Churning Wheels : Second Spin

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Lucas

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When Lucas meets Kira for the first time, she is overcome with the feelings of kindness and compassion coming from him. She stares at his gentle soul and looks at him softly because he is so easily hurt and no one on the ship understands him. He brought her food, treated her nicely, and let her out of her room. And in his eyes was a pain she had only seen similarly before in Athrun's.

When she sees Athrun again on PLANT after she had been rescued off the Archangel, she smiles her soft smile and invites him in. He has brought her flowers as a gift. He trails after her silently and asks to be forgiven for involving her in the war.

When he finally speaks, he talks of the gentle-hearted boy whom she had met and Athrun wanted to know, if Kira remembered him at all. If Kira remembered him kindly.

Athrun has always been polite and kind, he had never demanded anything from her in the relationship and he never asks for much. Athrun was very steady and kind and Lucas liked him, even if he usually held himself aloof from everyone.

But when he beseeches her for the answer only she can give, she looks into his earnest and (for the first time) vulnerable eyes; she thinks about how their fathers said that over time they would grow to love each other -

She sees Athrun Zala, who made many acquaintances but very few friends and who after Junius 7, even held his father at a distance. She sees his heart in which she has been trying to touch for so long, she think about how their fathers said that she would one day be in his far-away heart, and observes that someone else is already there ahead of her.

Kira is there behind Athrun's eyes.

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Athrun

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When Athrun flies into a battlefield with Kira in it, it's hard. It's so hard.

It's wrong.

Kira shouldn't be fighting against him. Kira should be on PLANT, safe and protected. Kira should not be inside a mobile suit and taking on an army by himself.

It's wrong.

Kira was gentle and caring and he didn't belong anywhere on a battlefield except in Athrun's heart, where Athrun carries Kira and fights for him.

He's what Athrun fights for.

Kira shouldn't be on the opposing side, fighting alone, in pain, and unable to pull out. Athrun fights for Kira, gentle-hearted/soul/minded Kira who never understood pain and violence and things like war and hate. Athrun fights so Kira would never have to fight at all. Athrun protects Kira.

It's wrong. Athrun should not be fighting against the one he is trying to protect.

It's so wrong.

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Kira

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Kira hurts when he sees Athrun out there in a suit. His heart hurts and throbs and clenches, and he cries because where was the Athrun who wouldn't fight or join the army or ever wanted hurt others. Where was the Athrun who was kind and had protected him from everything.

Kira doesn't want to fight Athrun, they were supposed to be beside, not against, each other forever.

And every time Kira raises a hand and Athrun returns the blow, it's like a promise broken. A millions broken promises floating between them in space, the thousand shattered pieces of their lives suspended in the vacuum.

Kira doesn't want to fight and Athrun wants him to stop fighting, but neither can pull back. Athrun begs him to step down but Kira thinks bitterly that Athrun wouldn't understand.

Athrun couldn't understand because he left Kira behind and Kira had to pick up the jagged pieces and move on. He had to move to a new place, new faces, make new friends, and continue walking forward knowing that Athrun would not be coming back for him even if he looked back. He had to brave the cold harsh world alone and wondered why Athrun wasn't here, and Kira had been so lonely until he met Sai, Tooru, and Millieria.

Athrun doesn't understand that Kira is all that his friends has left to protect them, and Kira would fight for them because he can't afford not to. Because Kira thinks that if they left him behind as well, there would be nothing left of him.

Kira blames Athrun because he was supposed to be there for him for everything. Athrun was supposed to protect Kira, and Kira was supposed to support Athrun. They were supposed to walk through life together.

Kira hurts and he just wants it to end. He wants it all to end. And when Athrun swings that final strike, Kira just wants to close his eyes and he flies away weightless.

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Cagalli

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When Cagalli sees the Coordinator Athrun again, she finds him somewhat familiar. This is a person whom she had learned was kind and they had formed a truce on that island. When she finds him wounded, she takes him in and heals him.

When he wakes up in more pain than he actually is, she understands a bit. They are in a war and everyone has done things they wished they hadn't, and things they never wanted to do. Even if he was from the enemy side, she is willing to forgive him to an extent.

But then he says he killed Kira.

Her Kira.

And she grabs him and slams him to the wall. He just said he was Kira's friend and that he's killed (her gentle, caring) Kira. How? How could that be possible?

Killing because someone was killed. Hating because you were hated. Where did it all end? Does it ever end?

She wants to deny it but he's screaming the words and the facts out loud and they vibrate in the room, there's nowhere for her to run from them. And she cries, tears she wants to deny, and she wants to hate him.

She wants to hate so much. He killed Kira (gentle Kira who didn't belong in a fight)! He killed Kira (tender-hearted Kira who shouldn't have to feel pain)! He killed Kira (soft-souled Kira who didn't deserve to die)!

He killed Kira!

But she can't hate him. Because Kira didn't hate, not even at the end - she is sure. Kira didn't hate and even if the Coordinator Athrun is his murderer, Athrun is still crying and in pain and Kira's friend. To the end, he was still Kira's friend.

She can't hate him because Kira didn't hate and she wants to be someone who Kira could love.

And she doesn't forgive him, but she won't hate him. When he leaves, she gives him her necklace because he's Kira's friend and one of the last pieces of Kira that's left. She wants him to live and come back to her because he's all that's left of the gentle boy she can hold onto.

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