5. Loss.
T: Things are going to be a bit hectic from now until Christmas and so I may not be able to keep religiously to the one chapter a week promise. I will do my utmost to keep updates regular…I do not wish to loose my lovely reviewers after all!
Kurai-tsubasa: Heh…I could pretend that Sei-chan was meant to be unrecognisable in that last section but unfortunately that wasn't the case! This is proof of what late night typing will do to a person! As to Subaru's destiny…you're on the right track…snigger will not tell you anymore as it will spoil things! Will, however, remind you that Fuuma said both Subaru's wishes are somehow connected with Sei-chan…may give you a little clue! I love the questions btw as they keep my brain working, something that it needs at the moment I assure you!
I do not own any thing you see here apart from the plot…something for which ask to be forgiven! The ANGST is on the rise and things get the teeniest VIOLENT for the next few chapters but apart from that we remain the same!
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Everything looks flatter when he again awakes and it takes him a moment to realise why this is.
"So you are awake." Seishiro remarks as he comes into his line of sight. "Kamui told me what happened…I had believed that we had gone past the guilt you felt over the loss of my eye."
"I could not help but feel that you were being kind, Seishiro. That you were tolerating my part in your loss because you loved me."
"Subaru, even if that were true you could not think that I would want this… Could not think that this would make me happy." He remarks as he brushes a hand against Subaru's bandages.
"I wanted only your forgiveness, Seishiro…"
"I know and yet there were better ways to gain it. Not only have you worried me unnecessarily but you have also worried Kamui."
"I know…I wish that he had not been there, for he will now blame himself and yet…
"I cannot regret wishing for this, Seishiro."
"Then we shall speak of it no more." He remarks as he leans down to kiss Subaru's forehead.
A moment after that the door opens to admit a very depressed looking Kamui.
"I will go and tell Hokuto that you are awake." Seishiro remarks as he gains his feet and heads for the doorway.
Once they are alone Kamui comes to stand by his bed and the scene is so familiar that Subaru knows what the boy shall say an instant before it leaves his lips.
"I am sorry, Subaru."
Aware that he must be cautious of Kamui's feelings he clenches the others hand a moment before he remarks,
"Kamui, you can not blame yourself for this…"
"Yes I can! If I had only been able to form a Kekkai…"
"I wanted this, Kamui…wanted to be equal with Seishrio."
"Subaru…" A little of the boy's fire dwindles and Subaru gives the boy a smile before he remarks,
"I do not want you always guilty about this loss, Kamui, especially when you had no part in it…
"Especially when I know what it is to harbour such unnecessary pain."
"Then Seishiro-san's right eye…"
"He lost it protecting me, something that I have blamed myself for ever since."
"I see." Kamui is smiling a little now, the thing a fractured fragility that could crumble at any moment.
"Sorata and Arashi asked that I pass on their apologies. They wanted to come with me, but Hokuto-san did not want you barraged with visitors so soon after the accident."
"Let them both know that I appreciate their concern, but that there was little that could have been done."
"Yes, of course…Subaru-" Whatever Kamui had been about to say is lost as Hokuto steps into the room.
"Sorry to intrude, Kamui-chan, I just had to check up onmy brother."
"It's okay, Hokuto-san. See you soon, Subaru." The boy mumbles before leaving.
"That was a little too well timed, Neesan."
"Yes well, the doors don't block out that much noise." She remarked as she perched herself onto the foot of his bed. "What are you going to do about Kamui?"
"I don't know…I keep hoping that he will realise it is only a crush…keep hoping that I won't have to break his heart."
"He reminds me a lot of how you used to be when you were younger."
"Me too Neesan, I am afraid for him…Afraid that his kind heart will hurt him as mine almost hurt me…"
"He'll be alright, Subaru. We're watching over him, after all."
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The Earthquake at Shinjuku had been close enough to the location of Subaru's hospital that he knew 'Kamui' had meant it as warning.
It seemed the game was at last winding to an end, something that he was both pleased and a little disappointed about.
It would be interesting to at last see Subaru break…interesting to see how much his toy would change when it learned the truth of its existence.
However, it would be a shame to let him go just when he had become more of an intrigue…a shame to allow Kamui the chance to influence Subaru's pure heart.
It seemed the choice was no longer his, however and so he had begun to make arrangements for the future…had begun to call in some of the many favours he was owed.
Since he had lost his eye Subaru had been having more and more nightmares centred on their first meeting beneath the Sakura, something that Seishrio would use to his advantage.
For now all that he would have to do would be to relax his control over the Sumeragi's memory and his secret would be exposed at last.
He waits until midnight and then he leans over and presses his lips, for the last time, to the Sumeragi's own.
The other stirs at the contact and Seishiro pulls an illusion about them.
"Sei…shiro?"
The sound of his name of Subaru's lips is, as always, a thing full of trust and dedication…a thing that amuses his dark heart.
"Subaru-kun…it is time that you saw the true face of the one from your nightmares. Time that all was revealed."
Before them there is played the scene beneath the tree, without pause and without mask.
Subaru watches, entranced, his eyes misting over in disbelief as the thing reaches its conclusion.
"Why?" He enquires as he stretches to pull Seishiro to him.
He steps away from that reach and wrenching Subaru out of the bed he pulls one of the other's arms hard enough that it snaps.
"Because I am Sakurazukamori…because you mean no more to me than a glass."
"You loved me…you treated me with such kindness…tolerated me even at my worst…"
"I never once professed to love you, Subaru-kun, not after you gave your heart to me. I wished to see how far I could take things before you realised that I did not truly care. Yet you have not once doubted, for the purity of your heart did not allow you to."
He pushes Subaru to the floor and kicks him once, harshly, in the stomach.
"All these years I have lived with that purity…have held it in my hands…and yet still I feel nothing for you…still this is like simply kicking a stone…"
Subaru is no longer moving and Seishiro reaches down to touch his face,
"I had thought you would fight back and yet it seems that you, at least, were sincere in the strength of your care for me. Yet even that will not be enough to save you."
Illusionary branches lift Subaru off of the floor and pull him slowly towards the tree.
He hears someone screaming Subaru's name and leaning towards the other he remarks,
"This is not over." Before he leases the illusion and pulls himself into a cloak of invisibility.
He lingers long enough to see Kamui break into the room and lift Subaru to him before he heads as far from the pair as he can.
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T: Expect even more angst in the next chapter as Subaru comes to the Rainbow Bridge! R+R as I need to know my Clamp like turn has not scared anyone off!