1A/N: Why did I write this? I don't know. Is my mind far too chaotic for its own good right now? More than likely. Either way this is the first chapter of hopefully a new story. It will as always go with my style of writing, though will probably stick with the darker themes like Finding Hope Again but I don't know for sure. Still in progress. Anyways, let me know what you think.
Doors That Can't Be Closed
By: FinalityLife
I am tired, so very tired yet I know sleep will not come because I will not let it. Weariness has crept deep into my bones, my mind and has no desire to leave. How many days has it been since I slept, three? seven? Twenty? I have no idea anymore, I just have no damn idea anymore. The brightness of my room is beyond uncharacteristic for me, yet I will make no effort to darken it to the illumination which I prefer. If the light goes, then he returns, and if he returns, the pain, the torment returns, and the worst part is that no one...no one will believe me. Starfire will look upon me with fear, like I am some type of dangerous lunatic, and if someone so wonderful as her could look at me with such a look, then maybe I really am insane. I laugh strangely to myself for thinking such a thought. I am not insane, never have been, never will. The problem is that I am far too sane for a world that breeds only madness. I see the truth when no one can, and for that reason, I am being punished, being tortured until I see no more.
They refuse to believe he is still alive, refuse to believe that he hasn't finally been removed from our lives to allow us some peace. How can they be so foolish to believe such a thing. Nightmares do not fade away so easily because as long as there is darkness, there will be a place for them to hide, and wait, and in the end, strike to claim back what is theirs. That is why the lights always stay on when I am alone, that is why the night is no longer my friend because I finally know the truth and it is slowly destroying me.
They all think I am okay, that my 'hallucinations' are gone and that everything can go back to the way they were but things weren't okay before and are now only worse. They all believe in a powder on a forgotten relic of a dead fiend, I believe in the truth. He is out there, just beyond my reach, hidden within the shadows of the ignorance of my friends. They refuse to see, and in the end, only serve to damn my existence. I hold my hand up in front of my face, it shakes only slightly, the only side effect of the injections I give myself to stay awake. My nerves are frayed but that only means I am still awake, still safe, safe from him.
If I tried to make them understand, they would only turn their backs on me. Beast Boy and Starfire would be terrified of me, Cyborg would view me as a dangerous threat, and Raven...Raven...I clench my head in my hands. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know! I feel my breathing quickening, my pulse rasing as I fight back against my weary mind for control. I can not lose it now because if I do, I will lose everything.
Even in the light, I can feel his cold, gray eye on me, watching my every move, waiting patiently for me to make a mistake, and then he will take back what he believes to own, he will take back his apprentice, his wayward "son". I won't let it happen, I will not go back to being beneath his cruel fist. I will not fail even if I have to do it on my own.
They will never believe me, will never believe that he still comes from the darkness to hurt me, still appears to mock, ridicule, and torment. It is too much for them to believe because he is dead, gone, so they can all live in piece without the dagger dangling over there heads. As always, they leave me to what they believe is my dark brooding in my room, unaware that I am huddles in a single corner of my room that is filled with unending light from every angle. They are unaware of the battle I must fight daily to survive. If I asked for help, they would think I am crazy, lock me away where they would believe I could get help but only serving to hand me over directly to his grasp. Without help, I know it is only a matter of time before I fall, before my concept of reality falters just enough for him to get me, but I will not fall easily. I've survived too much, endured far too many brushes with dead to break so easily.
Again I laugh to myself as I continue to clutch my head in my hands, a very strange laugh, a deranged laugh indeed. What foolish words of my own I speak. I did break and it took the last second intervention of a black bird to save me, yet even that bird will no longer help me. They can not see what I do, can not see the hand reaching out for my very soul, and I know, without help, without an answer to my problem very soon, I will be no more. What will be left, I don't know, but it will be nothing good, nothing pure, nothing that will be allowed in the light ever again.
A sudden flash hits my eyes and I suddenly find myself in complete and total darkness. The light is gone, in an instant, I am alone in the one realm I fought so hard not to be, the realm of nothingness. I can feel myself start to hyperventilate, a pitiful reaction of a once fearless and powerful super hero, but that was before him, before his never ending gaze that follows me where ever go. I frantically scan the room, birdarang clutched tightly in my hand, looking for him, awaiting his appearance. On the far side of the room, where in the light there was nothing but a wall he appears. A single eye appears, as if it suddenly just opened, the white parts making it painfully visible in the blackness. Slowly, an armored form emerges from the darkness and a sinister laugh echoes around the room. I can't help but try to cover my ears, trying to block out the horrifying sound. I do my best to silence it but his voice finds a way to be heard.
"Come now Robin. Did you really think you could stay away from me forever? I think not. You are mine, you have always been mine and I will have back what belongs to me." He begins to advance on me and I ready myself for a reoccurring fight that I know I can not win...not on my own.
Raven slowly floated down the darkened hall, heading toward their leaders room. Cyborg had called her informing her that the power had gone out in the tower, some type of glitch in his supposed perfect system. He had told her it would be back in a little bit but that Robin had not answered his communicator and he was hoping she would inform him of the situation. She had almost straight out said no to the favor but something prevented her from doing it, and had in the end, reluctantly agreed and here she was heading toward her destination.
Raven had noticed Robin had been acting the slightest bit off lately. Of course she always noticed the little differences in his behavior each and every day. She didn't know why but she enjoyed watching him, observing him and his interactions with the others. He was so complex yet so straight forward with so many things. He was an interesting person to study.
She had noticed that hee was just a little bit jittery which was not normal for the confident, fearless leader of the Titans and she did not like seeming him that way. She noticed it months ago, following the tragic episode with Terra, and then even more after..after the incident, but he should have gotten better, shouldn't he have? She got the strangest sensations from him when he was close, a result from her encounter with his mind. They were dark, distorted feelings, things that for all she knew could have always been within their mysterious leader but only now could she completely sense them, the barrier of his mind slightly cracked open because of her allowed entry into his mind, if only for a few seconds.
Raven found herself in front of Robin's door, and quietly knocked on the cold steel, awaiting a response. After about 30 seconds, when she received no response, she knocked again, slightly harder. She heard movement inside and what sounded like heavy breathing. She wondered what he was doing and just hoped it was nothing inappropriate. She blushed slightly at the thought before suddenly hearing something crash over in Robin's room, something heavy and loud, and became slightly panicked. What if he was in trouble? Going against her instincts, she phased through Robin's door, invading his privacy that she respected so much, ready for anything. The second she came back to form on the other side, dozens of lights suddenly popped on, burning into the dark empath's eyes as they were only used to darkness and low light. The light was so intense that she fell back against the door, trying to block the light from her eyes. She could hear heavy breathing in front of her and she recognized it as Robin. She managed to get out a few words.
"Robin, could you please turn off some of these lights, its too bright." His response was stern and slightly unnerved.
"Never." Nothing else was said but she could feel something wrong in this room, something wrong with him, something she had not felt since the incident with the mask though this was a far stranger feeling, that found a way to send a small chill up her spine. It felt like eternity but her eyes finally adjusted to her surroundings on the disheveled form of her leader in front of her. He was tightly clutching a birdarang and was still breathing heavy. He looked like a mess, he looked...pathetic. It made her feel bad to think of him that way. He was the one who was always strong, always in control, well almost always. Again she thought back to the incident feeling her heart tighten for a second. The Titans had almost lost him that day, she had almost lost him that day.
Despite his mask, she got the feeling he was searching around the room for his eyes, looking for...she didn't know. Could he be having some type of relapse? That thought worried her tremendously. She did not want to see something like that happen to him again. He had barely survived once, she didn't know if his mind could survive it again and she didn't want to lose him. Raven realized she was having very strange thoughts floating through her head but chose to ignore them for the time being because of the situation at hand.
"Robin?" She felt his eyes fall upon her though he didn't say anything.
"I came here to tell you the power went out due to a glitch but it looks like Cyborg already took care of it." No response.
"So I will be going back to my room unless there is anything you would like to discuss." No response. Raven stared at the ebony haired young man for a few more seconds, studying his form before slowly turning around, and opening the door. She did not want to leave the room because something...something continued to feel terribly wrong with that room...with Robin. However, it was apparent Robin was not going to reveal anything and she knew, she would probably have done the same thing, she had done the same thing on many occasions. She had more secrets than anyone else in this tower, terrible, terrible secrets. Very reluctantly, Raven floated out the door, but not before giving one more look back at Robin. For the briefest of moments, his face almost looked like it was asking her not to go, pleading for her not to go, but whatever she had seen was quickly gone, replaced with what she could only describe as a mistrusting indifference. It bothered her to get that look from him. She always believed that if Robin truly trusted anyone it was her and she enjoyed that fact but that look, what was that look about.
As the door shut behind her, once again leaving Robin to his solitude and whatever problem he had, Raven couldn't help but become tremendously worried over one other little detail she had noticed. On the visible part of Robin's right arm was a bruise in a particular shape. It looked as if someone had grabbed his arm with such tremendous force that each individual finger and part of the hand had left distinct bruises. She knew those had not been there earlier today and he had not left the tower as far as she knew. However, what worried her the most, was that the spacing of the bruises could have only been caused by the hand of a full grown man.