Title: The True Horror Of Alphonse Elric

Author: Xephyr & Jade

Rating: R, for future chapters

Disclaimer: Yeah, if I owned FMA, do you reaaaaalllly think you'd ever see me again? Hell no. I'd hole up in my bedroom with Greed, never to see the light of day again.

Warnings: Slight OOC, language….stuff like that……

It was another calm, boring day in Central, according to one Colonel Roy Mustang. He was currently sitting in the office, watching Breda covertly stealing curly fries from Fuery, having finished his own long ago. Fuery had his nose buried in a book, as per his usual, while Hawkeye played chess with Falman, growing more and more irritated by the second, right hand creeping slowly toward her gun. Roy sighed, going back to pretending to do the paperwork before him. Another long, boring day at the office.

All of a sudden, the door flew open, and a tall, athletic-looking man-person burst into the room. With him, he carried an old, beat-up looking boom-box, which he set on the floor. "Yo! My name's Joel! I heard you guys are having a boring day, so I took it upon myself to come brighten it for ya'll. Yo!" He leaned down and turned on the boom-box. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star filled the room, faster than normal….in fact….it seemed to be a techno remix.

"Yo, yo, yo, yo, I said twinkle, twinkle, you know the stars are in the sky, and they never have to tinkle, yo." Roy and the others watched, torn between horror and awe, as the tall white man began pulling on his pants and slouching. Suddenly, the music changed, something about it striking Roy as familiar. Joel started rapping again, "Vanilla Christ, Christ, baby….I said his name is Christ, Christ baby…" There were no indications of him stopping, when a shot was heard in the small room. Joel bent over, clutching vaguely at his side.

He frowned and said, "There was no need to bust my tumor, it was nothin' but a rumor! Yoshitsuneeeeeeeeee…owie!" He grabbed his boom-box and fled the room, crying softly. A moment later, everyone could hear a very tiny voice, sounding very far away, saying, "Can I get a doctor? I'll rap for you!"

For a long moment, the entire office was silent, as everyone worked out what had happened. The first one to recover was, of course Riza Hawkeye, who cleared her throat and stood. Breda simply shook his head, while Falman blinked his nearly invisible eyes. Fuery chuckled nervously, and said, "Well….you have to admit, that did liven things up a bit…right?" Everyone stared at him, until he blushed and returned to his book.

Meanwhile, Roy's eye was twitching rapidly, a vein visibly pulsing on his forehead. He glared darkly at the large mound of paperwork on his State-issued mahogany desk, and the twitching doubled in speed. Roy sighed, then stood up. Hawkeye looked over at him. "Sir?"

"I've had it, Hawkeye. It's been one hell of a day. I'm leaving. Right now." He eyed the gun in her hand. "And don't shoot me." He was halfway to the door when it flew open, startling him dramatically. Several flustered-looking members of the military rushed in. One officer stepped forward, more purposeful than the rest. He stood there for a moment, after saluting, catching his breath. Roy's forehead creased gently with his rising concern. "What is it?" he asked the panting young man.

"There's been a disturbance, sir. We've just received word that a witness reported seeing a large man in a suit of armor being assaulted by two other people, a man and woman. We believe that that the man in the suit is Alphonse Elric. The other two remain unidentified." Brown hair lank and damp with sweat, the young man stopped again.

Roy sighed, his bored expression masking his worry. "Do you have his last reported location? We need to start the search there. And," Roy paused to look around the room at his subordinates, "We will all be going." There was a general chorus of 'yes sir', as everyone stood and gathered at the door.

Roy smiled grimly, turning his attention to the young officer who had informed them. "What's your name, anyway?"

"Second Lieutenant Andrew Flowers, sir."

"Alright, then, Second Lt. Flowers, lead the way." Flowers nodded, saluted, then he walked out the door, the rest of the military personnel in the room following him solemnly. Roy took a deep breath, and hoped against hope that they weren't too late. Of course, his calculating mind knew that if someone had kidnapped Al, they knew exactly what they were dealing with. They had a specific desire, and they were more than willing to execute any plan to get what they wanted.

The combination of those things was very, very dangerous. And Roy wasn't entirely sure that they would be enough to protect Al. He wasn't sure at all.

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Jade: So if you're wondering who the freak with the boombox is...that's my dad. Yeah I know...we are cruel. So Xephyr came over to my house and my dad started to rap to her when I had the insperation to put him in our story hehehe. We read it to him too. (he thinks he's black) So needless to say...we have read this chapter...many...many...times...so read and review. Tell me what you think and then go look at my website lol it's on my user profile/thingy (can't miss an oppertunity to advertise wink)