Just a short little one-parter I have in my head! Hope you like! This is Jack and Kate's thoughts about their kiss…PLEASE R&R! I'd appreciate it!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Lost. That honor goes to J.J. Abrams and his amazing crew!
A day had gone by since the kiss…and I'm still as confused as ever, thought Jack as he stood staring out over the ocean. He remembered finding Kate and asking her what had happened to Sawyer and why she had left him. She turned to run away but Jack caught her and she started crying and hitting him. All he could think do was hold her – all he wanted to do was hold her., thought Jack as he stood staring out over the ocean. He remembered finding Kate and asking her what had happened to Sawyer and why she had left him. She turned to run away but Jack caught her and she started crying and hitting him. All he could think do was hold her – all he to do was hold her.
Then it happened – they kissed. It was a passionate kiss; one filled with longing and desire. But then she pulled away and ran. It was painful to see her run again and it left Jack hurt and confused. As he played that kiss over and over in his head, he couldn't stop wondering, Did it really mean anything?
He remembered liking it – loving it, actually – but Kate seemed so confused and tired that Jack couldn't even begin to guess where their relationship stood. Since that fated kiss 24 hours ago, Kate and Jack had managed to tactfully avoid talking to each other. But Jack knew they had to talk about it. Jack knew that he had to find out where Kate stood – especially after hearing Sawyer's confession of love, which had bothered Jack more than he cared to admit.
He cared for Kate – everyone on the island knew that – but did his feelings for her go beyond that? Did her feelings for him go beyond that? I still have so much baggage to work through – so many broken relationships that need mending. Kate deserves someone better to love her. So I finally admitted it, thought Jack, I love Kate. I love everything about her. She's beautiful and strong, yet vulnerable. She's kind and caring and despite her past, she has a good heart.
As Jack stood thinking about Kate, a smile grew on his lips as a picture of her came into his head. But then, his mind wandered back to the kiss…Did it really mean anything? From his perspective, it meant A LOT, but from Kate's…he had no idea. She was the one who kissed him…But she has just as much baggage to work through as I do. I have to know where we stand. I have to know if it meant something to Kate. So Jack, determined and ready, turned around and headed into the jungle hoping to find Kate…and some answers.
I still can't believe I kissed him, thought Kate as she sat on a rock, staring into the clear, cool water. I was so confused, so tired…and now I just made things worse. Her thoughts ran back to the kiss she had shared with Jack. Jack, the hero that he was, went looking for her after finding Sawyer on the ground of the Hatch. He was angry, she could tell, and wanted to know what had happened. But then he had seen her face, how upset she looked and he had held her. Kate had tried to fight it, but he just held her and told her it was alright. thought Kate as she sat on a rock, staring into the clear, cool water. Her thoughts ran back to the kiss she had shared with Jack. Jack, the hero that he was, went looking for her after finding Sawyer on the ground of the Hatch. He was angry, she could tell, and wanted to know what had happened. But then he had seen her face, how upset she looked and he had held her. Kate had tried to fight it, but he just held her and told her it was alright.
Then, it happened. She kissed him. Kate had no idea what was going through her mind, but she knew she felt safe in Jack's arms. With everything that had happened in her life, she finally felt safe, like she didn't have to run. The kiss was passionate and deep. There was longing there – from both of them. But then panic hit.
What am I doing? That was the only thing that ran through Kate's head. And in an instant, she pulled away…and ran. Jack called out and tried to stop her, but she knew he was just as confused as she felt. She knew she hurt him, and that pained her. Jack held a special place in her heart. Sure, she had admitted she felt something for Sawyer, but Jack…He's so amazing! He has such a good heart. I know he's been hurt and I know he has baggage just like me, but he's brave and rises above it. I've never met someone with such a great sense of commitment. He's truly a gentleman. And that smile…
As her thoughts turned to Jack, she couldn't help but smile. He made her feel safe and wanted. He never judged her, despite knowing parts of her past. And now she had hurt him. Maybe even damaged their relationship. Why did I do it? Why did I have to run from the man I love? She had finally admitted it to herself. She loved Jack. But she wasn't good enough for him. She could never be a part of his world. If they ever got off this island, their lives would be too different.
I can't let myself keep falling for Jack. I don't want to hurt him anymore. Kissing him meant the world to me, but I was confused. Running away from him is all I can do…it's all I know to do. It might kill me inside, but I don't want anyone else to suffer because of what I've done. With a sinking feeling in her heart, Kate bent down and splashed some water on her face, hoping to relieve some of the pain she felt inside. As she moved from her spot on the rock, she came face to face with the one person she had been trying to avoid…
"Jack."
"Hey Kate," Jack said, putting a small smile on his lips, "I was hoping I'd find you. Could we talk for a minute…about the…well, about what happened?"
Kate stood there, trying to think of any excuse to avoid this conversation. "Well…" she began. But then, she looked at Jack; looked into his eyes and saw the same hurt and confusion she felt. She knew that no matter what happened in the future, she couldn't just let him hurt. "Sure, Jack. Um, you wanna sit down?"
"You sure this is OK?" asked Jack. "I mean, I don't want to keep you from anything. Unless of course you were planning on going to watch Sawyer…I wouldn't really mind keeping you from that."
Jack looked over and smiled at Kate, hoping to break the ice a little. It had worked as Kate let out a small laugh and replied, "Well, since you put it that way…"
There was a moment of silence before Jack just jumped in and asked, "So Kate…Why did you do it?"
There it was. The same question she had asked herself. The answer was so easy, yet so complicated.
Jack continued asking, "Why did you kiss me? I mean, I could tell something was wrong. Why did you kiss me and then run? I would've listened to whatever was going on."
"I know Jack," Kate began. "That's the thing. You're so good and so supportive. You never judge me."
This answer just left Jack more confused. "So then why did you pull away?"
Kate looked away from Jack and simply said, "Because it's what I do best."
"Kate, I don't understand…"
"I know you don't Jack, because I don't understand myself. It was a confusing time for me. I was tired and some old ghosts were coming back to haunt me. When I saw you in the jungle, I just wanted to run again. But then you held me and I felt…safe. And then that scared me too, because so many people in my life have either let me down or…" She couldn't say the word "died." She had loved Tom and that had only ended badly. If she let herself love again, she hated to think of Jack dead.
"Or what?" asked Jack. "Kate, I don't want you to feel like you have to tell me anything about your past. I told you, we all have a fresh start on this island. God knows I need it."
"Yeah, right Jack. You're the most together person I've met in a long time."
"No, seriously Kate. I know I haven't shared my past with many people, but I have ghosts that haunt me too. I've let people down and they've let me down. People think I'm brave. Well, I'm not. I'm just as afraid of losing people as you are. Even more so since…well, that's not important. But Kate, look at you. You're brave. Despite all that's happened in your life, you still have a good heart. You still have compassion. But me, I can't seem to let go of the past…"
"Neither can I Jack. That's why I keep running. That's why I pushed you away. I don't want to hurt you…and I know I did and I'm so sorry for that." As she said this, Kate looked directly into Jack's eyes. She needed him to know that she meant this with all her heart.
Jack returned Kate's gaze and reached out his hand to caress her face and said, "I know you didn't." Kate's heart skipped a beat as his hand gently touched her face and she closed her eyes, taking in the moment.
"Kate?" Jack began as he dropped his hand, "I don't know how long we'll be on this island, but I need you to know something."
Kate opened her eyes, a certain fear crawling back into her heart as she started to protest, "Jack…"
"No, Kate, let me finish," Jack said matter-of-factly. "I care about you…I care for you. When you kissed me, I hadn't felt that alive in…well, in a long time. All the fears of the island, and the fears of my past just seemed to disappear. But when you pulled away, it hurt. I spent the whole day on the beach thinking about it and wondering if it meant anything to you; if I meant anything to you. I know if…when we get rescued, things will be different, but who knows how long that will be, and well I just want you to know that you, well…you can talk to me whenever."
Jack had wanted to tell her how he truly felt. That he loved her and wanted to protect her forever. But he knew this wasn't the time or the place. He needed her to know that she could trust him. He needed her to know that whatever happened, he would always be there for her.
"Jack," Kate began as she looked at Jack, "I didn't kiss you for nothing. I may have been tired and confused, but I wasn't incoherent. I knew what I was doing. When you held me, I knew I could trust you, so I kissed you and all my fears left me for that small instant…and that scared me. I had been running for so long that it scared me to finally trust someone again."
"So, you're saying that it was a nice kiss…" Jack asked coyly.
At this Kate laughed and answered, "You're a very good kisser Dr. Shepherd."
They both laughed and Kate saw Jack's wonderful smile again. She, too, wanted to tell Jack how she truly felt, but knew that neither of them was ready for it yet. It was enough that Jack was there for her.
"Jack," Kate broke the silence, "I hope you know that, despite my inclination to run…well, you can talk to me. I know things will be so different when we're rescued and that things will never be like they were here, but…I'm here for you too."
Jack looked over and caught Kate's gaze before she could turn away and simply said, "I know."
In that moment, a whole mess of emotions passed between them. They understood each other. Even though neither of their pasts was completely clear to the other, they understood that the future held hope. Whatever happens, they would always have each other. They both had issues to work through, but they were willing to wait. Their love for each other could wait. Of course they both wanted to embrace each other and once again share a kiss that would wipe away everything. But they knew better than that. The wounds were too deep right now. But time would heal those wounds.
As they both dropped their gaze, Kate inched closer to Jack and laid her head on his shoulder. Jack gently let his arm drape around her as he closed the remaining gap between them. They both felt a burden lift from their shoulders as they sat quietly in each other's company. After all, everyone deserves a fresh start.
Well, let me know what you think! Any input would be greatly appreciated! God bless!