The (hopefully) exciting (and non-disappointing) conclusion! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: All FOP Characters belong to Butch Hartman and Nickelodeon, but Tabby and the Monster belong to Me.
Chapter 3
Cosmo glumly buzzed along, his little housefly wings beating fiercely to keep him aloft. He flew through the living room and stopped at the swinging kitchen door, listening to the deafening silence that filled the room. After hovering for a minute, he decided he'd rather have his wings torn off than go inside, and turned around to head back upstairs. He stopped when he saw Tabby watching him through the posts on the banister, and she waved at him, mouthing the words 'Go on!'. For a split second he considered refusing and just going back upstairs and hiding until the beast left, but he knew if HE didn't go into the kitchen, SHE would. And, disguised as a housefly, HE had a better chance of coming back out alive.
After taking a deep breath for courage, Cosmo flew through the crack in the door, and into the den of the beast.
When the fridge fell, it had knocked the edge of the island and broken the corner off. It lay on its side, doors hanging open, spilling all the contents onto the floor. Various fluids pooled on the tile, and the creature had apparently licked at—and stepped through—most of them. Odd pawprints littered the floor, seemingly going everywhere. Cosmo tried to follow them, but gave up after a minute. Lines of tracks crisscrossed each other, making it impossible to follow any one set. With a frown, he completed his examination of the room and slipped back out the door.
"Well?" Tabby whispered as she stepped off the bottom stair.
"It's not in there!" he whisper-shouted. She gawked at him.
"What do you mean it's not there?" she asked worriedly. He put his little fly arms on his non-existent little fly hips as he flew to her.
"What, am I speaking French?" he quipped sarcastically. "The thing's not in the kitchen!"
"Well where is it?"
"How should I know!" he asked, throwing his arms in the air. "You want me to cover myself in barbeque sauce and ring the dinner bell to lure it out?"
"Would you?" she asked sarcastically, making him scowl at her. "That'd be great!"
It was then she became aware of a low growling behind her. She froze, the color draining from her face. She wanted to smack herself for forgetting about the OTHER swinging door in the kitchen, the one that led to the dining room—a room that she had never really been in, mostly because her parents were never home for real 'family' meals in there. But there it was, the alternate route the creature had discovered. It must have gone back through the kitchen, into the dining room, which in turn led to the great room, the room behind the wall the stairs were against. This was where the thing had been hiding, and this was where it had been carefully stalking Tabby as she stood at the foot of the stairs arguing with her godfather.
"Aw, crap," she muttered, gripping the banister post tightly. Cosmo stared at her, shaking visibly.
"Tabby . . .?" he whispered shakily. She looked at him, steeling herself for a quick escape.
"Cosmo . . ." she said quietly, slowly moving her hands to better positions on the post. "RUN!"
Her godfather flew straight up as she swung herself around the post and ran flat out toward the kitchen. The beast snorted in surprise and launched itself after her, snapping at her heels. She faintly wondered why she hadn't put on another pair of shoes before coming back down, but quickly lost track of the thought as she hit the swinging door, forcing it open so fast it slammed into the wall behind it. It hadn't swung even halfway shut before the creature sprinted through it, growling angrily.
Tabby had meant to make a wide arc and head through the door to the dining room, but the combination of her socks and the wet messes on the tile floor made for a slippery course. She hit a puddle of yogurt and had just enough time to utter a surprised "Whoa!" before colliding with the fallen fridge. She hit it waist high, her momentum flipping her over and behind it, where she plunged wrist deep into a large, fresh, steaming pile of monster dung.
Before she could do more than utter a disgusted "UGH!", the creator of the warm, sticky pile mounted the fridge, snarling and growling down at her. She could feel the heated air from its three nostrils, and her throat tightened against a scream. She was pretty sure she had never been so scared in her life.
"TABBY!" her godfather cried, and the monster jerked back as if yanked. She flattened herself to look around the top of the fridge and discovered Cosmo, now a large green elephant, holding the monster's knobby tail tightly with his trunk.
"RUN!" he shouted as the monster thrashed and writhed in his grip. It snapped at the trunk, uttering a strange, low-pitched bark between growls.
Tabby had no sooner regained her footing when the creature gave a fierce jerk, freeing its tail and turning on the elephant. It swiped with one deadly paw, and Cosmo jerked backwards, just missing the claws by inches. The creature then swung it's muscled body in a full circle, its heavy tail knob connecting solidly with the elephant's head. Dazed, Cosmo returned to his fairy form, falling back toward the wall. The creature advanced on him slowly, its lips pulled back in a fierce snarl.
"NO!" Tabby cried, and her godfather blinked quickly, shaking his head slightly and regaining whatever sense he had to begin with. His eyes widened and he cried out as the monster tentatively tasted his foot with its long forked tongue. Panic set in and he kicked his legs wildly, scooting himself back toward the wall as quickly as physically possible. The creature followed him slowly, wrapping its tongue around the terrified fairy's ankle.
"COSMO!" Tabby screamed, her voice cracking shrilly. The beast cringed with a whimper, and its ears curled in on themselves momentarily, as the long tongue slipped quickly back into its mouth. Her heart skipped a beat as hope blossomed.
"Cover your ears!" she shouted to her godfather, who immediately obeyed, but gave her a confused look. The beast turned quickly to 'look' at her, startled by the new voice.
Tabby inhaled deeply and let loose the loudest, shrillest, longest shriek she could produce. The monster hunkered close to the floor, whimpering in pain and curling it's twitching ears as flat against its head as possible. Its knobby tail pounded repeatedly against the floor, leaving indentations at each spot it hit and large, deep scratches appeared in the tile wherever its claws dug in. Its entire body trembled violently in pain.
As her breath dwindled, Tabby thought frantically for her next move. She couldn't very well scream at the thing all night long, her vocal chords would never hold out, and besides, what would the neighbors think? Her powerful shriek ended in a hoarse whimper, and an idea suddenly flashed. As the creature continued to tremble before her, she moved quickly, breathing hard.
Cosmo slowly dropped the hands from his ears as he watched the creature whimper before him. Tabby had run out of breath for her shriek, and was now practically crawling into a cabinet, seeming to search for something. He slowly got to his hands and knees and, completely forgetting he had the power of flight, crawled towards his goddaughter.
When Cosmo was halfway to her, the beast suddenly shook its head violently and regained its feet. The fairy froze, watching as the thing flared its nostrils to sniff the air. It immediately turned its blind head towards him, curling its lips back in what looked like an evil grin.
"Tabby?" the green haired fairy called slowly, his body shaky uncontrollably. "Help?"
His fear seemed to amuse the beast, the grin seeming to widen. It hunkered down, preparing to pounce. Cosmo closed his eyes tightly, preparing to be dinner.
In his darkness, Cosmo heard a loud 'CLANG!', followed by a whimper. He threw his eyes open in shock and saw Tabby standing over the monster, a large cast iron skillet clutched tightly in her fists, and a look of pure fury on her face. She had brought the skillet down squarely on the beast's head, hitting it right where its eyes should have been.
"Down boy!" she cried as she lifted the skillet high over her head. With a grunt, she swung the heavy pan again, smacking the creature flat on the snout. "DOWN!"
The beast howled in pain and rage, flinging the skillet off its head and whirling on Tabby. She held the pan before her, poking the nightmare in the nose.
"GO!" she yelled to Cosmo. "I wish there was a monster trap in the dining room!"
Her godfather nodded quickly and flew to the next room, producing a flash of light as he granted her wish. She poked the beast once more in the nose with her skillet, before it opened its mouth wide and clamped down on it, severing the bowl from the handle. It chewed the metal as it growled deep within its throat.
"Wow," she muttered shakily as she looked from the now skillet-less handle she still held to the monster before her munching on the rest. "That's . . . impressive."
As if in response, it turned its head and spat the now twisted used-to-be skillet to the floor. Then it turned back to her, snarling loudly.
Acting almost on impulse, Tabby jabbed forward and shoved the severed handle straight into the beast's middle nostril. There was dung smeared on it from her hands, and the jagged edge of the bitten metal scratched the sensitive inner skin of the thing's nose. It howled in pain and thrashed its head violently to dislodge the piece of metal as she ran past, into the dining room. With one final violent shake, the handle flew free and her monster followed her with murderous intent.
Cosmo hovered by the doorway as Tabby streaked past him, stopping only when she reached the end of the dining room. The beast was close behind, barking and growling constantly. When it reached the center of the room, Cosmo waved his wand quickly, and a large net appeared, lifting the startled creature into the air. It struggled and thrashed, voicing its extreme displeasure for all to hear.
"Cosmo!" Tabby cried, hands on hips.
"I did it!" her godfather cheered happily. "We caught it!"
"Not for long!" Tabby shouted, pointing to the struggling creature. Its claws were slicing very easily through the rope net Cosmo had laid as a trap. "Why on earth did you pick ROPE?"
"I got nervous!" he yelled back, hands in the air. "Besides, I didn't hear any design specifics from YOU!"
Before Tabby had a chance to counter, the monster freed itself with a triumphant roar. It landed on its feet, breathing hard and swinging its head back and forth between girl and fairy. It seemed to be deciding which one should be taken down first.
It finally decided and turned toward Cosmo, charging the fairy with its head down. Cosmo screamed and covered his eyes with his hands, too scared to flee. Tabby growled and ran forward, grabbing the monster in a flying tackle and tumbling them both to the floor. Before the beast could regain it's footing, she kicked it in the stomach and climbed onto its back, wrapping her legs around it tightly. She then grabbed the thing's ears, and pulled back hard, making it rear into a standing position.
The beast uttered a furious roar, galloping in mad circles about the room as it tried to shake the girl off. She yanked hard on its ears, steering it this way and that, giving it a good jab in the ribs with her heels when it protested.
"What are you doing?" Cosmo cried, watching the strange rodeo in the dining room.
"What does it look like?" she shot back as she steered her mount hard to the left. "Keeping it from eating YOU! Now DO something!"
"Like what?" he called, trying not to laugh. Watching his goddaughter ride a monster like a bucking bronco was kind of funny.
"We need a trap or something!" she shouted, giving her 'steed' a good hard kick in the ribs.
"OOH, no!" Cosmo called, crossing his arms defiantly. "You didn't like the trap I made. YOU come up with one."
"Ugh, for crying out loud," she muttered, yanking back hard on the monster's ears. "Fine! I wish there was a 4-foot brick wall in the great room! That specific enough for ya?"
Cosmo stuck his tongue out at her as he raised his wand, granting her wish. A 4-foot brick wall appeared at the far end of the great room, and Tabby steered the monster toward the back of the dining room in order to get as long a runway as possible.
"Here goes nothing," she told herself as she turned the beast around and gave it a good hard kick in the ribs to 'encourage' it to run. It obliged, running toward the brick wall as fast as possible, still bucking and kicking to try and dislodge the unwanted passenger on its back. Tabby held firm, and after giving it one more good kick to ensure its pace, she let go of the ears and rolled herself off as the monster hit the wall, running full force.
The sound that erupted from the force of the beast's skull connecting with the brick wall wasn't as much of a 'thud' as it was a 'crunch'. It stopped in mid-snarl and hung stuck to the wall for a second before slowly sliding to the floor. It landed in a crumpled heap, twitching twice before lying still, completely unconscious.
Tabby and Cosmo slowly approached the downed creature, their hearts thumping wildly.
"Is it . . . dead?" Cosmo asked timidly. Tabby prodded it with her foot, producing a low moan.
"Nope, just out cold. I bet it's going to have one doozy of a headache when it wakes up, though."
"So, now what do we do? How do we get rid of it?" Tabby shrugged, sighing.
"I dunno. Too bad it's not as easy as just saying 'I wish it was a cockroach'," she said with a small laugh—which promptly died in her throat when Cosmo's wand glowed. In a flash, the monstrous beast they had battled was nothing more than a cockroach, its little legs twitching slightly as it lay on its back. She turned and glared at her godfather.
"Heh," he laughed shakily, a crooked smile on his lips. "Never thought of that."
"You have GOT to be kidding me," Tabby muttered through gritted teeth before reaching over and grabbing her godfather by the shirt collar. "Do you realize how much trouble we could have avoided had you just suggested trying that over an hour ago?"
"YOU didn't think of it either!" he shot back, bonking her on the head with his wand. "Why is everything always MY fault?"
"Because!" she wittily countered as she rubbed her knuckles into his hair. He struggled in her grip until turning himself into an octopus and tickling her with his many arms. She fell to the floor, laughing hard and struggling to push him off. After a few minutes of this tension releasing wrestling, they calmed and sat on the floor to catch their breath.
"Well, THAT was an exciting night," Tabby said as she sat leaning back on her arms. Cosmo nodded.
"Yep." He looked at her and wrinkled his nose. "You smell like monster poop."
She looked at him, a half smile on her lips. "Yeah? So do you."
Surprised, he sniffed his arm, wrinkling his nose again. "Ugh, I do."
They sat silent for a moment, each absorbed in their thoughts, but both staring at the cockroach that used to be a deadly monster. Its legs twitched regularly, apparently regaining consciousness.
"So," Cosmo said quietly. "What do we do with it? You gonna kill it?" Tabby seemed to consider this before finally shaking her head.
"Nah," she said, getting to her feet. "It's just a little bug now. It's not really a fair fight anymore." Her godfather gave her a strange look.
"Like it was a fair fight BEFORE?" he asked, floating to her level. She shrugged.
"We won didn't we?"
"Does that mean I was right or you were? From our argument before, I mean." She shrugged again.
"Let's call it even," she said, offering her hand. "Deal?" He thought about it for a minute before nodding and putting out his own.
"Deal," he said as they shook. "Ugh! I forgot you had poop on your hand!" Tabby laughed as the little green haired fairy frantically rubbed his smelly hand down his white shirt.
"Hello! I'm home!" a familiar voice called from upstairs. Tabby and Cosmo stared wide-eyed at each other for a second before running to the bottom of the stairs.
"Wanda's back!" Cosmo cried, nearing panic.
"I wish everything was back to normal!" Tabby hissed as she grabbed him and ran to the couch, flopping them down upon it. As the wish fixed everything, she grabbed the remote and flicked the set on. They feigned interest in the man shouting on the infomercial as Wanda floated down the stairs.
"Hey!" she called as she approached the couch. "I'm back! How did things go tonight?" Girl and godfather exchanged a glance before looking back at the pink haired fairy.
"Fine," they replied in unison. Wanda narrowed her eyes at them.
"Really?" she prodded. "You mean nothing happened?" Another glance.
"Nope," they answered. Wanda looked almost disappointed.
"Oh. Well, that's good. Great! Maybe I should leave you two home alone more often."
"NO!" Tabby and Cosmo shouted, almost without realizing it. Wanda gave them a questioning glance as Cosmo flew to his wife.
"Wh-what we mean is, uh," he stammered through a crooked smile. "We missed you tonight."
"Yeah," Tabby agreed as she turned the TV off and joined her godparents. "Why don't we go upstairs and you can tell us about your night?" Wanda looked from husband to godchild for a few seconds before shrugging.
"Oookay," she said slowly, floating back towards the stairs. "But first make sure all the windows are closed. I keep thinking I smell manure!"
After exchanging a quick glance, Tabby and Cosmo followed Wanda upstairs.
"Let's never speak of this night ever again," Tabby whispered. Cosmo nodded.
"Deal."
fini