Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER TEN

"Miss Bessie, please forgive my intrusion. But pardon me. Mr. Prongs?" Nicholas inquired poking his head in on the two zombie Potters.

"Yes sir?" James asked sitting up straighter, and making his wife chuckle.

Nicholas was also terribly amused that his father used an honorific with him. "No need to be so formal, please call me Nicholas. That goes for both of you. I've no doubt your son has used and will continue to use any number of nick-names for me as well."

James relaxed a bit and smiled. "Aren't you a punny old man."

Nicholas arched an eyebrow at him. "On second thought, do call me sir."

James feared he'd gone too far. "Yes sir." He meekly acquiesced ignoring his wife's now annoying chuckle.

Nicholas grinned and began, "I understand you chewed and potentially digested some dementor flesh. Our research would be greatly aided if we could ask you a few questions?"

"That really was a piece of dementor, wasn't it?" James reticently admitted.

Nicholas nodded with certainty. "Yup. Sometimes they shed, though Bob's usually better than most about cleaning up after himself."

James sat back worriedly. "Am I going to die?"

Nicholas snorted. "It happened once. Odds are it will happen again."

"Oh," James remembered and feebly added, "Right."

"I sincerely doubt your life is in peril from the small amount you may have ingested. Any effects or responses will most likely be temporary, though I suspect you will have some irregular bowel movements. I am curious if you've noticed any particular changes or symptoms?"

James pursed his lips in thought. "Hmm... like what?"

"Well," Nicholas suggested with a bright twinkle in his eye. "Have you experienced any erectile dysfunction?"

James paled rapidly and gulped comically. With a loud yelp he ran as fast as he could from the room.

Nicholas looked over at Lily. "Any guesses until how long-"

"Nope! Still works!" An ecstatic voiced cheered from the next room and hastily added, "Sir!"

Nicholas had reached the point where he just smiled uncomfortably at his mum and was hoping 'Harry' would get here soon.

Albus Dumbledore and three of his most senior professors were all sitting around waiting for the fourth Head of House to arrive.

"Sorry, I'm late Albus," Harry started before noticing the company for this requested meeting. "Oh what is this? Time to guilt me back into taking the job again?"

"We're not here to add to your already massive amounts of well-deserved guilt, Harry," Albus explained. "And you haven't quit either. We're here to blackmail you into keeping your job."

Harry stifled his giggle at Minerva's look of surprise and Severus impressed grin. Apparently, Albus hadn't told anyone else the purpose of this meeting. "Albus, you know my current predicament. There's no way I can be fixing that problem and teaching here. I can't be in two places at once."

Severus and Albus both coughed painfully at the same time.

Harry's eyes twinkled and with a flick of his wrist conjured two clear glasses in front of Albus and Severus. "Need some water?"

Severus took his glass gratefully and was soothing his throat, while Albus dug out a flask and raised an eyebrow towards Severus. "No thank you, Harry. I've got my own."

Severus stopped drinking immediately. He began inspecting and sniffing his glass of water.

Minerva and Filius were laughing at the uncomfortable looks their Slytherin colleague had.

Albus was composed after a few swigs from his mystery flask. "I do understand your circumstances and have a mutually beneficial compromise to suggest."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "I certainly don't like the sound of that."

Albus ignored him. "Severus here has been quite pleased having taken on an apprentice who he can split his Head of House and classroom responsibilities with. Not to mention he know has far more free time to explore his own field with another skilled individual. I thought it might be a good idea to encourage more of the faculty to do the same. I think the Heads of House and their core subjects would be a good place to start."

Harry frowned. "I already have an apprentice, thank you very much. I'm not sure I'm open to taking on another."

Albus rolled his eyes. "I was thinking more along the lines of apprenticing in the field you actually get paid to teach here at Hogwarts. We don't need your cheek disease spreading more than it already has."

"But I'm not even a Defense Master," Harry whined doing his best to counter any argument.

Albus grinned happily. "Do you really wish it to be made official, so you can add another title to your already impressively long list?"

Severus sighed lightly in relief. He mumbled quietly, "I'm so glad you said list."

Harry grumbled. "No thank you, I'd rather there not be any more titles."

Minerva wasn't sold on this idea. "But Albus, where would we even find suitable apprentices? There have not been any particularly remarkable transfiguration students, other than perhaps the two already on staff here."

Albus' eyes twinkled victoriously. "It just so happens there are two very promising young adults, one particularly adept at Charms, and another at Transfiguration. Now Harry here needs to keep a relatively close eye on them, and what better way than if they are making themselves useful as members of Hogwarts' faculty?"

Filius had years of experience reading between the lines with the Headmaster. "You want us to babysit?"

Harry just stared silently at the Headmaster, giving the impression he was deep in thought.

Albus turned to his Charms Professor. "I assure you Filius, you will be quite pleased to be working once again with this young witch."

"I've worked with her before?" Filius squeaked, trying to think of who it could be.

Albus nodded. "And you, Minerva, will be working with a natural."

"A natural," Minerva's eyes lit up and she got excited. "The last natural that I know of was James Potter."

The grin on Albus' face was terribly unsettling to Severus. Albus smiled at Harry. "I was hoping you might take on the third special case yourself. What you train your apprentice is your business, no one else's. And I also think he might be a positive influence on your little puffers."

"You realize this means I won't have as much time to fix my problem as I would if I just took the year off?" Harry inquired.

Albus nodded. "I do. But I also think it isn't fair to consider it solely your problem. I believe they deserve a say as well."

Harry didn't want to consider a conversation of that magnitude. "And if I refuse?"

Albus shrugged. "That's when we blackmail you."

Everyone was looking to Albus for a little elaboration.

"An anonymous letter to the mothers of members of the Hufflepuff house would break a great many hearts, to which there would be a massive public outcry, and I just don't want to see you have to deal with all of that guilt."

Harry shook his head at Albus.

"And besides," Albus added. "There's always one other opinion, you must consider as well."

Harry saw the other Heads of House were all as clueless as he was. "Who's that?"

Albus smiled widely and before Harry realized what was happening the castle had swallowed him whole and dropped him from the ceiling, right on his head.

"Damn bitch," Harry moaned, rubbing his head in pain. "That hurts!"

Apparently, besides being painful, it was also quite funny. At least to Filius, Albus, Severus, and Minerva.

"Alright, fine," Harry spat out. "In fact, I think I'm going to go get our new apprentices now. I know they be thrilled to see you all." And without even standing up, Harry disappeared from the Headmaster's office.

"I already have an apprentice, Albus," Severus began once Harry had left. "So why am I here?"

Albus smiled and was twittering in anticipation. "I wanted you on hand to give your opinion on the benefits of an apprenticeship, as well as prepare all the Heads of Houses for some of the new faculty."

Minerva looked at Albus oddly. "Did Potter jinx your knickers, Albus? Because you seem to be twittering."

Albus blushed and did his best to calm down. "Oh please excuse me. I had my ear chewed off earlier by a couple of Harry's latest problems, and I was looking forward to seeing them again."

And with a sudden pop, Harry reappeared with his three guests.

Filius saw the familiar redhead next to Harry. He summed up the situation nice and cleanly. "Holy fuck."

"The mudblood whore!" Severus gasped, seeing a face he thought he would never have to again.

Lily turned to her son. "This? This is the Snivellus you keep defending?" Any further berating was cut off as Severus screamed loudly and fell to the floor. He was punching his arm viciously and arching his back as though he was under the Cruciatus.

Minerva, seeing her colleague in distress, quickly asked, "Is the Dark Lord punishing him?"

"Something like that," Harry admitted, ignoring the Slytherin Head of House's wails.

Minerva turned to look at Harry and only now spotted the near twin standing behind him. Her eyes went between the two back and forth as though her pupils were playing ping-pong. "It's a demon! The fool has summoned demons!"

"Minnie!" James cheered with a pleased smile.

"Back! Back!" She ordered lifting up the cross on her necklace. "Be gone, filth!"

"I told you she liked me better," Sirius spoke up from his hidden position behind James.

Severus' screams had stopped, though his body was still convulsing and spasming on occasion. He could be heard quietly praying. "Dear God, make me a bird. So I could fly far. Far far away from here. Dear God, make me a bird…"

Albus felt a modicum of pity for his Potions Professor, but that was quickly overwhelmed by his amusement. He nearly wanted to cheer that the parents Potter had a more worthy target for their ire now.

Filius had walked right up to Lily and began poking and pinching her. "It feels so real."

Lily frowned and swatted his hand off her arse. "I am real, Professor Flitwick."

Filius frowned harshly at her. "No you're not! You died almost twenty years ago!"

Sirius raised his hand to draw attention his way. "But I only died five years ago, right Warden?"

Albus frowned. "More like six, and I was hoping you'd stopped calling me that."

Sirius sent Albus a cold stare, still a bit bitter about having been confined to Grimmauld Place. And thoroughly blaming Albus for making Sirius see the reason in staying there.

"Sorry?" Albus said weakly with a shrug.

Sirius smiled brightly. "That's alright, Albus. I know you couldn't have kept me there if I hadn't agreed to stay. But I figure everyone in the world is pretty soon going to be blaming my godson for their problems and looking to him for their solutions, so at least a few of us must still blame you for everything instead."

Albus nodded understanding, and naturally blaming Harry for this problem.

"Dammit Albus!" Minerva insisted. "I will not expose my students to this… this… Potter!"

James frowned. "Why's she saying that like it's a bad thing?"

Lily was looking to her former Charms Professor. "Professor Flitwick, it really is me. But you can call me Bessie, since we can't exactly be called by our proper names. I mean, hell, we're dead."

"You haven't even aged a day!" Filius asked curiously.

"Oh well in that case," James tried to explain. "The old Vold never killed us, just sent us," he waggled his fingers and acted spooky, "twenty years into the future. Woooooo."

"Hey!" Sirius complained. "What about me?"

"Oh you're a demon. No way around that one. Those two," James said pointing to Harry and Albus, "among others, saw you try a triple lutz through the veil. Our only witnesses were, at best, a baby and a toasty Dork Lord."

Minerva frowned at her potential future apprentice and his young wife. "Your funerals were open casket."

"Oh," James sagged. "Well never mind then."

"I sincerely hope there weren't all lilies in the arrangements," Lily replied and grumbled. "Bloody annoying, bloody flower."

Filius shook his head. "No, Remus made sure you had plenty of sunflowers at the front."

Lily smiled. "I should thank Moony for that." Her eyes brightened considerably. "Maybe he took pictures."

Severus seemed to snap out of his stupor and was terribly disappointed to see reality had not altered since his last perception. "You all should be dead! I outlived you all! Hah!"

Lily snapped back, "And just where do you think you're going to spend eternity, Snivellus?"

"God said we were perfect," James shrugged. "Gave us a mulligan." The response James got was a whole roomful of snorts of disbelief, as well as some frightened mumbling from Severus.

Harry explained. "My err… accidental magic is a bit more powerful than most. I'm working on fixing these three."

"Accidental necromancy?" Filius asked curiously.

"Sort of," Harry shrugged. "But not exactly."

"What is there to fix?" Severus yelled. "Give me a hammer, I'll fix them myself." And for the second time, the Potions Professor collapsed to the ground flailing about.

"I haven't exactly raised the dead. And the bodies that Moe, Larry, and Bessie here inhabit are kind of important to the people who should be in them."

Minerva finally put all the pieces together with the explosion several days ago. She half-heartedly shrugged. "The Dursleys probably deserved it. I say leave them alone."

"Awww," James smiled cheekily. "Don't worry Minnie. We'll have plenty of time together." He walked up to her and slung his arm over her shoulder. "Just think you, me, and a class full of Slytherins."

"No!" Severus yelled from the floor. "You can't do that! Albus, tell him no! He'll ruin the points system!"

Albus said nothing and just looked straight at Severus.

"Oh come on!" Severus pleaded. "He's going to completely favor…" He trailed off seeing Albus' stern glare. "Oh fine."

Lily shrugged at Albus. "I'll teach Potions, if you're ready to fire this git, Headmaster."

James tried to sweeten the offer. "I'll promise not to take a single point from Slytherin if you do."

Albus frowned. "No one's getting fired, no one's getting fixed." He ignored Sirius pitiful whimper. "I want all members of staff to get along and co-exist, do you understand me?"

Filius helpfully pointed out, "I want world peace, Albus. It doesn't mean it's going to happen."

With a pop, Dobby appeared and handed a magically spinning bowl of green to the little Charms Professor. "Your whirled peas, sir." He disappeared with a cheeky pop.

"Cool," Filius exclaimed looking down at the small tornado of vegetables.

Sirius looked upward and began loudly. "I want Celestina Warbeck to boil up some hot strong love-"

"Padfoot!" Harry interrupted. "Not now, please."

"Later?" He genuinely asked.

"Yes, later." Harry rolled his eyes. "When you're alone preferably."

Sirius frowned with a look of childlike innocence and fear. He whispered to nobody, "that's when the voices come back."

Severus from his prone and awkward position on the floor muttered angrily. "If they're telling you to kill yourself, perhaps you should avoid inciting their wrath."

"Severus," Harry scolded, getting a little irritated. "You are going to have to behave yourself this year."

Lily snorted. "Like that'll happen."

"And you!" Harry spun around and addressed his parents and godfather. "You are going to have to as well!"

Severus looked up and smirked at them. When Harry wasn't looking he stuck his tongue out at them.

"Severus," Albus scolded seeing his Potions Professor act even more childish than usual.

"Crap," Severus complained. "I forgot you were here."

"But Harry…" Sirius whined.

"No Padfoot," Harry insisted. "If you're here, you're being nice to Snivel- err… I mean Severus. And if you're not here, then you're spending most of your time in the apartment, while I'm working on figuring out how to fix you guys."

"You're threatening to kill us quicker?" James asked before thinking about some of his son's issues and adding, "Again?"

Harry narrowed his eyes at his father. "You're not even really alive, and I'm not threatening to kill you. This is the situation, and it's your choice whether I'm staying at Hogwarts."

"Getting along with…" Lily just pointed and wasn't sure what to call it. "That's not exactly the easiest thing in the world. Just ask his friends."

Sirius snickered. "Nice one, Bessie."

"I have friends, you mud-eragggackkkk-born witch." Severus insisted.

Albus smiled brightly. "Oh Severus, it warms my heart to hear you admit it out loud." Albus opened his arms. "Would you like a hug?"

Severus hissed in pain, when his expected snarl and haughty lip curl snapped into place and his dry chapped lip split open. He began wondering if life under Voldemort might have been better.

"And besides, Padfoot." Harry supplanted. "If you can't get along, I'm not buying you a motorcycle."

"No!" Sirius gulped. "You wouldn't!"

"If I tolerate the greasy git, do I get one too?" James asked.

"Oh, sweetie," Lily dangerously input. "Do you remember getting permission for a motorcycle?"

James gulped and looked at his wife. "But, honey, all those concerns about danger become silly when we've already died."

Lily kept forgetting that and unfortunately saw the logic in it. "Alright… but you know what this means then, right?"

"Yes, honey," James sadly said with a bowed head. "I'll get a few pairs of leather pants."

"Can we go now?" Sirius pleaded. "Can we? Can we? Can we?"

Harry looked at his eager godfather, and looked over at Albus. "So we're doing this apprentice-assistant teaching thing?"

Albus looked at Minerva and Filius who were both nodding and shrugging. Severus was shaking his head vigorously. Albus smiled. "I think we are. And I can see Padfoot is getting over-excited, so please take him outside before he and Fawkes start warring over territory they've marked."

Sirius had the painful mock hurt look on his face, but no one missed the way he forcefully crossed his legs.

Lily smiled. "I even know where there's a dealership! We can get my old woody out of the garage!"

Harry couldn't stop the smile from his face. "Your woody?"

Lily nodded. "I'm guessing that my old station wagon with the fake wood painted side paneling wasn't used to seal any fiery portals to hell?"

Harry shook his head. "Never even took it out of storage."

"Yes!" Lily cheered. "The Short Bus lives on!"

James and Sirius exchanged an excited look. "Road trip!"

"What the hell are you guys wearing?" A perplexed Harry Potter asked.

Sirius, James, and Remus were all smiling brightly. Sirius grinned. "I'm wearing Sex Mongoose. It smells just as good as Sex Panther, but at half the cost."

"Not that, you nitwit," Harry grumbled. He pointed feverishly towards the ridiculous looking things on their heads. "That!"

"It's a Lily rule," Remus said looking upwards at his headgear. "When she's driving, we all have to wear our helmets."

"Are those bicycle helmets?" Harry inquired.

"No," James frowned. "They're our helmets for when Lily's driving. Weren't you listening?"

Harry looked at his father curiously. "Right. Sorry."

"Hey mum?" Harry asked. "Can I ride up front with you? I seem to have... forgotten my helmet."

Lily smiled at him. "Of course sweetie. If you don't have a helmet, you have to ride up front." She whispered conspiratorially, "Makes more sense on the Short Bus." Remus, Sirius, and James piled into the back seat with their matching helmets while Lily and Harry sat in the front. She settled her hands at ten and two o'clock on the steering wheel and the group headed on out.

Harry chuckled. "Do they even realize what that name means? Or what it looks like with them in the car with helmets on?"

Lily seriously doubted they did back in school, but now wasn't so sure. "I don't know. Hey miscreants! Do you even realize what you look like with your helmets on?"

Remus had a goofy grin. "I think two-thirds of us do now, though back then we didn't."

Sirius smiled cheekily and winked. "Make that three-thirds, my fuzzy friend. I get it now too."

Remus sighed. "I was already counting you, Padfoot."

"Oh," Sirius apologized. "My bad. One-third then."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I think you might want to tighten your chinstrap, Padfoot."

Sirius shook his massive helmeted head. "Nope. This was as tight as I could possibly make it. And it still tingles when I shake my head like that." He shook again and you could see the blood rushing and draining from him.

James frowned looking at his friends' chuckles and his wife's proud smile. "I don't get it. What's so funny about the Short Bus? Or the helmets?"

"Never you mind, sweetie," Lily deflected.

"I'm not stupid, you know," James pouted and was practically daring them to make a snarky response.

"Of course you aren't," Lily agreed. "But you are easily distracted. Would you like me to turn on the radio?"

"The Muggling Wireless! Yeah!" James cheered.

Harry was repeating to himself 'Muggling Wireless?' while Lily turned on the radio and tuned it until she hit something other than static.

"Yay!" James cheered exuberantly. He was clapping in joy, and made for quite a sight to anyone passing the aptly named Short Bus. James excitement seemed to freeze in time as he paused and asked, "Err… is this a song? Because it sort of sounds like one, but I thought songs had music."

Sirius shook his head happily. "Naw. I think it's a com-facial."

"Commercial, Padfoot!" Lily insisted. "Commercial. Oh good lord."

Sirius' eyes twinkled merrily. "Enh, I was close."

Harry was listening to the radio and added, "You know, I think this might actually be a song."

Remus shook his head. "It sounds like someone caught Goyle's Dink Lord in a vice. And they keep tightening it until he finally spells 'bandanas' correctly."

"That's not a human singing," Sirius argued. "You can tell by the voice."

"What?" James asked, completely baffled by that last statement.

"It's a gorilla," Sirius stated plainly. He saw he didn't have much support here as they all were giving him that special look that's usually reserved for Albus. The alleged song continued and Sirius yelled triumphantly. "There! You see! It's probably a silverback. It keeps insisting it's not a hollowback gorilla." Sirius paused only a beat before asking, "Actually, what is a hollowback gorilla?"

Harry considered it and said, "I retract what I said earlier. This is, in fact, a com-facial."

Lily growled and twisted the knob viciously. "Alright. That's enough radio for now. How about another story? I think it's our turn too, Harry. So what would you like to know?"

A couple sad boys in the back were pouting that the Muggling Wireless was off.

Harry thought about it, and remembered a conversation he'd had with Luna. He turned to his father and asked, "When did you fall in love with Mum?"

James looked over at Sirius and seemed to be pondering the question. "What was it? About summer after fifth and then start of sixth year?"

"Yup," Sirius agreed. "As soon as sixth year started, stalker James was in full effect."

"Hey now! That's called romance!" James insisted.

Sirius nodded. "If you end up with the girl, then yes. If not, it's called illegal."

"Do I even want to know?" Lily asked her husband.

James shook his head. "Probably not."

"Romeo over here," Sirius explained despite James protests, "decided he needed to do some more recon, before beginning sending his soldier into battle. So for the first couple of weeks of school he snuck into your room and watched you sleep."

"What!" Lily exclaimed.

James bowed his massive helmeted head. "I love you."

"You watched me sleep?" Lily asked. "That's so creepy. And disgusting. Even for you."

James shrugged. "It was more boring than I expected it to be."

"I should hope so," Lily insisted unsure what the hell she was saying.

Sirius helpfully added, "So to pass the time he read your diary. Owww! Dammit Prongs!"

James eyes flared angrily. "Ix-nay on the iary-day!"

"My diary?" Lily asked confused. "You read my diary?"

James knew better than to answer that question.

"But I haven't kept a diary since I was about six," Lily stated watching her husband's confusion in the rear-view mirror. "Were you reading one of my dormmate's diaries?"

James shook his head. "No. Unless they named theirs Diary of an Unquenchable Vixen and kept it under your pillow."

Lily's eyes bulged out and a whole lot of things from a long time ago began to make a lot more sense. "That's why you kept asking me to sweep your room?"

James blushed at the reminder of his favorite entry.

Lily shook her head. "That was a romance novel, you dunderhead stalker."

Harry looked at his parents oddly. "Wow, Mum, Dad. This sure sounds like the love of legends."

James shrugged. "We'd known each other since we were scared eleven year olds. Love at first sight would be a bit creepy."

Sirius grinned. "Actually, if memory serves, I believe it nearly was at the start of sixth year, it wasn't the first sighting but it was practically instantaneous."

Remus smiled and jumped in. "I believe James' response at the opening feast went something like this: 'What the hell happened to Evans this summer? She just shot like a rocket up the boinkability scale and sprouted a significantly yummalicious rack. Flat butt still although she is a redhead. So I guess I'd better bring a machete, because it's bound to be a jungle out there.'"

"James!" Lily admonished with a hidden smile. "Even back then, you thought my rack was yummy?"

James had that 'Hey, I was a teenage boy' look. "I'm not exactly going to stalk someone with an average rack, now am I?"

"Aww," Lily said while driving. "That's so sweet." Her pleasant approval lasted a full four seconds before, "Wait a minute. What do you mean a jungle?"

"I'd take a jungle over a sandy beach any day." Sirius offered as a non-answer.

Lily was even more confused. "What?"

Sirius elaborated, "Bare skin so rough it looks like a diseased rash. And then there's the crabs."

"So many young girls don't realize you must moisturize or you'll end up with red goose bumps within a couple days of skin irritation." Remus explained to all the young girls in the car.

"James," Lily said straightly and calmly. "Explain. Or else."

James tensed at the sudden seriousness of his wife. He knew the terror alert level just went up. "Err, you know… redheads like yourself aren't exactly well known for carefully trimmed hedges."

Lily watched him in the mirror.

"Well kept foliage." He added. "Tending to the garden."

Lily arched an eyebrow. "Are you trying to call me a 'ho'?"

"No!" James insisted. "Not at all! I'm just saying your pubes were all over place. Looked like you were giving Dumbledore's chin a run for its money."

A natural talent in Occlumency allowed Harry to keep his fear and horror hidden.

"So she is a natural redhead?" Sirius asked curiously.

James nodded. "Not even Moses ever saw a bush that flaming before."

"James!" Lily scolded.

"Yes love?"

"Our son is right here!"

James looked at Harry's pained face. "He's seen it before. Hell, he came shooting out of it."

Harry jumped in and argued, "Yes, well just because you've seen a man give birth to a puppy cesarean style, doesn't make it okay to talk about it among pleasant company."

"Oh good lord." James said imagining the horror.

"Thank you, Harry." Lily said looking worriedly at her son.

"Oh god." Harry paled. "Is that why you named me that and not Harold?"

James and Lily both blushed and dropped their heads.

"No!" Harry's frustrations burst forth.

James explained. "Well you were born with nearly a full head of wild black hair, and during the procedure… there were… tangles… with you and your mother."

Lily smiled weakly. "The Healer said 'Wow, that is hairy,' and it sort of stuck."

"He was probably talking about your gaping vagina!" Harry indignantly claimed.

Lily frowned. "She was not. She had seen it many times before."

"Really?" James inquired with a smirk.

Lily sighed. "God you're a pervert."

James shrugged. "I'm a Potter. And you know, thinking about it, it's certainly possible she might have been talking about your gaping vagina."

"Thank you." Harry said with an appeased smile.

James nodded and turned towards his wife. "In which case, I suppose we could officially change your name to our first choice: Oglethorpe Pugsley Potter."

"Oh god." Harry realized these people should not have been responsible for naming him.

James was remembering all the names they liked, and the compromises they reached. "Well, our second favorite was Draco Ignatius Potter, though that did have the unfortunate initials dip."

Harry couldn't help silently throwing up in his mouth.

Lily nodded and agreed. "Don't forget I liked 'Tom Marvolo Potter' too."

Remus' eyes bugged out. "I forgot about that one. Umm… you might not want to suggest that particular name, Bessie."

"Why not?" Lily said with a furrowed brow. "I saw it on that special services plaque. It always sounded so regal and yet down to earth. I heard he was real cute too."

Remus carefully explained, "Cute? Well, he was very possibly the last person you saw before dying."

"Oh." Lily said as realization dawned on her. She smartly added, "Yeah, let's scratch that one."

"Guys!" Harry yelled at everyone in the Short Bus. "You know what? Being named after a gaping vagina isn't so bad. How bout we just stay quiet and try not to make me any more scared or nauseous before we get to the dealership. Okay?"

Lily nodded quietly, while all three men in helmets bowed their heads in shame.

The silence remained heavy in the car, broken only by the wheezing sounds of Sirius' air biscuit. This brought the nausea and fear back too.