Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Harry Potter or the characters in it. It all belongs to JK Rowling and respective companies.

A/N: I wasn't sure what type of accent that Orbits gum woman has, so I left it out. Does anyone know?

Chapter One: Days 1 - 4

DAY ONE 1. Insist upon bringing your pet sock to class, name it Snivellus, and croon lullabies to it while he is speaking.
2. Tell him he's disturbing Snivellus's nap.

The next day in Potions, Ginny entered the room with her head held high and one of Harry's socks clutched in her right hand. Mandy and Rose had asked why she didn't take one of her own and why it was alright for her to sneak into the sixth year boy's dormitory room in the dead of night just to steal a sock. "Harry won't mind," she'd told them, but the truth was, Harry wouldn't even know. Besides, it was more fun to take someone else's. It added pizzazz.

Ginny had been elected to perform each of the forty tasks they'd come up with the night before. Their reasoning was that A) She was a Weasley, and B) Therefore related to Fred and George Weasley, so C) If anyone could do it, she could. Ginny had no qualms with being the joker, most of the items were just silly and Snape couldn't punish her for that, but she was a little worried about where they were going to find a leather swirly chair.

As soon as the Gryffindors and Slytherins were seated for class to begin, Snape came swooping out of his office wearing a foul look on his face and an even fouler smell. Mandy, next to Ginny at the table, giggled in anticipation, and Rose, a few tables ahead of them, turned and flashed a thumbs-up sign when Snape's back was turned.

Snape began, in his usual dismal monotone, "Today, class, we will be studying the difference between - yes, Miss Weasley?" Ginny's hand had shot straight up in the air almost as soon as he had started speaking.

"Yes, Professor Snape, I was wondering if you wanted to meet my pet sock?"

Ginny held out the sock with an expression akin to genuine, clueless ecstacy. Snape looked down on the sock in disgust. It had Quidditch balls and broomsticks on it.

"No, thank you, Miss Weasley," he said dryly, though it was obvious he wanted to say more but couldn't.

"Aww, Poffessor Snapey doesn't wanna meet wittle Snivellus. Poor Snivellus is sad now!" Ginny gushed. She saw Snape stiffen a bit, but then he moved forward to the front of the class, past Rose, who looked as though she was going to explode.

"The difference between the heartstring and the heart's breath of a dragon. Turn in your assignments now, and we can begin the lesson."

As everyone around her proceeded to take out the homework, Ginny made goo-goo eyes over the sock and started stroking it. For a moment she imagined what Harry would think if he saw her molesting his sock, but then someone tried to pass her their paper from behind. She slapped their hand in a mild scolding manner.

"Miss Weasley, put the sock away," Snape said, pronouncing every word with cold deliberation. Ginny sighed, trying to sound motherly.

"Honestly, Severus, this is no place to be raising a child. You can't expect me to be able to juggle everything!"

"That isn't a child, it is a sock!" He snapped, losing his temper for a moment. Aware of all eyes on him, he composed himself. "In case you were interested in the real 'miracle of life,' I suppose I could put in a word in with Madame Pomfrey for you . . . ?"

In any other situation this would have made Ginny hysterical with laughter. But for the sake of annoying Snape, she went on in her own little fantasy world with the sock, ignoring the guffaws and giggles of the students around her.

"Go to sleep, little baby . . . go to sleep you little baby . . . you and me and the devil makes three, don't need no other lovin baby . . ." she sang in a horrible croak.

Snape tried to continue teaching the class in the face of Ginny's horrific lullabies, but about halfway through (after a resounding chorus of Stephen Lynch's 'Lullaby') Ginny interupted him with, 'Really Severus! Try not to be so gloomy, you're disturbing Snivellus's nap!' At which time he came forward to Ginny's table and ripped the sock out of her hand.

"Now that we have no more distractions, turn to page 183. And Miss Weasley, I expect to see no more of your sock children in the near future. And you most certainly will not be bringing them to detention tonight at nine o' clock."

DAY TWO 3. Beat box every time you have to answer a question.

The next day Ginny was starting to get slightly worried about completing the other thirty-eight items they had come up with on the list. Detention the night before had been extremely tense, and Ginny found it hard to get anything done with Snape seated at the desk directly in front of her, staring unblinkingly at the Red Caps she was pickling. It made not messing up especially difficult.

All too soon, she was walking into Potions class again, flanked by Rose and Mandy and even a few other students that were applauding her for the performance the day before, wanting to know if she was going to do anything else. She took her place at the table near to the back, not helping but noticing that Snape ignored her as he came into the room.

The first twenty minutes of class was relatively quiet. Snape drilled them on the difference between dragon heartstring and heart's breath of a dragon, and it was obvious from the way the class became increasingly shifty that they were beginning to doubt if Ginny was going to do anything today.

It was then that Snape made his fatal mistake.

"So I see, Miss Weasley, you have refrained from bringing any socks today to class?"

Ginny thought for a minute, then started beating the table in front of her for rhythm and swaying from side to side.

"Absolutely right, son/I ain't got none/no socks to bring in to class/you took my last/one, it's funny/joke's on you/what the hell were you trying to do?"

Snape stared at her with an unreadable expression. In a last ditch attempt, Ginny added, "Yo."

DAY THREE 4. Every time he says something particularly dramatic, ask him, 'Yes, but does your mouth feel clean?'

Word travels fast in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, so eventually it common knowledge that Ginny had been barraging Snape's classroom with childish antics for no apparent reason. Ginny was getting tired of it already, and the novelty of being stopped and admired in the hallways was wearing off even after only two days. Ginny didn't know how she'd survive another month of this, but she kept her chin up and socks in hand as she went into the classroom on the third day.

Snape came into the room with a little less grandeur than usual, and he eyed Ginny suspiciously as he passed, almost as in warning. Ginny steeled herself to meet his gaze, imagining him in his underwear to lessen the fright he instilled. After all, she reasoned, seeing him flustered will be a sweet, sweet pay-off.

"Today, class," he began, as always in a voice so boring it made you want to slit your wrists, "we will apply the practical method of what we studied yesterday." He moved up to the front of the room and tapped the board with his wand. The instructions for the lesson appeared on it, flowing smoothly out from the center.

As the students strained their eyes to see the miniscule writing and began to prepare for bottling the heart's breath of a dragon, Snape stood, impeccable and foreboding, at the front of the room, staring out at his class with something less than hatred but slightly to the left of disdain.

"And though I know," he began, and the activity ceased, "that there are some among you who are competent, I also fear for the rest of you in the long run, for I doubt that any of you have the intellectual ability to pass my class if such - " he sneered and paused, adding weight to the next word, "childish antics continue."

Nobody seemed eager to get started after his minispeech, as it seemed to them that he almost wanted them to mess up just so that he could be proven right, when a voice at the back of the room spoke up in a crisp accent:

"Yes, but does your mouth feel clean?"

The smug smile disappeared from Snape's face, but he didn't allow the tension in the room to cease for a moment as he stood, square shouldered, and began to pace around the room to see how badly the class was messing up the potion. Ginny hurriedly started to work on hers, keeping Snape in sight to see if she could tell if he would do anything about her disruption.

After a short time in which there was nothing but silence in the room, Snape chanced another remark.

"You seem to be doing better than I expected. Although it is still below the satisfactory level of workmanship . . . " he left off, allowing the statement to sink in.

"Yes, but does your mouth feel clean?"

Smarting from the insolent quip that had ruined his ominous atmosphere, Snape went again to the front of the class and sat at the desk, where he spent the rest of the period in utter silence. Ginny looked up occasionally and saw a muscle working in his jaw.

Not until the hour was almost up did Snape speak again. He stood and walked to the board, tapping it with his wand. The writing disappeared immediately. Turning to face the students, he said grimly, "Put your things away now." He waited, but no one said anything and the only noise was the students following instructions. "As you leave, put your vials of heart's breath on the table at the front of the room."

Feeling slightly more confident, he watched as the students filed past, leaving the vials in disarray on the table. Unbeknownst to him, a certain Weasley was also feeling bolder.

"I expect one roll of parchment worth of a summary on what you did in class today," he said, raising his voice slightly to be heard over the noise.

The last thing he heard before the door to the dungeon shut was a falsetto voice asking, "Yes, but does your mouth feel clean?"

DAY FOUR 5. Answer a question by stating your name. For instance, 'What would you get if you mixed nightshade with wolfbane?' 'Julie.' If you continue to do this, he might get flustered and ask you something random. Such as, 'What is the capital of Colorado?' 'Julie.'

By the time Ginny took her place at her table in Potions the next day with Mandy, she was feeling much better about completing the entire list. There were, of course, thirty-six items left to complete and Snape was already at his rope's end with her, but on the whole she felt particularly Weasleyish.

When Snape came in, Ginny kept her face completely innocent. When Snape glared at her on the way past, she started humming Madonna's 'Like a Virgin' to complete the effect. Unfortunately, as she soon figured out, Snape had probably never heard of Madonna so the significance would be completely lost on him. Stupid git, Ginny thought, once she realized.

"Before I start the day's lesson," Snape started, and glared at them all as though to dare any one of them to say a word, "I would like to clarify that Virginia Weasley has left her socks in her dormitory, has given up her vendetta for rap culture, and her mouth indeed feels clean."

Ginny ignored the giggles and jeers of the class. She did, herself, think that it was very funny coming from Snape, but she couldn't let him know that. Holding her head high and her shoulders back, she looked Snape levelly in the eye and said, "Ginny."

Snape, seemingly, had no reaction to this, as his face remained nondescript and he swept over to the desk at the front of the room. "Collect your vials of dragon's heart's breath," he said, in the same bland manner.

Ginny stayed at the table, Mandy going up instead to collect the heart's breath. She was a little worried about Snape reacting so calmly to this tactic, so she decided quickly to broaden the limitations of item number 5 on the list of 40 Ways to Piss Off Professor Snape.

"Has everyone got their vials?" Snape asked.

While everyone else nodded and muttered 'Yes' in response, Ginny said, in a loud and clear voice, 'Ginny!'

She was rewarded slightly when she saw Snape twitch almost imperceptibly.

Again, Snape avoided speaking for the rest of the class, and obviously was not going to be answering any more questions. Again, Ginny broadened the limitations.

"Now that you all have extracted the essence of the heart's breath, study it and note how it behaves."

"Ginny."

"The essence of the heart's breath of a dragon is almost like a creature itself."

"Ginny."

"However cute - " Snape drew out that word deliberately to stifle any reaction from a soft-hearted student, " - it may seem, remember that it is the life and soul of a dragon and therefore quite deadly."

"Ginny!"

Snape, now, did not seem very composed at all and came to stand by Ginny's table.

"Are you quite certain, Miss Weasley, that we all know your name now?"

"Ginny!"

Snape didn't reply but instead turned his attention to Mandy and Ginny's vial, where a small, dragon-like thing was curled up, blowing gray ash from it's nostrils. It was faintly red and seemed to be made entirely out of smoke. Snape reached out and with one gnarled finger and tapped the vial. The dragon woke up and flexed it's wings angrily, then yawned and sat deliberately turned away from them.

Snape grinned the grin of a man who knows that he has complete control, at least for the moment. "My, it doesn't seem to like you at all does it?"

Ginny refrained from saying anything, but thought for a moment, then smiled like a chubby pink cherub. "Let's name it Ginny!"