Jiang Wei woke up right next to a drooling Wei Yan. He quietly took his belongings and left Yan's quarters.
Quickly, he got ready to go to Guan Yu's quarters.
Jiang Wei slammed open the door and shouted, "Sorry I'm late my Lord."
Guan Yu was standing there, angry.
"Do you realized what you have done?" Guan Yu asked.
"No…what have I done?"
"You killed Red Hare!"
"Oh! DID I?"
"Bastard! Don't be cute!"
Jiang Wei scoffs, "Sorry!"
Guan Yu angrily said, "I don't care how much money it takes, or how many lives you have to take, you will get me another horse as fast as Red Hare!"
Jiang Wei gave him a shocked expression, "That horse runs 1 thousand miles! It's impossible to look for another!
"You can be my horse you know!"
"F U! I'll go see if I can get your horse!"
"F U?" Guan Yu said in confusion.
"Yeah. You got to get out some more! Later Dawg"
"Dog?" asked Guan Yu.
At the market, Jiang Wei was looking for horses. There was a market with a couple of horses. He walked up to the cashier and asked, " You selling those horses?"
"Yah? You want to buy?" he replied.
"Yes, but can you tell me how many miles they run?"
"Sure." The guy said.
While walking to the horses, the guy said, "My name is Willie Sexton."
"Sup Willie, just give me the best horse you got." Jiang Wei said… "Oh yeah. I'm Jiang Wei."
"Ello Jiang Wei." Willie said with some Arab accent.
When they go there, Willie introduced Jiang Wei to a horse.
"This is Captain Rico."
It was a black horse with cancer.
"Umm…how fast does it run? He asked.
"I think it runs .999 miles."
Jiang Wei was surprised buy trying to be nice, "That's cool! But got any other?"
"Sure." Willie said and took Jiang to another.
"Jiang Wei, this is Dick Long."
This horse was yellow, but there was nothing on it.
"Why is this horse yellow?" Jiang asked.
"Some other horses like to urinate on it, but it can run up to 550 miles."
Jiang Wei was thinking to himself. UHHH! But that is a good number of miles. Nah…
"Interseting. Any other?"
"Yah…"
"This Bob Dickenson."
"Hmm. There is nothing wrong with this one." Jiang Wei said.
"Oh it has some issues…" Willie said.
"Like what?"
"It talks…"
"WHAT?"
"Hello" said Bob.
Jiang Wei was too scared to talk to him.
"C'mon! I ain't that scary!"
Jiang Wei shaking said, "How many miles can you run?"
"I think around 700. I have been training for a while, but no one wants me because I talk. Do you want me?" asked Bob.
"Is that a gay joke?"
"No."
"Ok. Then no."
"GO SUCK A DICK!" shouted Bob.
"Go F yourself!" Jiang Wei said.
"I already did! I got myself pregnant because of that!"
"EHHH! NOW I REALLY DON'T WANT YOU! WILLIE LETS GO!"
"Okey!"
"Now…this is my rarest horse. Her name is Boobert."
Laughing Jiang Wei asked, " Who named all of your horses?"
"I did."
God, you must be insane. Jiang Wei thought.
Boobert was a maroon horse that was almost perfect. One of her leg was injured.
"What happened to her?" Jiang Wei asked.
"Oh…she wanted to go play with those boy horses. And ended up like this somehow."
"Ok? And the miles?"
"I guess about 900 miles." Willie guessed.
" I guess I'll take her. How much?" Jiang Wei asked. Her leg will heal.
"10,000 gold." Willie concurred.
Jiang Wei almost shouted in his face about the price, but he remembered Guan Yu's words. I don't care how much money it takes, or how many lives you have to take, you will get me another horse as fast as Red Hare
"Here you go." Jiang Wei said while paying Willie.
"Tank You."
"This horse can still walk right?" Jiang Wei asked.
"Yes, she just can't run as fast yet."
"Ok…that's fine." Jiang Wei said and left the market with Boobert.
Jiang Wei got home and showed Guan Yu the horse.
"This is my new horse?" he asked.
"Yes. This was the best they had." Jiang told him.
"How many miles?"
"900. But she has an injured leg. It will heal soon."
"It better! Or you'll die!" Guan threatens him.
"Ok?"
Jiang Wei was about to leave but Guan Yu told him one more thing.
"Can you paint her red?"
"Why?"
"So I can call her Ms. Red."
"Isn't Boobert good enough?"
"That's a really gay-ish name sorry." Guan Yu laughed.
"Whatever."
Jiang Wei left and got some paint. He painted her all around. Got no balls eh?
After about 50 minutes, Ms. Red was all red and redy to go.
"Here you are Lord Guan?" Jiang Wei said with Ms. Red.
"Good. But can you do just one last thing for me?" Guan asked.
"It better not be anything to do with money. I'm broke because of you!"
"No…can you wax my beard?" Guan embarrassingly asked.
"Wax? That's weird."
Guan Yu gave him some wax and so he started to wax his short beard. After half an hour, Jiang Wei was done.
"Finally." Jiang sighed.
"Thank you. You may take your leave now." Guan said.
"Thank you too."
Before Jiang Wei left throught the door, Guan Yu had asked him to turn on the lights. He did what was being asked for. When the lights switched on, Guan Yu's shiny-waxed beard gleamed to Jiang Wei's eyes. He rolled on the floor in pain…
"Hahaha…this means you did a good god Jiang Wei."
Jiang Wei stood up and left…rubbing his eyes……I'm actually proud I tore your beard. If a small portion could do that, I wonder what the whole thing can do?
Ok…sorry for the wait.
The horse names were all weird I know…it was all made up by some friends and me
I think there is only 1 chapter left…sad huh?
1 or 2…I'll think about it.