Chapter 3: Already Gone
I must be experiencing déja vu, Harry thought as he watched the quickly falling snow outside of Grimauld Place. Had it really been a year to this day that he had told Ginny of how he felt? It had snowed then too, casting a beautiful glow on her as she had entered the room.
Time takes a hold.
He thought back to the night before he had left and a smile graced his lips. She had looked so beautiful, so little compared to the rest of the world and all of its problems. It had killed him to tell her the next day that they needed to break up. It was all for her safety, but of course she wouldn't listen to a word he said. It made him chuckle now thinking about it, until the reality of the situation set in and his somber mood returned. She was no longer his, but he knew she was waiting.
I know you're waiting.
Harry pulled a picture out of his pocket and unfolded it. It was almost falling apart at the seams. A tear slid down his cheek as he watched the woman he loved dancing circles in the sun trying to convince him to join her. If he had only joined her. And now she was fading out of the photograph. His last remembrance from her.
But now you're fading from me.
The six months that had passed since he had left Hogwarts had drawn on slowly as if to test his will, to see how long he could hold on. To see how long until he broke. Harry felt like he had left his life behind for nothing when he thought about how little progress had been made.
He hoped she would understand.
Hope against hope.
Ginny would be there in his dreams at night, tormenting him. He could hear her calling his name in the dark; swear that she was in the room. But when he woke there would be nothing but the dust, and her voice would haunt him through the day.
I hear you calling out.
She would be so close that he could almost touch her, but then she would slip away.
But now you're falling out of reach.
I want to go home.
Come back alright.
Please don't leave me in my dreams without you.
Come back. I can't let you go.
I love you.
I want you to know.
But how could he wish her to still love him. It had been six months since he had left. He chided himself for being so selfish. Why was he fooling himself? She was probably already gone.
You were already gone. Aren't you?
I just can't let you go.
I can't let you go.
It was her anniversary. Well, it would have been their anniversary had Harry not had to go all noble and leave her, all for her safety of course. She could take care of herself, Ginny thought bitterly. It's not me who he should be worrying about.
She stared off into the darkness, thinking, her eyes glassy. Things should have been so different. If things had gone her way, she thought selfishly, she and Harry would be curled up in their favorite couch in front of the fire sharing a butterbeer and laughing about how it couldn't possibly be a year since they had gotten together. It had gone so fast. But no, the days, the months, they just seem to drag on. Where are you now?
Hope against hope.
Ginny couldn't bear to think of him somewhere alone tonight, this cold dreary night. She watched the snow fall and made a silent promise to him that she would wait forever. She hoped he was doing the same.
I know you're waiting.
She was trying desperately to hold onto any and every memory that she had of him. She frantically searched her mind for remembrances of him, but her thoughts seemed to be slipping away.
But now you're fading from me.
Six months was catching up with her. She felt like a widow pining over a lost love. A love that was never to return. No! He will come back to me! He has to. He promised.
Time takes a hold.
She grabbed onto a memory that was flitting past. Their last goodbye. They had stood in the same place by the trees as they had lain in the night before. Her eyes were puffy and red as he kissed each eyelid and told her that she was the most beautiful woman in the world. At that moment though she hadn't felt like it, and now staring out the window with a deep frown crossing her freckled face, she still didn't. She had watched him cross the lawn to the gates flanked by the winged boars in silence until he had reached the point of no return where she had let out a quiet but strangled farewell. As if he had heard her hushed goodbye he had turned around and gave a silent nod. A silent call. Wait for me.
I hear you calling out.
The memory passed, and she was left with nothing but that gnawing emptiness that she had started the evening, and every day since he had left, with. She went over to her jewelry box on her bedside table and opened the intricately carved lid, but when she opened it she stopped breathing. The locket he had given her was gone. She cried out in desperation. Now she had nothing left but his last nod.
But now you're falling out of reach.
Harry please come back. I have nothing left of you.
Come back alright.
Try as I might I can't let go of you. I don't want to.
Come back. I can't let you go.
Please hear me tonight.
I want you to know.
Ginny shivered in the cold of the dormitory. Who was she kidding? Why was she holding on so long? After six months he had probably moved on. She prayed greedily that he still felt the same way. But she knew that he was probably already gone.
You were already gone. Aren't you?
I just can't let you go.
I can't let you go.
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