Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

"You called him Severus?" Sirius snickered before all-out laughing at the pure indignation on his best friend's face.

"Shut up," James pouted.

Lily was smiling brightly at her husband's frustration. "Should I be worried? Has the love-hate you share finally boiled over into just grisly, visceral, hot man-love?"

Sirius pondered aloud. "He's got a head full of lubricant, for fitting into those-"

"Yes! Yes." James yelled interrupting. He mockingly laughed, "Ha ha ha, it's very funny, thank you very much. Now can we move on please?"

Sirius and Lily just smiled at each other. "Alright fine. So how do we get back at them for this one? What could we even do that would approach matching this total and complete utter humiliation?"

Lily considered that one. "Maybe Ginny should give that exclusive interview about how Harry can't stop crying when he kisses?" Lily stopped. "No… not even that comes close."

James rolled his eyes. "I'm sick of these indirect pranks. The new issue of Wizard's Workout is coming out today still, but we have to get something past Harry's defenses. Have any of you gotten anything on him?"

Sirius shook his head. "We tried potions in his food, but they didn't even do anything to any of them. Harry, Albus, and Hermione's food all had the potion in it, but none of them grew any appendages, changed shapes, colors, nothing. And I tested the food afterwards. The potion was in there!"

Lily shook her head. "Half a dozen spells have hit him, but had no effect. Most of the time they just get swallowed up by those damn rings."

James sighed. "Fred and George's sweets just turned into a fun game for the Hufflepuffs. They said they had just created them, but even before eating them, Harry was telling the kids what they would each do. The trick doors and portkeys have caught us more than times than not, as he's moved them around each time. Or he just pops right past them."

Lily shook her head thinking. "You ever get the feeling there's something big that we're missing?"

Sirius shrugged.

James thought about it and agreed. "Yeah, I do. Maybe we should ask Nicholas?"

Sirius nodded. "Definitely. He's about the only one who has even pulled off any respectable pranks on them."

"No need to seek me out," Nicholas said as he broke into their impromptu meeting. "My spider-sense was tingling. And I'm looking forward to reactions to the photo spread in wizarding news stands now."

"What are we missing?" Sirius mercifully begged.

Nicholas smiled. "Besides good looks, wit, charm, intelligence-"

"Oi!" Sirius grinned at the old man. "Just because you're ancient, don't mean I won't bite you."

"I should hope not," Nicholas said with a wink. "And what do you mean, you're missing?"

"Harry!" James replied. "How the hell does he always seem to know about our pranks and keeps avoiding them? Or turning them back on us?"

Nicholas raised an eyebrow at their pleading looks. "Umm… you know if I could answer that you probably wouldn't need to ask it."

"What?" Padfoot intelligently responded.

Nicholas shrugged. "He's good. He can see magic when he focuses his senses. He keeps detection fields up around himself at all times, primarily because of the number of attacks on his life. He can pick up stray thoughts with Legilimency, and you'd never know it, though sadly he is too moral to actively seek them out or use them against you." Nicholas shook his head with a smile. "Silly ethics."

"Even still," Sirius frowned.

"Padfoot," Nicholas defended. "I'm not sure you really understand just how many people have tried to kill Harry, how many poisons he's had to overcome, or assassins he's been forced to battle. The fact that he's still around despite being the premiere target for every Dark Wizard looking to make a name is a testament to his vigilance and skill. If a prank did get past his defenses, then that would most likely be an avenue an assassin could use. And sadly you're all re-existing at a time, when he's just about the only one with Dementor Blood, which, in a capable wizard's hand, is as much a difference as having a wand would be to an unarmed man."

"Can't you use Dementor Blood?" James asked.

Nicholas nodded. "I have access to it, and know a few tricks with rings, but Harry's wandless and mind magic incorporates the rings in a way I would be hard-pressed to overcome. And besides the rings arrrrrrggghhunnn."

Lily nodded. "We know. You can't talk about it."

Nicholas blushed and nodded despite inwardly cackling with glee. He paused and was tapping his chin. "One other advantage is that Harry hasn't left Hogwarts much, and here he has something of a homecourt advantage on us, given the fact that Hogwarts likes him best. Perhaps we could come up with something for the Quidditch match this weekend?"

Lily groaned remembering her old promise and the especially skimpy outfit that had arrived. "Oh right. That."

"You know you will look beautiful honey," James grinned proudly.

"I'll look like a nearly naked whore." Lily whined.

Sirius nodded. "Right. Beautiful."

Nicholas rolled his eyes to hide the confusion he felt at imagining nearly naked whore mum. "Just remember with tickets, a location away from Hogwarts, and assigned seating, this gives us one of our best chances to trap him. I'll bring Fred and George by later tonight and we can figure something out."

"Sounds good," Sirius nodded. "But I'm hungry for lunch. I asked the House elves and today it's Bessie stroking off."

Lily smacked him upside the head, but Sirius knew it was coming. He just took his deserved beating.

Nicholas started to choke. "Right now I'm picturing house elves and a mental image ensuring I'll be having the chicken today."

"Don't knock it till you've tried it," James said as he led the way to the Dining Hall. Lily half-heartedly smacked her husband too, but her blush was evident.

The four of them took seats at the head table, where Albus, Harry, Severus, Hermione, and Tonks were already seated and eating.

Severus smiled down at Lily. "This Beef Stroganoff is delicious. Anyone you know?"

Lily frowned harshly and decided Snivelly was due for a hurting.

Harry sent Severus a shock of pleasure, who spasmed like a fool. "Behave, Severus."

Lily smiled victoriously and helped herself to a large salad.

Draco came racing into the hall. "Potter!" he shouted waving a magazine in the air. "Have you seen this?"

"Wizards' Workout?" Harry asked with a genuinely curious face. "I don't think I want to know."

"Workout?" Severus asked confused. "But you never exercise."

Albus coughed lightly. "I'm sorry to shatter your illusions Severus, but that is not the sort of magazine people buy for the fitness tips."

Draco huffed indignantly. "I get it for the articles."

Apparently none of his colleagues were convinced.

Draco shook his head. "Anyways, this issue has the Broomstick of the Year, and you won't believe who won."

James and Sirius gave up trying to conceal their enjoyment and were simply smiling deviously.

Harry raised an eyebrow and took the magazine. As he did, the centerfold fell out and showed the poster-sized moving photograph. Harry happily and loudly announced, "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle. Congratulations, Professor Prongs. I didn't even know you had entered."

James smile disappeared and he gasped. "What?" He ran over and grabbed the magazine. Sure enough, it announced in loud neon letters, Nimbus Nine and a Half proudly presents Broomstick of the Year to Hogwarts very own, Professor Prongs. The picture showed him basically coated in oil as he was striking poses accentuating his many muscles. "What the hell happened! Where's the green eyes and the scar?"

Harry looked at his father innocently. "Oh? So you admit to posing for these pictures?"

"Of course I did!" James insisted. "Err… I mean. No, I didn't. You must have." He stuttered and stumbled over his words. "Aww forget it."

"You didn't, you say?" Harry asked, eyes all a-twinkle. "So does that mean you didn't give them the interview they published with this either?"

"Interview?" James asked with more than a touch of fear. He folded back up the lecherously grinning centerfold, who was holding a comically oversized wrench, and flipped to the personal facts page. He read out loud, "Wizards' Workout: You're a Hogwarts' professor. Our readers are wondering, what do you like best about children? Professor Prongs: Hearing the hipbones crack." James dropped the magazine, paled, and gulped.

A number of people were shocked into silence, which only made the Headmaster's loud and lingering snort all the more obvious. He quickly folded his beard up to cover his mouth and muffle his uncontrollable laughing.

"Albus!" Minerva scolded and smacked the Headmaster. "Don't you dare laugh at that! It's not funny. That is horrible!"

Albus did his best to contain his amusement. "Of course, Minerva. You are absolutely right. Not funny at all."

Apparently, Filius disagreed as he could no longer contain his snort of laughter either. The little guy fell right out of his chair, he was shaking so much.

"Filius!" Minerva yelled angrily.

"Mi-… Min-… Minerva?" The diminutive Charms Professor finally got out.

The angry looking transfiguration Professor could tell, she wasn't the only horrified one, but they were outnumbered by the people laughing, despite knowing they shouldn't be.

Harry looked calm and innocent. "I'm with you, Minnie. It's not funny in the slightest."

"You shut up, you little ingrate!" she snapped. "There's a special place in hell for people like you!"

Harry looked aghast and offended while Albus chuckled out. "And that place isn't funny at all either!"

"Shh! Here he comes! Everyone act natural!" Harry told his class. He spoke up in a louder voice. "Now if my apprentice were here I would be glad to… oh look who was kind enough to grace us with his presence. Professor Padfoot, would you care to tell us why you're late?"

Sirius was running behind and scrambled into the 4th year Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw DADA class. "Sorry about that. Professor Prongs had some concerns about his vagina that he didn't want to ask his wife."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "He still has that? And he thought that you would be the resident vagina expert?"

Sirius shrugged. "Well, for some reason he trusts me not to blab to everyone." Sirius shook his head with an impish smile. "Why he does, I'll never understand. And yes, Bessie thinks he could learn a thing or two and is forcing him to keep it for a few days. I have a feeling it won't last more than a few hours after the quidditch match Saturday, if that long."

A boy raised his hand eagerly. "Quidditch match?"

Sirius grinned proudly. "Oh yes. Several of the staff members are taking a bit of a day off to watch Puddlemere United completely decimate the Chudley Cannons. It's been years since I've been to a pro match."

"Hey!" a brown haired boy yelled. "The Cannons might win! They got a shot this year."

"Five points from Ravenclaw for stupidity," Sirius snapped immediately, though felt a bit guilty when the kid looked like he was going to cry. "Anyways, I do apologize for delaying class. What are we working on today?"

"I was hoping you would get here," Harry grinned and winked at the class. "We're going to learn about the Severing Charm. The incantation is Diffindo," Harry said offhandedly while limply pointing his wand at an unprepared Sirius.

"Yeow!" Sirius yelped and jumped out of the way of Harry's spell.

"Oops," Harry grinned innocently. "My bad there, Professor Padfoot."

Sirius frowned challengingly. "I'm sure."

"Anyways," Harry turned back to the class and walked up towards them, leaving his Assistant back by the chalkboard. "You can increase the power of the spell, if you focus and pour more of your magic into it. The wand movement is a slight downward slash, and then you whip the wand back up. It's kind of like a saw with how you move it down and back."

"Now class, watch carefully," Harry instructed. "Professor Padfoot a demonstration, if you don't mind?"

Sirius grinned and snapped his wand viciously at Harry. He bellowed out, "Diffindo!"

Harry's eyes widened and he fell to the floor ducking. "Damn Padfoot! Not so much power!"

The spell seemed to almost grow in intensity and flew straight over Harry's head down the middle row of students at their desks before smashing into the back wall and cutting a large gash into the stone in back.

"Merlin's sake, Professor!" Harry berated as he got up off the floor. "This is a classroom, not the battlefield."

Sirius just stood there shocked that Harry ducked rather than shield the curse. He could have sworn the spell cleaved straight through some of those students. He noticed right away that the middle row of kids was not moving. Their eyes weren't even looking around. One of the girls reached over to her friend in the row. She put her hand on the other girl's shoulder and shook her. "Marsha? Are you okay?"

Pandemonium ensued when Marsha's head rolled off and fell to the floor with a thud. One by one all of the students' heads in the middle row slid off their bodies and rolled around the floor.

Sirius looked as white as a sheet.

Harry's eyes were wide and he could barely breathe. He turned to Sirius. "You are in so much trouble."

And apparently that was Professor Padfoot's breaking point, as his eyes rolled up into his head, and he keeled over in a dead faint.

Harry brightly smiled and turned to the class. "Five points for everyone! And five more, Mr. Patton for supporting the Cannons! Excellent work people! He's out cold."

All of the class cheered and all of the students pulled off their heads and were playing with them. Professor Potter had showed them all the rings and a way to put two next to each other, disillusion them, and give the appearance of a detachable head.

"Well," Harry smiled at all the headless gleefully screaming students. "Now that we've got him unconscious… any ideas?"

Herman Crabbe thrust his arm into the air and was waving franticly. "Mr. Crabbe?"

"Professor, sir." He addressed. "I've always wanted to find out if putting someone's hand in hot water really works."

Harry nodded and conjured a bucket. He filled it with hot water and set Sirius' left hand into it. Within a minute they had the results of their experiment.

"Cool!" Herman Crabbe yelled out excitedly. He was laughing with everyone else when his eyes lit up with a great idea. He waved his hand franticly again. "Professor Potter! Professor Potter! Will cold water make him poop?"

Pretty much everyone else in the class looked at Herman and wondered if he or his older brother got the brains in the family.

Harry snickered. "I hate to break it to you, Mr. Crabbe, but I'm afraid that is not the case."

"Aww," he frowned. "We can't even try?"

Harry pitied him. "Well, alright. We can surely give it a shot." Harry removed Sirius' hand from the hot water bucket and subtly used an elemental skill to cool the water to just barely above freezing. He then put Professor Padfoot's other hand into the cold water and sat there quietly. After a couple minutes, where the rest of the class seemed to be making fun of Herman Crabbe, Harry cast a wandless silent Dark Arts spell that did just the trick.

Professor Padfoot's unconscious body emitted some forceful wet flatulence and Harry shot up out of his seat. "Great Googahmoogah! It worked!"

Herman Crabbe just pumped his fist into the air. "Awesome! I told you!"

The rest of the class just stared on in shock, unable to believe cold water worked. And a bit disturbed at the smell permeating through the class that was distinctly worse than asparagus.

"Excellent creative thinking, Mr. Crabbe." Harry complimented. "Ten points to Hufflepuff. Now is there anyone else who would like to take pictures of Professor Padfoot?"

Once the class was all settled, Harry collected back all the invisible rings from the students, he told them all to pair up and practice the severing charm against the back wall, where the massive stone gash was. Harry cast spells cleaning up the mess in Padfoot's robes and took his apprentice out the front door.

He cast an Ennervate on him. "Padfoot?" Harry asked with a touch of concern in his voice. "Padfoot, are you okay?"

Sirius began shaking his head, trying to remember. "What happened?" he groggily asked recalling some horrifyingly realistic daydream.

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "No idea. When you didn't show up, I closed the classroom door figuring you had some prank backfire on you. From what I can tell you just ran headfirst into the door and knocked yourself out."

"Really?" Sirius asked looking around from his place on the floor.

Harry shrugged. "I just came out here with I heard a loud thump, and saw you out cold on the ground. Now, if you're up to it, we still have over half of class time left."

"Alright," Sirius agreed as he got up, feeling the faint tingle of dark magic in his bowels. "What are we working on?"

Harry grinned innocently as Sirius walked in and saw a very familiar gash in the back of the classroom. Harry explained, "We're working on the Severing Charm. I assume you are familiar with it?"

Sirius looked around the classroom and didn't particularly care for the grin on Harry's face. "Yeah, yeah, I know it. And stop smiling." He sniffed the air in the classroom. "Goodness. Smells like someone messed themselves in here." Sirius really didn't like the laughter that observation incited in all of the students.

Nicholas looked around the room at Fred, George, Ginny, Bessie, Padfoot, Prongs, and Moony. "Alright, Fred, George, and Ginny went and charmed all of the seats in our luxury box identically. Now, luckily at this stadium, all the seats are custom fitted with comfort, warmth, and cushioning charms, so hopefully Harry won't notice anything beyond the normal magic on the chairs. Bessie and I have brewed a potion that while unpleasant in taste, is the antidote and counter to all of the special charms we'll have on our chairs. So, all systems go, and bottoms up!" Nicholas finished and knocked back a shot of the sludge they had brewed.

"Eeeurgh!" Ginny moaned. "If happy has a taste, I think that is the opposite."

"Blech!" James complained. "It tastes like Dementor!"

"When did you taste Dementor?" Fred asked with a touch of disbelief.

James dropped his head in shame. "A couple months back."

Sirius gulped his down slowly and found himself belching out a particularly strong aftertaste. "Oh lord. It tastes like the ass end of a menstruating skunk!"

George's eyebrows rose and he looked at Padfoot. "And when did you-"

"Fifth year," James, Remus, and Lily all answered in unison.

Sirius blushed and mumbled, "Stupid mindset... animagi training... lost control... oh never mind."

Moony was just rubbing his tongue on the roof of his mouth trying to get the taste out. "God this is worse than Wolfsbane."

Nicholas shrugged. "You should have tried it before we added the mint leaves to make it taste better." He so enjoyed those disbelieving looks. "Besides, if this is what it takes to get Harry properly, it is a small price to pay."

Everyone grumbled their agreement, a bit frustrated at how poorly they were doing in the prank war.

They went and met up with Harry, Tonks, Hermione, and Albus in the Entrance Hall. While James' team was hoping to get all of Harry's team with this prank, they weren't exactly going to invite Severus and Draco to the Quidditch match. Albus only invited himself when he heard what Lily was going to be wearing.

Harry took one look at the group headed their way. "Why do you all look so suspicious?"

Fred and George shrugged and answered together. "Because we're going to be ogling your half nekkid mum?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "You really don't have to keep reminding me of that."

"No," Fred said.

George finished, "We really do."

"Well, mum," Harry greeted her with a smile. "You can take comfort in the fact that you won't be alone."

"Really?" Tonks grinned brightly. "Are you going to be wearing a Puddlemere United Superfan Sisters of Yesteryear original outfit as well?"

Harry looked at Tonks a bit worriedly. "Err… that'd be a negative. No, Luna's meeting us there and thought that Bessie might appreciate having another half-naked girl there. She didn't want to portkey, as she was bringing one of her pets."

James hugged his wife, who was still adequately covered with a robe. "Honey, I just want you to know, that if you and Luna want to make out while we're there, you have my blessing."

Harry's eyes widened and really didn't know how he felt about that.

Albus chuckled at the slightly constipated look on Harry's face. He pulled out their portkey and they all grabbed onto it. One activation word later, the large group disappeared from Hogwarts.

"Wow," Harry exclaimed checking out their seats. "Our own luxury box. Very nice."

Ginny explained. "Yup. Ron pulled some strings for us, and he wants to talk to you after the match. He would talk before the match but…"

Harry nodded. "But he's a nervous blubbering mess before every match. I think if Jones got hurt and Ron knew he would be starting he'd be throwing up nonstop."

Gred and Forge agreed. "True. Partially because we'd trick him into eating a bowl of Puking Pastilles cereal."

"And partially because he's more nervous than Neville under the threat of losing his virginity."

Remus looked at the twins. "Do I even want to know how you…?"

"Gin-gin?" They smiled brightly at their rapidly blushing sister.

"Ginny Weasley!" James mock scolded.

Ginny shook her head sternly. "It's not what you're thinking, so get your mind out of the gutter."

Lily grinned. "So if it's not what we're thinking, what is it?"

Ginny shook her head. "I merely discovered him unconscious in the road with his pants off. I ennervated him. First thing he did was to kiss me and loudly exclaim his love of life. When these two knuckleheads saw me chasing after Neville trying to give him his pants back they jumped to some inaccurate conclusions."

"Oh?" Fred grinned. "So now he kissed you too?"

"Hmm, yes," George nodded. "I believe she vehemently denied any kisses last time she brought up the subject."

"I didn't bring up-" Ginny feebly argued.

"Convenient," Fred continued. "It's like the fish that gets bigger with each successive telling of the story."

"True," George admits. "Neville claims it was three of the best minutes of his life."

"Though he wasn't a big fan of the fifteen minutes before consisting of vomit and tears."

Sirius chimed in. "I don't know. Sometimes the vomit and tears are just what the cocktor ordered."

"Doctor, Padfoot," Lily sighed. "Doctor."

Sirius and the twins all snickered at Lily's frustrated sighs. "She can't help correcting me every time. It's so easy, it's like stealing virginity from a baby."

"Candy, Padfoot. Can-…Oh just shut up and die already." Lily grumbled as she left the group to sit down in the front row of their luxury box.

"Oh Bessie," Sirius called out as he slung his arms over Fred and George. "Here's one matching pair of boobs on display. Don't you think it's about that time?"

James nodded happily. "Enough stalling sweetie. A bet is a bet is a bet."

Lily rolled her eyes and took off her robes. Immediately, Harry had to look away while Albus led James, Sirius, the Weasley twins and Tonks with loud cat-calls and wolf-whistles. "Yowza!" Albus happily hooted and hollered. Remus was shyly paying attention to Lily, while Nicholas obediently stared exclusively at his girlfriend Hermione.

Lily was striking a series of provocative poses and taking pride in the attention she was receiving. When she faced away from everyone and bent over to pick up her discarded robe, Harry just groaned. "Oh this is so wrong."

"What's the matter, Harry?" Lily mischievously grinned. "Don't think your mum has kept up her girlish figure?"

Harry shook his head. "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. We're here for Quidditch. Not to give me an Oedipal complex."

"Damn Harry," Lily rasped out with a lusty grin. "That's such a… big… word."

Harry morphed his scar away and his eyes from green to hazel. "Sweetie?"

Lily's hooded eyes widened and she stopped licking her lips. "Alright stop. You're right. That's just creepy."

Harry morphed his eyes and scar back. "Thank you."

"No thank you," Albus said to Lily like the dirty old man he was.

"Bessie!" A smiling Luna appeared. "What are the odds we'd both be wearing the same outfit?"

"Luna!" Bessie grinned back. "Some might call it a fashion faux pas, but I think it may look even better on you."

"No shit," Harry replied unable to tear his eyes away.

"Eloquent as always, Harry," Nicholas grinned and was observing what caught Harry's eye.

Luna grinned at Harry's slight drooling.

"Oh good gravy," Sirius said looking at the blonde. "Quidditch is awesome."

Hermione frowned slightly and pointed out. "Luna, don't you think that might be a few sizes too small for you?"

Luna shrugged. "Maybe. But it's really stretchy." She nodded, arching her back and thrusting out her chest. "And I'm very bendy."

Nicholas grinned. "I find myself inclined to agree." Albus merely closed his eyes with a look of immense bliss on his face permanently etching these images into his mind.

James was enjoying Luna's outfit almost as much as his wife's when he pointed to what she had brought with her. "What the hell is that?"

Luna looked at where he was pointing. She explained slowly to make sure he understood, "It is called a leash."

"Not that," James snapped. "The fuzzy thing attached to it!"

Luna grinned happily as she picked up her little precious. "This is one of my Snorkacks."

"You've got more than one?" Hermione asked shocked.

Luna sat down next to Bessie and pulled the little guy onto her lap. "Rorschach had babies! This is the runt of her litter. Her name is Hermione." Luna picked up the odd fuzzy creature and was giving it kisses. "Aren't you my little Hermy-on-my-knee?"

Hermione's jaw just dropped, unable to believe the catty blonde's audacity. "You named her after me?"

Luna shook her head. "No."

Hermione was tempted to smack Luna, but knew the futility of continuing this conversation.

"Luna," Lily asked curiously. "I've never heard of a Snorkack before. Are they magical?"

Luna handed over her little furball to Harry's mum seated next to her. "They're supposed to be, but I think Hermy here might be a squib."

Lily felt the furry little creature fidgeting in her lap and scratching her. "Hermione's a bit of a bitch, isn't she?"

Luna nodded. "She's got a lot of attitude. She's been having trouble making friends because she's so bossy with the others. I'm hoping it's just a stage she grows out of. I'm afraid the others may surround and eat her."

Harry was doing his best not to laugh while Hermione, the female witch sitting next to him, was beginning to get redder and redder.

Lily carefully handed the Snorkack back to Luna. "They're cannibals?"

Luna shook her head. "I don't think so. But so far it seems that hating Hermione may come naturally to the others."

"What are the others' names?" Lily asked, completely ignoring the men who were simply staring with their mouths open at the two nearly naked ladies.

Luna was petting her sweet little precious. "Well, mommy is Rorschach. She was my first Snorkack. I never even saw or knew of Daddy, but I'm pretty sure they can hide and turn invisible so he may just be shy or he may be gone already." She was rubbing under Hermy's chin. "Mommy had five babies. You've met Hermione here, and then there is Dislogical, Illogical, Unlogical, and… and… who am I forgetting?"

"Antilogical," Harry offered helpfully.

"Thank you Harry," Luna serenely nodded. "Antilogical."

Hermione just smacked Harry in the head because she needed to hit someone and Nicholas was acting reasonably well behaved.

Tonks snickered. "Cute names."

Albus' eyes were twinkling merrily. "I am finding this conversation, as well as the colors in Miss Granger's face, highly fascinating, but I should point out that our Quidditch match has begun."

"Oh right," Harry said as he sat down and everyone else settled into the two rows in their luxury box. Harry whistled loudly. "Go Cannons!"

James frowned angrily and yelled louder, "Go Puddlemere!"

"You know Chudley is going to win today, right?" Harry asked with a smile.

James shook his head with a cocky grin. "Not a chance in hell!"

"Care to put a wager on that?"

James couldn't believe Harry actually thought the Cannons were going to win. "Sure. Name it. Anything."

Harry grinned a little too smugly. "Anything?"

James thought that one over seeing Harry's confidence and decided. "On second thought, let's just stick with a gentlemen's bet and enjoy the match."

"Whatever," Harry shrugged and muttered loud enough so everyone could hear, "Pussy."

James unfortunately couldn't exactly argue with that given his current personal equipment and turned back to the match. "Go Puddlemere!"

Nicholas shared a curious look with Fred and George. They had wide eyes wondering what the heck was going on. He turned to his girlfriend. "Hermione, sweetie, are you comfortable? I can get you a pillow, if these seats are too rigid for your tender, delicious bum."

James snorted a bit at how unsubtle the other pervy old man was.

Hermione smiled at Nicholas. "No silly, I'm fine. The seats have cushioning charms anyways."

"They do?" Luna asked. She tested them out by bouncing up and down in her seat. Pretty much every male there was significantly distracted, including a couple of Puddlemere's chasers. "Wow. That's a like a mountain of down feathers right on my practically uncovered posterior."

James shook his head, seeing the Cannons steal the quaffle. "Dammit Luna! Stop distracting the players by jangling your jingles!"

"Do you mind if I jingle my jangles though?"

James nodded. "Yeah, that's fine." James, Sirius, and Remus all shared a curious look wondering why their prank didn't seem to have had any visible effect yet.

Sirius leaned over to whisper and asked Fred and George, "Are you sure you charmed the seats right?" The twins nodded fervently. "Well trigger the major effects already then." Fred and George double-checked and saw none of Harry's team paying attention. They both pulled out tiny magical whipper snappers and quickly threw them to the floor. Less than a foot from the ground, they just hovered there unmoving.

They looked up and saw Harry staring at them with his hand pointed at the magical triggers holding them up. "Gred? Forge? Why do I get the feeling these things hitting the ground would be bad?"

The Weasley twins gulped and everyone on James' team tried to look innocent. James and Sirius beginning to whistle, was a little more than suspicious.

"Prongs?" Harry asked. "Padfoot? Moony? Anyone care to save yourselves some embarrassment?"

Fred shrugged. "Just whipper snappers. Nothing to see here."

"Right," Harry said as he appeared oblivious to Nicholas sneaking up behind him.

George quickly pointed and said, "Harry, look! Your mum's almost naked and her tits are awesome!"

Nicholas took advantage of the distraction and quickly licked his finger and gave Harry a juicy wet willy. "Ahh!" Harry screamed as he rubbed his slimy ear, and lost his concentration on the whipper snappers.

The small triggers smashed into the ground with a flash of light and massive plumes of purple smoke. A few gusts of wind dispersed the smoke, and when the view was clear James' entire team was saddened to discover Lily and Luna were no longer alone in their predicament.

Albus' jaw dropped to see Remus, Sirius, James, Ginny, Fred, George, and Nicholas all had extremely well developed female bodies with only the slight cover of Puddlemere United Superfan Sisters of Yesteryear original outfits on them. Albus began wolf-whistling and cat-calling again at the familiar faces and out of place heads on seriously smoking hot robust womans' bodies.

Harry just grinned smugly at them. "Didn't I warn you guys that those things hitting the ground would be bad? And no one wanted to save themselves embarrassment?"

Shortly before the explosion, a time-out had been called in the match, so they had caused no distraction to the players. But it just so happened to be the time when they went about the stadium showing the celebrities in the stands. Right on queue, the announcer could be heard, "And joining us today is Harry Potter!"

They all looked up and saw their entire luxury box on the massive jumbotron. The announcer cheered, "And great googahmoogah! He's brought a whole troupe of Puddlemere United Superfan Sisters of Yesteryear with him! Praise be to Harry!"

The entire stadium roared its approval as sporadic shouts of "Praise be to Potter!" could be heard. Nicholas dropped his head in apparent embarrassment while the Weasley twins jumped up and waved to all the adoring fans.

The jumbotron just stayed focused on them for several moments while Harry and Albus kept flourishing with their arms to show off all these proud Puddlemere supporters' absolutely lovely bodies.

Sirius was happily squeezing his newest additions. "Well, I must admit. Boobs are a lot more fun than a vagina."

Luna frowned. "Maybe you just don't know how to use your vagina?"

Sirius paused and looked down at his shapely hips and slender legs. "Maybe I don't."

Luna nodded. "I can tie a cherry in a knot."

Sirius' eyebrows went way up. "Wow."

"Or, if you like…" Luna tilted her head thinking. "Harry, do you have a ping pong ball I can borrow?"