Chapter 21 - Regrets

Back To Tommy

Tommy drove on and on. He was sick of drinking, sick of headaches, sick of life. He finally came to a stop. The beach. He took a seat on the sand and watched the calm ocean. He didn't want to be disturbed. He didn't want to talk to people who thought they could make things better when in truth only she could. Only Jude could fix him. His heart just couldn't let go of her.

Tommy: "Hey Jude, I don't know if you're watching over me or not. Remember the first time we ever came here? I remember it like it was yesterday. We stayed here the whole day. I held you in my arms." he smirked. "I'd give anything in this world to hold you in my arms just one more time. To tell you know much I loved you, how much I still love you. I screwed things up with you, didn't I? Stupid, I know. I got so scared. Scared of life without you, so I pushed you away and ended up hurting you and myself. Dumb I know. In the end I really did lose you." he stopped and looked up at the stars. He was talking as if Jude was right there listening to him. "I need you." he said through sobs and finally broke down. His tears escaped no matter how hard he had tried to contain them. "WHY DID YOU TAKE HER FROM ME?" he yelled looking up at the crystal clear sky. The tears just kept on flowing, the pain just kept on growing. "I can't go on without her." he finally whispered, his last tear hitting the sand.

Back To Jude

Jordan: "Must be nice to just be able to up and leave everything and start somewhere where fresh where no one knows you." Jude looked at him. He still had that peace and calm on his face. Jude's new world was shattered when he spoke again…….

Jordan: "I know who you are………Jude." her face went pale when she heard her real name.

Jude: "How did you……?" she barely managed to say not able to finish her sentence.

Jordan: "How did I know? TV."

Jude: "But…"

Jordan: "It's Ok. I won't say anything to anyone. Who would I tell anyways? Muriel doesn't know. Whatever you're running from has to be pretty big for you to up and leave everything you had. I won't judge you. If anything, I understand you." he said calmly. Jude was floored.

Jude: "Why didn't you say anything sooner?"

Jordan: "I had to make sure first. You looked familiar when you first came in but I couldn't place you. Than today I saw you on TV."

Jude: "Today?"

Jordan: "Yeah, I was watching the weather channel when they cut it short for a special presentation. I almost turned the TV off when your picture flashed on the screen. The reporter said it was Jude Harrison's memorial service. Funny. I am sitting with a girl who is suppose to be dead. I'd think I was going crazy if Muriel hadn't been able to see you too." he smiled warmly.

Jude: "My what? Memorial service?"

Jordan nodded: "Yeah, and let me tell you it was quiet entertaining." he laughed remembering the scene that had occurred during the event. "I've never seen anything like it. You left a lot of people behind."

Jude: "What was so entertaining?" she asked hearing him laugh. Memorial services weren't suppose to be entertaining, they were suppose to be sad. All of a sudden something had hit the floor downstairs, hard.

Jordan's laughter stopped that very second and he jumped to his feet. His brown eyes sunk terrified. Horror crossed his face as he turned around and ran for the door and back inside. Jude stood there in shock for a minute and than finally rose quickly and followed him downstairs.

Once she reached the lobby she saw Jordan kneeling on the floor and ran to him. When she reached him she saw Muriel spread on out the cold carpet floor.

Jude: "Oh my God, is she……?"

Jordan: "No, she still has a pulse. Call an ambulance." he said panicked.

Jude ran to the reception desk and called the emergency number. She saw Jordan pick up Muriel's head and place a small pillow underneath it. 10 minutes later the ambulance arrived.

They picked Muriel up and carried her to the ambulance. Jordan jumped in with her and motioned for Jude to step closer.

Jordan: "Please stay here and keep an eye on this place."

Jude: "Oh course, call me as soon as you know anything." she said scared.

The ambulance doors closed. The car drove off. Jude heard the sirens in the distance until finally they died down completely. She walked inside the hotel again. On the floor was a broken vase, the water had sunk into the carpet, the flowers lay on the floor. Jude picked up the broken pieces and the flowers. She threw them in the garbage can and found a cloth. She went back to the spot and pushed the piece of material over the blotch that had formed on the carpet.

After her final attempt to get the stain out she threw the cloth away from herself with all her might. She screamed in rage, tears forming slowly. Her vision blurred. She spread out on the floor and just cried. She had never felt so alone in her entire life. Never had she felt this much pain. She regretted her decision to leave but she couldn't go back. Not yet at least. She needed her family more than ever now. She thought about Jordan and how he stayed here just so Muriel wouldn't be alone. How he sacrificed everything so she could have happiness in her life the last couple of days.

Person: "Ma'am?" a voice echoed throughout the lobby.

Jude rose off the floor in panic. She straighten out her clothes and hair and wiped her tears away. A man in this mid-thirties stood in the center of the lobby. Jude smiled weakly trying to regain her composure.

Person: "Are you aright?"

Jude: "Yes. It's nothing. What can I do for you?" she asked and walked towards the man in slow pace.

When she came closer the man looked her up and down. Jude felt as if he studied her. He took in every one of her curves. Jude felt really uncomfortable. He had this look on his face that she just couldn't read.

Back In Canada

Sadie sat in her back yard looking after her daughter. All her thoughts drifted to Jude. "Jude, how could you not tell me you were going to have a baby? I should have known. I could have helped you. I should have been there for you." she thought to herself. Adriana threw a small ball and than ran after it. Sadie smiled. She thought about how Jude would never experience this. Being a mother. The overwhelming love that comes with it. Jason walked out carrying two glasses of juice. He sat them down on the table and stood behind Sadie.

She looked up at him with loving eyes. He leaned down and kissed her softly, then they both turned and watched they're daughter with pride. Jason sat his hands on Sadie's shoulders and began massaging her softly. He leaned down and whispered in her ear "I love you." Sadie smiled and responded "I love you too."

Sadie: "Where were you?"

Jason: "Kwest and I went out for a drink."

Sadie: "Kwest? How is he doing?"

Jason: "Like the rest of us."

Sadie: "What did you two talk about?"

Jason: "Just things." he lied. He hated lying to Sadie but this was one thing he couldn't tell her about. At least not yet.

Back To Tommy

Tommy sat in his apartment all alone. The lights were off. He sat on his couch and just looked out the window at the tall buildings. The drift in the air send chills down his spine. Someone knocked at his door. He got up and opened. Kwest walked inside and they walked back to the couches.

Kwest: "How you holding up?" he asked concerned.

Tommy shrugs: "What do you think?"

Kwest looked around for a minute. The broken plasma TV and Jude's plague were pilled on the floor, in a corner. Tommy hadn't even bothered throwing it out. His clothes were all over the apartment. A stack of CD's was thrown around the home theater system. Beer bottles still in every nock and cranny.

Kwest: "When are you coming back to work?"

Tommy looked up at Kwest for the first time, meeting his eyes: "I don't think I am."

Kwest: "Tommy, Jude wouldn't want you to throw your life away."

Tommy: "I can't do it, man."

There was silence. Tommy stood up, walked to the refrigerator and brought back two beers. He sat one down in front of Kwest and opened the other one. He took a long sip and sat back down.

Kwest: "I think you need to stop that."

Tommy: "Stop what?"

Kwest: "That, this drinking. It's not you man."

Tommy smirked: "Stop the only thing that makes me feel better? I don't think so." he took another sip.

Kwest just looked at his friend: "Don't think I came here feeling sorry for you." Tommy looked up at him, not believing his ears. Kwest continued: "How could you be so stupid and come drunk to Jude's memorial? Didn't you have any respect for her? And then you drop that bombshell on her family. If you really cared about her-" he was cut of my a screaming Tommy.

Tommy: "IF I REALLY CARED ABOUT HER? I would have given anything for that girl. I would die if I knew I'd be with her on the other side. I have nothing to live for. I don't care what happens to me now. She is not here anymore." he yelled and then stopped. After along pause he added in a whisper "Nothing matters anymore."

Kwest: "There are still people that care about you. Georgia, EJ, me. We all know you're hurting. We all are. We all loved Jude but you don't see us drown in self pity. Do you? Jude is not going to come back just because you're becoming an alcoholic. You screwed things up with her, deal with it! Jude would be ashamed and disappointed if she saw you like this." he said and walked over to the door.

Tommy looked after him. Kwest stopped when he reached the door. He opened it, looked one more time in Tommy's direction and said "Don't do this. You know she wouldn't want you to. Come back to work." and he walked out.

Back To Jude

Jude: "Excuse me, can I help you?" she asked panic rising in her voice. She was alone with this man somewhere far from civilization. Jordan wasn't there. She was all alone. The man quickly turned his eyes to hers and smiled at her.

Person: "Yes, I'm sorry. I need a room."

Jude nodded and walked back to the reception desk. The man followed after her carrying one suitcase.

Jude: "It's $59.00 a night." she said remembering that's what she had paid. The man nodded and paid in cash. She handed him a key.

Person: "Thank you, I am Martin Johns."

Jude: "I'm Jade."

Martin looked at her as if he just realized something: "It's nice to meet you……..Jade." he said slowly then turned around and went in search of his room.

Jude sighed in relieve. She prayed Jordan would be back soon. She didn't want to be left alone with a stranger. She hoped Muriel was alright. She looked around the hotel for a minute. There was nothing to do. No cleaning was needed. Muriel had already done that. She just decided to wait for Jordan and Muriel to come back. She plopped down on one of the couches of the lobby and took a notebook and pencil in her hand. While waiting for they're return Jude started writing things down.

Martin found his room. He walked inside and set his suitcase down. Once he took off his suit jacket he opened the front pocket of the suitcase. He took out a picture and taped it down on the table that was placed in the corner next to the window. With the picture, he took out newspaper articles and a little, black book. He placed them all neatly on the table next to the picture. On the picture was none other than Jude Harrison smiling back.

Hey guys it's me. I can't believe all the feedback I've been getting. Thank you guys so much. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know I always take these weird turned with the ff but I just don't want to get boring and predictable.

Anyways I wanted to say huge thanks for all the support. I love the feedback so keep it coming……..more hopefully soon

Minela