Chapter 3-(Chaos Reigns over ALL)
At the school nurse-
Ben was sitting next to a water cooler. He had an irrational fear of both nurses and water coolers. Let's just say the last time he saw a nurse, he had 17 needles stabbed in his back filled with sulfuric acid.
As for the water cooler, let's just say that he and water coolers were the fiercest of enemies (one "tried to drown him"). Carlos was dying from, of all things, his bloody nose.
"We'll have to call a healer, to remove the pain." Said the nurse, who just may have been under-trained.
"THERE IS NO & pain! I just wanna live!" Carlos yelled.
Then, Adri walked into the room.
Adri is Ben's friend from another plane, where monsters & magical beings rule the world. Adri is a kitsune. Also, he is a tad … dim. He looks like a human, except that he is a tad taller, and has massive fox ears that stand straight up. He is always dressed like a monk.
"I can do my best!" Adri said as he pulled out a holy water hand-grenade. He then decided to open said grenade and dump its contents onto Carlos's face. The blood, with the water, flooded into Carlos's mouth, and he began to drown.
"Nice move, smart guy." Said the nurse.
"WHAT? I blest it myself!" Adri yelled back.
Ben pulled on Adri's sleeve.
Adri's eyes bulged (Manga fashion)
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!" Adri yelled. (AN: Adri and Ben are part of one of my original comic books).
Ben grabbed him harshly.
"I could ask you the same question, except that this is where I came from." Ben said.
"So, do you still eat moths?" Adri started.
Everybody stared at the two half-breeds.
"SHUT UP ADRI!" Ben yelled. "NOW HOW DID YOU GET HERE!"
Adri put his hand behind his head. "umm… bad experience with blessing holy water and a vacuum. Turns out that it DOES have magical properties, but they only work against us."
Ben shrugged. Such was typical of Adri. Luckily for both Adri and Ben, Eris had not found out. If she had, oh the trouble they would have been in.
A sickening thought occurred to Ben.
"Did anyone else come through?" Ben asked.
"Maybe. I dunno. Kane was kinda with me, but I'm not sure if he got sucked through. And as for Dave, he's still making bail. I think. Where do you live?"
Ben reeled back, confused.
"Why?"
"'Cause I'm homeless."
Ben shrugged. "I guess you'll have to come home with me. Optimus will be pissed. Again. Damn."
"Well, at least we're not surrounded by vampires. I mean, life is good. Right?" Adri asked.
"You haven't met Eris." Ben muttered.
MEANWHILE—In Mexico
"I think we're close!" Ultra Magnus, in truck mode, called up to Starscream, who was in F-22 mode.
"What makes you think that?" Starscream asked.
"It might have been the sign that said 'Welcome to Mexico, Senor. "
"We'll get what we wanted, don't worry." Starscream said.
They passed a hotel with an American flag.
"Hmmm….I think we've gone back to America, Star" Ultra Magnus said.
"OK! South, here we come!" Starscream said
Back at the school….
Everybody is sitting in Biology (AP), and Rad is snoring.
Skybyte nudged him.
"Wha…Alexis I just wanna dip you in cheese and hot fudge and…"Rad mumbled
"Well, we know what he dreams." Skybyte muttered, disgusted. He pulled out his canteen again, and took a long swig.
Then he realized why that was bad when the teacher happened to mention the adverse effects of drinking oil.
He raised his hand, and tried not to pass out. "Inferior human teacher! I mean, teacher who I respect: I sort of need to go to the nurse!"
The teacher glared at him. "Why?"
Arcee smacked him in the back of the head. "Because he drank oil again. He thinks it's alcohol."
The teacher dismissed him to the nurse.
"I hate being human. No oil! These people are so stupid, I need oil to keep me friendly!" he grumbled to himself as he strode toward the nurse.
Then he saw the body bag being moved out of the nurse.
"Perhaps I should take my chances with the oil." He said.
Ben and Adri walked out of the room, laughing.
"…So he says 'I'm delightfully soaked!'" Adri said, and they burst into laughter,
Skybyte looked at them. He spit out the oil and threw away the canteen.
"Either the world is screwed up way too much, or I'm just overdrinking again." He muttered.
Adri and Ben walked back to class. Skybyte decided to take a nap in the nurse's office.
Back at the base
Grimlock and Midnight were still duking it out.
"You crazy old idiot!" Midnight launched.
"You wrong, and you Ugly too!" Grimlock yelled back.
Optimus got between them, one hand holding Grimlock's head, the other Midnight's neck.
"You two need to calm down. NOW." He stated.
Grimlock backed up. "But he call Grimlock stupid. Me Grimlock try to help."
"BY KNOCKING MY BRAINS IN!" Midnight burst.
"Maybe." Grimlock said, innocently fiddling with his fingers.
Optimus rubbed his head.
"Ok, both of you go to Red Alert. He'll fix you." He said, aggravated.
The two combatants staggered off to the infirmary.
"It your fault." Grimlock muttered.
"Nuh-uh!" Midnight countered.
"Yuh-huh!" Grimlock shot back
"nuh-UH!"
"YUH-HUH!"
And so it went on… and on… and on.
Red Alert had his blaster to his head.
"SHUT THE CK UP! PRIMUS! HOW DO YOU GUYS NOT KILL YOURSELVES!" He burst.
Grimlock and Midnight cracked their knuckles and nodded.
"mommy!" Red Alert cowered.
The two battered Autobots decided to take out their rage on the medic.
Kicker was bored out of his mind.
"WHAT THE HELL!" He burst in the middle of English, when the teacher had said that Edgar Allen Poe had died alone and a drunk.
"Well! I know you must have passion for Mr. Poe's works, but we need NOT express our anger at his demise like THAT!"
Alexis giggled. Rad gave Kicker a death glare.
Jetfire drew pictures of himself sniping the teacher.
"AND what are YOU doing Mr. Aero (Jetfire's fake name)?Bring it up here."
"Uhh…" He said as he complied.
The teacher gave him a death glare.
"See that it doesn't happen again."
Jetfire sat down in his seat, sweating puddles.
Hot Shot laughed.
"Dude! You got reprimanded!" He snickered.
Maxima gave him a look. "Is all you know how to do laugh at people's misfortune?"
"It's either that or drink hard oil. And Skybyte's got that angle covered."
Ironhide was being a good boy, sitting there studying.
"Why can't you guys be like Mr. Hide?" The teacher asked.
"Did I mention how bad Ironhide is at stealth?" Kicker whispered to Alexis.
"SHH!" Ironhide hissed.
Maxima was daydreaming.
"psst." She heard under her desk.
"BEN! YOU PERV!" She yelled. She then pummeled him with kicks.
"oww…that hurt."
"You deserve it, you little perv!"
"I was just gonna tell ya that class is over, and that I had to sneak under the desks 'cause the students stampeded out. "
"oh."
"Yeah."
Outside the door, Adri could be heard snickering.
"SHUT UP ADRI!" Ben yelled.
Back at the base, once more.
Optimus and Megatron were sitting on chairs talking about their marital issues.
"Well, I suppose since you're a femme again, we can go back to what we had." Optimus started.
"No. You need to take care of our children…child…Ok, it's just a stupid toaster, but you get the idea!" Megatron countered.
"Irrational as ever." Optimus sighed.
"You just wanna get laid!" Megatron yelled.
"Did I mention you look good?" Optimus tried.
"Oh, I get it! First, when we married, and I was a femme and you were you, you married for love and all that crap. Then, one of your lackeys turns me male and you leave me and the chil…toaster for a soviet Tank! What's up with that!" Megatron burst.
"Well, it would be… awkward to stay together. I mean two guys… claiming to have a kid, which is a toaster. Ok, say you're not you, and you see say, Hot Shot and Red Alert with a toaster, claiming it's a kid. Then, Red Alert claims he was a femme at the time, and that they still love each other. What would you think?" Optimus reasoned.
"I'd think they were Autobot queers." Megatron said flatly, obviously pouting.
"See! This is what I'm saying! Now, how can you lead the Autobots or Decepticons, if they think you're …odd?" Optimus reasoned.
"Well, I see that being hard. But why didn't you just tell me this before?" Megatron asked.
"BECAUSE YOU WERE SHOOTING AT ME WITH A CANNON!" Optimus burst.
"oh. So are Hot Shot and Red Alert…"
"No. That was just an example." Optimus said.
"Red Alert is kind of a freak, isn't he?" Megatron asked, relating to the toy incident.(Ch.s 1&2)
Optimus nodded.
"Are there any people like the example on your team?" She (Megatron) continued.
"I don't know. They're all screwy." Optimus said with a wry smile
"Hot oil and whipped cream?" Megatron asked.
"You read my mind, baby." Optimus said.
--
Sideways closed his optics after that. Too gross.
Maybe now Unicron wouldn't put him in charge of the rabid RAT colony as punishment for failing the last attack.