Chapter 8

I let the hot water of the shower wash over my body as my mind began to pick apart and analyze everything that had happened in the last few weeks: Simon was killed by what seemed to be the CIA, but was actually killed by The Covenant because he was defecting; McKenas Cole wasn't the man I thought he was; I'm not really Julia Thorne; My name is apparently Sydney Bristow and I was brainwashed by The Covenant; I'm a CIA agent with a whole past and history I can't even remember except in bits & pieces when something triggers a memory; Julian Sark, while bankrolling The Covenant, is helping me to destroy them once and for all.

What the hell is a girl to do when she's got all of that on her mind?

I quickly washed my hair and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a soft white towel around my body. I went to the bedroom to change, but was confronted by Vaughn before I could get there.

"What happened to you?" he asked.

"I'll tell you about it later. Just let me go get changed." I replied.

"Look Sydney, I know there's no way we can be where we once were…"

"Probably because you're married now and you have certain responsibilities that shouldn't include me whatsoever."

"…But I still care about you and I'm willing to help you with whatever's going on with you."

"As much as I appreciate your offer, I don't need your help, nor have I ever needed it when it wasn't expressly asked for. You now have a wife to take care of. I should be the least of your concerns."

"You know I still care about you a lot."

"Maybe that's something you shouldn't do. I don't need your help or your care. I'm an independent person and I've done fine on my own for the last 2 years without you. So, if you don't mind, I'm going to get changed and get some much-deserved sleep."

"I wish you'd stop punishing me for marrying Lauren." He said as I began to walk away, "I didn't just jump on the first woman that came along after you left. You left without any word and were gone for 2 years. Two years, Sydney. After almost a year with no word, I knew you were gone. You'd never go that long without contacting anyone. Lauren was a friend that helped me get over you and we happened to hit it off really well."

"You think I'm punishing you? You're completely right. I'm punishing you for losing faith in us. What we had was forever, but obviously you didn't have enough faith in that to wait for me." I spat, walking to the bedroom and slamming the door behind me.

I pulled out the cellphone I tucked away in my bag and called Julian to rant a bit.

"Hello?" he answered.

"It's me."

"Are you in the safehouse?"

"Yes."

"Then why are you contacting me? Your CIA counterparts could be monitoring you."

"I don't care."

"Well you should! If they suspect you in the slightest, our whole operation could be undermined."

"I know. I just needed to talk to you."

"You only left about 30 minutes ago."

"I know. I just had a rather interesting conversation with a certain someone."

"Agent Vaughn giving you trouble?"

"Always. He's married but he acts like he wants to keep me around on the side."

"His love for you blinds him from anything else."

"It seems as such."

"You're developing feelings for him despite it all, aren't you?"

"No." I lied.

"You forget that I've been trained to lie. I know one when I hear it."

"I'm not supposed to."

"Sydney wasn't supposed to but she did. It doesn't make you any less for feeling something besides contempt or hatred for him."

"I'm not supposed to because I love you."

"I know you do. And I love you as well, but you have to keep your head in the game."

"I know."

"Just get through this so we can take down The Covenant. Then you can run away with me if you want."

"Alright."

"I'll meet you again in a week. The Hotel Verluszeit in Graz."

"I'll be there." I replied, "I love you."

"I love you too. Now get some sleep."

"I will. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." I hung up, feeling a bit better about myself.

I changed into a comfortable pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt before opening the bedroom door and making my way to the mainroom. As soon as I came into sight, I was hit with a barrage of questions.

"First off, what happened to you?" Eric asked as he opened the first aid box.

"Sark took me hostage." I replied matter-of-factly.

"We know that." Eric said, "What happened after you disappeared?" It took a second for my mind to register the cover story Julian and I had thought up.

"He knocked me out and next thing I knew, I woke up in an empty warehouse handcuffed to a chair."

"It looks like you did a lot of resisting. These cuts are pretty deep."

"I tried to get away, but the chair was bolted to the floor."

"Well, lucky for you, they aren't infected. You still get to keep your hands."

"Thankfully."

"I have to tell ya Syd, you're the luckiest spy ever. Even more lucky that Sark didn't end up meeting with that Julia Thorne person."

"How do you know that he didn't meet with her?"

"Well, you never mentioned anything about seeing her and the only other woman he was with was you, right?"

"Right." I replied with a faked smile.

"Well, with a few scrapes here and there, and these cut up wrists of yours, I'd say you did pretty well." Vaughn said, interrupting the conversation.

"Pretty well? I was tortured and had to escape!" I said defensively.

"Of course, Julia."

"What did you just call me?"

"Julia Thorne. Or don't you recognize that name?"

"Vaughn, what the hell are you insinuating?"

"Let's see, Sark is supposed to meet with a contact named Julia Thorne at the exact time he puts a gun to your head, he takes you away, and you don't recall seeing another woman with him at all. Doesn't that seem a little suspicious to you?"

"I don't think so. I think there never was a Julia Thorne and Sark was baiting us."

"Baiting us?"

"I believe you've heard the term before." I replied, "He asked me about Rambaldi's 47th prophecy. I assume The Covenant wanted the information and Sark decided to bait us so he could grab me and get his answers."

"Rambaldi's 47th prophecy? But there's only 46."

"Which means The Covenant's on to something the CIA has yet to know about. I made a call to an Italian contact of mine in the Science Ministry that confirmed they'd made a find that was related to Rambaldi." I replied, "You wanna question my loyalty now?"

"Sydney, I…"

"Save it, Vaughn. Let this be a lesson that you shouldn't jump to conclusions from your wife."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You thought I didn't hear your call to Lauren about me?"

"What?"

"You called Lauren and told her what happened."

"No I didn't. I was informing Dixon of what happened."

"So then Dixon was the one that suggested, and I quote, 'You think Sydney could really be Julia Thorne?'" I looked at him suspiciously, knowing he was lying.

"So now you're eavesdropping on me?"

"Don't change the subject Vaughn. You were talking to Lauren and she decided to throw some of the heat on me so no one would chase the leads they had on her!" I blurted.

Dammit Julia, you weren't supposed to burn Lauren Reed! I could hear Julian chastising me already.

"What leads?"

"Just a few suspicious trips that weren't sanctioned by CIA or NSC."

"Those could've been personal trips."

"Then why wouldn't she clear them through any of the departments?"

"Stop trying to make Lauren look like the bad guy because of your own insecurities."

"My insecurities! You just think you're everything to me, don't you?"

"I wasn't talking about myself. I was…"

"Trying to insinuate that I was making your wife look like a criminal because she married you! Vaughn, I don't know who the hell you think you are but you are nothing to me. You hear me? NOTHING. I don't lay awake at night and wonder how I lost you. I don't sit at my desk every damn day and wonder what Lauren has that I don't."

"I never said you did."

"Let me finish!" I yelled. He looked at me a bit wide-eyed and shut up immediately.

"My life does not revolve around you anymore. I don't care if you married someone else. I don't care if every time you make love to her, you're thinking about me and wondering what I'm doing at that very moment. I'm living my life without you and it's the most fulfilling thing I've done since the moment I came back." I spat, getting up and going back to the bedroom. I barely got the door closed before the tears came.

As I cried, I wondered exactly why I was crying. I didn't know anything of the relationship that had gone on between him and Sydney. Or did I? I closed my eyes and focused on his face, seeing another memory come back to me.

An old Russian man paced the room while I was strapped to a chair. There was a video playing on the large screen, but I refused to look at it. I knew that if I saw what was on that screen, I would break down completely and all I fought for would be in vain.

"Don't you see? He doesn't care about you anymore. Look at his face, listen to the words he says." The man, who I'd come to know as Oleg, said.

I tried so hard not to watch the screen, but I couldn't help myself as I heard the words that ultimately shattered my heart.

"I, Michael, take thee, Lauren, to be my lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

Tears continued to stream down my face as my heart broke all over again.