Disclaimer : I do not own Final Fantasy, although... someday I shall! (yeah, right)
Sorry for the lack of a fast update, but I have been busy with all my school-work. Advanced classes take up alot of time. Anyway, one more chapter after this, then it's the end. Well then... ON WITH THE SHOW!!! Also parts of this chapter are somedude named David's ideas
The Cids United
"Cid VIII!" Cid IX yelled as they got ready to leave for a 'secret' place. "It's time to go, hurry up!!"
Cid VIII slowy came out of the hotel and got in the giant van with the 3 other Cids. "Where am I going anyway. You said I was going on vacation, and I have no clue where to," Cid VIII said as his eyes shifted over all the baggage in the back seats.
"Ya don't have to worry 'bout that. It's gonna be really good for ya, trust me," Cid VII said lighting a cigarette.
The car ride lasted for about 45 minutes and they finally turned off the highway onto a dirt road. Cid X looked out the window and saw a giant sign that read: "Camp Fatternubber".
The car pulled to a stop and a man came to the window of the van. "I am Tohmru the Gatekeeper! To pass, you must collect the 4 spheres of the Light Warriors from the city of Corneria..."
But before Tohmru could speak anymore, Cid VII interupted him, "yeah, yeah, skip to the point. 50 gil?"
Tohmru's eyes lit up, "done!!" he then opened the gate and let them pass.
"Welcome to Fat Camp, Cid VIII," Cid X said smiling evilly.
Cid VIII's eyes widened in horror as he looked out the window at the unforgiving toture. "OH GOD NO!!! IT'S THE TAR!"
"Only a little."
"THE HORRIBLE WORK!!!"
"Just a little picking with the pick ax."
"RICHARD SIMMONS!!!"
"Ahhhhhhh!!" The other Cids yelled as the van swerved.
"No scary things while I'm trying to drive!" Cid VII yelled as he stopped the car.
They all got out of the car and noticed something move in one of Cid VIII's bags. "The hell?" Cid X said as he unzipped the bag and someone fell out. "HOLY CRAP! What is a girl doing in one of your bags, Cid VIII?"
Cid VIII then looked down at his feet. "Well, ya see...heh heh...Iwasplanningoneatingher!" Cid VIII said so quick that no one understood it. He then said it slowly, "I was planning on eating her."
The girl got up and looked around. "Where am I?" she then looked at all the Cids. "Oh hello, my name's Ren. Hey, aren't you the guys from that game called Final Fantasy?" Ren questioned looking at them oddly.
But before anyone could answer the camp councilor interrupted them. "All right you obease pieces of crap, get down and give me 2315!" she yelled.
"Talk about a random number," Ren said smiling to Cid VIII.
"That's 2458 for you missy!"
"Wait a second he's the one who's obease!" Cid VII yelled pointing to Cid VIII.
The councilor looked at Cid VIII, "he looks pretty slim to me. If anything, he needs more meat on his bones!"
"WHA?!" Ren yelled as the councilor shot a glare at all of them.
"On the double fatties, on the double!"
48 Hours later...
"Ren, stop trying to stop trying to commit suicide with that clothes hanger, it won't work...." Cid IX said dully.
"MUST... PENETRATE.... HEART......" Ren said as she tried jabbing herself in the heart with a rusty clothes hanger.
"If you even get it to pierce you skin, you'll probably need a tetnus shot," Cid X said as he looked at Cid VII, who had what looked like a tear rolling down his cheek. "Cid VII, is that a tear?"
"Hell no! I'm choaking cause of all this clean air, they took my cigarettes away..."
"Hey! I got a plan to get us outta here!" Cid IX yelled happily. "Okay here's how it goes, Cid X, you have to seduce the councilor. Just make her drink a little beer, get her drunk, and them we can sneak out."
"But what about the guard towers and the machine guns...." Ren said dimly.
"True..." replied Cid IX
"And the gates...."
"Right..."
"And all the fat annoying kids who'll trail behind us and are too stupid to realize that they will get us caught!" Ren yelled dramatically
"ENOUGH!!!" Cid IX screamed at Ren. "I got some uniforms from the guards, we can use them...MWhahahaha!!!"
15 minutes later...
All four of them snuck out of their cabin and ran to the councilor's cabin and looked in through the window. Cid VIII was watching T.V. and eating condensed lard. "Stupid Raiders munch munch lost to the Texans munch munch Ha!"
They quickly ran away and ran and ran some more because Cid VIII spotted them.
"Guards, seize them!" he yelled as these people in armor chased them.
"We're not going to make it..."Cid VII said as he was about to stop but a giant truck swerved in front of him and stopped.
"Quickly, get in!" Ren yelled as she unlocked the doors.
They all jumped in and Cid asked, "what took you so damn long?"
"I took the liberty of warming it up," she stated proudly.
So they all drove off just in time because Richard Simmons woke up.
Epilogue...
Cid VII, after leaving the horrid fat camp got his cigarettes back.
Cid IX...well, a lovely princess kissed him and he turned back into and old man, and Hilda saw it, so she left him for Kuja.
Cid X got some cheese-its and ate some when he got back from Fat Camp.
Ren, after coming back from Fat Camp, found her true love at the age of 13, his name was Jack Skellington, they got married 3 days later, and lived happily ever after.
I guess the moral for this story is, fat people should live in fat camps.
Author's Notes: Just in case you all wanted to know, Ren is not a made up character, but one of my best friends, and I told her I'd put her in the story, so here she is.
Next chapter will be Karaoke Night, please tell me in a review what charcter you want to see sing what, and I'll pick the best ones to put in that chapter!