Well, here it is! My very first submission to Yay me! I have quite a few other FOP fics in the works, and just about all of 'em have the OC Tabitha in them, so if you don't like OCs, then you're outta luck. Sorry! But if you can get past the whole "OMG, it's not Timmy! OH NOEZ!111oneone", then maybe you will enjoy them. I guess you'll just have to give them a try.
Disclaimer: All FOP Characters belong to Butch Hartman and Nickelodeon--which is pretty apparent because if they belonged to me, Cosmo and Wanda would still be madly in love and make such gooey gooey gooey lovey goo eyes at each other that you'd get cavities. But Tabitha belongs to Me.
Btw, the way I figure it, Tabby is a number of godchildren in the future, so she's after Timmy AND his children.
"Are you sure you two will be okay?" Wanda asked for what was probably the fifth time in twenty minutes. Cosmo rolled his eyes and uttered a slightly annoyed sigh.
"Wanda, I think I can take care of our goddaughter for one night by myself, thank you very much!" he said, angrily crossing his arms across his chest. Wanda crossed her own arms and raised an eyebrow at him.
"Oh, really," she asked in a way that wasn't really a question. "Need I remind you which one of us suggested to Spencer that digging a hole to China was a great way to pass a Saturday night? And which one of us turned himself into a steam shovel to help him dig?" Cosmo blushed, turning away quickly.
"Yeah, well, that probably would have worked if we hadn't hit the water main."
"Uh huh," Wanda said flatly. "How about the time you told Emily that the moon was made of cheese and you poofed her there to check—without a spacesuit?"
"She only turned a little blue! She was okay!" he countered, spreading his arms in a wide shrug. "Wanda, that was years ago, years and years ago, even! I'm different now! C'mon! You're just going to be gone for a few hours, I can handle it!"
"She's 9 and you're, well, YOU! Neither one of you are mature enough to spend an entire night alone." Cosmo crossed his arms again, this time in an exaggerated pout. "Maybe I should get a fairy sitter," Wanda muttered, and raised her wand to call when she felt a sharp tug on her pant leg.
"Hel-lo!" Tabitha said, looking annoyed. "Standing right here, hearing every word you say!" Wanda smiled and dropped down to her goddaughter's level.
"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie," she said, placing a hand on Tabby's cheek. "I'm just so worried that something will happen while I'm away. You know, I haven't REALLY spoken to Sissy in so long, I doubt she'd even notice if I wasn't at her bachelor-ette party. Maybe I should cancel—"
"Wanda, would you please relax?" Tabby asked, lowering her godmother's wand hand. "I promise I won't make any wishes, and we'll just watch some TV. We'll be fine!" The pink haired fairy offered her goddaughter a dubious look.
"Are you sure?"
"YES!" Cosmo cried as he flew down to join them. "Jeez, Wanda! You'd think we were going to destroy the house while you're gone! Look," he said, placing his wand on the little table in the bedroom, "I'll even leave my wand right here so I can't use any magic at all tonight. Happy?"
"Oh, Cosmo," his wife said, placing a calming hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, sweetie. I just . . . we'll, I'm just worried, that's all. But you're probably right, everything should be okay." She smiled and hugged him, then Tabby, before raising her wand. The tip flashed three times, in quick succession.
"I'll be back late. There's a pizza in the oven for supper, and a few movies downstairs on the TV. Don't eat too much junk and don't watch too much television. And don't stay up too late." Tabby and Cosmo both rolled their eyes.
"Yes, Mother," they said in unison. Wanda frowned.
"Maybe I should just—"
"GO," Cosmo said.
"We'll be fine," Tabby assured her. She flicked an uncertain glance back and forth between the two for a minute before sighing.
"All right," she conceded as she raised her wand again. "Love you both. Be good!" With a flash and a soft puff of smoke, Wanda disappeared.
"Whew!" Cosmo sighed, floating down to Tabby. "I thought she'd NEVER leave! So what do you want to do first?" A broad smile lit the girl's face and Cosmo instantly returned it.
"PIZZA!" they cried and ran for the kitchen.
"So what movies did she leave us?" Cosmo asked a little later as he settled himself on the big couch and began flipping through the TV channels. Tabby flipped through the stack of DVDs from atop the set, wrinkling her nose at each one. Cosmo snickered. "They must be REALLY good."
"Two nature documentaries, an in-depth study of the letter Q throughout history, and one called 'The Lost Little Bunny and the Mystery of Puff-Pie Mountain'." She looked over at her godfather, who was still busily clicking through the channels. "Is she serious?" He shrugged.
"I guess we're SO immature that we need to be sheltered from the big, bad real world, where GOOD movies and violence and—OOOH!" His eyes went wide as he landed on an old black and white sci-fi movie. "This! Let's watch this!"
Tabby walked back to the couch and flopped down, sending her godfather bouncing up slightly. The movie was just starting, and the faded credits passed slowly.
"What's it called?" she asked, grabbing some popcorn from the large, overflowing bowl they had brought. Cosmo shrugged.
"I missed the whole title, but it has something to do with an alien monster! COOL!" Tabby glanced worriedly at her godfather.
"Are you sure you should watch something like this?" she asked, making him look at her in surprise. "I mean, you know how you get sometimes."
"What do you mean?" he asked, looking hurt. She shrugged, softening her gaze.
"Well, you DID have nightmares for a week after we watched ET," she said softly. "And he wasn't even supposed to be scary." He waved his hand dismissively.
"Oh that!" he said with a laugh. "Ancient history!"
"It was a month ago."
"Yeah, well," he stammered, looking annoyed. "THIS is a movie from the 50s. It doesn't have all those fancy-shmancy computer special effects—LOOK!" He pointed to the TV, where an obvious model rocket ship was suspended on an obvious string, dangling before an obvious fake backdrop. "If THAT'S how special the special effects are, there's no problem, right?"
Tabby raised an eyebrow as she thought about this logic. He made a good point. Monster movies from the 50s never had what you would call 'cutting edge' special effects, by any stretch of the imagination. The alien or monster usually meant some guy in a poorly made rubber suit. Even Cosmo could handle that, right? She shrugged as she settled back into the couch.
"Okay," she said with a sigh. "As long as you don't get scared."
Cosmo cheered and scooped up a handful of popcorn, half of which spilled to the floor as he brought it to his mouth. A nagging voice in the back of Tabby's head whispered to her, telling her this was a bad idea, but she dismissed it as merely a remnant of Wanda's obvious paranoia. Her godmother had been so sure that something would go wrong, how could she NOT feel at least somewhat worried that the little pink haired fairy was right?
Over an hour later, Tabby jerked slightly as she awoke from a light doze. They were an hour and a half into the movie, and she surmised that the big 'kill the alien monster' climax was coming up soon. She had watched about 45 minutes of it—rolling her eyes as the wooden actors methodically spouted the awful dialog in monotone voices—before succumbing to the sheer boredom and falling asleep. Judging by how quickly she could reconnect with the 'storyline', she guessed she didn't really miss all that much.
She yawned and stretched, grunting in surprise when her left hand bumped into a barrier. She looked over and, in the flickering light of the television, made out the shape of a little 'fort', constructed from what appeared to be tempered steel. She stared slack-jawed for a few seconds before rolling her eyes. She was only asleep for a little over half an hour!
Carefully inching herself off the couch, Tabby slowly leaned over to peer into the small slit in the front of the metal box. She wasn't stupid—if her godfather was scared enough to erect a steel fort, who knew what kind of 'defenses' he had also created. She carefully peered inside the dark box, squinting her eyes to try and make out his shape.
"Cosmo?" she called softly, leaning closer. "Are you in there?" A flash of green whizzed by as he lifted his head.
"Tabby?" he whispered, and her heart gave a little jump from the quiver in his voice. He just sounded so scared. His large green eyes darted back and forth quickly. "Are you okay?" She smiled warmly.
"Of course I'm okay," she said gently, soothingly. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Because the alien—"
"Is just a guy in a suit," she finished for him. "And that guy is just in the TV, see?" She pointed behind her, where a guy in a poorly fabricated alien costume 'wrestled' with the hero on the screen. "There's no one here but you and me."
"You don't know that!" he cried, near hysterics. "The alien could be upstairs! Or in the garage! Or the basement! Or the attic! There could be a monster under your bed or behind the fridge or in the toilet bowl—"
"Cosmo, there are NO aliens OR monsters in the house," she said with a roll of her eyes, nearing the end of her patience. "Will you get out of that thing? You look ridiculous."
He looked at her for a few seconds before pulling away from the eye slit. Tabby saw a bright flash from within the box before it vanished completely, leaving Cosmo hanging in mid-air, his head darting around quickly to look in all directions at once. At his chest he held his wand, clutched tightly in both fists.
"I knew this would happen," she said, straightening up. "The movie scared you, just like I thought it would." Cosmo flew up to face her, looking hurt.
"I'm not scared!"
"Cosmo, you built yourself a little steel fort!"
"It was . . . cozy," he stammered, fidgeting with his wand. "I always build forts when I watch movies. Really." Tabby raised an eyebrow at him.
"Uh huh," she said, crossing her arms. "And what about the wand? You promised Wanda you wouldn't use magic tonight, remember?"
"I . . . uh . . . well, I needed it to make my fort."
"The fort you 'need' in order to watch movies."
"Uh huh."
"Why didn't you just use the couch cushions?"
"Because that wouldn't stop the alien!" he cried before slapping a hand over his mouth.
"AHA!" she exclaimed, pointing a finger at him. "So you WERE scared!" He dropped his hand and looked at her for a minute, eyes wide, lower lip trembling.
"YES!" he cried, throwing his arms around her and sobbing into her chest. "The alien was so scary and it sucked out people's brains and turned them into zombies and I started hearing noises and I got scared so I went upstairs and got my wand and made a fort and . . . and . . ." He threw his head back and sobbed loudly. "I DON'T WANT MY BRAIN SUCKED OUT!"
Tabby waited until a number of obvious retorts to his last statement played through her mind before replying. "So, it would have been okay if MY brain was sucked out?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. He looked at her questioningly.
"Huh?"
"Let's say, for the sake of argument, that there actually IS and alien in the house. There ISN'T," she said sternly as he opened his mouth, "but let's just SAY there is. While you're safe in your little fort, I'm out in the open, a regular smorgasbord for any hungry alien. How would you explain to Wanda why I'm a zombie?"
"Too much TV?" he said shakily after thinking quietly for a minute. Tabby smiled and nodded.
"Exactly," she said, and clicked the TV off. "And I think you've had enough for tonight."
"AWWW!" Cosmo whined as he flew to the screen and pressed his fingers against the glass. "Now how do I see how they kill the alien?"
"Cosmo, they kill the monster in practically the exact same way in those old movies!" she cried, carrying the bowl of leftover popcorn to the kitchen. She turned and pushed the swinging door open with her back as Cosmo followed. "They use some big bomb, or some experimental ray gun, or some extremely convenient lethal weapon that just HAPPENS to be lying around, just where they HAPPEN to be hiding. It's so ridiculous!"
"Nuh uh!" he said angrily as Tabby set the bowl on the island. She looked up at him, hands on her hips.
"Yuh huh! Name ONE movie where there isn't some incredibly convenient—and totally unbelievable—coincidence that saves the day. Just ONE!"
Cosmo twirled his wand in his hands distractedly as he thought. Meanwhile, Tabby moved the popcorn bowl to the sink and rinsed it, before munching on a slice of the leftover pizza. She dropped it after one bite—it was cold and she didn't much care for cold pizza.
"OH!" he cried after a few minutes of intense thought. "What about that one where the monster chased that lady into the woods, and there was no one in the old abandoned cabin, so she—"
"Wait a minute," Tabby interrupted, catching his line of thinking. "That's the one where she was the expert archer and managed to fashion a bow from a tree branch and her bootlaces, and just happened to find a straight pointy stick to use as an arrow. Yeah, you're right, that's TOTALLY believable."
"Oh yeah?" he asked angrily as they headed back to the living room. "Well, so what? It's so easy for YOU to stand there and make fun, when YOU don't have to kill the monster!"
"There ARE no monsters!" Tabby shouted, his anger rubbing off on her. "For crying out loud, Cosmo! Monsters aren't real! They're like Bigfoot, and Nessie, and fair—ugh." She slapped a hand to her forehead, utterly flabbergasted at what she was about to say. She was so used to having her godparents in her life, she sometimes completely forgot what they were.
Cosmo crossed his arms, a smug look on his face.
"Fairies aren't real, huh?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "Then what am I? Your imaginary friend?" She looked at him, annoyed.
"Look, I didn't . . . I mean I was GOING to say . . ." He was nodding, almost condescendingly. She scowled. "UGH! This is so STUPID!" she cried before walking toward the staircase.
"What's so stupid about it?" Cosmo asked as he flew in her way, bringing her to a halt. "Look, I'm a fairy, and I'm real, right? Doesn't that mean that monsters could be real too?"
"NO!" she shouted, throwing her hands above her head. "Monsters are just the things Hollywood puts in movies to make the hero look brave and-or smart. They may look big and ferocious, but in the end, they're always destroyed relatively easily. REAL monsters, IF they existed at all, would be SO much harder to kill, because the hero wouldn't be CONVENIENTLY thrown into a situation that puts him at the advantage!"
"How do you know?" Cosmo shouted, throwing his arms wide. "Maybe monsters ARE real, and maybe they ARE easy to beat!"
Thoroughly frustrated and fed up with the whole idiotic argument, Tabby ran her fingers through her hair and shouted, "I wish I could show you how hard it would be to get rid of a REAL monster!"
The starry tip of Cosmo's wand—which Tabby had all but forgotten he was holding—glowed brightly. They stared with wide eyes as it flashed before going dim again. Then they merely stared at each other. Cosmo whimpered.
"Uh oh."
End of Chapter 1