't care anymore- and I would leave. If I couldn't be with Zelda now, close, if my presence only brought her pain, then I would leave, become her shadow, protecting her from afar. A queen would have many enemies, more than she could keep tabs on herself. There, I would help her. So I wouldn't be breaking my word from when I promised her so long ago that I would protect her, forever: I would. I just wouldn't be near her as I did so.

My heart broke as I thought these things, my head pillowed on my arms as I stared up at the ceiling. I'd leave, I decided, first thing in the morning, after I told Esten (and presumably Damleda, as it was more than likely she had returned to the castle by now) goodbye.

&-

I pulled the cowl lower over my eyes as I walked through the halls, the train of my cloak sliding across the floor. It was the best way I could hide myself- ever since, well, since the disaster, I hadn't been what I once was. I didn't have the strength or the energy at my disposal that I'd so proudly boasted previously, and I counstantly felt weak and drained, anxious. That's why I was where I was now, in the middle of the corridor in the dead of night. I had to know.

I wasn't the same, this much I knew: I'd been something different before... before the disaster. I'd been stronger then, had more energy and power. I'd been motivated and determined, sometimes to a fault. Nothing stood in the way of what I wanted then, and any means I had to use, I did. I was idealistic- I was naieve. Now I knew better. Ideals were useless, and people were fickle, at best. Nothing was certain. Nobody was certain. And I would be harsher now, and cruel when I had to be. I knew that the bitterness I harbored now would never completely fade away. Maybe later on, I thought as I walked, my steps echoing icily through the corridors, my strengths would return and I'd be stronger, but until, I would be as I was now: feeling constantly drained, anxious, irritable, and, most of all, cold-blooded.

But not, I vowed to myself, as cold-blooded as my captors.

I reached his room- even in my thoroughly weakened state, there was still that connection, that feeling I got when I touched the knob. He was in there, and he was awake. Gently, I twisted- it was locked. This was unsurprising, as I, too, had locked myself in my room for much of the afternoon and evening, only emerging for dinner. Quietly, I pulled out the single pin I'd tucked behind my ear, unwinding it and slipping it into the lock on his door. After a few minutes of quiet jiggling the lock came undone and I sat back, satisfied. I hadn't lost my touch. Impa, my old nursemaid, would be proud.

I turned the knob, silent as a shadow, entering Link's room. He had been undisturbed by my ministrations, lying with his head propped back on his hands, tightly coiled muscle of his arms thrown into sharp focus. The broad, flat expanse of his firm chest stretched out, bare down below the sheets. It didn't look like he was wearing any clothing.

Well, I told myself as my pulse fluttered in my breast, now we would be even.

As I shut and locked the door behind me, he blinked at me, then went back to staring at the ceiling. "Yes?" he asked me, pretending to not care that I'd just picked the lock on his bedroom door and walked in, unvited, while he was naked. "Can I help you with something, your highness?"

"You weren't at dinner," I found myself saying as I turned, my cloak sliding along the stone floor. I looked around- his living quarters were so small, and mostly bare, clean save for some clothes shoved in the corner, the clothes he'd been wearing that morning. Just like I rememebered. Just like I loved.

"Forgive me, Princess, but I find that my appetite is lacking as of late."

"I understand." I walked to sit at one of the two chairs at the tiny table, resting my hands atop the wooden surface, fingers laced together. "Link, I... today..."

I looked to him, his carefully blank face, his eyes cast up to the ceiling. I took a breath. "All those things you said today..."

"Were true," he stated blandly. "I do not take them back."

"I see." I looked back down at my hands for a moment, breathing shallowly. I looked to him again.

"And you believe that I hate you?"

"Yes," he said, emotionless, toneless. "Though your presence does, I confess, confuse me at the moment."

Silence.

"It's not..." I began quietly after a long moment, thinking. "I don't hate you, not at all. I am simply... simply afraid."

"The gerudo won't come for you again," he replied plainly. "Not now. They can't. Security around you will be heightened, even as we march off to war."

"I'm not afraid of the Gerudo," I replied quietly. "It's you I'm afraid of."

"I have no reason to harm you."

"I don't fear that you'll harm me," I answered suddenly. "I'm afraid of... of the reactions you evoke in me. The way I always am thinking about you, and how much I care, and..."

I was kneeling next to his bed in a flash, cloak behind me, pooling on the floor at the ends.

"At first, all I thought about in the prison was keeping myself calm, sane, how I would get out of there. But the days went so slowly, and time itself seemed to bend backwards over and over and over. I began to think about you, waiting for you, calling out to you in the darkness. I didn't sleep, ate very little. The whole thing was a hazy dream, a delirium, a waking nightmare. And they kept telling me that you wouldn't come, you'd helped them to put me there, that I'd been in there for months and that you'd been living lavishly off the payment they'd provided, and that I could either accept Ganondorf's marriage proposal, or wait in the cell until he returned from his business across the desert and forced himself upon me, in marriage by rape. I kept hoping I would die, Link. I ate only what I thought was poisoned, drank very little, and when you never showed up, I understood that the Gerudo had been right, that you didn't care. It was... hell."

"I came for you, though," he replied, sitting up, scrunching his sheets around his waist. "I came and rescued you and brought you back here."

"But the damage has been done," I replied, suddenly upset. "I'm... I'm not who I was, Link. I may never be how I was ever again. The torture, the beatings, the starvation, the constant fear... I've been changed."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, Zelda," he replied softly, bringing a hand up to my face. "And you will be so much stronger for this once your wounds are healed."

As his thumb stroked my cheek, silent, desperate tears began to drip down my face.

"Link," I whispered to him, understanding everything unspoken through his gentle touch. "Please... don't leave me. Please stay. You're the only one that cares about me."

"Of course I'll stay," he replied, lifting me up onto the bed, wrapping his arms around me and resting his chin atop my head. "If you want me to stay, I'll stay. All you need to do is ask."

"Never leave me." I began to openly cry, throwing my arms around him. It was a moment of weakness, of breaking, in which, for the first time, I truly was little more than a woman, desperate for the love of a man. "Link, please..."

He mumured words of comfort in my ear, rubbing soothing circles on my back, kissing my hair and neck from time to time. After a while, I'd cooled off and the tears had run dry, though I was feeing a throbbing headache coming on.

"If I asked you to stand by me, forever, simply as a woman to a man, would you do it?"

"Yes," he said immediately. "I would."

"If... if my father died tomorrow, would you still stay with me?"

"Don't say such things," he scolded me gently. "Your father won't die."

"Link, please, answer the question..."

"I would stay with you, Zelda," he replied softly. I loved it when he said my name. I wrapped my arms around him, frightened as I came to my question.

"If... if I asked you to rule Hyrule by my side, to assume kingship, would you?"

He didn't waver, continuing to stoke my back and run his hands through my hair.

"It's a difficult question, and a large request, he replied. "One I'm not sure I could fill, if it were only a job."

I took a deep, shaky breath. Get it over with.

"If... if I told you that I wanted you there not because I believe you'd be the best man for the job, but because I love you with all my heart and want nothing more than to be with you, forever, to bear your children and grow old with you, to rule Hyrule with you, equal with you, side by side? To share everything with you, joy and pain, the good and the bad, the challenges that will test the bonds between us and ultimately bring us closer?"

"If that was how you truly felt, I would say yes," he told me, his hands ceasing their gentle ministrations. "Yes, I would be yours, forever and ever."

I looked up at him, hope, for once, filling my heart.

"Then... then you will marry me?" I touched his cheek, his lips, his collarbone, his shoulder, gliding my hand down his arm. "Not for the sake of the throne, but you will be my husband?"

"Do you love me?" he asked, a strange sort of awe in his voice and written on his face. "Truly love me?"

I closed my eyes. "If ensuring your happiness meant I had to return to the desert for the rest of my days," I said softly, breathing deep and looking up at him, my eyes gazing straight into his, "I would do it in a heartbeat, and never regret it, even if I lived to be past a hundred."

His lips captured mine in a hungry kiss, passionate, desperate.

"Promise me, Link," I gasped out. "Promise me that you will marry me. That you love me. Show me."

He groaned with desire as I pushed him back down to the bed.

"I will marry you," he replied, breathless. "I'll be yours forever."

I attacked his lips with renewed joy and urgency, my hands running hungrily along his body. He pulled me to him, his hands cupping my thin waist, roaming along my back. As he rolled over to lie atop me, his weight pushed down on my stomach, enough to make me gasp in pain, jerking us both from our hazy desire.

"Your... the cuts," he panted. "Zelda, we can't do this. Not tonight. You're still hurt, still getting better."

"You leave for the war soon," I replied, trying to bite down the pain. "You might die. I want to share this with you before you go, so that... so that if you die..."

"I won't die," he promised me, kissing me again, but gently this time, lovingly. "I'll return to you, safe and sound, I promise." He cupped the side of my face, smiling at me with joy and contentment. "Please, Zelda, don't worry. Everything will be fine, I promise you." He pushed some wayward hair back behind my ears, and then frowned at my cloak.

"Are you... how did you get in here, anyway?"

"I picked the lock," I replied with a soft smile. "I'm not entirely helpless."

"But... won't people look for you in the morning if you stay?"

"No," I replied, looking down. "I... I don't have my magic anymore. It's gone, but maybe it will come back someday. So I used more mortal means. I left orders last night for Damleda and Damleda alone. She's the only one who will care for me tomorrow, and there's a note waiting for her in my room explaining where I am."

I felt him smile against the skin of my neck as he untied the strings of my cloak, which had gotten uncomfortably tangled around the both of us.

"Let's sleep," he said softly. "It's late, and I think we're both tired. Tomorrow, maybe, we can talk more about this, and figure out what we'll tell your father. For now, though, sleep."

I relaxed as he wound his arms around me, the last of my desire melding away into his comforting embrace. In what felt like no time, I was sound asleep, dreaming of weddings and children and eternity.

Yes, I was scarred and battered and broken, but maybe Link's love was just the cure I needed, I thought, a smile curling across my lips as I slipped into darkness. Maybe.