"Spike! Spike! Spike wait!" yelled Zoë. Spike turned around and waited for her to catch up to him.

"Well if it isn't the wicked witch of the West, shouldn't you get indoors before someone drops a house on you?" said Spike.

"For your information the wicked witch of the East got a house dropped on her, the wicked witch of the West melted when Dorothy threw water on her. Get it right," said Zoë.

"What do you want?" asked Spike.

"I wanted to take care of that wound for you."

"I told you I'm fine."

"Yeah, I know Spike, you're a big manly man that doesn't need me interfering with your big manly healing process."

"No, I'm a vampire who heals rather quickly, and doesn't need your help. Look," said Spike as he pulled back his duster to show her the wound, "it's already almost healed."

Before Spike could stop her, Zoë put her hands on the wound and said something in a language he didn't understand. His wound felt warm and then it was gone.

"See, no muss, no fuss," said Zoë.

"Thanks," muttered Spike.

"Thank Loco, the Vodun patron of healers." Spike didn't answer. "What's your problem Spike?"

"My problem? My problem?" Spike started laughing. "My problem? Where do I start? I'm a vampire that can't bite. A vampire in love with a vampire slayer. Do you know how fucked up and twisted that is. I'm a monster pretending to be a man, but I can't be a man 'cause I'm a monster who can't be a monster because of this stupid, bloody, chip!"

"Which do you want to be?"

"What?"

"Which do you want to be? The monster or the man."

"I am what I am."

"Well gee Popeye, that really doesn't answer my question."

"Well, that's all you're getting from me. And why are you still following me, shouldn't you be locking a pretty girl in a tower or turning a prince into a frog?"

"I know a vampire who's going to be a frog if he doesn't drop the attitude."

"Stop."

"What?"

"Stop," said Spike. He stopped in the middle of the street and held out his arm forcing Zoë to stop as well.

"What now?" Just then, Zoë heard a growl and she and Spike were slowly surrounded by four vampires, three male and one female, but then another female stepped out of the shadows laughing. She had dark hair and was holding a doll, which Zoë found rather odd.

"Hello Spike," said Drusilla.

"Dru," said Spike. Dammit, how could I not smell these lot coming? What the hell is wrong with me? I used to be able to recognize Dru's scent from fifteen miles away. Now look at me. Surrounded by four vampires that aren't fit to clean my jockeys, not that I wear jockeys.

"Look at the pretty girl Miss Edith," said Drusilla. She started running her hand through Zoë's hair, but then she turned her attention to Spike.

"She must belong to Spike, but wait, Spikey doesn't eat anymore. He just plays with his food. It's not good to play with your food Spike."

"You hear for the ball, Dru?"

"Yes, Miss Edith and I are going to the ball, but Spike wasn't invited because he's a bad example." Drusilla turned her attention back to Zoë. "Would the pretty girl like to come to the ball? Miss Edith thinks she'd be a charming appetizer."

While Drusilla was talking to Spike, she didn't notice that Zoë had been quietly chanting to herself. When Drusilla started petting her again, Zoë snatched Miss Edith out of her hands and threw her as far away as she could (across the street).

"Miss Edith!" screamed Drusilla as she ran after her doll.

Spike took the opportunity to attack the vampire to his left and the one in front of them. The other two vampires grabbed Zoë thinking they could get an easy meal, but Zoë did the same trick she pulled on Spike earlier and electrocuted them. The vampires fell to the ground twitching and Zoë dropped to her knees. Spike pulled a stake out of his trademark duster and disposed of the two vampires he was fighting, then he disposed of Zoë's vampires as well. He and Zoë looked across the street to see Drusilla crawling on the ground. In the fall, Miss Edith's eyes popped out and Drusilla was looking for them. Spike pulled Zoë up by her arm and half-dragged her into an alley.

"Come on, luv, I'm not carrying you," said Spike.

"Spike I just need to sit down for a second, I just . . . did you just call me fat?"

"What? No, what is it with you women and your size."

"I'm not fat," said Zoë as she punched Spike in his side. Surprisingly Spike doubled over in pain. "Spike, oh my God, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," said Spike as he stood up.

"You got hurt?" asked Zoë as Spike continued to drag her down the street.

"One of those poufs had a busted rusty pipe. Lucky he stuck the sharp end in my stomach and not my chest.

"A rusty pipe, ewww. Where are we going?"

"My crypt's not far."

"You don't have to drag me."

"Fine," said Spike. Spike let her go and Zoë fell to the ground. Zoë scrambled back up while Spike kept walking. "Come on luv, we don't have all night."

"Wait," said Zoë. She was having trouble keeping up with Spike. "Spike, wait." Spike started whistling "Blitzkrieg Bop" obnoxiously loud. "You are such an ass." Spike continued to ignore her. "I said wait!" Zoë switched to black eyed, veiny Zoë and Spike felt himself pulled back until Zoë's hand was on his shoulder. "I just need a little assistance," said Zoë as she held on to Spike's arm. The two made their way to Spike's crypt.

"Has anyone seen Zoë?" asked Tara, "I don't think she's in the house."

"Maybe she left," said Xander.

"Why would she leave without saying goodbye?" said Tara.

"Maybe she heard you bad mouthing her," said Dawn.

"I wasn't bad mouthing her!" said Tara.

"My feelings would be hurt if people were discussing how much they couldn't trust me," said Dawn.

"Willow, we w-w-weren't doing that," said Tara.

"Then why'd she leave?" said Dawn.

Zoë and Spike were lying in Spike's bed. As soon as they walked into Spike's crypt Zoë followed him to his bed and both laid down. They stayed that way for awhile, neither sleeping, neither talking, just laying next to each other. Finally, Zoë broke the silence.

"Spike, why all the sneaking around your crypt before we could come in?"

"My fellow demons aren't exactly pleased with me."

"Why? Cause of Buffy?"

"Because of Buffy, because I've been beating demons instead of torturing humans. I've got the order all backwards."

"Oh. I could put a protection spell on your crypt. It would keep out anyone intending to do you harm."

"You're certainly quick to make with the magic."

"It's one of the few things I'm good at."

"What if I wanted to invite these harmful people in?"

"Then you'd invite them. It would be just like what keeps you out of people's houses."

"Hmmm," said Spike.

"How's your wound?"

"It'll be fine, nothing the Big Bad can't handle." Big Bad that's a joke. Haven't been the Big Bad since I got this sodden' chip. Hell, maybe even before. "What about you. You seemed a bit woozy."

"Well, our encounter was a little unpleasant. . ."

"Really? I thought it was fun. A spot of violence never hurt anyone. Well actually I suppose it has."

"I like how you say a spot of violence like Giles says a spot of tea. Anyway, I'll be fine with a spot of rest luv," said Zoë in her best English accent.

"Pretty convincing accent, pet."

"I have an English aunt. Although we haven't spoken in years."

"Shame on you. Dropping your sweet old aunt."

"She's the one that dropped me. She got married and stopped speaking to us. She was my favorite aunt too."

"Bitch," said Spike. Zoë laughed.

"Thanks Spike," said Zoë. Spike yawned. "Going to sleep?"

"Mmhmm," said Spike. Sun's gonna be up in a few hours, might as well get my beauty rest."

"That your subtle way of telling me to get out?"

"No, pet, stay as long as you like. I just won't be good company is all."

"That's okay. I'm tired too," said Zoë. Zoë was rewarded wit silence. Spike had fallen asleep. Zoë stared at him for awhile. Watching Spike sleep was freaky. Vampires don't breath, so there was no chest rising and falling, no light snores, just stillness and silence. Zoë stared at Spike for a few more minutes, then she shut off the out-of-place-looking Victorian lamp, felt her way back to the bed and dozed off next to Spike. Neither would have a long sleep. About two hours later they awoke to someone opening Spike's door. Spike felt for Zoë and whispered for her to stay quiet. Then he picked up a crossbow and went to investigate. However, Spike recognized who was there before he moved into the front room of the crypt.

Buffy was trying to open Spike's door quietly. She had been crying all the way over. Spike's words had stung. "You're disgusting." "And you're sleeping with me, so what's that make you?" She did feel disgusting. She was sleeping with a monster. A dark, evil, creature of the night, and it was the only time she felt alive. The guilt was almost unbearable, but she kept going back. Buffy knew it was wrong, especially since Spike appeared to have developed feelings for her, but she kept going back.

When Buffy opened the door, Spike was standing there with a crossbow pointing at her.

"It's me, Spike."

"I know who it is. Get out."

"Spike. . ."

"Get out."

Buffy pulled off her leather jacket to show Spike she was wearing nothing but a red satin push-up bra and matching panties. Spike lowered his weapon and stepped over to Buffy. Buffy thought he was coming to be with her, but he picked up her jacket and handed it to her.

"Get out. I'm disgusting, remember?"

Buffy's eyes teared up as she put back on her jacket and said, "So am I."

Spike received a certain satisfaction in being the one causing tears and self-hatred instead of being on the receiving end. He was tempted to call Buffy back, not to comfort her, but to show her he already had a bed partner. Zoë and Spike hadn't had sex, but Buffy wouldn't know that. But Buffy was already gone, so Spike went back to bed. Spike reached out in the dark and touched Zoë's thigh.

"Pet, how soon can you make that protection spell?"

"I need to get some supplies, but probably by tomorrow evening."

"Do that, then."

"Okay. Who was at the door?"

"Someone meaning to do me harm."