Sunday Morning
"Giles, why won't he wake up? Why won't he heal? Vampires heal, sometimes faster than the slayer!" Buffy asked, wanting to know what was wrong. She had already healed almost completely from the battle.
"I'm not sure if he will heal this time, Buffy. Come here, stop pacing!" Giles called her over. He had his pointer and middle fingers pressed against Angel's neck.
"Giles, why is your hand there, vampires don't have pulses, you can't check them like you can humans!" she said, sitting in the chair she had vacated just a few moments before, beside the bed where Angel lay. She absently picked up one of his hands, and held it in her two in her lap. If she had been paying attention, and not so anxious, she would have noticed that his hand was very warm for a vampires. Warmer than the room temperature.
The house still smelled of death and injury. There were now only five girls out of the twenty left, and they were pretty bad off. Some, with a lot of luck would make it, as far as Buffy knew. She hadn't seen them since the battle, she was so occupied by Angel's condition. One of them would have to make it, at least. It would have to be fate. Unless the First pulled it off. That would be rather funny, if the First succeeded and it wasn't around to find out!
"Buffy, I think you should go get some sleep. Everyone else is. It's midnight, and you haven't slept at all since the spell. I promise I'll wake you up if anything changes," he promised his slayer, his charge, his daughter. Well, that's how I feel about her, anyway./
"No, seriously, I'm fine. You go and sleep. You've gotten as much sleep as I have. Go. I'll be fine. I am fine."
"Buffy…"
"I'm fine! Just go!" Buffy insisted.
"You've definitely worked on your leadership skills, and that problem of not being forceful and commanding. I'm very proud of you for that. But you have a very terrible lying streak, you always have. I've asked you to work on that, and I'm very disappointed in you that you haven't. You also have contracted, maybe from all the teenagers around, a problem of not listening. If you would just listen to what I'm trying to tell you…"
"Giles, I can't take anymore. No more death, no more destruction, no more information. My brain, my heart is lost in grief, and they just can't take anything more in. I'm sorry, but they can't."
"Very well, then. If you need me, I shall be downstairs on the couch. Goodnight, Buffy."
"Night." He squeezed her shoulder, then left, gently closing the door behind him. But the latch didn't catch, and the door swung open just a tad.
"Oh, Angel! Please come back to me! I love you." She started crying into his chest, crying for the girls' lives, for the loss of their, as well as her own, innocence, but mostly for Angel. She gently kissed his lips, his hand, still incased in hers, then his cheeks, crying all the while.
Riley came to the door, he was about to knock, to pour his soul out to her, and ask for her back, but he heard her sobbing, and her choked words, and stopped to listen.
"Please, Angel, my love, my true love! Wake up. Come back to me! I need you! Don't force me to kill you again! I couldn't do it! I've been thinking, after seeing you again after all these years, after Riley, and Spike, I still miss you, love you, need you! I thought that I was over you, but deep down in my heart, I'm not! Being with Riley was, amazing! It was eye opening to what a real relationship could be! And Spike, he gave me the physical stuff I craved! I didn't just crave it, but I needed it, I think! But I've realized now that that's not what I truly need, that's not what keeps love going strong, I need to be loved, completely, no holding back, and I need to love in that same way in return! I thought I had that with Riley, but some part of me, deep down, still was holding back, waiting for something, someone, you! Some part of me was loving you, all this time, every second of every day! I need you!"
Riley stifled a gasp of shock, and slowly backed away. He went to pack his stuff, to go back where he belonged. He knew he didn't belong here.
"Please wake up, please come back to me! I need you! I love you!" and in this manner, crying, sniffling, she poured out her heart to the prone figure beside her. After awhile, she got the hiccups, from crying so hard. She had to calm down, and breathe, she knew, but she couldn't. She just concentrated on breathing, not on the pain, nothing but the breathing.
"B…uffy?"
"Angel! I'm here! I'll never leave you!"
"Buffy…" he croaked. He began to cough, and she helped him sit up, to help him breathe better, patted his back.
"Is it over?" he asked, his voice a mere whisper. He, being a vampire for so long, forgot to breathe, and started choking, gasping for breath.
"What wrong with you? It's been two days! You should have healed by now!" She helped him lay back down.
"Buffy, give me your hand." He pulled her hand towards his chest, and placed it over his heart. "I don't think that I will be healing for awhile." She gasped at what she felt, and grabbed her hand away. She put it to her mouth, shaking her head, in denial.
"But… How!…How can it… be!" She choked out.
"I made a deal with the Powers That Be. If I stopped the world from going to hell once again, this time, I'd be forgiven of my sins.
"So… wait! You're… You're…no, it can't be!" She burst into tears once more, tears of joy, and surprise, and delight.
He stroked her face tenderly. "I'll be alright in no time."
"Wait, do you have… like all your memories?"
"Yes, but they don't bother me anymore. Eventually, they'll fade into the background, if I let them. I can live a normal life if I choose."
"Oh…" she said, deflating. "You want a normal life."
"As normal as I can get, with everything I remember." He smiled up at her. He showed no indication of hearing what she had told him while he was asleep. He strained to sit up, and kiss her, but she didn't see, she had turned, and stood up to leave.
"Now that I know you're alright, I should really go check on everybody else, see how they're faring. We won, or else we wouldn't be here, but we lost most of the girls. Only five, including Dawn are left."
"Buffy, have you slept at all since the battle ended? Please, don't push yourself too hard, you have a tendency to do so. I worry about you, I always have, and I think I always will." He tried to smile, but everything hurt, every muscle in his body, many dormant for so long, now having to work was a strain.
"Don't worry about me. I'm the slayer, I'll deal." She left the room, trying with all her might not to cry. She shut his door, and then ran to the bathroom, closing it behind her, and sank to the floor, letting her tears flow at last. He wants a normal life. Something I'll never have, something that I had to give up to follow my destiny! she thought miserably.
Willow was sitting on the windowsill in her room, and she was in shock. First, Oz had left her, then Tara was murdered, and now Kennedy wasn't waking up. She hadn't had much luck in the love department. Kennedy had died just an hour ago. Spike, the only one who was completely fine, had come for her body, but Willow wouldn't let her go, she insisted that she was still alive, that she was coming back to her. She, using magic, made Spike fly out of the room, and she slammed the door on him. She's still alive, she has to be!
Dawn was in her room, with the other 3 girls. They were now pretty much out of harms way, now. They were still weak, mostly from loss of blood, a few scrapes and bruises, but for the most part, Leo and Paige had healed them the best they could. They were drained of their powers, all four of them, and they looked worse for wear. They apologized for the lack of total healing, but the Elders wouldn't allow it, they explained. They tried to heal Kennedy, but Dawn wasn't sure if it had worked. Yet they were still confined to Dawn's room, and to bed, they had to get their strength back. Dawn was thinking how strange Buffy had been acting, she wouldn't let either of the two healers near her or Angel, and Faith refused to be healed. Buffy hadn't left Angel's side since the end of the battle. She had ignored everybody else, except Angel. The girls were in deep conversation, about of all things, which was better, stake, or cross bow! So, she slipped out of bed, and crossed the hall to the bathroom. She had seen Buffy go in a few minutes before, and she looked awful.
"Buffy, are you alright?" she asked softly, trying to open the door. It opened a bit, but then was stuck. She pushed harder, and she could hear the sobbing.
"Dawn! Stop it!" She heard in a weak voice.
"What's wrong? Please, tell me?" A year ago, she wouldn't have asked, but then had been through a lot, and she knew she had her sister's respect.
"I'm fine! Go way!"
"You don't sound fine! I've been your sister for a long time, and I know when you're not fine! And you aren't! Now, let me in, please!"
"Fine!" Buffy crawled on her hands and knees, away from the door, so Dawn could come in. She sat down next to her older sister, leaned against the tub, trying to make herself comfortable.
"What's wrong, Buffy? And don't lie, I've known you long enough to know when you're lying to me. You get all shifty, and you keep looking around, never really focusing."
"It's a long story, and it's complicated. I don't want to bother you."
"You're my sister! You've always been a bother, so why stop now!" Dawn cried.
"You've got a point, squirt." Dawn thought she saw a slight smile. She settled down to hear her sister's tale.
I now understood why she looks awful! she thought after Buffy had finished her tale. She was crying again, and Dawn let her cry into her shoulder. For awhile, sitting there in the bathroom, Dawn took on the role of the older sister, telling Buffy that things would be okay, and she's be fine, and everything would work out. She didn't know for sure, but that's what Buffy always told her, and they made her feel better, but it didn't seem to help Buffy at all, it just made her cry harder. So they lapsed into silence after awhile, only broken by Buffy's sobs. She hasn't cried this much since Angel broke up with her before prom! Dawn thought, feeling bad for her sister. Then, Buffy hadn't told her about what was wrong, or when she ran away, but now, things were different, they weren't just sisters anymore, they were friends. They had a new understanding, Dawn wasn't sure when it had changed, but it had, slowly, surely, time had changed them from enemies, to friends.
By the time they emerged, Buffy felt that she couldn't cry anymore. Dawn hugged her tight, then led her into her room, glared at the girls, shushing them, and made Buffy lay down on her bed. Before Buffy's head hit Dawn's pillow, she was asleep, the fighting, worrying, and now the crying had worn her out, and she couldn't stay awake another minute. Dawn told the girls, not too nicely, that if they woke her sister, she would beat them up; she didn't care how fast they could run, or how strong they were.
She left quietly, even though she was sure nothing would wake Buffy now, and tiptoed to Willow's room. She knocked, then entered. What she saw troubled her. Kennedy was on the bed, not moving, with a ton of blankets piled on top of her, and Willow was staring aimlessly out the window, she thought she saw the glint of tears in the moonlight.
"Willow, are you alright?" she asked quietly. Willow jumped a mile, and turned quickly, too quickly, and almost fell out the window. Dawn rushed up and grabbed her before she fell. She led her to the floor, where they sat, backs against the wall. Deja vu, Dawn thought.
"What's wrong, Will?"
"Kennedy… she's not responding! I can't get her to wake up, and… she's so cold, Dawnie, she's so cold! I kept putting more and more blankets on her, but she wouldn't warm up! What's wrong with her? Dawnie, can you help me? The blankets keep slipping! They won't stay on, and she'll freeze! She can't freeze, Dawnie, she can't!" Willow's words went into Dawn's heart and froze her. She got up, and went to the bed, and when she tried to find a pulse, she couldn't. She pulled all the blankets but one off the body, and pulled the remaining one over the face.
Willow was on her in a second, trying to get the blankets back on, fighting Dawn for all she was worth.
"It won't help her now, Willow, she's gone to a better place!" Dawn said, her voice cracking. She grabbed Willow around her waist, trying with all her might to hold her still, pinning her arms to her sides. Suddenly the fight went out of her, and Dawn was suddenly burdened with all of the older girl's weight. They sank to the floor, Dawn rocking Willow as a mother would a child, as the witch cried her eyes out.
"NO! NO! NO! It can't be! She can't leave me! She's the only one I have left! She can't leave me Dawnie! She can't!" Willow cried in anguish. Dawn tried to soothe her the best she could. She also tried to drag her out of the room, but Willow wouldn't have any of it. She clung to the bedspread as if her life depended on not letting go. Maybe it does, Dawn thought. She's lost so many people in her life. Maybe she just doesn't have anything else to live for.
They were still there in the morning, when the first rays of the sun came through the window. Willow had fallen asleep some time during the night, but every time Dawn tried to leave, she whimpered pathetically, and held on tighter. She finally was able to pull herself out of the witch's embrace, without waking her, and went to check on the Charmed Ones. She knocked on the door, and entered when she heard their welcome.
"How are you guys?" she asked. She knew that Buffy should be asking, but she knew her sister wasn't able, so she felt the job fell on her shoulders. Though she felt rebellious about the responsibility, she also reveled a bit in it, knowing that by default she was trusted to get things done, to keep things running smoothly.
"Tired. We haven't used that much magic, ever! And I don't think we ever will again! That was some huge battle!" Paige exclaimed.
"Yeah. You guys were awesome! We would have never won, if it weren't for you guys," Dawn commented.
"We feel so bad, about all the dead girls! We should have saved them, that's our job! To save the innocents!" Piper, the worrier, said sadly.
"They knew some would die, they knew it from the start. Don't blame it on yourselves! They were willing to die, for this world. We didn't force them to fight, well, we did at first, but once they saw all those ubervampires, they went into battle willingly. You did your best, and that's all you can do," Dawn said, wondering momentarily where this was coming from, the nurturing, calming everyone's fears person she seemed to have become.
"No, it's not. If we had just tried just a little bit harder, there might have been one less body today!" Piper said, anguished.
"Piper, don't beat yourself up over it. Dawn, don't worry, she's always like this after we lose an innocent," Phoebe said.
"Well, if there's anything I can get you, then just tell me. You're welcome to stay, but I'm pretty sure that we're done, so you don't have to stay. And I'm not trying to make you leave…I'm no good at this!" Dawn cried. "Buffy's always the take charge sister, I'm the rebel quietly, but mostly go along with it type. I'm sorry. It's just Buffy and Willow are sleeping, their having a rough time right now, and I don't know where Giles or Anya or Xander are! They're older, they're better at this then me!" Dawn said, ashamed at her outburst.
"We understand completely. You're under a lot of stress right now. We'll just stay to make sure everything is back on track, then we'll get out of your hair. We promise," Paige said kindly to the younger girl. She felt bad for her, she was so young to have to deal with everything that was going on. In her opinion, Dawn was too young to know about vampires, and demons, and such. But she also thought that any age was too young to have to deal with that type of stuff.
Dawn smiled appreciative, then went to find Faith, Giles, Xander or Anya. She needed to warn them about Willow's fragile state of sanity, and have Spike take care of Kennedy. As well as let them know Buffy wasn't feeling well. Wesley, Gunn and Fred had left for L.A. to pick up the pieces there, but they were coming back soon. Dawn knew that she should also make people eat something, that's what Buffy would do, always taking care of others, and never herself. Always protecting people from the worst of everything. Well, now it's MY turn to take care of her, to protect her! Dawn thought with some thrill, but also fear. She had never had that much power, that much responsibility before. Buffy had, with her slayer job, but not poor 'little baby' Dawn! Well, she'd show them that she was mature.
At sunset, that day, she called a meeting. She was terrified, but she knew that it had to be done. Everybody but Willow, Buffy, and Angel came. She was glad that Willow wasn't there to see her mess up, but there were still plenty of people who were.
"Ok, I just wanted to tell you that I think that both Buffy and Willow have cracked. Willow's torn about losing Kennedy, I think that she's blaming herself, as well as remembering her grief over Tara and when Oz left. She's in bad shape. Buffy, she's not too well herself. She's worried herself sick, and whether or not that she wants to admit it, she blames herself for the deaths of everybody, and something's majority wigged her out, but I can't tell you, it's sister stuff. I just want you to be, well, aware of what's going on. Don't push them too hard, and just let them get some sleep. They haven't slept in awhile," She finished. She was very proud of herself.
"So you don't know what's wrong with Buffy, or you won't tell us?" Anya asked.
"Anya," Xander warned her.
"I know, but I can't tell you, except that I think that it's just been too much too fast for her. She's seriously wigged, she cried in the bathroom for a long time, like hours!"
"Hey, where's Riley?" Anya asked. Everybody looked around, and noticed he wasn't among them.
"He came out alright, right? He wasn't seriously injured, was he?"
"Maybe he split. He probably has bad memories form here, maybe he wanted to get away from them."
"Well, good riddance, ya big chicken!" Anya said.
"Anya, that's enough out of you," Giles reprimanded.
"Stop, all of you! I know that Buffy's normally the leader gal, but please, she's not well right now, she's tired and she needs you to shut your traps, and let her sleep!" Dawn told everybody.
"Yeah, Dawn!" Anya cheered her on.
"Anya, didn't you just hear what I said? Buffy is in mental pain, and she just want's to forget about it! So shut up!" Dawn screamed. The fight may have been too much for her, and maybe she was just tired of not being listened to. "If you can't be quiet, please, leave! She's my sister, and it hurts me to see her this way, and you're not helping any!"
"Fine," Anya said, rather sulkily.
"I'm going to need help. Buffy and Willow are pretty much unhurt, except for their souls, but Angel is very weak. He's gonna have to eat to stay strong. Giles, will you help me with him?"
"Yes, certainly."
"Spike, could you dig graves for the girls? I don't know what else to do with them. Buffy would know, but we can't wait for her to figure out what's got her in a tiff and snap out of it."
"Sure, pet."
"Well, that's I al wanted to say, thanks for letting me say it. Buffy, once she figures out her problems, she'll want to talk to you about the fight, go over it point-by-point, good and bad, you know how she is. I don't know enough to do so, so I'm just gonna say thanks. I hope that's enough for you, because, being new at this, I don't know what to say. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see how my sister's feeling after a nice long nap."
"Um, Dawn, could I speak to you for a moment?"
"Sure Giles," They headed for the stairs together.
"I suspect that Buffy's torn over Angel, right?"
"Yeah. What do you know about it?"
"Only that he's human."
"I thought you might. I don't want the others knowing, let Angel tell them, or Buffy. I can't tell you the whole details, but Angel told Buffy he wanted a normal life."
"And Buffy can't have a normal life. God, poor her. Does he know?"
"Not yet, I wasn't sure if I should tell him, or not. I think Buffy should, but he will start to wonder if she doesn't come around."
"Yes. Well, let's make a plan, to fix this. Buffy deserves a break after all she's been through," Giles concocted. They swapped ideas, and finally came up with something.