Chapter 10

As I returned to Los Angeles, I still couldn't begin to find the balance between Julia and Sydney. The two were just so different from each other that it was hard to figure out how part of one's life could fit into the other's.

Julia's life was full of death, torture, pain, hate, guilt, and lies, while Sydney's life was one of life, love, laughter, happiness, and forgiveness. The good usually withstood the bad and the bad never lasted very long in Sydney's world.

I tried to shift my thoughts away from Julia and Sydney to Vaughn. Julia could understand how much pain he must feel, knowing that he'd been lied to. He'd loved Lauren, but she'd never really loved him back. At the same time, Julia was glad this happened because he got what he deserved. He'd given up on Sydney and so his marriage had fallen to pieces. However, Sydney still loved him and even forgave him for everything.

My thoughts continued to swirl around the entire supernova of chaos I'd created as I drove back to my apartment in LA. Suddenly, my phone rang and pulled me from my thoughts. I answered it, seeing Jack Bristow's name on the ID.

"Hello?" I said.

"Sydney, it's me. The operation is going to commence at 1500 hours."

"I'll be there. Make sure Tac Ops has my gear ready."

"I'll see you then." I hung up the phone, feeling a sense of readiness wash over me. The operation was on and we would be raiding The Covenant's facility in less than 2 hours.

I quickly sped home and threw the suitcase from Rome into the closet and sat down on the couch. I tried to wrap my head around everything that was happening, but I just couldn't seem to. I went across the hall and knocked on Eric's door to see if he was home because I knew I needed someone to talk to.

"Eric?" I said as I knocked.

"Hold on Syd, I'm coming!" I heard being yelled from the other side of the door. He opened the door a few moments later and immediately ushered me in.

"What's wrong Syd?" he asked, seeing my appearance. Though I'd tried my hardest to look like nothing was wrong, it still showed badly through my streaked mascara and puffy red eyes.

"It's so complicated I don't even know where to begin." I replied.

"You know you can talk to me about anything that's going on."

"I know. But this will definitely throw you for a loop, I promise."

"Just start from the beginning and we'll see how it goes."

He handed me a box of tissues and I told him everything. I told him about being brainwashed, falling for Simon, Simon getting killed, meeting Julian, falling for him, discovering I was really Sydney Bristow, not remembering any of my past but the memories that came back every so often, seeing my mother, being tasked to return to the CIA as Sydney Bristow, finding out that The Covenant was behind everything, deciding to do everything in my power to take down The Covenant, and Sydney still being in love with Vaughn even though Julia is still in love with Julian.

"You have no idea how…just…whoa…that whole thing is." Eric said once I'd finished.

"Now you know how I feel." I replied, "I can't even refer to myself as Sydney or Julia. I feel like I'm a third party outside these 2 lives."

"I know what you mean." Eric said, "But have you talked to either Sark of Vaughn about how you feel?"

"Not really. I left Julian a note before I left Graz. I told him that I was confused and didn't know what to do anymore. I promised I'd tell him when I finally found out who I was and who I loved."

"Ouch. That's gotta be a shot straight to the inflated ego."

"It's the best thing I could come up with. Eric, I don't even know who I'm supposed to be. I don't remember who I was before I was Julia. All I know is that my name was Sydney Bristow, I worked for the CIA, and I was in love with Vaughn."

"Then I'll try to fill in the blank spots as best as I can before we have to leave."

"Thanks."

In an hour's time, Eric had managed to tell me about Danny, Will, Francie, Sloane, SD-6, the CIA, Vaughn, and my parents to the point that I felt like I could maybe be Sydney again. Before I could ask any more questions, my cellphone rang again. It was Vaughn.

"Bristow." I answered.

"Syd, it's time."

"Alright. I'll be right there."

"Be ready to roll as soon as Tac Ops gets you suited up."

"I'm already ready to go."

"Good." I hung up and looked at Eric. He nodded and we left for the JTF.

Once we arrived, my father led us to Tac Ops and we got suited up.

"Alright agents." Director Dixon began, "This is it. We finally have all the necessary resources to take down the terrorist group known as The Covenant. You will be going in by force and apprehending every person you come across. If there is any hostile fire, you respond accordingly. Now, let's get this done and come home alive. Understood?" The field team nodded and we all filed out of the building.

As we got into the vans, I looked over to Vaughn, taking note of the look in his eyes. He turned to look at me and gave a slight nod at the look on my face that seemed to say everything I could possibly say in the given situation. We rode to the drop point and mentally readied ourselves for the situation ahead.

As soon as we stopped, I heard "Go! Go! Go!" and the team rushed out of the vans. We stormed into the complex, apprehending everyone we came across and taking out any and all hostiles. The ordeal was over rather quickly and I watched in absolute wonderment as Lauren Reed was being taken out of the complex in handcuffs. Everything seemed to go in slow motion after that moment, as the team members secured every inch of the complex.

I stood in the large mainroom of the complex, looking around incredulously at everything. Ass I looked around, everything began to change until it assumed the look of what I took to be the aftermath of the SD-6 raid. Sparks flew everywhere, papers covered the floor, and I watched the scene unfold as though it was happening right before my eyes.

I was pulled from my reverie by a worried Vaughn, who looked worn and frayed from what had transpired.

"Syd, are you okay?" he asked, looking at me caringly. I looked around a moment before replying.

"I think I finally am." I said. I immediately threw my arms around his neck and kissed him passionately.

With the passing of this truly monumental and trying event, I finally figured out who I was.

I was Sydney Bristow and I was in love with Michael Vaughn.