A/N: *GASP* What have we here? Why, it's another chapter! Who would've ever guessed I'd crank out another one for this story? Certainly not me, I was just about ready to give up the ghost...ok so that was sort of a bad pun. Anyway, how this chapter came about...after starting this chapter several months ago I sat down tonight and said, "OK, I'm just going to write and no matter how crappy it is, keep writing." So the quality probably is not all that great...but hey, it's going somewhere! Anyway I'm done rambling. Read on.

Chapter 13 – The Past, Present, and Future

Filia fiddled with the edge of her hat, which she held in nervously trembling hands, as she stood once more across from the antique store. The people walking by certainly had no idea that a crazy woman stood in their midst. She resisted the urge to just announce it to everyone, since she felt quite like that was what she was about to do. Her reputation as a sane, upstanding woman of once-high society was about to end.

Of course, there was a part of her mind that insisted in arguing that she may be pleasantly surprised. This man named Gordon that had been such a help to her in the last few months may well be able to shed some light on the darkness that had seemed to take over. She hoped to talk to Gordon about this issue without the other man, Xander, present. That man had a cold, indifferent look that she had never liked and had thus let him know it.

Sighing she stopped fidgeting with her hat and placed the garment on her head, trying to maintain a bit of her proper posture. She must look a lady at all times even when she was unsure of herself. That was what had been drilled into her from day one. But hadn't all of the other things been drilled into her head as well? Past lives just didn't exist. There were no such things as ghosts, but demons did exist…

Surely there would be no doubt should a demon cross her path. She knew enough about spiritual warfare to know that demons did exist. But this…this man that had invaded her existence, she did not think he was truly evil. Perhaps at one time he might have been.

She would never forget that day when she had been so full of rage and frustration waiting for an answer to her prayers, and she had just wanted him to go away. Yet he had continued to provoke her, at least she had thought, but then when the walls had crumbled, he had suddenly changed. Always seeming to gain the upper hand, always having a comeback for everything she said, all of a sudden his arms had encircled her while she sobbed uncontrollably, and he had smoothed her disheveled hair. And she had clung to him like it was the only life she had.

In the same day she had pushed him to a display of anger she had not seen since. What was it she had said to him to bring about such a reaction? And how could he induce such emotion in her?

How could she have feelings for someone that in all logic was not supposed to exist? She knew that somehow he was connected to her dreams. Something, somewhere, was connected. She had to find out, and she could only hope that she found answers instead of more questions.

So that was why she was standing across from the antique shop. This man seemed to also have a connection to her dreams. It was here that she had seen a vision of horrific darkness that she still did not understand, but somehow it had triggered those dreams. She knew that if she didn't try to find out what was happening to her, she would never be able to move on.

Sighing, she picked up one foot and stepped onto the street, the other one following suit and eventually reaching the door. She rather felt as though she were stepping into oblivion. From here on her life would change.

When Filia opened the door of the antique shop, she was relieved to find Gordon behind the counter instead of Xander. He looked up as she walked in and smiled. "Ah, Ms. Ul Copt. More packages for us today?"

She shook her head. "Not today, Gordon," she replied. "I came to ask you a few questions."

"Oh?"

She fiddled with her purse, nervous as she could be. Her stomach was in knots. What if he actually had answers that she didn't want to hear? What if he told her she was insane and to get out of his store?

"Well, you see…" she started. "A few months ago while I was here, you had a shipment of swords. Remember?"

He thought a moment. "Nope. Did you want to buy one?"

She blinked. "No…I…actually wanted you to get out that one sword, the one that seemed to glow in the light."

He thought a moment, and then he snapped his fingers. "Oh. The sword of light, you mean?"

Filia blinked. "Sword of light? I didn't know it had a name."

"Of course it has a name. It's a family heirloom. My grandfather sent it to me for my 25th birthday."

"But I thought you got it in a shipment?"

"No…at least I don't think so. You say you want to see it?"

She nodded, wondering what in the world he was talking about. But he had her curiosity piqued and she decided to go along. Though she had a bad feeling about it.

Gordon motioned for her to follow him. "This way. I have to keep it in a back room."

He led her to a room at the back of the store and unlocked the door. He lit a lantern that hung on the wall next to the door and ushered her inside.

"Don't tell anyone that I showed you this," he warned. "If my wife knew that I showed anyone, she would kill me."

Filia was surprised. "You're married?"

"Yes…you haven't met Elena?"

"…No, I haven't."

He frowned. "I was thinking that you had. Oh well, I suppose you haven't. If you had, there's probably no way you'd forget."

Filia was even more confused. What was that supposed to mean? "Well, anyway, I won't tell anyone about the sword," she said, not knowing what the big deal was.

He smiled and went to the corner of the room and picked up a sword handle with no blade. "The sheath was lost some time ago. Perhaps when it was returned to my family."

"It's broken?" she asked.

"No," he replied. "Watch carefully." He reached into his pocket and took out a pin, then stuck it into a tiny hole on the handle. He then stood back and held the handle away from him like someone would hold a regular sword…and waited.

Almost instantly, Filia could sense a tremendous surge of energy fill the room, causing her hair to stand on end. Her eyes widened as she saw a spark come from the empty sword…and then light. Bright, bright light in the shape of a sword. Hence, the sword of light.

And she had seen it before.

But where? And how? Even though the feeling of déjà vu had hit her like a strong gust of wind, no images came to mind. That ever-present block was still there, keeping her from remembering whatever it was that she needed to remember. But then…what if there really was nothing for her to remember? What if her dreams were merely caused by stress?

What if…she could ask that question all she wanted, but she wouldn't get any answers.

***

Xelloss had followed her to the city, of course. He always did, and he knew that she sometimes looked for him. She couldn't see him now, and it was a good thing she couldn't sense him. He maintained a safe distance, just in case.

It was amazing how much she had looked like the old Filia he'd known as she stood across from the antique shop, with her eyes determined and terrified. Her old courage had not died with the new. She was still Filia.

And she deserved better. Her end had been gruesome and terrible. It hadn't been planned. At one time or another he knew that might have been ordered to take her life, and at that time he might have done it quickly so that she wouldn't have known what hit her. Somehow, watching her face as she died, seeing no anger, no hatred…only peace…had haunted him ever since.

Disobedience was no longer an issue. He still existed and his master didn't, and essentially he was free to do as he pleased. So why was he even bothering with this woman anymore?

He knew why. Because connections are never truly noticed until they are severed. His connection with her had been severed and somehow reconnected. Was there truly a purpose in it? Had Fate in all her mischievousness given him a second chance?

In that case, he had to stop her from regaining her memory. But something just wouldn't allow him to intervene. He felt he had to keep his distance. Perhaps that was the catch. If she hadn't met him, she would have no reason to remember anything.

But when he saw Gourry bring out the sword of light, he felt as though time stopped. For her, time seemed to stop, as well. She simply stood there and stared, a look of disappointment on her face. Gourry, or Gordon, whoever he was now, didn't seem fazed at all.

"Was this what you wanted to see?" Gordon asked.

And then she smiled. "Thank you, Gordon," she replied. "I think that is exactly what I needed to see."

He nodded and all of a sudden the blade of light disappeared. The room returned to its normal lighting, and Xelloss quite thought that if he had a way to die, now would be the best time for it. What in the world was that all about? Did she remember anything or not? Just what did she mean by 'I think that's all I needed to see'?

And so the second she stepped out of the antique shop, he appeared next to her. "So, see anything good?"

She looked him square in the face. "I don't want to see you. Go away."

"Touché, Filia. You knew I followed you. What other form of entertainment do I have?"

"Go find other forms of entertainment."

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

She looked at the ground, avoiding his eyes. "No. But I had a strange feeling…"

"Oh?"

She shook her head. "Forget it. Leave me alone."

He shrugged, frowning. "Fine," he said, and disappeared.

She stared at the empty spot where he'd been standing, rubbing her chin. That surprised her. Normally it wasn't that easy to get rid of him. Oh well, he had been acting strange lately…strange for him, anyway. Either way it wasn't her problem. She didn't need him harassing her on the way home. She wanted nothing more than to go back to her little white house overlooking the sea.

That was her home.

***

Later that evening, Filia could not shake the feeling that something just wasn't right, so she decided to take a walk on the beach. She had always been drawn to the ocean, never forgetting how as a child her mother would walk along the beach with her. They would gather seashells together, chase the gulls, or on warm days, take off their shoes and stockings and let the waves wash over their feet.

"Filia," her mother would say. "Sometimes this world, this life, can be like the sea. It can be calm one minute and turbulent the next. Sometimes it is deep, endless, and cold. Dark. Other times, you will be able to see dry land, a solid place where you can put your feet on the ground and move on."

Filia still remembered that warm, gentle smile her mother had given her. Filia kept that smile close to heart, and always would.

Her mother had also said that just like life was the sea, the sea was also life. Even though one life may end, another will continue. Life itself does not stop. Perhaps that was the key to figuring out the mystery of her dreams. If in fact she had been given a second chance at life.

And Val, had he been given a second chance to live, as well? She had felt from the start that the two of them were connected somehow. Perhaps their bond was deeper than she thought. A connection that defied time. It wouldn't surprise her. Her adopted son was her pride and joy, and she would do anything in the world for him.

He was her reason to be there, if she had a reason to be there.

The dreams that continually haunted her night after night often left her with the feeling that somehow she had wronged him. Let him down. She'd failed as a mother, though she had always wanted to be one. She had always thought she would be a good mother. But there was something else, something that seemed hidden behind a veil, the events that might have occurred at that time. And deep in the back of her mind, confused though it was, she often wondered why she thought the ghost was involved. And when she thought these things, she wasn't sure if it was the present or past Filia that was doing the thinking.

If a past Filia even existed.

Seeing the sword of light earlier had opened her eyes to yet another supernatural existence. She had never seen a sword that emitted light…no, a sword that *was* light. She didn't even know that one existed. It was fascinating, but for some reason did not really surprise her as much as it should have. Perhaps because she already knew of something else that wasn't supposed to exist.

And she thought of him often. More than she wanted to.

Since he also haunted her dreams, and she guessed that he probably knew that, she wondered what sort of past memories he held within that dark mind. Of course she really didn't think his mind was all that dark, just full of cobwebs and old memories that had stayed with him for too long. He was stuck in the past, hence why he didn't conform well in the present. Therefore she really could not fathom a future for him.

Then again, her future still seemed hazy.

She kicked a stray rock as she strolled along the beach, and reached down to pick it up. It was smooth, having been washed over by waves again and again, wearing each edge down. She stared at it a moment before tossing it back where it came from.

"Safe journey," she whispered, knowing full well it would probably end up right back where she got it. Just like her thoughts ended up back where she started, no matter how hard she tried to figure things out.

Sighing, she noticed that it was suddenly too cold for her. She turned around and went back to the house.