Clarisse's Prologue."Still up?"
Joseph twisted on the step ladder, his hands clutching the sides quickly as his whole body jolted with surprised. "Sorry, You Majesty." He cleared his throat before he climbed down, careful to step steadily on each rung.
"I didn't mean to surprise you, Joseph. Are you alright?" She smiled slightly.
"I'm fine, Your Majesty. I didn't know you were-" He eased the ladder away from the wall and easily collapsed it. "I thought you retired for the evening, ma'am."
The smile slipped. "Is something wrong, Joseph?"
"No." He turned after resting the folded ladder against the wall. "Nothing is wrong, Your Majesty."
She felt something almost like a pain in her chest at the way he stood with his hands clasped behind his back and his eyes staring through her.
"I must be getting back to work. Your Majesty." He bowed his head before turning to lift the ladder.
Trying to think of something to say, she stammered through a few words. "Um, Joseph. Please. Can we talk? Just, for a few minutes."
"Of course." He opened a storage cupboard and placed the ladder inside.
She waited for him to close the door before moving. "The library?"
Joseph followed quietly, his mind confused and his heart pounding. He had been telling himself that whatever he thought they had between them, would never be something they'd ever act on. Her being royalty and him being nothing but a security guard. Holding hands was probably all that they would have. The thing was, he could probably live with just having that.
"May I ask, what were you doing up that ladder?" She tried to open lines of communication because they had been standing in the library for a good two minutes and neither of them had spoken a word. Joseph hadn't even looked at her.
"Prince Pierre's cat, Mr Cosmo. He managed to bring down a suit of armour after dinner this evening. I have been checking the air conditioning ducts for any sign of him."
Shaking her head, she sat down. "Why has the air conditioning anything to do with a suit of armour?"
"Mr Cosmo was spotted entering an open grid not twenty minutes ago, ma'am. I have been searching for him."
"Oh." She chuckled.
"Pierre was a little frantic about not finding him before the morning." He said more to himself as he shifted his weight. He took a breath, "Your Majesty, was there something you wanted to talk to me about?"
She nodded and sat up straighter. "Yes. There was. Um… Joseph," She looked at him.
"Yes?" He turned his head to look at her. Though there was barely any light from the small lamp on the side table, he could still see her eyes. He couldn't seem to bring himself to relax. Something about the way she was looking at him, made him nervous.
"I've been thinking…" She looked away. "About us." Taking a few breathes, she sighed and shook her head. "I don't know how to start, Joseph. I truly don't. I… I'm worried."
"About us?" As he watched her nodded in confirmation, his heart sank. "I assure you, ma'am, if you think that it would be better for me to leave, I'll leave."
"Joseph." She whispered.
He shook his head slowly as she stood. "I believe it might be the best way. In case someone sees something. In case you, as Queen, are put in a position because of something that has happened, or might happen. I understand," He looked down as she approached. "I-"
"Dear Joseph." She smiled, touching his cheek with her fingers. Her palm sliding down his face to glide across his bearded chin.
"I'm sorry. This was never meant to happen."
"I know." She slipped her hand over his shoulder and gently caressed the back of his neck. "I have something to tell you. But please hear me out before you panic."
"Is it something I should panic about?" He asked.
She tilted her head to one side. "If you were any other man, perhaps."
"Someone who wasn't harbouring emotions for the Queen?"
She smiled. "Yes. Now," Her smile sobered a little. "My…" She cringed slightly. "This is a little harder than I anticipated."
"Being someone who has known you a long time, Your Majesty. I think I can guess you are trying to say 'my husband'."
Moving her other hand to rest on his side, beneath his leather jacket, she nodded. "My husband." She looked into his eyes. "He knows we have been spending time together in the gardens." Feeling Joseph's neck stiffen against her hand, she hurriedly went on.
"You know the details of my marriage. The Monarchy. The image we must portray to our people. Rupert and I are the best of friends."
He pulled his head back. "I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. I've known this. Other's know this."
She nodded and stared at his chest. "I…"
"Can I ask you something, while you are trying to find the words?" He asked softly, his hands moving away from his sides at her slight nod. He moved his hands up her sides and over her shoulders. "Is this going to end with my resignation, or something else?"
Laughing, she tipped her head up. "I hope something else."
"Being hanged is amusing for you?" He mocked. "Because I doubt the King would approve of my feelings. Especially when they are aimed solely at the Queen. His wife. The mother of his children."
"I may be all of those, but Rupert knows." She waited for him to realise and when she saw it in his eyes, she closed her eyes and nodded. "He knows about your feelings. He knows about mine too."
"Yours?" He questioned, his hands gently rubbing her shoulder blades, subconsciously urging her closer.
"I do have feelings for you, Joseph. I have very strong feelings. They are so strong, I was hoping you shared them too." Giving into the pull between them, she leaned into him.
"I do. I honestly do. With every fibre of my being." He spoke into her golden hair.
Feeling his breath against her hair and skin, she shivered and pulled herself tighter against his warm body. Her face brushed his shoulder before her own breath found his neck, but she didn't go any further.
"Joseph."
"Yes?" He whispered.
Sighing loftily into his collar, she pulled back as her eyes fluttered open to meet his. Their arms still held each other tightly. "We have to wait."
He looked into her eyes for the longest time before closing his briefly. "Of all the women I fall in love with, it has to be a Queen." He told her seriously but lightly. His right hand reached up and caressed her cheek.
"Nothing, absolutely nothing," She said. "can happen between us, until there is no risk to either one of us or the crown. I can not let my feelings, our feelings, come before my country. Please understand."
His eyes darkened at the prospect of actually never being about to be with her. Able to touch, but only as friends would touch. Able to be with her, but only as the man who stood behind her. It almost broke his heart to think and feel any of this. "Duty over love."
"We will always have each other." She promised, smoothing out his black shirt with her hands, which were still beneath his jacket.
He didn't want to say it, he didn't want to think it, but the thought of actually waiting for something to change, made his stomach turn. If something should happen, say the King abdicates, much like Pierre is about to, or dies. There were few other options, but the conclusion was the same. Until circumstances changed, they would forever be just Queen and security guard.
"I must go." She pulled away slowly, feeling his reluctance to free her. "Joseph-"
"I know." His voice deepened. "I just have to learn to hide my feelings and stop any inappropriate contact before it happens."
"It'll be easier, I assure you. Things won't seem as difficult when the time comes."
"I hope you're right, because I can't stop thinking about you. Thinking of touching you." His hands flexed at his sides as he stepped back.
She smiled reassuringly. "Patience is something we both have in abundance, Joseph. If we have to wait, then we wait. Let's just-"
"Wait." He nodded, a small smile shadowing his lips. "As long as nothing happens to you, I can be as I once was. Seen, not heard. I'll protect you with every breath in my body, but you must know, that I do it not because it is my job or my duty, but because I love you."
"Oh Joseph," She whispered with tears glistening her eyes, her hands hovering over her mouth. As a few tears fell, she watched him straighten and bow his head before taking a step towards her and pressing a feather light kiss to her cheek, his hands gripping her arms.
"Sleep well, my darling." He left the library quickly.
Following Morning.
En-route to Pyrus Airport.
Staring out the window, Clarisse suppressed a small sigh. Instead of continuing to watch the passing scenery, she turned and caught sight of her husband's crooked tie. She reached out to it.
"I believe you are fussing over me, my dear." Rupert complained good-naturedly.
She continued to straighten his tie. "Really, Rupert. If I hadn't known I was married to a man who couldn't take two minutes to do his tie, I would have truly gone mad."
He reached up and pulled her hands away, holding them against his chest. "It's only for three days. I have been away longer. What has you so worried?"
She looked into his eyes before turning her head towards the front of the car. Shades sat in the passenger seat while Joseph drove. He hadn't said more than two words to her in the time before climbing into the car and inside the car. Usually he would bid her 'good morning' or ask her if she had slept well.
Rupert never took his eyes from her, positive as to who she was seeking. "My dear," He drew her attention to him. "Three days to relax." He glanced at Pierre, who was speaking to a friend on the installed car phone. "Take some time in the gardens."
Clarisse raised her eyebrows in question and suspicion.
"Visit the greenhouses and take time to relax."
She sighed with a smile. "Not the time of year to slip away from my work, Rupert. Think of the ladies function in France next month."
He chuckled. "Yes. So much planning. I know." He squeezed her fingers.
"I have Charlotte helping me. Joseph too."
"Yes, I know." He smiled at his wife before looking towards the front of the car. The privacy screen came down as he pressed the button embedded into the door's armrest. "Joseph."
Glancing in the rear-view mirror, Joseph slowed the car. "Your Majesty?"
"You will keep my wife company whilst myself and Pierre are away, will you not?"
Taking a few glances in the mirror, he nodded. "I'd be happy to do so, sir."
"Good." Rupert exclaimed. He kissed his wife's forehead and said in a low voice, "Just remember, if the love is strong enough, waiting for the right time is it's own reward."
"Thank you." She whispered, casting a look once more towards the driver.
2o Minutes Later.
Returning to the Palace.
After saying goodbyes and telling them to behave, Clarisse relaxed into the soft seats of the car. She was ready for a nice cup of tea and something to eat before tackling menus and staff lists for the upcoming Royal events.
She turned her head at the sound of the privacy screen going up. She smiled to herself and closed her eyes to completely relax in her own solitude. Something as small as reading her moods was something she adored about Joseph. He was always looking out for her well being as well as her physical being. She supposed it was one of those things that attracted her to him in the beginning, amongst other things.
Kicking off her heeled shoes and sinking only a little, she took a power nap. Over the many years of being Queen, she had learned to take advantage of any alone time, no matter how short, moving or standing still.
Her head slipped to the side with the momentum of the car turning a corner. She sat up, straightened her jacket and smoothed out her skirt. When the car stopped and security took up their positions, Clarisse was surprised when Joseph opened her door and offered his hand.
"You should consider a nap before starting work, Your Majesty." He suggested, curling his fingers around hers as she slipped her shoes on and stepped out of the car.
Twisting her feet to fit snugly into her shoes, she nodded. "Perhaps." Releasing his hand to take his arm, much to his surprise, she bent slightly and raised her foot to properly adjust the shoe onto it. "Am I going to have to watch my back, Joseph?" Referring to his obvious observations during the car journey.
Steadying her with his hand on hers as she held his arm, he pulled his sunglasses from his leather jacket breast pocket, flicked them out and slipped them over his eyes in a swift and well practiced motion. "That's what I'm here for, ma'am."
She looked up as she placed her foot back on the ground. She couldn't see his eyes, but the face gave away just as much emotion. His forehead was crinkled and his eyebrows were high, which usually meant he was teasing her.
"To watch you back." He continued.
"Good."
They stared at each other for only a second before both broke away and began walking towards the stone steps where Charlotte was waiting for the Queen.
4 Hours Later.
"There are still a few correspondences that need confirming, but the guest lists are almost complete." Charlotte scribbled in her notebook. "Menus and staff are coming along quickly." She crossed her legs to write easier. "We should have security and transport by the end of the day, Your Majesty."
Clarisse nodded and signed her name to a form that would confirm background checks and security sweeps of the hotels and consulates the functions were going to be held in.
"If you approve, Your Majesty, I'll follow up some loose ends?" Charlotte closed her notebook and waited.
Straightening a number of official forms, Clarisse nodded. "By all means."
Charlotte stood and took her leave, stopping by her desk to pick up her portable radio. Every member of staff in high positions possessed one for security measures.
Dutifully signing and reading, approving and delegating, Clarisse ignored the sound of a bay door opening and closing. She caught the sound of leather softly rubbing and the steps that confidently moved across the carpeted floor. And if she didn't know better, her heart pounded in anticipation.
She looked up over her reading glasses as the person stopped in front of her desk. Her eyes slowly drifted upwards, starting from the clasped hands over the belt of his trousers. When she finally reached his face and saw the unreadable expression, she knew it was business.
"Security is all set." He informed her. "Shades will have the paperwork ready for Charlotte by late evening."
She sat back and removed her glasses in a slow and contemplative move. "Then I guess it's time to get ready for the first function next month."
He nodded. "Would you consider an escort to these functions, Your Majesty?"
Clarisse looked down and sighed as she closed up her glasses and placed them on the desk. "Surely I won't need one, Joseph. Rupert will be away most of the time. I'm perfectly capable of attending a few parties by myself."
"I was thinking of company, rather than appearances." He straightened his shoulders. "But never mind. I was asked to step in on this first occasion by His Majesty. I understand that it would seem out of place. I did tell him of this, but he was rather insistent." He bowed his head slightly. "If you'll excuse me."
"Joseph." She called. Rather than talking there, she stood and walked towards the bay doors. She pushed one side open and stepped out into the cool afternoon air. She heard his footsteps follow her as she continued across the pebbled path, leading away from her office and the palace.
Stopping at the top of the stone steps, she turned and looked at him. "I think it's time to talk about some things. Concerns, mostly."
He nodded and supported her under the arm as they descended the steps. "I was wondering when we would."
"I know it is going to be difficult." She folded her hands in front of her as they walked along the path towards the fountain and private garden they had shared many times before.
He clasped his hands behind his back. "A given with such circumstances."
"We need to find our footing." She smiled as she glanced over his shoulder towards the gardeners. "We need to be careful."
Taking her arm again and escorting her to the bench they had shared only a day or so ago, he whipped out his sunglasses and slipped them on. "Are you warm enough?"
"I am. Thank you." She settled herself and looked across the path at the fountain. "I'd like it very much if you'd consider accompanying me next month."
"I'd be honoured, Your Majesty."
Turning to see him, Clarisse tutted at his covered eyes. "Joseph, really."
"The sun is out." He frowned.
"It's barely showing through the clouds." She pulled them off and folded the arms. "Besides, it covers your eyes."
He smirked. "That's partly why I wear them."
"It also hides you from me. How can I talk to you without seeing your eyes? Really, men have this idea that when talking to a lady, the eyes can wander where they wish as long as they are covered up."
"You don't honestly think I'd do that, do you?" He squinted his eyes.
"You forget, I have noticed you staring at me." She turned her head away to the sounds of birds splashing in the fountain.
Joseph watched her. After a moment, he took her hand and raised it to his lips. "What shall we talk about, my love?"
Smiling, she tilted her head towards him. "All we need to remember is that with discretion, anything is plausible." She raised her eyebrows at him. "This has to be kept a secret. I don't want anything to happen to you, just as you do me."
"My word, my Queen." He bowed his head respectfully. "But I do feel largely uncomfortable with the situation and the King's knowledge of this."
Clarisse squeezed his hand. "I will speak with Rupert. He will have to understand the meaning of discretion too. Though, Joseph," She leaned forward a little and lowered her voice. "I am sure he is just playing."
"Like I said, ma'am, I feel uncomfortable with his knowing about my feelings for you. If he were anyone but the King, I might accept it, but this is difficult and it is different. I am not in love with a maid or another woman. I love a Queen."
"I see your dilemma." She chuckled. "I will speak with him when he returns home."
"Yes." Joseph sighed and looked away.
Sobering quickly, she pulled his hand closer. "What is it?"
He shook his head and forced a smile. "Nothing. Just more concerns."
Staring into his eyes, she had learned to read him just as much as he has her. What she saw was perfectly understandable, but jealously would be a bad ingredient with a Royal marriage and an affair.
"I know what you are thinking." She said quietly and continued when he pulled away and stood. "I love him, Joseph. But not in that way. Not like you do me. My husband and I share a bed and have done since our wedding night. If it lessens the jealously, I have not slept with a man since the nights both my sons were conceived."
Turning to her, he dropped his eyes to a spot by her feet. "I'm afraid it doesn't." He sighed and returned to sit beside her, this time close enough to touch in numerous places and hold both her hands. "I am jealous. Hauntingly so."
"Joseph-" She whispered.
"There are a number of reasons." He continued softly, looking into her blue eyes. "Clarisse, we may never have anything more than what we have at this moment." He squeezed her hands. "We have to consider that there may never be a time when we can share anything more than a few personal words or a touch here and there. Years could go by and my feelings will never change, but you…" He shook his head sadly.
"My dear Joseph." She pulled her hands free. "Years can pass by and I can promise you that my feelings will never change either." She cupped his face and smiled. "Moments like these will be treasured and we will always have each other."
He waited and gazed into her eyes. If anything, he just fell deeper in love with her. He covered her hands and closed his eyes as she placed a single kiss on his lips. "Gold Dust, because those are going to be rare." He chuckled against her mouth.
She pulled back and laughed. "Oh Joseph."
2 Days Later.
A few glances and a few words, but other than that, distance and discretion was put to work as last minute preparations were made for the Queen's gown and brush ups on several guests. It was always a difficult part of meeting so many people, remember names and faces.
It was Charlotte's job to quiz the Queen and update any outdated information. Talking to a Prime Minister or even a Lady or Duke, during any gathering, it is always polite to know who have remarried, moved, had children or even grandchildren. Stretching the political olive branch never hurt either.
"Pierre stayed in Italy. He decided to visit the Vatican and look up some old friends." Rupert explained.
Clarisse nodded absently.
"Has Philippe called?" He asked, casually sipping his brandy.
"Hmm. He called this morning." She smiled at him. "He was complaining about the security again."
Rupert chuckled. "I think that boy is just trying to get some attention." Draining his glass, he stood for a refill. "On the subject of security-"
"Rupert." She sighed.
"What? I can inquire."
Nodding her head, she turned her head towards him. "You can ask, but don't expect much of an answer."
"Ah." He nodded in understanding. "Have you spoken? At least tell me that."
"We have. Numerous times."
Rupert returned to his armchair and propped his socked feet up on the ottoman so the heat from the fire could toast his toes. "Any of those actual personal conversations?"
"Rupert," She said firmly. "This is a great opening for me to state the obvious. Do not joke about it and please, please don't discuss this with Joseph."
"Oh, so you have spoken with him." He smiled widely. "I'm glad. Really, my dear, I am extremely pleased to hear it."
Clarisse looked into the flames. "We have an understanding and we both accept the difficulties that are bound to arise. I don't think it would be wise to tell the boys, but I'll leave that up to you." She shifted on the couch, lifting her legs up to stretch out more comfortably. "Joseph has shared his concerns with me and I wish to share them with you."
Rupert laughed. "I wasn't expecting much of an answer to my original question, but please share away."
"Pierre is almost twenty-five and Philippe just turned twenty-two." She looked across the room. "What I'm trying to say is, Joseph is a little jealous."
Unsure as to the actual concern, he took a sip of his drink before speaking. "Joe wants children?"
"Oh, um, I don't know that, but that wasn't his concern." She stumbled for a moment.
"Well, either he is jealous you are married to me and have born my children, or it is something a little more than that. Like me kissing you, or just touching you."
Clarisse sat up and drew her knees to her chest as she stared at him. "Not quite. Joseph understands we are best friends and that the Monarchy is first. Joseph upholds the importance of image everyday and I know he understands our sharing of affection." She continued in unconcerned tones. "I think his concerns mainly lie with the fact that you share my bed."
"What!"
To Be Continued.