A/N: I hope you all get the satire of it all, because I decided to put satirical things in here and there starting from the last chapter. Like the insufferable Mary Sue. And here, I will mock dumbledoreisnotdead dot com, which is, by the way, a truly abominable website.

Disclaimer: A certain website I may mention in my story is not actually a real website. But it could be, one day.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hermione brought the unconscious boy toys back to Hogwarts in a fair-mannered fashion. She shouted "Ennervate!" just as they reached the gates, and told the confused boys that they had fallen asleep from all that fine killin' they'd been doin'.

With the blink of an eye, the trio was in Professor Snape's office, finally able to inform him they'd done something to his likings. Snape nodded in amusement, took a few hundred points off from Gryffindor, and watched as the friends rejoiced by banging bellies and, in Harry's and Ron's cases, snogging furtively. And then it came. Those awful words.

"Professor? Do you think that Dumbledore would have been proud?" Harry asked softly, innocently awaiting the approval of his professor.

Snape grimaced and a few puddles of grease formed on his desk just below his hair.

"Professor?"

His brow furrowed once more before he spoke. "Mr Potter, being the ignorant fool you are, do you not realize that Dumbledore was never genuinely proud of you?" He said this, of course, with a mocking tone.

Harry's jaw dropped. "Yes he was! I was his favorite student!" He sounded like a three-year-old who had just lost his balloon at a carnival.

Snape smirked. "I'm sure you were. Just like Tom Riddle. Just like Severus Snape."

"But... aren't you Severus Snape?" Ron interrupted. And the Snape knocked him over the head with a potion flask and he spoke no more.

"B-b-but, Professor, what is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, could you be any denser, Potter? Were you blind to all those private meetings? Vacations? His flamboyant tendencies? That time you miraculously awoke in his bed?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I don't believe I understand what you are trying to tell me."

"Does this arouse any awful memories?" Snape demanded, pinching Harry Potter's cute little arse.

"Oh my sweet Merlin!" This time, Hermione interrupted. She'd clearly pieced together the puzzle.

"Ah, I see the ugly manly one has solved this conundrum," Snape drawled. "Dumbledoreisnotdead dot com can blabber on about whatever pointless, irrelevant garble it chooses. But the truth of the matter is, he is dead, and the real reason I had to AK that sonuvabitch was because... well, actually, you can find out on my own website." Snape cleared his throat. "I would suggest writing this down." He allowed .3 seconds for the students to pull out their quills. "Dumbledoreisgay dot com,"he said slowly. "It should alleviate any of your doubts. I have even posted images on the website, which I would think would disturb you, but then again, you actually watched your cousin's dreadful pig-raping premiere." Then, something came over the largely senile professor. "But, DAYY-UM, dat wuz sum horny shit, yo! DAY-UM, it was dirty up the ARSE! Fo-shizzle!" He cleared his throat again. "I... I.." his pale complexion flushed a bright rose. "That never happened, understand?" But of course, no one was actually paying attention, because they all had run to the nearest Internet café in London to check out the website. Actually, something was still there; Ron had awoken a bit late and decided to test his apparition skills, since Hogwarts was open to disapparation now that Dumbledore was dead (or gay), and, let's just say that he circumcised himself again.

It was a truly astonishing feat. For one, none of them knew how to operate the Internet, so, therefore, they had to ask for assistance from a muggle who was a bit more than surprised at their...er... choice of a website. And it was incredible.

"My Magical Professor Raped Me and Turned Me to the Dark Arts!11111oneoneoneoneone11!1! THIS IS MY STORY," flashed across the screen in bright, sparkling letters.

Harry's eyes widened as he scrolled down the webpage. "He told me he loved me, and I believed him, but really, he was only using me for his sick homosexual pleasures. Here's a picture of us having bum sex for the fourteenth time." It looked all too familiar to Harry. "I was abused as a child, and pretty unpopular in school, so I suppose I was an easy target. But the way he told me he loved me... he made me believe I was worth something, even if that something was pretty much a gay sex outlet. The outlet, of course, being my anus. And it scarred me for life, it really did. So I killed a few people and turned to the dark side, the leader of which, of course, had been molested by Albus Dumbledore himself. So Voldemort and I became pals, but then, since molestation is a terrible cycle, Voldemort started molesting me, too. So I headed straight back over to the light side, into the arms of my previously beloved professor-gone-psychopath. And I believed him again, when he told me he loved me, and of course, now we were of the appropriate age... Oh, look, here's an mpeg of our first porno shoot. Anyhoo, I finally realized I was being taken advantage of, and I was so in love with him for it that I just had to kill him. And here's a picture of me sodomizing his Avada-Kedavra'd body. Ha, don't look at that, I look fat.

"But don't believe this hard evidence. Oh no. I've divided my website into sections, in all of which I shall quote obscure canon 'clues' of his fairydom.

"In the first book, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Dumbledore says to Harry, '... death is but the next great adventure.' This clearly means he is gay and is trying to get into Harry's pants. Because death sounds like 'dest' with a lisp, and 'dest' with a lisp rhymes with Beth, and Beth is a nickname for Elizabeth, and sometimes, if you're a really gay man, and you have a lisp, you will change your name to Elizabeth, and so, when he says that death is the next great adventure, he really means that he's boning a guy with a lisp named Elizabeth. But really, that's just so apparent from the text.

"Also in the first book, Dumbledore says to Harry after eating one of Bertie Bott's beans, 'Alas! Earwax!' This is quite ironic, because it came only a few minutes after he told Harry, 'Your mother died to save you.' This obviously means that his mother was a slut, because 'wax' starts with a 'w,' and 'whore' starts with a 'w,' so when she died to save Harry, she was really having sexual relations with Voldemort. And Voldemort was Tom Riddle, and Peeping Toms look in on people doing things in private, like, say, having gay sex. So when he complains about the earwax, he's really complaining about how his neighbors caught him shagging Tom Riddle up the arse. Clearly.

"But more disturbing is what Dumbledore tells Cornelius Fudge in the fourth book of our biography. 'I assume that you are referring to the pains Harry has been experiencing in his scar?' He means the scar in his rectal tissue when Dumbledore boned him so hard it ripped. Duh.

"And in the same book, Dumbledore speaks to me. He says, 'you know what I must ask you to do. If you are ready... if you are prepared...' Nobody actually knows what this means because J.K. Rowling has not released the seventh book. Nobody, that is, except for me. Because I know that he was asking me if I was ready to experiment with bondage that night.

"Finally, and most obviously, Dumbledore tells the school after Cedric Diggory's death, '... we are all facing dark and difficult times.' But he really means that just he is facing dark and difficult times, not 'we.' And 'dark and difficult times' is a pseudonym for 'my gay lover.' And, it just so happens that he is facing his gay lover in the dark. Because they are having sex."

Harry's eyes widened. "It's... it's true..." he whispered, and Ron consoled him with an

embrace, and then he got an erection.

"It's okay, Harry. You're clearly not alone," Hermione cooed, and then Harry broke down in tears.

"I'm glad he's dead!" he screamed in his raspy voice that twelve-year-old girls all around the globe found so positively sexy. "I'm glad dumbledoreisnotdead dot com is a load of horse dung!" And then the sobs continued.

And then Harry had to make the choice between what was easy and what was wrong. And he chose the former because he was a good, honest boy and didn't like to do bad things.