Title: Random Bits 2
Setting: With the help of fanfiction magic, Tidus' floating has appeared in Spira!
Besaid - Waterfall Way - Wakka and Yuna are standing at the edge of the road as Tidus shows them his floating house.
"Wowwwww!" Wakka gasped in awe at the sight of the little house he had heard so many stories about. "It's so cool!"
Tidus stood proudly by the little landing (which looked suspiciously like a gang plank) and soaked up the compliments. Everyone likes to hear compliments and praise every once and a while, but Tidus lived off of them. Lulu had shared and interesting theory with Auron once. It stated that: Tidus was not really a dream, but a fiend that fed off of attention, and therefore, if ignored, would disappear. (Auron had found this theory interesting enough that he had tested it for several days, but to no significant result. Like most theories, they only worked in theory)
"Can we see inside?" Yuna asked hopefully, squirming with the curiosity of the perennially bored.
"Sure!" Tidus chirped, leaping across the landing and opening the door. "C'mon in!" Yuna and Wakka clattered across the gangplank and followed their host eagerly through the door, and into a small hallway. "This way," Tidus said, leading the duo down a short flight of stairs and into a circular room. Tidus smiled at the familiar room. It was just like he remembered it, and it was just like he had left it: a mess. Various articles of clothing lounged on the floor and furniture, hung from various light fixtures, or peered cautiously from half hidden nooks and crannies at the strangers invading their territory. An assortment of items and objects littered the floor in casual handfuls and heaps, over all of which hung the unmistakable reek of unwashed socks. In one corner a pair of underwear silently stalked a small brown insect. (That's right, even Spira has roaches.)
Yuna and Wakka stuck close to Tidus as he led them to the two circular couches in the center of the room. Yuna suspiciously eyed a shirt lying by the coffee table. She could have sworn it had moved.
"I think that shirt snapped at me!" Yuna whispered to Wakka as Tidus went to fetch drinks from the kitchen. "Just don't make any sudden moves, ya? I think that pile of plastic bags is watching us."
"What would you two like to drink?" Tidus' voice floated from the kitchen. "Uhmm..." Wakka hesitated, his brain setting off warning buzzers as his eyes fell upon the small fuzzy ecosystem growing out of the refrigerator and up the wall. "Well, I guess water is safe...uh...I mean okay." he replied, watching Yuna as she lifted her foot out of the way of a sock that was crawling by.
Tidus returned with two glasses of water, both of which had suspicious brown flecks floating in them. He then took them on a tour of his house. Yuna followed along behind, holding her glass and politely pretended to sip at it while Wakka discreetly dumped his in potted plant that looked like it had died a long time ago. (Possibly from drinking the water. See, your mom was right when she said don't drink the water from strange cities, countries, or worlds.)
Tidus showed them the kitchen, the living room, and his various trophies and sports equipment. As the young blitzball player rooted around in a pile of plushies, Yuna suddenly realized that she really had to go to the bathroom. "Wakka," she hissed out of the side of her mouth "I have to go to the bathroom!" Wakka glanced at Tidus (still chattering away as he searched for some random object he wanted to show them) and whispered in reply, "If what we've seen so far is anything to go by, the bathroom's probably just a hole in the floor, ya? ". For some reason, Yuna did not find the joke as funny as Wakka had thought she would.
Aside from the mess that had taken over every room, Wakka and Yuna really did like the house. There were just two things that were bothering them. "Hey, brudda," Wakka said as the tour group returned to the living room. "Where is your bedroom?"
"You're standing in it." Tidus said as a sock, which had been sticking to the wall for an untold number of years, relinquished its ancestral nesting site in favor of a more comfortable perch on an unused bookshelf.
"You don't...then what's that door in the hallway?"
"A closet."
"And what about your bathroom?"
"Who said I had a bathroom?"
Almost too afraid to ask, Wakka chose his words with great care. "Well, then, where do you...go?"
The answer was almost to outrageous for Wakka's mind to comprehend. As it was, he had trouble getting his mind around notions like 'Earthly Pleasures not considered to be Against Yevon'. Yuna seemed to be shocked Silent.
"Out the window."
"You just pee out the window!" the blitzball captain cried in disbelief.
"Sure. There ain't nothin' but water below." Tidus said.
"Brudda, we swim in that water!"
"Yeah, but you don't drink the water."
Wakka was horrified by this bit of twisted logic. It was like one of the cardinal rules of any body of water used for swimming : You don't pee in the pool. Wakka shuddered. Morbid curiosity spurred him into asking more. "Where do you bathe? How do you live without a bathroom? (Note that this question is coming from a person who 1) lives on an island with no plumbing system whatsoever, and 2) lives in a hut with no bathroom to speak of, aside from the hole in the ground or a handy bush.)
"Who needs a shower when I've got a whole waterfall all to myself?"
"You mean, you just stand under the water, buck naked? Outside? Where everyone can see you?" Wakka squawked.
"Um, excuse me," Yuna interjected, "but I think we'll be going now. I've really go to go the bathroom!"
"Oh!" Tidus exclaimed with an apologetic look. "Here, you don't have to go all the way back to the village." he said, helpfully opening a window. "Go ahead, me and Wakka won't look." Tidus covered his eyes and turned his back to Yuna. Wakka took one look at Yuna, and, by and unspoken mutual agreement, ran out the door and didn't stop until they reached the village.
Tidus, all alone , called over his shoulder "Let me know when you're done!"