It didn't feel like Christmas. Caitlin was- Olivia still had trouble thinking it. Caitlin was dead. Her daughter. Her baby girl was dead. That only left Sean. No parent was supposed to outlive a child, let alone two children. She didn't even know how Caitlin had died. If she had suffered, if she'd been afraid or alone. She didn't know any of it.
Olivia shuddered and closed her eyes against the headache that heralded a new flood of tears. She couldn't deal with that right now. Not with Gregory and Sean gone. Not when the house was full of loneliness. She had to pack. She had to put on a brave face for Sean. He'd be there in England. Away from the memories that she couldn't escape.
Reaching for a suit, she stopped and put it back. This was a vacation, a holiday. She didn't have to be Gregory's business partner. Just thinking about Gregory brought the tears back up again. Her legs hurt, her head pounded, and everything felt hot. Straightening against the soreness building in her lower back, Olivia wrote it all off as exhaustion. She couldn't sleep. After Bette left in the wee hours of the morning, she wandered the house, waiting for sleep that never came. When her eyes closed they only opened again.
The darkness held no peace, only accusatory voices. Gregory asking her if Cole had hurt her. Sean wondering where Caitlin was. Why she hadn't come home. Caitlin berating her for letting herself get pregnant. Was it wrong? Was this baby doomed to a life of pain and suffering, before he was even born? Were the last two months of her pregnancy the only time this child would know any happiness?
What would his life be like? Would Gregory ever remember what he'd lost or would he raise this baby with a blank slate. Sharing this baby's first with her as a stranger to him? A stranger who was carrying his child, who'd shared his bed for nearly a month before she even knew. Was that why she was so angry? Because it had been so easy for him to pretend nothing was wrong? Or because she didn't know? He'd shared so little of himself through the years that she didn't even know when he was confused.
She didn't see when he'd stumbled for answers to events that shouldn't have raised a question.
Olivia dropped her robe into her suitcase and shut it. Whatever was in there was going to have to do. Two weeks away sounded like heaven. Maybe she could stretch it out another week, stay away from Gregory's office, away from him-
But she couldn't stay away. His absence was why she couldn't sleep. Amnesia or not, without him their bed was as hostile as the rest of the world. The one place that should have been her sanctuary was ruined. She had defiled it when she told Gregory to leave. She'd broken the her promise to love him, no matter what darkness came.
Her hands were shaking when the driver came up to collect her things. He was used to being ignored and paid well enough not to ask her about the tear on her cheek.
"The airstrip then?" Tim asked politely as he picked up the last bag from the floor of the bedroom.
"Yes Tim. Thank you." Olivia shut off the light in her bedroom and watched the shadows claim the bed. Maybe she wouldn't have to come back to it alone.
Sean sighed and broke free of Connie's third hug. Mom's were universal.
"Grazie, grazie." His Italian was weak but they understood his gratitude. His cousins waved and smiled cheerfully as the chauffeur tipped his hat and picked up Sean's bags.
"Now you give our love to your parents, and tell Gregorio to be good to la vostra madre. She loves him." Connie kissed his cheek and ruffled his hair. "You look so much like Gregorio. So handsome."
Sean wondered if she knew of his father's amnesia. He had no doubt that his uncle knew everything about the damage to Gregory's memory. What was it about powerful men that they kept such secrets from the people they loved?
He waved one more time and got into the car. Sighing as he settled into the expensive upholstery, Sean closed his eyes. He'd be face to face with his family again. He'd have to sit around the table and stare at Caitlin's empty chair and know he was the one who had made sure she'd never sit in it again.
"It's not fair of you to blame yourself. Sometimes the choices that others make force us to do things we'd rather avoid. Say things we wouldn't say." Tribuno Ricciardi leaned back on the seat next to him and signaled the driver to depart.
"You make it sound so simple. She was my sister. She was all I had when my parents-" Sean paused, unwilling to betray his parents.
"I know they had trouble." Tribuno finished steadily. He reached into his pocket and pulled out an old photograph. "This is your grandfather, Niccolo, on his wedding day."
Sean took the picture, relieved to lose himself into the past. He'd never seen his grandfather before. The man was a stranger. The woman next to him, prim and quiet in her high-necked white gown, looked familiar.
"Her name was Alice. She was a very sweet, young American woman who was smitten with Niccolo's charm and wit. The family loved her, and from what I know, she was a good woman." Tribuno eased into his story with practiced poise. It was a tale he knew nearly as well as himself. "Niccolo was the second son, the fifth child born to your great-grandparents. My father, Marciano, was the older son. From a young age, my father knew he was going to run the family someday. He accepted it. It was his birthright."
"Niccolo seemed to accept it as well. He was going to go to America and find his own place in the world." Tribuno took the picture back and studied Niccolo's face with disdain. "But then something changed. Niccolo's resentment boiled over. He could no longer be in the same room with my father-"
Sean watched his face darken. He could picture that kind of brooding anger. He knew it in his own father. At least, the way his father used to be. Gregory was quiet lately, more contemplative.
"One day they had a fight , I still remember the screaming, the slamming of doors-" Tribuno shook his head slowly. "Niccolo, he spits on his father, tells him he make a new life for himself in America." Tribuno grabbed his shoulder, and Sean felt the heavy gold rings on his fingers. "Your father and I should have grown up together- like brothers, instead I have to chase him down. Hunt for him across the world until I was finally able to bring him home."
Sean reached up and touched the heavy signet ring on his uncle's hand. "Give him the family he never had."
"Niccolo-" Tribuno gazed skyward apologetically. "The he is still my blood, he was never a good father. He hated your father for everything, punished him for crimes Niccolo himself had commited in his youth. Your father didn't grow up with love, honor- respect- the things a child must learn above all else. He grew up with pain. then in his life, he finds only pain. Because that's what he knows."
"He loved mom once." Sean added as he looked out the window at the trees passing by as the road edged the cliff. "I think- I know- he loves her now."
"She opens the locked places in his heart, when he was here, I've never seem him happier." her and the unborn child."
"My brother." Sean smiled, feeling a little embarrassed as he tried not to think about how his mother got pregnant. One peek at his parents through the kitchen window had been enough. "He's their future isn't he?"
"I don't think they would have made it through the loss of your sister without that kind of blessing." He tucked a heavy silver watch into the inner pocket of his vest. "We all need hope. It's the worst thing you can take from a person, the last thing we lose before we lose ourselves. Always keep your hope around you Sean."
"They all have what?" Gregory tried not to slam down the phone. "You're telling me every pilot available has been exposed to the flu?"
He waited and listened to the dispatcher. "I'd agree. If they were all at the same meeting, and three of them have already gotten sick." He ran his hand anxiously through his hair. "No, no, I'm entirely comfortable flying the plane myself." He settled onto the desk and thought about the trip from California to Manchester. If he did a layover in Iceland, with the assistance of the autopilot it would be all right.
"Of course I'd feel better with a backup. I just can't risk exposing my wife to anything." He mentally crossed off 'hire a pilot' from his list of things to do. He'd just have to make do. "No, no she's fine."
He sighed and realized he'd have to contest ever saying anything if it ever came back to haunt him. "I'm rather protective of her." The dispatcher's reply made him pause.
"Overprotective wouldn't be much of a stretch." He waited, relieved he was alone in his office. "I suppose that's true. When you have another baby late enough in life, it's like a first one all over again. Everything's different. Even the way you feel about it. I remember being terrified when Olivia was pregnant the first time."
Gregory stopped dead as the dispatcher related an anecdote of his own experiences with early fatherhood. He remembered being terrified. He remembered the cold knot of fear that he could never live up to what a parent should do. That he'd never be good enough.
"Yes- it is funny, isn't it?" He replied politely, but his mind was already years away. He remembered caressing Olivia's belly and talking to his daughter.
Caitlin. His daughter's name was Caitlin.
He was the last person she expected to reach down and help her up the steps to the plane, but then again, Gregory had made a life out of surprising people.
"I thought I was flying with Bette." Olivia ventured softly, trying to keep the conversation neutral. She was too tired to get into an argument with him. She wouldn't stand a chance if he pushed her to forgive him.
Gregory looked around secretively before raising an eyebrow. "She left with Roger this morning, something about the mile-high club and I- wisely I think- stopped listening." He waited for her to smile back before leaving her alone in the cabin as he walked up front.
Olivia settled into the couch lining the side of the plane and waited nervously for him to come back. What was she supposed to say? What was he going to ask? How could she get through the simplest of questions without losing her fragile grip on her emotions?
The hatch thudded closed and nearly immediately the stairs she'd used to get up to the plane were removed. She listened for the pilot's voice, expecting the familiar jocular bass of Joe Murray. Instead, Gregory cleared his throat and she looked up to see him smiling at her patiently from the door to the c0ckpit.
"I'm starting the engines now. Unless you need anything."
Olivia wasn't quite sure if she'd heard him correctly. "You are? Where's the pilot?" She got up with effort and took a few steps towards him.
Gregory laughed slightly and left the door open as he settled into his chair. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a pilot willing to fly to Machester this close to Christmas?"
She held onto the edge of the doorway and watched as his hands flew over the complicated console in front of him. "But it's only the seventeenth."
Gregory slipped on his headset and indicated the seat next to him. "This is a complicated plane. Not to mention expensive. I wasn't just going to let anyone behind the controls." The engines started to whine and he held up the headset on the panel. "If you want to talk, put this on, sit down and buckle up. If you'd rather not, please go back and sit down so I don't have to worry about you."
She debated for a moment before she took the headset and sat down next to him. "You've never let me sit up front before."
Gregory put his hand on the throttle and grinned. "Must be getting soft in my old age." He flicked a switch and radioed to the tower.
"This is Bombardier one-one-seven-five-R to tower, requesting permission for take off."
Olivia heard the voice of the controller respond in the earpiece and couldn't help returning a little of his smile.
"Your flight plan is in order Bombardier one-one-seven-five-R, and you're cleared for runway three. Have a safe trip. Iceland is expecting you."
"Iceland?" Olivia wondered softly.
"We have to refuel." Gregory explained as he started to taxi towards the runway. "We won't be there long."
"I see." Her quiet whisper was lost in the roar of the engine as he started to increase speed.
He brought the throttle back, and kept himself from jumping as her hand closed over his.
"Thank you." Olivia whispered into the headset. "I really did miss you." The engines exploded forward and the plane began to race down the runway. Olivia tried to look down over the nose of the plane for a moment but the thought of the ground hurtling by didn't do anything good for her stomach.
Gregory pointed down towards the end of the runway. "Concentrate on that." He suggested over the rush of the wind.
Obediently, she glanced down towards the flashing lights at the end of the runway. She was still watching them when the plane leaned back, pressing her into the seat in a way that made her back protest immediately. She reminded herself that it was only going to be for a few moments.
Gregory's thumb caressed the back of her hand. "I'll level off as soon as I can." He promised through the headset.
She shut her eyes, missing the clouds as the broke over the plane, and the way all of Sunset Beach faded into a perfect golden crescent beneath them. She was alone with him in the plane. No pilot, no crew. Just the two of them and five thousand miles of land and ocean in front of them.
The engine noise died away to a dull roar. The pressure in her back eased in time with the correction of her ears to the pressure change. Gregory's hand moved beneath hers. He slipped it free almost apologetically and eased the plane into a cruising altitude. "41,000 feet." He promised as she heard the gentle beep that acknowledged the autopilot coming on. "Not too bad for the your first time as a co-pilot." He teased with a wink as he removed his headset and settled back comfortably in his chair.
Olivia opened her eyes tentatively. The sun was setting quickly into the clouds behind them and the cabin was bright with warm golden light. She removed the headset and turned to him with the tiniest of smiles. "You didn't let me push any of the buttons."
Gregory widened his eyes in mock astonishment. "I didn't! What was I thinking." He looked over the board for a moment indicating one with his hand. "You can turn that left until you hear a click."
"Which one?" She asked mischeviously, knowing full well which one he was driving at. She started for the wrong dial, and instantly, his hand was around hers, guiding it to the proper place.
"This one." Gregory corrected softly as he played with the soft skin of her hand. "Just like that."
"Click." Olivia echoed playfully as the dial stopped. "What did I just do?"
"Set the autopilot to call for me if the wind or temperature changes."
"Sounds important." Olivia mimicked his slow smile.
"It is." He explained as he released his seat belt. "If the weather changes I have to change our course. Keep us clear of anything nasty."
"Too bad we all don't have an autopilot."
"We might miss things." Gregory replied, startling her. Olivia didn't believe he'd heard her. "I know what it's like to have gaps in your memory. To wonder what your life was like and be unable to answer your own questions."
Olivia looked quickly away, trying to prevent him from seeing the tears in her eyes. "And I pushed you away."
"No-" He lead her to the sofa lining the wall and knelt down in front of her. "You kept yourself safe. That's what you needed to do. Sometimes you need to put yourself first Liv, and I'm proud of you."
Being sweet only made her tears more insistent. "How can you be proud of me? The one time you need me, when I should be helping you remember your life, I just got angry with you."
"I should have been honest with you the moment I woke up in the hospital." Gregory stopped her second-guessing as firmly as he could. "I just didn't know how to tell you. I was confused. I think a million things when I look at you."
"Imagine lying next to a complete stranger and knowing, beyond reason that you love her. Your life has meaning when she smiles." He reached up to brush her cheeks dry. "I'm not really sure what that meaning is, but I know-" He kissed her hand. "It begins and ends with you."