"I lie awake at night
And I can hear you screaming"
My Own Manifested Darkness
Chapter 1: Lie Awake
Snowflakes…
So fragile, so calm, so cold, so—
… So much like him.
A head of ginger hair shook hard, wretching its gaze away from the shatterproof glass window and attempting to rid its mind of all thoughts that would bring it back to him again. He didn't want to think of him anymore.
He didn't want to see the phoenix anymore.
For that was why he was here in the first place, wasn't it? Locked up behind white doors, isolated within white walls, yet ever seeing anything but black.
Nothing but black, and him.
Nothing but black and Hiwatari Kai.
The reason he'd come in here was because of him; yet he could never blame him, he couldn't bear to blame him. It'd been his fault alone; he'd done this to himself. He couldn't place all of the responsibility for this on the shoulders of his phoenix, his flame, his passion, his—
His…
How he treasured the thought.
He'd think of him occasionally now, once in a while allowing his mind the luxury; but most of the time, he avoided the thought. He tried not to think of what had put him here.
Yet sometimes, he'd recall.
Sometimes, he'd remember lying awake at the darkest hour, lying awake and hearing nothing but screaming.
His screaming.
It had been maddening. The person, the boy, the one that he loved—
Yes, loved.
He hadn't known it before. He hadn't know it all those nights where he'd been forced to lie awake because the screaming wouldn't let him be, but he'd come to the realization only a short time after coming into this private hell.
He'd lie awake, and hear him screaming. It would enrage him so much as to remembering those screams, that pain, that torture, that for the simple task of pitting his mind up to something else to think about, he manifested his OWN pain.
He manifested his OWN darkness.
Of course, it had been a short time after he'd begun doing this that people had begun to notice. Especially Garland and Mystel, they seemed to notice everything these days. The two had barely glanced at his marred wrists before calling up someone that could 'help' him without him knowing.
But they didn't know why. They couldn't possibly know WHY…
And he didn't want them to know. It was such bliss, to have his mind directed to the sheer stabs of pain being inflicted onto his own body instead of thinking of Kai.
But now he was locked away, and with no chance of distraction.
All he could think about in the past two months was Kai.
However hard he tried, his mind would eventually stray to the boy. However much he resisted, he could still hear that screaming.
He wanted out.
He wanted something to take his mind off this.
But most of all, against his mental wishes, his heart told him different.
He wanted Kai.
Which was why he had begun 'behaving' now. If he acted normal enough… If he managed to convince them that he was actually okay…
They might let him out.
And that was the only thing that kept him from trying to strangle himself to some extent. His bed sheet could work as a noose, if he tried.
If.
Heaving a small sigh, he noted that the sun had gone down, and darkness once again reigned supreme outdoors.
Whereas it always reigned supreme in here.
Feeling himself fall back against the slightly spongy bed, once jade-green eyes looked up at the white ceiling, and once again saw black.
Rolling over to his side, he found himself once again indulged in a night of darkness, and his phoenix's screams.
Tbc… .
Authoress Notes-:
Incredibly short for a reason.
Review please. Constructive criticism accepted.
-Chibi Amo