Metal Gear Snickers: The Twin Chocolates
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Anyhoo...
August 2005
Snake was calmly sitting in his Twin Lakes, Alaska home. He had just finished feeding his sled dogs that he'd been training for the upcoming Iditarod race. He had waited all day for this, for in his fridge lay the biggest, fattest, peanut-butteriest Snickers bar ever created. The Snickers corporation had awarded him the chocolaty goodness for defeating Grey Fox at Zanzibar. He got up, walked to his fridge, and opened the door. Immediately, he broke down and started crying his eyes out. After a while, (hours) he tried to call Colonel Campbell. The conversation went something like this:
CALL: 140.84CLSN: EBGS
Someone: EBGamesThemoreyoutrade,themoreyousave,thisisChrisspeaking,howmayIhelpyou? EB Games, the more you trade, the more you save. This is Chris speaking, how may I help you? (This refers to an EB Games associate and good friend of mine, who really does answer the phone that way)
Snake: What the Fuck? Ummmm, is Colonel Campbell there?
Chris: You know what Ben? You prank the store one more goddamn time, and I'll ban you for life!
END TRANSMISSIONSnake: Sunnuvabitch, gotta get better at dialing.
CALL: 140.85 CLSN: CRNLColonel: H...Hello? Who is this? It's three in the morning...
Snake: It's Snake. Colonel, I've got a problem...
Colonel: Snake, if you lost that goddamn sneaking suit again, I'll be forced to take away your cigarettes!
Snake: No no no no no, It's nothing like that. You know that absolutely massive Snickers bar I was awarded?
Colonel: Ummm, yeah. Snake, did you... Oh my God, you didn-... Snake, you Dumbass!
Snake: Yeah. I did. Any clue where it is? You told me there was a transmitter in the wrapper...
Colonel: Hold on...(talks to Mei Ling)... OK, Snake, we've tracked it to Shadow Moses Island, in Alaska's Fox Archipelago.
Snake: Well Hell, that's not far, can you...
Colonel: We've already taken care of it. Look outside.
END TRANSMISSIONSnake looked outside, and there, sitting near the coast of the ocean about 500 feet away from his house, was an Ohio-class submarine. A young man in a pink suit that looked oddly familiar stepped out to greet Snake. "Hello there, Solid Snake. I am Donut. And the suit's not pink, it's lightish red, so don't ask."
Snake just stood there, staring at the idiot in the pink armor. What a fruit Snake thought. "Ummm...Riiiiiiiiiight. OK then. Well, let's go," Snake said, and they sailed off on their merry little adventure.