Disclaimer : I do not own Final Fantasy, although... someday I shall! (yeah, right)

The Cids United

Still looking for the room Hilary Duff is in...

"So... who are we looking for again?" Cid VIII said as he fell flat on his ass and left a dent in the ground.

"I think their name was Hilton Fluff. Damn, what a prissy last name," Cid VII as he took a puff of his cigarette. "Ah...that's the stuff..." he said blowing the smoke back out of his lungs.

"You're sure that's his name? I thought it was Hitler Puffum," Cid IX said hopping in one place for a moment, thinking, "ah well! It doesn't matter anyway. Hilton Fluff, just you wait, we're coming to kick your butt in to next tuesday."

"Damn strait we are! His ass is grass, and I'm the lawn-mower!! WOO HOO!" Cid VII said as she shook his spear in the air.

"Damn Yuna and her preppy-ness. She made me go on a diet from my Cheese-Its!!" Cid said as he emitted a soft sob. "All I wanted was the cheesy goodness... but her and her damn "Spira Diet" just had to come along... at least I still have my Cheetos!!" he then started munching on them.

After they had walked through the maze of Hilton Fluff's hide-out for a bit, they noticed someone standing in their way. He wore all this make-up and had red drawn-on eyebrows.

"And just who the hell are you?" Cid VIII said as he struggled to apply himself from the crater he had made when siting down.

"Hey! I know you! Aren't you Ronald McDonald?" Cid IX asked happily.

"I... am Lord Kefka, but you can call me Lord Kefka," he replied, not particularly happy they had associated him with a clown. "You will respect my authority!"

"Are you sure you're just not his evil twin brother or something?" Cid IX asked curiously.

"For the last time-- I am Lord Kefka, and you will respect my authority!!!!" Kefka yelled as he took off one of his high-heeled shoes and tried to stab Cid IX with the point of it. "Bwahahahaha!!!" Even though Cid IX jumped back before the blow hit, 'Lord' Kefka was laughing like a maniac.

"Umm... Lady Kefka, can you tell us where Hilton Fluff is and possibly where a bathroom is also, I have to go 'shake hands with the mayor', because I already have some nasty gases leaking outta my butt already," Cid VIII said as everyone else stared at him and stepped back.

"I AM NOT LADY KEFKA!!! I AM LORD KEFKA!!! I can be into high-heels and make-up if I want. So what?" Kefka said as he practically blew up. "Oh, and the bathroom is up ahead on the right, and Hilton's is the same on the left." he said with a stupid goofy smile.

Back in the room of Hilary Duff...

"They should be here soon. I hope Kefka won't mess up again!" Hilary said as she tried to apply her eyeliner again.

"Ya, like ze time he invited Seymour and Bill Clinton to a Tea Party. Zat vas ze vorst pure havoc I have ever seen!" Arnold said as he hugged his machine gun close to his chest.

"Yes, but the power of the Darkside took him over. He shall not make any mistakes this time!" Darth Vader said before hacking up a cough again.

Hilary Duff just continued to put her make-up on. "I will now go and show them what a Duff can really do!! Cyahahahahahaha!!!" she laughed maniacally right as she got out the door. When she got out, she noticed 3 of the Cids leaning against the wall, like they were waiting.

"Are you Hilton Fluff? Because were kinda looking for him." Cid X said as he tried not to laugh because her make-up was messed up.

"Nope. I haven't seen him----Wait! Are you making fun of my name?!" Hilary replied viciously. Her face was bright red from anger of being called a 'him'.

"Oh! We honestly didn't know that you were a girl Hilton, we just assumed because I think Hilton is a male name." Cid IX said trying to calm her down.

"My name is Hilary! NOT HILTON!!" she yelled back at them.

"Well, we're waiting for someone named Hilton, not Hilary." Cid X said leaning back against the wall.

Hilary just smacked her hand against her forehead. 'And I thought the Knights of Pluto were a joke.' Hilary thought as she shook her head. 'They are so dense.'

Before anyone else could make another comment, Cid VIII came out of the bathroom waving his hand in front of his nose. "I think that place is going to need to be fumigated. But for right now, that wing of the hide-out is clo-sed."

"Ewwww! Gross, gross, GROSS!" Hilary said getting shivers. 'I knew it! They are smarter than they look. How could they have known I like to keep my bathrooms clean and fresh?' Hilary's mind raced to many things they would possibly do. 'Oh God!' Hilary's mind yelled as she thought of all the gross and purely evil things they could do. "All right! I give up! Just please... no more dirty stinky bathrooms..." she said as she let them take her back to Dublya Head-Quarters.

At Dublya HQ...

"Damn! That was fast! I have never seen such agility in completing a mission. I shall award you all triple-crossed-sapphire stars!!" Dublya said happily.

"Uh...Sir? Those don't exsist," One of the men in black suits said tapping his shoulder.

"Then I shall award you all with Purple Hearts!"

"You only get those if you're injured, Sir."

"What about a nuclear bomb?"

"They are being used at the moment---Sir, we have word that there is no longer a country of Arabia."

"Shit! That's bad aiming." Cid VII swore lighting another cigarette.

"Fine! Then the only thing we can give you is these coupons for a free Whopper at Burger King." Dublya said sadly.

"We'll take them!!" Cid VIII said grabbing them right from the president's hand. "Whoppers are full o' grease, and grease = fatness!!!"

"Okay. Before I send you all back to your own worlds, I'll let you look around this city for awhile." Dublya said shoving them out the door.

Somewhere in the city of Washington D.C. ...

The Cids had spent a few hours window shopping, looking for nothing in particular. Cid X then saw something that caught his eye. "Are those what I think they are...? YES!!! HALLELUJAH!!" he then ran into the store. And came back out 2 minutes later with Cheese-Its in his arms, and he was practically inhaling them. "THANK GOD!!!"

The other Cids just rolled their eyes and continued walking down the road, and tried to figure out why people were staring and others were trying to get their autographs. "&%$#ing rude $#$%$#$%$%%$#%$ people these days!!" Cid VII said inhaling the smoke from the cigarette in.

"I can't wait to get back to Edea... no wait. I don't want to go back. She feeds me vegatables!!!" Cid VIII wailed and cried like a baby.

Little did our heroes know, they would not be going home any time soon. More trials awaited them. And they would not be able to leave until they had passed them. Mwhahahaa!

Meanwhile...

"Is anybody there?" Harry Potter called up from the bottom of the giant hole. "Please, now I'm hungry. At least give me some of that lotion, I'll eat anything right about now..." Harry then dropped his head down in defeat.

A few minutes passed by and he tried to contact someone once more, "it gets the Harry Potter out of the hole!"

Also, little did Harry Potter know that his wand was in his robe pocket, but we'll leave him to find out for himself...Mwhahahaha!!!

Author's Note: "I will not be able to update for about 3 days, so I had to update this chapter before I leave. I hope you will all review, and always, flames are welcome. This is not the end! I have many more ideas. Also the Turks will make an appearce in the next few chapters, and their roles will be hilarious (I hope). I am sorry to make Hilary Duff go down without a fight, but she's not the main evil, the main evil character is going to be discovered in chapter 3 or 4, so keep a look-out!!" ------Star D