9. Envy.
T: In a vague sort of apology for the long update space (Work is, as always, my excuse) I'm giving you two chapters in one hit! The next chapter is the last so expect a whole lot of gearing up in this one people! Am extending the warning of a slight Subaru/Kamui relationship in this chapter…happened spontaneously I promise you! Other warnings remain the same and I fear that I still do not own the masterpiece that is X.
Kurai-tsubasa: Yep Sei-chan's wish will be revealed and that's a good bit of guess work on Subaru's wish! Am saying nothing of the Keiichi and Kamui situation and as to the wedding…It's mentioned but I'm not writing it…have no idea what happens in a traditional Japanese wedding and I really don't want to give Kakyo and Hokuto a western wedding, thus it's staying out! As always I love the questions and your enthusiasm!
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kakyo watches his loved one worriedly.
"Have you talked to your brother?"
"Yes."
"How is he?"
"Distant. Discovering that Sei-chan did not care…that the basis of his life was a lie…it has destroyed him…"
He pulls her into an embrace and resting his chin into the top of her head he informs her,
"I am afraid, love…so afraid that my dreams will at last come true."
"I am not going anywhere, Kakyo."
"You say that now sweet, yet what will you say if it becomes a choice between losing Subaru or dying yourself?"
She tenses and he feels a little of his comfort drain away.
"You see? No matter how much you love me it is not enough to place a block between you and your twin."
"No and yet I don't think that it shall matter. Subaru has found a reason to remain here despite his hurt…a reason to keep himself free from his heart."
"There is a possibility that his want is a dangerous thing."
"It is indeed possible."
"But?"
"But, somehow, I don't believe that it is.
"The feeling that I got from Subaru the last that I talked to him was passionate, yet constant. Whatever his wish, it is something he has wanted for the longest of times and that has become more important to him now, when he has lost everything else."
"This is another of those 'twin things' that I will have to trust you on, isn't it, love?"
"Yes it is."
She leans into him then, the soft, constant warmth of her presence as a reminder to him always that destiny might be swayed.
That things might yet turn to a positive course.
…………………………………………………………………………………
"Thank you for helping me with this, Segawa-kun…I wouldn't ask but…"
"But when needs must and all that…" The other responds as he straightens Kamui's bow tie.
"Segawa-kun…you are a friend, aren't you?"
"Of course."
"Might I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"Do you think it better to keep no secrets, no matter the consequences?"
"I think it would depend on what the consequences were and to the general circumstances.
"If imparting your secret would lead to you, or someone you cared about, to getting physically hurt, then I would keep the secret."
"The only person who might get hurt by this is myself, and then only emotionally."
Keiichi seems to consider this a moment and then he remarks,
"Wait until after the wedding to tell him, Shirou-kun. It wouldn't do for such a lovely occasion to be spoiled and it'll be more romantic that way."
"How…? How…?" Kamui enquires his skin now a subtle rose hue.
"How did I know? Shirou-kun you practically glow every time Sumeragi-san is near and the way that you smile when you mention his name…it could only be love."
"…is it that obvious?"
"If you are asking me if Sumeragi-san already knows then I fear that I can't give you an answer."
"You must think I'm stupid" He states quietly.
"I think you are being brave, and perhaps a little masochistic. I wouldn't call you 'stupid'."
"You are always being nice to me, Segawa-kun, even when I am not nice to you."
"A smile suits you more, Kamui."
"Thank you."
Keiichi steps back and admires his handiwork a moment before he remarks,
"I believe that you are as ready as you'll ever be."
"Wish me luck!" Kamui remarks as he heads for the door.
"Good luck, Kamui."
…………………………………………………………………………………
"Looks like there's snow on the horizon."
"Hmmm."
"Subaru?"
"Yes?"
Subaru's voice is distant and Kamui almost re-thinks his plan. He knows, however, that this is simply his nerves playing up on him, and that he would regret it if he held back now. He takes in a deep breath, and quietly confesses.
"Subaru….I…I think I'm in love with you…"
There is a moment of silence, then the Sumeragi turns to face him with a sad smile on his lips, and he replies,
"Kamui, you are my dear friend and I am flattered that you feel this way, however, my heart belongs still to Seishiro."
"I know and yet with time you might forget him…might learn to accept me as more to you than a friend."
"Kamui…"
"Please, Subaru! All I want is a chance to make you happy again…to bring the smile back to your face!"
"Is my smile worth the loss of your own, Kamui?"
Kamui pulls him down into a hard kiss and, once they have separated, he replies,
"If it comes to that, Subaru, then yes, it is."
"You are too kind to me, Kamui…far too kind."
"You are more than worth it, Subaru."
"You say that now, Kamui and yet I wonder of you will say the same when you know all of me…when I expose my wish to you."
"I do not care for wishes, Subaru, for they are attached to my darker self and the pain he imparts.
"Thus no matter how much a part of you it has become, I can't view your wish as anything significant.
As to hating you when I know all of you…I do not believe such a thing will ever be possible." Kamui remarks as he steals another, more passionate, kiss from the other.
………………………………………………………………………………
His holiday in Kyoto had been restful and yet disappointingly brief.
He has come back to Tokyo sooner than he had hoped, both due to the sudden change of weather and to the sudden need he had felt to be again in familiar territory.
A brief visit to the basement of the government building has informed him that 'Kamui' was as obtuse as ever and that a great deal had occurred in the month that he had been away.
The most surprising of which was the death of Nataku.
He could tell, simply from the way that 'Kamui' imparts this news, that he should not enquire further and thus, but moments after he had entered the building he was again on his way out.
On impulse he visits the small apartment that he and Subaru had shared together and is unsurprised to find it now completely devoid of any sign of inhabitants.
He purchases coffee at his usual place and is welcomed back several times by the members of staff.
One, a young girl with small pigtails and a pair of thick rimmed spectacles, informs him that he should ask Subaru about the boy he had come with the last he had been to the shop.
"What boy?"
"I did not catch his name, Sakurazuka-san, but he was very pretty and his eyes were such a vivid violet hue."
"Yes I know the one. He is in Subaru's school and has been getting tuition from him."
"They were very close for school friends, Sakurazuka and the boy was discussing some very personal matters when I came over to get their order."
"Thank you for your concern, I am sure it was simply a misconception on your part."
"I do hope so, Sakurazuka-san…you and Sumeragi-san make such a lovely couple, after all."
He thanks her again and leaves as swiftly as he might, an odd empty rage boiling inside his stomach.
He knew that it should no longer bother him if Kamui cared for Subaru; knew that the Sumeragi was no longer 'his' now that he had severed the last tie between them.
At least he had had believed this the case…
However, faced with the reality of Kamui's affection…of Subaru's supposed return of that care…he felt a jealous streak arise.
'You have blinded yourself to everything that might interfere with the reality you have formed for yourself.'
He had little understood the words when 'Kamui' had first spoken them and yet now they made an odd sense to him.
He had believed himself free from emotion…free from sharing his mother's fate and yet if that was the case why had he made the Bet?
Why had he extended it long enough that there was risk always that he would expose himself?
Had he done as such simply to dissipate his boredom for a short time or was there a darker truth to the matter?
Had he continued to pull Subaru into his life because he had lost the Bet, because he loved the other truly?
Had he simply exposed Subaru to the truth in a desperate attempt to prove to himself that he did not care, that he was still empty of all emotion?
Had he forced himself to block away his emotions simply because he believed himself incapable of feeling them...?
Because for him being Sakurazukamori was being emotionless.
Was he in love with Subaru?
A surge of sudden warmth tells him that this is indeed the case and he feels suddenly inexorably guilty.
For he has destroyed Subaru merely to maintain his illusion…has hurt the other without good cause.
He knows that somehow he must repay this hurt and yet how?
An idea forms suddenly within his mind and he leaps off of his current perch towards his new destination.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
T: Yep the obligatory cliff hanger! I would rationalise this chapter but then most of that is going to be done in the next so I'll let you be! R+R just do it!