Chapter Two

Ana found a cup and got herself a long drink of water. The shaking had returned, as well as the ice in her veins. Taking calming deep breaths, she tried to fight the urged to slam things around. She was also fighting the urge to run out of the hatch and into the water to join the ones that didn't make it to the island. She just wanted peace from herself and her nightmare. And for a moment, she thought she had found it.

She was never so happy as she had been when Sawyer shocked her out her breakdown. But she didn't show it. A split second later she realized where she was and how exposed she was. She might have blushed, but the Southerner was already beet red. If she had commented on it later, he would have sworn up and down that it was from fever, not embarrassment. As he spoke to her, she had felt that he was distinctly uncomfortable, but not because of her nakedness. Something else was bothering him. But she didn't stay to find out.

By the time he followed into the other room, she was dressed and thoroughly annoyed about the free show she had given him. She could hear it now. Everyone on the island already thought she was crazy; her slight breakdown in front of the con-man would probably make it worst. However, they fell into a nice, little pissing contest that made her feel better with every passing second. She knew that he wouldn't understand her need to forget, to block out all the pain and cold that was taking her more and more frequently lately. She liked the fact that he left well-enough alone, not asking her business, but unconsciously drawing her away from her terrible thoughts and feelings.

After he insulted her ability to seem female, she was truly enjoying herself. She had gotten a vibe about Sawyer the first time she saw him. He reminded her of some of the guys she had worked with at the station. They were full of crap, could play the dozens better than anyone she knew, and although some were soft under all that hot air, many weren't. But they still weren't bad people; they were just real. She knew that most of the steam was pretense, but it was fun because they got to the point rather quickly, instead of playing that polite society crap all the time. Sawyer had jokes. He was funny, brave, probably in a stupid way, a fighter, and more importantly, not hard on the eyes. She liked that he didn't respect her authority at first, because it meant that she could leave him, but finally, because it meant that he would be objective in a different way than Eko. He would tell her like it was, and she appreciated that more than he would ever know.

But what she really liked was that he didn't walk on eggshells around her. He didn't give a good darn if she lived or died, whether what he said hurt her feelings. Ana needed that more than anything, and only a few people gave her that normalcy.

Yet there was one truth she couldn't handle, and he had said it. He called her crazy. In an instant, ice sloshed through her veins, sound disappeared, and she was in the woods, smoking gun in hand, then dropping the weapons before the sad man waiting to be taken out of her misery. When she threatened Sawyer, she heard her own voice, the dare that he would make her crack and have to defend himself. Maybe then she would find peace when he kept his promise. I'm not dead…I'm not dead…I'm not dead. The statement blared in her head like a siren. She needed to escape it. Ana needed to run from it, but how could she run from herself? So instead she left him where he sat and walked back to get a drink, barely noticing the other woman who had come. She was probably there to make sure Ana didn't kill another of the 'tribe.'

Thirty minutes and two hundred deep breaths passed before she ventured into the room where she had left Sawyer. She felt calmer, the frigidness gone from her once again. The pain festering in the deep recesses of her mind was waiting to become severe mental illness. She found that Sawyer was no longer holding down the couch. He was probably in the back room. She vaguely remembered hearing the woman fuss over him, mumbling that he needed to get rest. Knowing Sawyer, he was eating it up. That Kate chick had more than one guy's undies in a bunch. Ana had seen the way Jack looked at Kate. She understood why he asked her about crazy women that evening at the beach. It seemed that he had some feelings for the woman, but Ana didn't know how strong or for how long.

When she entered the room with the bunks, she found Sawyer stretched out, smiling, with dimples in full force. Kate was sitting next to him, laughing at something he had said. Ana watched them a full minute before interrupting.

"So I take it you are going to push the button first?"

Sawyer and Kate glanced at her. Kate studied Ana a second before turning to Sawyer, who was frowning.

"You take it wrong, Chica. You got it. As you can see, I'm busy…"

"No, you're not. You take first shift." She turned on her heels.

"You take it. I ain't movin'."

Ana shrugged. "Then I guess we'll find out what happens when the numbers hit zero." She kept walking, leaving Sawyer to shout, "Yeah, we'll see!"

Kate stared at Ana's retreating form. Something flashed in her eyes and she stood up.

"Sawyer, I better go…"

"Naw, Freckles. Stay a little longer, Sugar. Don't let her bother you none."

Kate shrugged. "She doesn't bother me. It's just that I told J...uh, them that I would be back by now."

Sawyer heard the slip, but said only, "What are you doing?" Who are you doing? He thought snidely.

"Nothing much. But I did tell Claire that I would help her with Aaron and …"

Wonk, wonk, wonk, wonk, wonk, wonk was what Sawyer heard. It's what he always heard when she was deliberately being evasive. He watched her back halfway out the room before he started paying attention to her words.

"Don't let the numbers hit zero, Sawyer. I mean I know she might be off, but you aren't, and we can't afford anymore unknowns around here."

Sawyer rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right. What the hell is so important about them buttons?"

Kate shrugged and turned. "I don't know, but right now, I'd rather not find out. See ya later." She disappeared through the arch, leaving an irritated Sawyer. Just when things were starting to get interesting with Kate, something always held her back. He knew it wasn't Ana, but looking at Ana reminded Kate of something, and she left like something was on fire.

Ana watched the woman zip out. She almost tripped Kate because she heard what Kate had said about her. Letting it go, she sat on one of the stools and relaxed. She had found her equilibrium again and she wasn't about to spoil it. She studied the room, trying to find something to do, when her eye caught something on the shelf behind some dusty books. She walked over to the shelf and pushed aside the books. Finding a deck of cards, she pulled them out with a slight smile. She blew the dust off and turned. She walked back to the room and placed the cards on the table before dragging a chair closer to it. She had just settled when she heard Sawyer come into the room. She felt his eyes on her as she opened the box. She removed the jokers and shuffled before looking up staring back at him. Sawyer left the doorway and brought a chair to the table. He sat down to watch her before saying, "You have a way of making people's lives miserable."

She didn't say a thing, instead dealing out a hand. Five cards landed in front of them both. He stared at her like she had lost her mind, but slowly picked up his hand.

"What we playin', Xena?"

"Five card draw. Know it?"

He nodded. "Anything wild?"

"No."

They played a couple of hands with minimal conversation. Sawyer won them both, with a big smirk on his face. Ana just shuffled and continued to deal out cards. She wasn't quite ready to speak to the man across from her. She was still smarting from what he had said to her and she figured that if she could contain her need to call him every derogatory name under the sun, that was good enough.

Sawyer dropped two cards. Two more flew in his direction, and he studied his hand. This time he had crap, but what the heck? Maybe she did too. He waited for her, studying her face. He already knew he liked her looks, especially when she wasn't looking like she was fit to kill. Her smile was pretty sexy, just because it held the promise of so many interesting possibilities. Yet, he noticed that though she was a lot calmer, she was making a conscious effort to not look at him. He wondered about it until he remembered what he had said to her. Sawyer thought a moment before tossing his cards on the table. Ana looked up at him, then frowned.

"What gives?"

"I fold."

"Fine," she said, collecting the cards.

Sawyer leaned back into his seat. "So, you plan on explaining that little comment?"

Ana stared at him like he had grown a third head. "What comment?"

"About not pushing the button?"

She rolled her eyes. "There's nothing to explain. I ain't pushing the button this time. I'll go next then…"

"Then I'll end up pushing that damn thing twice. Naw, that's alright. You do it…"

"Well, considering you're not 'busy' now, what's keeping you from doing it?"

"The same thing that keeps you from doing it. I don't intend to, especially twice."

"What's the big deal? You live down here. It's not an inconvenience for you to do it…"

"It's not a inconvenience for you either."

Ana sat for a moment before dealing the cards again. "Look." She picked up her cards and studied them before continuing. "Your girlfriend has run off, so…"

"Yeah, cause of you, party crasher…"

Ana snorted. "What is it about this woman? Guys all over this island sniffing behind her like she's in heat."

Sawyer's eyes got narrow. "What's that mean?"

Ana stared at him, "Don't pretend that you don't know. You, Jack, and a few other guys whose names I don't know all sweatin' the same chick, and from what it looks like, she got all ya'll wrapped around her finger so tight that for a smidgen of her time you would probably fight like the Thunderdome for it."

Sawyer saw the jealous glint in her eyes. Picking up his cards, he studied them a moment before throwing out three. "So I take it that there have been no takers for the kind lovin' you offerin'?"

"Please. I'm not offering anything…as you so eloquently said, I'm a loon. Who wants to be around someone who can crack at any moment?" She slammed her cards back onto the table. "Fold."

Sawyer laid his cards down. When Ana went to collect them, he covered her hand with his own.

"What happened out there?" he asked softly.

Ana snatched her hand back. She glared at him briefly, before shuffling furiously. Then she tossed the cards in his direction, not really caring where they landed.

He snorted. "Must have hit a nerve."

Ana glared up from her cards, noticing that he was shaking his head. "What the hell do you care? You know the answer, remember? I cracked up. That's why she got shot! God forbid I was trying to protect what was left of the people that came on that trip. Let's forget that the Other's had just snatched up Cindy while we were hauling your heavy ass up a hill that we wouldn't have had to climb except that it would get your dying ass back to your people faster. No one wants to hear that the Others were all around us, whispering like the freaks they are, throwing us off. Or the fact that I didn't see anything but a blur coming for us. I just killed the girl because Ana is crazy, and didn't have anything better to do. Forget the fact that I offered that chick's boyfriend a chance to have his revenge. But instead of taking it he called me a walking corpse." She tossed four cards picking up four from the deck before throwing them out. " Nope. I just shot some girl in cold blood and that sums it up. Fold."

Sawyer watched her rant with a cool distance. When she finished, she leaned back into the chair with such heavy exhaustion that he thought she would pass out. He could see the weight of the world on her shoulders, burdening her beyond the Shannon shooting. Something else was tearing her up inside--he could tell because he felt that same exhaustion when he was alone with his thoughts, especially about Frank Sawyer.

He didn't ask though, just processing the answer. Finally, he smiled.

"Well, accidents happen, chica, and I, for one, appreciate you getting me back to this wonderful slice of paradise."

She frowned at him before sitting up straight.

"You can't be that fked up? She died."

Sawyer calmly collected the cards with his good arm and stacked them neatly, before looking at her seriously.

"Yeah. She did. But it was an accident, or else I doubt that the Sayid or the good Doctor, for that matter, would have you walking around here all free and clear."

She examined his cool expression. She didn't understand him, or the whole point of the conversation, until she saw guilt flint through his eyes. She blinked, thinking she didn't see it, but it was gone as quick as it appeared.

Sawyer knew what she was trying to do, but there was no way he was going to share his dirty little secrets with her. He had learned a long time ago that people couldn't gain power over you if they don't ever about the skeletons. It was bad enough that Kate had the ability to twist him up. He didn't need another woman doing that. Besides he just wanted to find out from her what everyone on the island knew. He wasn't trying to get anything more, at least not yet.

"Deal," he said.

Ana slowly picked up the deck. She shuffled, then kept a curious eye on him while she breathed a sigh of relief. It was liberating to finally snap out the anger and pain of the shooting. What she found more surprising was that she didn't feel cold from being reminded of it. In fact, Sawyer's statement of it being accidental did more for her than anything said or told to her this week. But she felt exposed, naked before him, and she wasn't about to have that.

"Fine, but if I win this hand you have to answer my question, and no bull either. You game?"

Sawyer looked wary. He wasn't about to start playing Dr. Freud over cards with this woman.

"What do I get if I win?"

She shrugged. "Same thing, but what is said here stays here. No loose lips."

He weighed her statements. A strong part of him was telling him to leave it alone, but a growing part of him was curious.

"Deal."

Ana dealt. They both picked up their hands. Sawyer had an ace and a queen of the same suit, and three worthless cards. He tossed three and ended up with another queen, a two of hearts and a four of diamonds. It wasn't the best hand, but he had won with worst.

"So what you got there?"

Ana smiled. "What you got?"

"No. You go first. You made the bet, let's see if you can win."

"Fine," she said. She laid down her hand revealing two pair. "Well?"

Sawyer tossed his hand. "Ask away, Warrior Princess."

She leaned back, arms crossed. "What the hell is so special about Kate?"

Sawyer laughed, partly in relief. He thought she was going to delve into his past. But looking at her, he knew that she had deliberately let him off easy. Appreciating that, he gave her an honest answer.

"She's hot. She's pretty funny, tough as nails, resourceful, and did I say she was hot. I've been trying to have a little something with her. Why not, if we are going to be stuck on this island? But I got competition."

"Jack."

He noticed the soft way she said his name. So she has a thing for Doctor Jekyll.

"Yeah, him. She's been playing between us both."

Ana shook her head. "Why do you let her do that?"

"I don't let her do anything. I can't make her choose what she wants…"

"But you could choose to tell her to screw off and stop playing games."

"And let Jack have her? Hell naw. I got just as much right to want to be with a beautiful woman on this island. Hell, I know I look good and I'm just as smart…"

"Tssk. Okaaay," she said.

"What's so special about Jack?" Sawyer asked, irritated.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" she said with an easy smile. She gathered up the cards and began shuffling them again.

"Yeah. I'd like to know."

Ana smiled to herself and swiftly dealt out more cards. She picked up her hand, much to Sawyer's irritation. He tossed two and she tossed three. Both got their new cards and Sawyer tossed his hand down, showing three Jacks, ten high.

Ana frowned and revealed nothing but a hodgepodge of cards, the highest being a king.

"Well," said Sawyer.

Ana thought to play dumb. But seeing Sawyer's apparent frustration, she told him.

"Jack is sure of himself without being cocky. He is a thinker, he is smart, he gives a damn about people, and more importantly, he treats women with respect. But I can only tell you what I like about him. You have to ask that girl of yours what she likes, but only if you can get her attention away from him."

"Right. I bet you'd like that. Have Jack all to yourself."

"What!" Ana laughed nervously. "Please. He can do whatever he wants."

"That's not the point, Xena. You want him to do whatever he wants with you."

"I could say the same for you as far as Kate is concerned."

He was just about to answer when the alarm went off.

They both jumped slightly, then tried to pretend that they hadn't. They stared at each other, waiting to see who would move first to stop the countdown. As the blaring continued, Sawyer realized that a game of chicken wasn't going to benefit those on the island. Ana must have realized it too, because she shuffled the cards again.

"A quick game. Whoever has the best hand turns off the alarm." She dealt the cards.

Before looking at his hand Sawyer said, "Let's sweeten the deal. Whoever wins has to turn it off all three times."

Ana paused for a second, then nodded. They looked at their respective hands. Sawyer tossed two and Ana three. They got their new cards, rearranged their hands, then looked at each other.

"Okay, Rambina, what you got?"

"Why don't we drop at the same time, Cowboy? Then no one can then claim cheat."

"Fine."

Three seconds later, the cards dropped and Ana was gritting her teeth. She jumped up and ran to the other room. Once she was gone Sawyer took the three of clubs he had palmed and slipped it into the deck, smiling down at the ace he had snuck earlier. That gave him the current winning hand of a pair of aces to Ana's pair of tens.