Chapter Eight
A.N. I just wanted to thank you guys so much for your reviews, I love reviews...and that's what this authors note is about...NAG has become my baby, which is funny because it just started out as a story to kind of stretch my writing style (I don't usually write in first or present tense) but when I got a flood of reviews I kind of stuck with it. But I've noticed a lag in reviews and I would like to know if it's because my writing style changed and it's not as likeable? Or if the characters or plot aren't as interesting as they once were? Let me know if you have any suggestions...thanks! Anyway, on with the second half of the Christmas party. Because this is just a continuation of where we left off last chapter we won't have Lucy's traditional monologue to start us off, but there's a little something at the end!
"Lucy, you've been taking pictures all night, why don't you grab some food?" Mom's suggestion sounds good, after the revelation of Jamie's deep dark buried history (okay, okay sure it's not buried if I never asked but this way sounds more dramatic) I'd stuck myself on picture duty. Remember when I mentioned that some people believe I hide behind my camera? Well, they may be a little bit right.
"Have you seen Jamie?" I question letting my camera fall on the string around my neck.
"I haven't, no," Mom gestures to the crows still gathered in her small house, "but I'm sure he's in here somewhere."
"Okay, thanks Mom."
"Oh Luce," Mom grabs my hand as she collapses into the chair I've just vacated, and I realize she's sent me off to get food so she could steal my chair. "Rory's here and Logan is supposed to be here soon with the kids."
I nod, this means she wants me to go do the sister thing, "okay Mom."
I only make it about a foot further away before her call stops me again, "and Luce?"
I sigh and turn again, "yeah Mom?"
"Thanks for coming today," Mom offers an exhausted smile.
I nod again, "sure Mom." Moving back toward her I hug her briefly before straightening once more.
"I love you baby girl."
"I love you too, Mom."
"Okay, okay, go find Jamie and get something to eat."
I get almost to the kitchen when I find my five-year-old twin niece and nephew being helped out of their jackets by Logan, quickly before they notice me I take a few pictures. "Lucy, Lucy!" I've no sooner let go of my camera before both spot me and wrap their arms tightly around my legs.
Prying the little fingers from around my legs I crouch down to face them, "hey Charlie, hey Mark."
"Merry Christmas!" Both kids wrap their arms tightly around my neck.
"Merry Christmas to you too," Charlie and Mark were cute kids, and have everyone (I have to include myself in this) wrapped around their conniving fingers. Mark takes after Logan, but Charlie was all Gilmore from the same body structure, dark hair right down too (or would it be up to?) the trademark brilliant blue eyes.
Charlie pulls away first and then pulling Logan down to her level she whispers something quickly in his ear, "we made these for you." Charlie states once she's accepted two pieces of folded construction paper that Logan's pulled out of his jacket pockets.
"Did you guys make these?" I asks, after further inspecting the pictures decorated with various Christmas scenes.
"Yup!" Charlie and Mark declare together.
"They're beautiful," I kiss both before straightening. "Hi Logan," I hug my brother-in-law briefly.
"Hey Lucy, how's it going? How are you liking New York?"
"It's great, "I nod, "I like it a lot."
"No, that's where your wrong Swift didn't have nearly as large of an effect on Neoclassical literature as Pope." Jamie's voice reaches me from the kitchen.
"Logan will you excuse me?" I excuse myself quickly glad to be saved from the awkward small talk that Logan and I are constantly locked into. Rory and Logan got married when I was two and Logan had always been inexperienced and nervous around little kids (until he had his own and now you'd never know) and by the time I was old enough to not scare Logan things were awkward beyond repair.
"Hey Jam..." I stop dead at the sight of Jamie and Rory standing in a corner talking animatedly. "Oh, hey Rory."
"Lucy!" Rory jumps out of her seat to hug me, "hey little sister."
I return Rory's hug but am still recovering from seeing Jamie and Rory talking, it's like seeing to world colliding, "I-um-see you've met Jamie."
"Yeah," Rory laughs, "we were just debating neoclassical literature..."
"Oh yeah," I nod, "I um, saw Logan with the kids. They're getting big."
"Yeah, they are," Rory nods with a bright smile. Rory is successful at a lot of things, she had her own newspaper column, she helped Logan run several of the papers he owned, she threw amazing socialite parties (or that's what Emily says anyway) but the thing she excels in his being a mom.
"Did Mom say you'll be living with Jamie after the New Year?" Rory forms the sentence as a question but I know that Rory knows exactly what she's talking about and exactly how both Mom and Dad feel about it.
But I play along anyway and nod, "yeah, I can't live on Jess and Ing's couch forever."
"That's right," Jess' words come from behind me.
"Hey Jess," Rory greets as I turn to give Jess an odd look, I couldn't think of a time when I'd seem him instigate a conversation with Rory. The only cause of this I could figure was that there was someone worse Jess was avoiding in the living room.
"Hey Rory," Jess nods his greeting.
"I'm glad you came over," Rory states, "the editor at my paper read my book and suggested I use the publishing company I think you use I was wondering..."
I have no interested to hear any more of the conversation, Jamie and Jess came talk books with Rory forever for all I care. Okay, yes, I sound jealous but Jess hates talking to Rory and Jamie's supposed to hate Rory. That's the way I had it worked out in my head and that's the way it was supposed to be. A quick survey of the living room tells me that Jess was probably avoiding Emily who is talking seriously to my father. Skirting around the edge of the living room I make it to the door without getting pulled into whatever lecture Dad is on the receiving end of.
The freezing air outside feels cool against my hot skin. Walking across the porch I settle on the porch swing and wrap the blanket that had been left out, around me. I know it's selfish and petty that I'm upset about Jamie getting along with Rory. I should have figured that they'd get along well. He's well read and he can tell you just about any current event from any country in the world at the drop of a hat. But to me it just doesn't matter, Jamie wasn't supposed to like Rory. Hell, he wasn't even supposed to be in Stars Hollow.
"Hey," Ing's voice drowns out of my conceited thought process.
"Hey," I move over on the swing so that Ingrid can sit as well.
"It's insanity in there," Ing comments once she's settled under the blanket.
I nod, but I also know she doesn't want a response to that, "what's up?"
Ingrid shrugs, "oh, you know, I decided not to stick around and listen to Quihu's effect on modern Lithuanian literature."
"Modern Lithuanian literature?" I laugh at her words because I understand exactly what she means, if I let Jess and Jamie start talking about literature at work I'm pretty much left both in the dark and to run the store by myself for at least an hour.
"Eh, it sounded cool." Silence lapse over the both of us and I'm pretty sure we're both considering our feelings for Rory. "It's crazy of me to be jealous of her." Ing breaks the silence and confirms my suspicions. "I mean they were over a long time before I even met Jess, and she's married. Jess and I are married."
"Yeah," there's nothing else for me to say - or anything else I need to say. Ingrid knows that I understand what it feels like to never live up to Rory, and how stupid you feel for not being able to let that go. But honestly? Rory will always carry a part of Jess with her and vice versa. You know how they say every woman wants to change the man they're with but eventually they have to live with what they have? Well, the thing is, what Ing has...the Jess Ing has...is because of how Rory changed him. And she knows that and on that level I don't think I'll ever be able to relate to Ing.
"He's so funny," Ing's voice sounds anything but amused. "You bring up Rory's name in daily conversation and you'd think he hated her, but she walks into a room and then they get locked into conversations like they're best friends."
"Jamie likes her," I can't let Ing stew on Rory and Jess anymore. "I should have known he would, but this wasn't supposed to happen."
"She's a life ruiner," Ing laughs at this, a real laugh because Ingrid has this weird love for Mean Girls.
"I thought Jess hid you're Mean GirlsDVD?" I ask, I don't mind the distraction from topic-Rory. I know that If we let ourselves we could go on about her forever and end up with nothing accomplished excepted blaming her even more for our problems and hating ourselves for being stupid.
"Like that could stop me," Ing lets out an evil sound laugh.
"You realize there are better movies then Mean Girls, right?"
"No such thing," Ingrid shakes her head, "besides I've been watching that movie once a month since I was your age. Why mess with twenty years of tradition?"
"God, you're both lame and old," I smirk, sometimes it was hard to remember that Ingrid. was twenty years older then me - old enough to be my mother, but I didn't let her forget it when I remembered.
"I'm not lame or old," Ingrid shakes her head but beyond that she drops the subject. "So you and Jamie..." She lets her sentence trail as if I had something to fill in on the matter.
I stare at her in the pale porch light trying to figure out if she's really getting at what I think she's getting at. "Jamie and I..." I allow my sentence to trail as well hoping she'll finish her thought.
"He's cute, don't you think?"
"I guess," I shrug, "in that geeky bookworm kind of way."
"So you're not at all interested in him?" Ingrid seems surprised by this statement.
"Um, no," I shake my head, because honestly the thought of Jamie in anyway beyond that of a co-worker and future roommate hadn't really crossed my mind. I mean we hang out a lot and he was very quickly becoming my best friend but he was that - a friend.
"I just had to check, because you guys seem really close and I thought maybe you'd need to talk to someone about it before you guys moved in together."
I shake my head, "there's nothing to talk about. Jamie is a great guy and I kind of wish I was into him because he'd be a great boyfriend...but he's Jamie."
"Lucy!" Martha's words cut the conversation off before it can go any further.
Martha!" I jump off of the swing and hurry toward her. In looks Martha is the complete opposite of Sookie, tall and rail thin, but beyond that she was exactly Sookie...a complete klutz, she can't walk without tripping over something, unless you get her on a stage and then the girl can dance.
"You're engaged," I announce as I hug her.
"I know!" Martha laughs as she steps back and then turns to the man she is standing next to, "Rocky, this is Lucy, Lucy my future husband Rocky."
Hours later I'm curled up in my bed in my own room and it's close to three a.m. and people have only just left. Jess, Ing and Jamie have gone over to the diner to sleep in the never used apartment that Dad lived in her decades. I'm socialized out and if I don't have to speak to another person for a month I'll be glad, but right now I'll settle for at least twelve hours. So when the light spreads into my room thanks to either my mother or father opening it I don't respond - faking sleep was something I was great at. It had gotten me out of enough arguments and lectures to prove itself useful.
"It's good to have her back home," my father's words indicated that both he and my mother are standing in the doorway, "even if it's just for tonight."
"Luke, I hate this," my mom's words are barely above a sigh. "This isn't the way it's supposed to happen. This, what we're going through right now, wasn't supposed to happen for another year."
"You're the one who didn't let me drag her home when we found that damn letter," the last half of the sentence is muffled because the door has been pulled closed but I can still hear the exchange easily. "I wanted to make her come home but you said that if we did that we'd only push her away."
"I know, but I've changed my mind. I changed my mind and I want to make her come home."
"Lorelai..."
"I don't know what to do Luke," Mom's words are tearful and I can't help the tears that spring to my eyes. "When Rory left she wasn't far away, she came home on weekends, but Lucy's far away and she's always been so..." Mom's words trail and Dad's response is too muffled for me to understand and within minutes I hear their steps and their voices on the stairs leading to their bedroom.
Sighing I roll onto my back as a single tear slips out of the corner of my eye and down my cheek. I hadn't felt guilty for leaving my parents before now and on top of the guilt of leaving them I now feel guilty for not feeling guilty sooner. Guilt is a horrible emotion. And I mean real guilt, not that "oh I feel guilty for eating that extra cookie" but the kind that twists your stomach and squeezes your heart until you can't breath.
I'd been so caught up in living my life that I hadn't though about what I was doing to my parents. Cutting them out of my life. Taking away their roll as parents with no warning. Making them feel like they were failures in some way. And all because Iwanted to live my life.
To say I didn't sleep last night would be an understatement to the highest degree. Guilt ridden to the point of feeling sick I'd given up sleep long before the sun came up. I attempted to amuse myself in my room but turning the radio on and flipping through my old photo albums only entertained me until six. So no, at six fifteen I stand right outside my parents open doorway, Dad's in the shower he'll open the diner today, late, because if he doesn't Stars Hollow will stage an uprising if they have to forgo Luke's two days in a row.
"Mom?" I creep into the room and crawl onto the bed mirroring an action I'd preformed for the first decade or so of my life.
"Luce..." The following words are a mix fo mumbled and yawns and I'm only have to understand sleep and bed.
"Mom, I have to talk to you," I'm expecting something between a demand for coffee or being shoved out of bed.
With a yawn Mom surprises me and rolls over to face me, "what's wrong Luce?"
I have to get the words out before I lose the nerve, I take a deep, calming, breath, "I'm sorry for what I did, just leaving in the middle of the night. It was stupid and childish and selfish and..." I have to take another breath before I say what I'd really come in to say, "and if you want me to come home and finish the year I will."
"Lucy," Mom sighs, "I don't want you to come back to a place you don't want to be. I've been right where you were when you left and I did the same thing."
"It's not because of you and Dad that I left."
"I know Lucy," Mom nods.
"But you said..." I stop quickly, I hadn't wanted my mom to know I'd overheard her words.
"You heard what I said to you dad?" Mom smiles, "you're more like me then you think Lucy. I knew everyone things that the whole reason I left with Rory was because of Richard and Emily. And yeah, of course they were part of the decision, but even more so it was because their world was so small. It wasn't the life I wanted. There was nothing there for me."
I bite my lip, had my mother really just expressed my exact sentiment?
"Lucy, I know you and everyone thinks that you are one hundred percent your father's daughter, but kid," she gently pushes my bangs out of my face. "You've got more of my spirit then you know, I knew it when you were born. You wanted the entire world. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep you in Stars Hollow for longer then necessary. And what you heard me say to your dad was just me having a hard time to adjust to how my life has changed, but I will don't worry. Now sleep, okay?"
I nod, "okay."
Mom's asleep immediately, leaving me alone to my thoughts. What she'd said about me being like my dad was true. Taylor told me once when I was younger that I was an extreme version of my father. I was, and still am, moody and overly zealous about health food. All in all an extreme version of everything that makes up Luke Danes without a drop of Lorelai Gilmore. I'd always taken that at face value. Mom is cheerful and a junk food addict and just plain crazy. Dad's polar opposite and mine as well. But maybe the extreme part of my personality came from my mom's spirit. And maybe we weren't as different as I've always believed.
A.N. Ah...loose ends with Lorelai all tied up, right? I guess maybe. But don't count on the drama being over. Lucy moves in with Jamie next and we discover why he's been hiding the life he was raised in and what happens next!