Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Harry Potter or the characters in it. It all belongs to JK Rowling and respective companies.
Prologue: The List
Potions was the epitome of boring, Ginny thought, as yet another wasted hour ended and her fifth year class filed out of the dungeon. Snape had assigned them two parchment rolls worth of writing on the properties of dragon heartstring in potions, so that meant wasting another hour later that night completing the assignment.
As she went to start up the stairs to the Gryffindor Tower, a tall girl with curly black hair caught up with her. Mandy Bracklehurst was a good friend to have, if a little dim. It was hard to know what she was going on about more than half the time, but then again, it was hard to know what chimps go on about, too.
"Can you believe that git?" she asked in a rage. Normally Mandy didn't get angry, but Snape usually had that effect on her. She often explained it in complex scientific terms, coming from a Muggle family, while everyone around her just smiled and nodded.
Ginny shook her head, adding in to the mudslinging. "I bet he assigns us this rubbish just to make us miserable."
"Wish someone would make him miserable instead," Mandy muttered darkly.
They gave the Fat Lady the password (Doughboy), and climbed through the portrait hole into the common room.
The common room was relatively empty except for a few people lolling about in the armchairs, but Ginny didn't think to much of it as most of the inhabitants seemed to be sleeping and/or drunk. They made their way through piles of books and junk on the floor, including, much to Mandy's apparent amusement, a pair of boxers with toasters on them. Spying one of their friends at the front of the room, they sat down in adjacent chairs.
"Hallo, Rose," Ginny said. Rose grunted in reply.
Ginny got out her potions assignment and got to work on it, if staring in frustration at an illustration of a dragon can be considered work, while Mandy stared into the fire and Rose did absolutely nothing, though Ginny did look over once or twice and she appeared to be squeezing a stress ball. When the stress ball turned out to be the Snitch, Ginny decided she could not, for the life of her, concentrate on 'stupid dragon-stupid-heartstrings,' and put her books away. She poked Mandy.
"You know, I was thinking, Gin," Mandy said. "Remember what we said about making Snape miserable?"
Ginny nodded, thinking already that this was going to be a good idea, and leaned forward in her chair.
"We should."
Sensing that this was the end of Mandy's metaphorical imaginative rope, Ginny jumped in. "How? You mean, phone him up and ask what color panties he's got on?"
"No . . . we can do better than that. Here, give us a roll of parchment."
Ginny fished a roll out of her bag and handed it to Mandy, who spread it out on the table in front of them. She dipped a quill in ink and wrote, in big, loopy handwriting, 'Ways to Piss Off Professor Snape.'
This caught even Rose's attention, and they all gathered around the steadily growing list.