One Letter
One letter, one goddamned letter was all it took to….. Well it was all it took to make Severus Snape pass out ('cause men can't faint that's not manly) Albus Dumbledore to twinkle like there's no tomorrow and Harry Potter to cuss in front of the Headmaster and not give-a-damn.
The letter was written by Lilly Potter and is as follows:
Dear my sweet baby boy,
If you are reading this then that means I am dead as well as James. I have written this letter because I think you deserve to know the truth. It is my regret that I have to write to you to tell you that you're not James Potter's son and that in fact you are a man named Severus Snape's child. Your real name (because really who would name there child Harry) is Dante Salazar Snape. In this letter is a potion that will turn you to look like you would have had you lived with your father.
All my love, Mum
After reading it out loud at Dumbledores request. Dante looked up at the twinkling old fool, down at the letter and back up at his father and in a defeated tone said, "Fuck." Severus was staring at Dante thinking 'What the fuck!' Dumbledore though was sitting there popping those lemon drops he seems to love so much into his mouth and twinkling like a mad man.
"Ok, Let me get this all strait." Harry said, eyes narrowing" My father is not and has never been James Potter Severus Snape has and I was named after a volcano in America and a founder?" To witch Dumbles promptly replied," It would seem that way Dante." Sev haveing finaly drunk in all this new info. Promptly passed out soon followed by his son after drinking the potion and Dumbledore because he thought it looked fun.
So yes one goddamned letter from Lilly Potter was the cause of some cussing, staring, twinkling and fai..uhh I mean passing out all in less than 20 minutes. We have a new world recorded here, sorry Har..Umm, I mean Dante.
Isn't it odd how badly written letters (and stories) can change someone's life in weird ways?