Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Yesterday there had been a surrender. A cessation to the prank war as the victor accepted his opponent's pleas to yield, thus officially ending the Marauder's Honor Challenge.

"I just meant for him to stop that stupid Tourettes thing," James whined. "I didn't mean to give up the whole war."

"Well you did," Lily stated plainly. "And frankly we were getting our asses kicked anyways. Pass the fruit salad, please?"

James reached across the table and handed his wife the fruit salad. He was heaping the eggs onto his own plate, as Remus and Sirius joined them at the Head Table. "Moony!" James called out. "Are you back again, or still here?"

Remus smiled and sat down. "I'm back again. Because I was thinking more and more about what happened yesterday. And I don't like the conclusions I'm reaching at all."

James grumbled in agreement. "It ended when I surrendered. I didn't even realize I was surrendering the Honor Challenge."

Remus raised an eyebrow, having not been bothered by that aspect. "Well, in that case you are an idiot. You take pranks, you sit through the embarrassment, but you never surrender unless you're beaten."

Lily stared at Remus, "We were beaten."

Remus nodded, "Yes, but I'm not sure how fairly we were defeated."

"Fairly?" Sirius asked. "It's pranks. What does fairness have to do with anything?"

Harry strolled in with Tonks as they were chatting quietly. Harry overheard the older Marauder's discussion as he walked up to his seat. "Oh no, is it time to start complaining about how I cheated already?"

Remus frowned at Harry. "I know that spell you used to make Padfoot and I stuck repeating the same phrase."

Harry nodded, "Yeah, you do."

"I taught you that spell!" Remus insisted.

Harry nodded and chuckled, "Yeah, you did."

"That spell only works when the person hit with it, accepts the spell," Remus explained to the others. "Because it's the magic on the receiver's end that keeps it going. The spell has no effect on muggles. Which means I had to be hit with the spell and my magic responded by not fighting the effects in the slightest and actually encouraging it!"

"Very good, Remus," Harry mockingly nodded. "I see you remember the spell that you taught me just fine."

Remus frowned and looked at Sirius. He looked back at Harry. "Neither I nor Padfoot ever accepted any spell like that from you. Nor do we remember anything where we might have. You've been using Imperious or mind control or some other rotten trick on us!"

Harry looked at Tonks and smiled. He turned back towards all the curious and angry faces. "I have, have I? Are you challenging my Honor again?"

"No," Remus answered a little too quickly. "Well no, I mean… dammit Harry, that's just not fair!"

Harry shook his head and smiled at them. "So I'm not allowed to do any rotten tricks on you guys? What sort of prank war was this?"

"Pranks are supposed to be on equal footings!" Sirius insisted. "In that you can't just go around kidnapping us, obliviating us, or using war tactics that are highly illegal and dangerous."

Lily nodded. "Yeah! Only slightly illegal and mildly dangerous. No Unforgivables or really bad dark spells."

Harry sighed. "And simply because you cannot figure out how you got pranked, you automatically assume I must have been doing the really evil dark magics on you?"

Albus had just been relayed from Harry the tidbit of information that brought a wide smile to Harry's face. The Headmaster stood up and happily greeted the woman entering the Great Hall. "Madame Pomfrey!" Albus said loudly. "Welcome back, Poppy. I trust you took full advantage of your short vacation."

Remus, Sirius, James, and Lily's eyes all widened.

Poppy nodded. "Of course Headmaster, thank you. And thanks to you especially Miss Tonks for suggesting it and covering for me. I hadn't realized how much I needed a day off from this madhouse."

Tonks turned towards Sirius briefly and smiled. "Well, I figured since all my field training in rudimentary Healing from the Auror academy was wasting away, you could use a day off and I could make sure my skills are up to snuff."

"Yes well," Poppy huffed. "My Potions storeroom looks like you went through quite a bit. Nothing too much for you to handle, I hope?"

Tonks shook her head. "No problems. Just a whole lot of harmless pranks yesterday. Furry growths, hands glued to pants, people thinking they got turned into werewolves and other silly stuff like that." Tonks grinned brightly and mock whispered. "There was even one girl completely convinced she's got a demon baby growing in her."

Poppy laughed out loud at Tonks.

"With antlers!" Tonks added.

Poppy shook her head. "Oh dear. Yes, of course, it just happens to be April Fools Day, but there's an antlered demon baby in your womb. What are the odds it's discovered on this particular day?"

Lily and James were blushing and looking down at their plates.

Tonks turned towards Remus and Sirius, but continued talking to Poppy. "And Harry helped me remember quite a few of the diagnostic spells I forgot. He even whipped together a few Potions for me."

Poppy grinned and reached up to grab a hunk of Harry's cheek and shook it. "I knew there was a reason I gave you those extra lessons."

Harry's head bobbed back and forth from Madame Pomfrey's affectionate squeeze. "Yeah, there was. You said you were tired of putting 'Harry Dumpty' back together again."

Poppy furrowed her brow and just snapped, "Well you go on believing that if you like. I think the rest of us know the real reasons." Poppy turned around and marched right out of the Hall.

Harry looked over at the four ashamed older Marauders.

"Yes well…" Remus stammered avoiding Harry's eyes. "Shut up."

Harry laughed and went back to his breakfast.

Sirius turned to James. "Poppy! We always trust Poppy without even thinking about it. She never takes a day off."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Apparently not quite never."

James frowned. "Doesn't that violate some sort of healer-patient confidentiality agreement?"

Lily sighed and sat back. "Between who? Us and Tonks?"

"Miss Tonks!" Albus scolded. "If you've been abusing your patients' privacy to your own end, I'm going to have no choice but to reprimand you."

Tonks just looked at the Headmaster with a raised eyebrow.

Albus grinned, "Perhaps I should suspend both you and Professor Potter for this evening and force you to go out and dine at the school's expense?"

Tonks smiled, "That I could handle, Headmaster, but you do know Harry and I aren't dating anymore, right?"

Albus was slightly shocked to hear this. "You're not? What happened?"

Harry grinned brightly, "With all of your resources Albus, you mean to tell me that you managed to fall behind on the events of my private life? Now I know I asked all my friends to keep quiet about this, but I assumed you would have picked up on it from someone."

"Actually, Harry," Lily replied. "We decided it safest to just not think about it or discuss it. Ever."

"What happened?" Albus asked with a touch of worry.

Harry sighed and sat back. "It came to my attention that dating many different girls was taxing on their friendships with each other as well as their friendships with me. So I've broken it off with all of them officially to try and pursue a more meaningful relationship with a single individual."

"Oh really? Who's the lucky one?" Albus asked as he was unfortunately going for his juice.

Harry waited until the old man was drinking before sighing melodramatically and announcing like a lovestruck schoolgirl, "Nicholas."

As expected, Albus began choking for just a moment before snorting so hard the orange juice stung his nostrils on the way out. Albus hurriedly slapped a napkin over his face, as he was quite a sickening looking mess, and still snorting out laughter.

Harry began patting Albus on the back, "You okay there, old man?"

Albus was still tittering as he managed to get out, "Ni- Nicholas, eh? Harry, you're going to make a horrible homosexual. You hate dancing, your room is always messy, you have no fashion sense. You don't even wear bright colors!"

"Well, I can learn," Harry defended. "That's what it's all about, right? Learning together? I mean we're going to take things real slow. We already have proven that we make great partners in research. Only time will tell, if we make great partners," Harry sighed dreamily, "in love."

This time it was Tonks caught unprepared shooting juice out her nose.

Harry sat back and looked at his father, mother, and godfather across from him. He wasn't sure why he was dreading this conversation so much, but he was certainly apprehensive. "Please sit down. This may take a little while."

James smiled a little and asked the inevitable question, "We're not going to have to turn our head and cough, are we?"

Harry gave his dad a very odd look that was interpreted as a no.

Lily ignored her husband and asked the next most inevitable question, "Time for us to go?"

Harry shook his head. "Not just yet if you don't mind. Albus would like you guys to finish up the school year here, for the students' sake, and I assumed you guys would be fine with that. I have a couple other things I would like to prepare before we… go for the switcheroo. And the end of the school year's only another six weeks away. I figure we can put it off a week or two after that in case there was anything you wanted to do or places to go."

"So how's this going to work?" Lily asked her son.

Harry took a deep breath. "We've determined the only logical and possible course of action for fixing this, and we're going to need you to do some things you may not want to."

Lily winced. "I sort of didn't expect dealing with souls and bodies would be all peaches and cream. So what is so bad about this?"

Harry looked them all straight in the eye and said with a completely straight face, "The first step is each of you is going to have to strangle a baby with your bare hands."

"What?" James couldn't believe his ears.

Harry snickered. "Sorry… just lightening the mood a little. It was getting tense in here."

Sirius laughed out loud. "Only you Harry would use baby killing as a pick-me-up."

"Not true," Harry said with a shake of his finger. "You would too."

Sirius grinned and agreed with that.

"No, there will be no killing of any kind, and it shouldn't have any adverse affects on you guys, other than the change of scenery," Harry assured them. "We're going to be calling souls back into the Dursleys' bodies, after we safely extract your souls from them. The problem with that is any attempt to pull their souls back in, is probably going to be trying to pull in yours too. Considering your souls have been stuck in Dursley suits, it stands to reason the two have established a connection."

"Ahh," Sirius understood. "Can I assume you have a better solution than merely destroying our souls?"

"I knew you'd be a stickler about that one Padfoot," Harry mock sighed. "So, unfortunately we immediately ruled out every scenario involving adverse affects on your souls or the Dursleys' souls or bodies." Harry shrugged. "I was half-hoping we wouldn't come up with anything but we have."

Harry decided to skim over a few of the more illegal steps and explained, "The gist of it is take your souls out, keep a firm hold on them, open a portal to the other side, send out the come-home call from the bodies. And while yours are being restrained, theirs will hopefully come from wherever they are, back into the bodies."

"You make it sound so simple," James snickered. "And just how many acts of illegal dark arts are hidden in those words?"

"If I were a betting man I'd say more than one and less than a hundred," Harry replied before doing a little math in his head. "Actually let's say less than a thousand to be on the safe side."

James thought this was beginning to sound fun.

"The first tricky part is that we don't have any cages or capture devices we can bind your souls to that would be strong enough. We do have receptacles that can hold your soul, but they won't help you resist the call back into the Dursleys' bodies."

Lily nodded as though Harry was giving her instructions on how to bake a cake, and she was mentally taking notes.

Harry licked his lips. "Bob says he can do that though."

"Bob?" James asked.

Harry nodded. "Is going to have to kiss you and to withdraw your souls from the Dursleys' bodies. You will be contained inside him, while we call the souls to their respective bodies. There is a chance you may be able to feel the call, you may not."

"So this is like a firecall but with less fire and more brimstone?" Sirius asked.

"You're a dork, Padfoot." Lily explained before turning to Harry, "So far you've only told us the plan. You said you had something to ask us?"

Harry nodded. "The question is what to do with your souls, after we've pulled the Dursleys back. Because if we can't get to them, then we got a real good shot at being able to just put you back into their bodies, which I'm hoping would be affable with all of you. Otherwise, assuming success, you have two options for what we do after we've reassembled our dear sweet relatives."

"We don't have to stay in Bob?" James perked up.

Harry smiled and shook his head. "Oh heavens no, that's just to keep you from getting sucked back into their bodies. In your case, when Bob coughs your souls back up, they will either leave the mortal world for good like they probably should have in the first place or-"

"What do you mean should have in the first place?" Lily asked.

Harry paused and explained, "I don't think any of you three ever moved on, because your souls were waiting for this past year to happen, for me to accidentally pull you back into the Dursleys' bodies." Harry shrugged. "I'm not sure exactly what it was that came out of Voldemort's wand at his resurrection, so it is possible you did move on and just lost the memory of your afterlife when you rejoined the mortal world or maybe that was an echo of you, or… no idea. Mind you, there still are a lot of unknowns, but from everything we can tell, I shouldn't have been able to pull you guys into these bodies because you shouldn't have been reachable. For some reason your souls had not moved on all the way or came back or got a reprieve from eternity. The only reason for that we have been able to come up with was… so that you would exist for me to pull you here."

"Oh no," Sirius groaned clutching his head. "I think I sprained my brain."

Harry flashed his mum a cheeky grin and winked, while he retorted, "I think that's assuming too much about the materials in that head of yours."

Lily narrowed her eyes remembering her words in the Infirmary.

"Oi! That was a private conversation you big hidden cheater," Sirius growled. His face shifted quickly into a smile. "Was that stuff you just said very important because you lost me when you said… hmm… well, when you were talking at any rate."

Harry smiled at his godfather's gift for observation. "No, not very important."

Lily looked at her husband and Sirius' matching confused expressions. "Umm… the question Harry?"

"Right," Harry nodded trying to get back on track. "As I said we have receptacles that can hold your soul, and if you would rather not move on, there is a way you could stay here."

"I want to stay!" Sirius erupted.

"Hang on a sec," Harry warned him. "It's not that easy. These receptacles are actually illegal dark artifacts, because they're modified from the process that portraits are made, and they're in fact a prison and way to enslave a soul."

"What do you mean?" James asked.

"Well, what do you know about standard wizarding portraits?" Harry asked.

James nodded. "It's like a temporary duplicate of your existence. They don't last forever and the older they get, the less they remember until eventually they stop moving."

Harry agreed and explained. "These are very similar to that, except they're not a temporary duplicate. This is your soul, this is you, and it's likely you will last forever. And as I would be the one doing it, you would officially be subservient to me. The three we managed to locate contained the wives of a long-dead pharaoh. Apparently after he tired of a wife, he would encase her soul and keep it as a pet. They told us what we do know about these artifacts in exchange for releasing them. So now after millennia of being trapped they've finally moved on."

"But you were able to pull them out and allow them to move on?" Lily asked.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, we were, but only because we had the unique position of dementor cooperation and the right people who knew how to do this. If it weren't for the fortunate circumstances, it's likely they would have spent eternity as ensouled paintings."

"So we can just take this way to stay for now, and make sure there's a way for us to move on later then, right?"

Harry shrugged. "We'll definitely try, but there's a risk that if something happens to the people involved or some other component gets involved, then you may end up forever locked here. Ghosts usually stick around because they have something unfinished and leave eventually. You'd be in it for the long haul. Basically what it boils down to is we're sort of locking you in a cell that requires a number of people working together as a key. If any part of it is gone or broken, you could spend a whole lot of time in that cell."

"I'm up for it," Sirius says. "I mean I'd be leaving you an imprint for a portrait anyway, but this way it sounds like we get to hang around sort of too, right?"

Harry shook his head. "I don't want you to give me answers now. You don't have to decide any time soon. But I would like you to consider the risk, because this is your eternal everlasting soul we're talking about." Harry smirked. "Not to mention you'd be mine to command as Master of the paintings."

"Voluntary slavery of the soul or judgment and eternal damnation, rewards, or whatever else is out there, right?" James asked.

Harry nodded. "Yup."

Lily thought about it and asked, "Is it impossible to put us into other bodies? Or to fashion us new bodies?"

Harry cringed. "Not impossible, I don't think. But to get one person back into their own rightful body requires a sacrifice. Using another body would mean the loss of whomever's body that is, not to mention trying to force you into a body that's not yours would likely require a whole lot more sacrifice."

"By sacrifice, you mean a human?" James clarified. "Or will a Slytherin work?"

Harry chuckled slightly. "I've been avoiding defining it, because we're pretty sure it requires at least a human life. This instance with you guys here is a complete anomaly. In this case, it took only fat from Dudley's body. We've been experimenting some with fat and haven't been able to replicate anything remotely similar. I'm pretty sure that Dudley lost about half his fat to bring you guys here. And my instincts are telling me that he is supposed to lose the other half of his fat to fix this and bring them back."

"Experimenting with fat?" Lily asked, readying herself to defend her bovine brethren.

Harry waved her off. "Nothing all too morally wrong. No cows, deer, or dogs."

"Hey!" James insisted. "I'm a stag not a deer."

"Alright, you're a stag. Not a deer." Harry admitted with a roll of his eyes. He seemed to consider it a moment and decided, "Although that just makes you sound like a chauvinistic deer. As I was saying, I'm just saving Hagrid the trouble of hunting for animals to feed the thestrals and hippogriffs. And providing him with some especially lean ferret and weasel meat. Personally I think the way we treat them is a bit more humane than some of Hagrid's methods."

James, having helped the large Care of Magical Creatures Professor in the past, nodded. "Swinging them by the tail into a tree isn't exactly WETMA approved."

"Wet ma?" Sirius asked.

James nodded, "Wizardkind for the Ethical Treatment of Magical Animals."

Sirius frowned. "But those aren't even magical animals."

Lily shook her head. "It's not like WETMA cares about details like that."

"Maybe not but," James continued with a wide grin. "They've got some smoking hot witches supporting them."

Lily rolled her eyes at her husband's misguided interest. "Anyways, Harry. So what happens if the Dursleys don't answer the call?"

Harry grinned back at his Mum hopefully. "Well, if there's no answer from them, then we've got three living, working bodies that your souls seem to approve of. Bob won't have to hold on to you, and we've got a really fat Vernon who could drop a hundred plus pounds. No idea if it will work, but it is possible that if Dudley's fat can do all this, Vernon's could too. Which frankly isn't all that bad a prospect in my opinion."

James and Lily were nodding, conflicted on whether they should be hoping to live in mortal human bodies, or that their son won't have completely obliterated their other relatives' souls.

Sirius grumbled loudly. "Dammit! Why can't we be more evil and just leave the Dursleys' to rot?"

"I ask myself that question all the time," Harry sighed.

Lily pouted. "Evil's so much cooler too."

James nodded at the thought of Evil. "All that sexy leather." He never even saw the shoe coming.

Harry had been arranging several things and cleared them with Albus and Hogwarts. Surprisingly, Hogwarts was the more apprehensive one, but seeing how James and Lily were still spending their time training towards Masteries, she eventually agreed. Though Harry had the feeling she was just trying to show him who is boss, and was always going to agree.

Harry spent some time prepping the Chamber of Secrets for what was unofficially being called The Fix. Ideally this would have been done with some items belonging to the Dursleys and actually at Privet Drive. But unfortunately, that place was a barren, lifeless wasteland and everything that had been there was still smoldering char. Hence the Chamber was the next best option for being away from everyone, with the bonus of Hogwarts' protection. And given the rumors about Salazar this probably wasn't the first time the more nefarious arts were done down there. At the leaving feast, Albus announced that Professors Prongs, Padfoot, and Bessie would not be returning next year, and they all received standing ovations and cheers. Lily even cried, which Harry and Sirius mocked her greatly for. James laughed at her and got hit, which Harry and Sirius mocked him greatly for.

As the last of the students, climbed into the carriages and were headed off towards the Hogwarts Express, James turned to Harry, "How the hell did you keep getting the best of us anyway?"

Harry grinned at his Dad's sudden interest. "Were you waiting for all my spies among the students to leave before asking that?"

James groaned. "Alright, not the students then, you cheeky bugger."

Sirius and Lily followed the pair as they all walked back to the DADA office, interested in this conversation as well.

"Didn't Nicholas warn you that I had a lot of hidden allies?" Harry asked mysteriously.

James, Sirius, and Lily were looking on expectantly.

Harry whistled a loud staccato sound and waited for a moment.

Sirius pointed down, "Hey it's that kitten that kept getting disillusioned!"

Harry just looked at them incredulously. "You discovered a disillusioned kitten, and didn't find that just a little suspicious?"

James frowned. "Well… I mean… it's a kitten."

"Says the deer," Harry retorted, before loudly calling out, "Secret Agent Overlook, report!"

The little kitten popped into the well known youngster Simon. He snapped off a salute. "My cover has been compromised now, sir."

James, Sirius, and Lily remembered how often they ran into the kitten and wondered how many times they hadn't noticed he was around.

"No need to worry. Your mission is complete."

"Really?" Simon asked with wide eyes.

"Affirmative, Agent Overlook," Harry insisted. "But I will deny any and all involvement if your mother finds out."

"She'll never find out, sir!" Simon insisted and snapped another salute.

"Tell me, Agent. How is it that you managed to maintain cover in spite of being found?"

Simon smiled explained. "They thought a student was trying to hide his roommate's pet, sir. They felt sorry for me and rubbed my belly repeatedly." Simon paused and frowned. "It tingled, sir."

Harry laughed and wondered if Minnie needed to have a conversation with Simon. "I'll have your bounty within a week. Dismissed, Agent Overlook. Good work."

Simon popped back into his kitten form and scampered away.

Lily shook her head. "I was petting Simon all the time. Never even considered it was an animagus. And you!" Lily said turning back to Harry. "Bribing a ten year old!"

"He's almost eleven," Harry feebly argued. "Okay, that's really not a very good reason. But I needed an excuse to buy him a broom since he's starts Hogwarts next year. Although I must say he took his work a lot more seriously after you had Wizard's Workout print a retraction."

"What? Why? That was your stuff I was retracting!" James insisted.

Harry nodded. "Yup, but you took back just about everything you had been quoted as saying or liking. Except you did not retract anything about what you had said was your favorite food."

James turned to Sirius. "What did it say my favorite food was?"

Sirius and Lily shrugged, while Harry let out a masculine giggle, "Crispy Kitten Nuggets."

James shook his head as Sirius unconsciously licked his lips. "So that's it? Just some secret spies around?"

"Having complete access to your rooms helped too," Harry pointed out as they arrived in the office. Harry silenced the door and put up some privacy and locking charms for good measure.

"What!" Sirius exclaimed in surprise. "We worked for days on those wards! And you never could have touched them without triggering an alarm to us."

Harry sat back in his chair and raised his two hands. A massive stone statue of Harry grew out of the ground behind him.

James pointed, "We were detecting for that stone manipulation stuff!"

Harry shook his head. "Not the stone stuff. Hogwarts. You tied all of your wards into Hogwarts, which for many purposes including this one, is just an extension of me."

"Why didn't you do more to us then?" Sirius asked. "We were completely vulnerable."

"Exactly. Why give up that advantage for a prank?" Harry said. "You won't try to make new wards while you think your old ones are working."

"So is Hogwarts your… familiar?" Lily asked unsure of what to call it. The walls of the office began to shake slightly.

Harry replied negatively. "Nope, she's very clear on this point. I am her familiar. She's not mine, whatever difference that distinction makes."

James frowned. "That's so unfair, being the castle's familiar. We never had a chance on your home turf."

Harry grinned, "You're right. You didn't."

"Don't look so smug," Sirius insisted. "Nicholas got a few good ones in on you."

Harry frowned and tapped his chin. "You guys don't have anything going on, right now, do you?"

Sirius shook his head. "My schedule's open until you thrust me into an ensouled painting."

Harry nodded at the slight change of subject. "You sure you want to do that?"

Lily spoke up, "Harry, there really wasn't even much debate in it for us. I mean not to add to your guilt complex or anything, but the last thing we all remembered before being freakishly reborn, was giving all we could to try and save you. It's not like we were unfairly struck down or were in the wrong place at the wrong time. All three of us actively gave our lives in hopes of protecting you."

"I know," Harry winced a bit. "That's why I don't want to see you give up your souls for me too."

James shrugged. "Personally, I doubt the afterlife is half as fun as seeing the shit you keep getting into and coming up with."

Sirius nodded. "And even just keeping our souls around, I wouldn't be surprised if a few years down the road, you get sick of us whining and figure out a way to give us a body. No pressure or anything." Sirius flashed a big grin.

Harry grumbled at the ebullience of his godfather.

James nodded and added, "To be honest, I've been getting antsy to just get this over with. Not knowing how it's going to turn out has been giving me anxiety for weeks. And I've been screwing your mother as much as I possibly can. And every once in a while I remember I'm in Vernon's body. Then I think about the idea that Vernon's body is screwing your mother. Then I remember that your mother is in Petunia's body. And that I'm screwing Petunia's body. Then I usually throw up for a bit, before asking your mother if she wants to screw some more."

Lily nodded. "We're both getting tired of sex, but knowing we may not be able to ever again means we just keep doing it. In the Astronomy Tower, in the Great Hall, the owlery, the kitchens, the Headmaster's Office, the Gryffindor Common Room, during the History of Magic OWL, gillyweed and underwater in the Lake, protection charms and sticking charms to the branches on the Whomping Willow, the buttplug episode on Snivelly's desk,-"

"Dammit woman, how many times do I have to tell you?" James interrupted. "Those were anal beads, not a buttplug. And don't worry Harry, we put plastic down for that one."

Lily was going to continue if not for the look of horror on Harry's face. "I don't think he was all that worried, honey."

James noticed it too. "Oh. Sorry 'bout that."

"Not as much as I am," Harry mumbled before shaking himself free of those thoughts. "So what are you saying? You're all three completely certain you want to become ensouled paintings? And you're ready now?" Harry asked them.

"Ending up with a body we can keep would be an okay consolation prize, but… yeah," Lily added.

Sirius shrugged. "I'm not sure this is the sort of thing you can ever be ready for… but sooner is starting to sound better than later."

Harry nodded and conceded. "Well the Chamber of Secrets is prepped and ready whenever we are, but I'd like to tell you all a few things first."

Lily sniffled and ran over to her son. "Oh Harry, I love you too!"

Harry snickered and hugged her back. "Thanks Mum, and I do love you, but that wasn't what I meant."

Lily wiped her eyes and went back to her chair. "Sorry. I've just been a bit emotional lately."

"You're a woman," James explained, "It's expected."

"And you're a deer, dear." Lily snapped back.

Harry wondered why his dad said these things aloud. True, every rational guy accepts them as fact, but you just don't freely admit that to the enemy. "Anyways… I kind of figured you guys would all jump at the paintings, so we've even come up with a few cool ways to improve on them."

"Oh yeah?" Sirius asked. "Clothing optional?"

Harry feared for the children. "I suppose that is one possibility but-"

James and Lily locked eyes. James said, "We can have wall sex! It'll be just like floo sex but this way we can both see each other!"

"Oh lord," Harry interrupted. "Please. I don't need to know these things. And if you'd let me finish you'd realize that you probably can have all the sex you want, in all sorts of places, ideally out of view. And yes, Sirius you could get some action too."

Sirius waggled his eyebrows. "How bout it, Lils?"

"Stop!" Harry yelled. "I've pictured my mum having sex too many times already today! No more!"

Lily was biting her tongue and finally had to ask. "For future reference, how many times is an acceptable amount?"

Harry certainly pulled no punches leveling his Mum one of those pissed off powerful wizard stares. He eyed Sirius and James when he saw how much this affected them.

James, Sirius, and Lily all shut up and sat back quietly. Sirius mumbled, "A little respect for a dying man would be nice…"

"Oh stuff it, Padfoot, and let me finish." Harry glared at them all. "Hogwarts is willing to incorporate you here, in exchange for you doing your part to help out when it's needed. Your portraits will be in your classrooms: Dad in Transfiguration, Mum in Charms, and Sirius in the DADA classroom. You can be alternate assistant professors or substitutes if needed, you can alert everyone when there are problems and you will have full access to hop into all the other paintings as you like!"

Sirius turned to James, "Is the Gryffindor guardian seeing anyone?"

"The Fat Lady?" James asked in disbelief.

Sirius shrugged. "I dig fat chicks every once in a while."

Harry closed his eyes for a moment to block out their voices. "As I was saying, you will be able to move around like the other portraits, but you will also be able to do more than any of the other portraits. More than likely, you will be able to do magic within the paintings, but not outside of them."

"Outside of them?" Lily asked.

Harry nodded. "As in your spells won't leave the canvas. And with a little luck, you very possibly will be able to exit the paintings as a spectral ghost of sorts and then hop into other paintings that way."

"Oooo," Sirius grinned. "Forget fat chicks. There's the lonely moaner out there. Although Myrtle does seem more the screamer type…"

Harry tried to ignore him. "Exactly how much and what you will be capable of, we won't know until it happens. But you are bound to be more than simple paintings given Hogwarts magical environment and your actual souls being involved."

"I wonder if the Fat Friar is sick of his job," Sirius mused. "I'd like to be the Hufflepuff ghost for sure."

"Most of it we'll just figure out as we go," Harry continued pretending he wasn't being interrupted. "And I happen to know there's a waiting list over a couple centuries old for becoming a Hogwarts House ghost. It's not a position that opens very often."

"Fiddlesticks," Sirius groaned.

Harry sighed and made sure he had their eyes all focused on him. "I'd like to talk about Nicholas for a while too."

"Listen Harry," James replied. "I mean… if you're a doughnut-hole puncher at heart, then that's who you are. Or if you just need to figure out if you're really a doughnut-hole puncher, then I want you to figure that out. But frankly… the age difference squicks me a bit." James leaned forward conspiratorially. "And Ginny told me, according to Hermione, Nicholas is really hairy."

"He's really Harry?" Harry asked back with a grin. "Believe it or not, I already knew that. But that's not exactly why I wanted to talk about him."

Lily shrugged. "If you're asking if we approve, it's a bit weird, but whatever makes you happy, sweetie. He is a kind man, and sometimes seems like the only one around who challenges you. If your one-eyed purple people eater likes to hunt the ancient male brown-eye, then I'm happy for you."

Harry just laughed. "Sirius, would you like to add anything especially embarrassing before I'm allowed to speak my piece?"

Sirius shook his head. "Naw, I'm sure I'll have plenty of opportunities to jump in and make an ass of myself."

"You can usually pull that off even when you don't have the opportunity," Harry replied. "Very well. I suppose I should start in the fourteenth century."

"Shit, this is a long story," James replied.

"And it gets longer with every interruption," a disgruntled Harry pointed out.

Sirius looked at his watch. "Oh? Are we running late for our murders?"

Before Harry could snap back, Sirius raised a calming hand, "Sorry, sorry. Couldn't help myself. I know I have problems." Sirius paused for a beat. "But not for much longer."

"Moving on," Harry said. "In the fourteenth century-"

"Actually Harry, you just started over," James said. "You haven't moved on." James recognized that look and also blurted out, "Sorry."

Harry snapped his fingers twice and James and Sirius found themselves mouthless.

Sirius started freaking out.

Harry rolled his eyes and said, "Breathe through your nose."

Sirius inhaled and exhaled deeply and calmed down. Lily just smiled showing off the pearly whites in her mouth.

"Moving on, to the beginning, again," Harry snarked out. "In the fourteenth century, there was a muggle-born wizard named Markus James who was apprenticing to a Master Alchemist."

Lily frowned. "But back then they wouldn't…" She stopped at the glare her son was giving her. "I'm sorry. I'll be quiet. Promise." She pretended to zip her mouth shut and sat up waiting obediently.

Harry's patience was being tried. "Unfortunately, when his heritage was revealed, the Master he had been working with was forced to terminate the apprenticeship. This angered and frustrated Markus. So he continued studying the art of Alchemy on his own, and created a new identity, a completely fictional pureblood wizard. He named him Nicholas Flamel. Now all the work he had been doing as Nicholas Flamel was validated and accepted throughout the magical community. His skills as dueler and warrior of the light quickly outshone all of peers. Dark wizards fell to him, and his research was nearly unparalleled. For nearly a century, he was an icon and hero to the light. As he aged, and his skills began to deteriorate he realized he was still winning battles merely on his name. It was then that he came up with a brilliant solution. He took on an apprentice of his own under the guise of Nicholas Flamel. He came out with his greatest creation, the logical explanation for Nicholas Flamel's immortality, and arguably the pinnacle of Alchemy: the Philosopher's Stone."

All three of them were staring at Harry in shock and surprise.

Harry did so enjoy telling this story. "In truth, it was nothing more than a very pretty rock. But the name Nicholas Flamel became synonymous with power, skill, and brilliance. He passed on the torch and the name Nicholas Flamel to his apprentice, when he felt he was ready. Each time it was one of the most brilliant or powerful wizards who would be handed the mantle. He was a hero, and for centuries and centuries this continued. By maintaining the name of Nicholas Flamel, there was always a leader for the light. An immortal icon the wizarding world believed in. His mere existence and presence thwarted many potential uprisings and Dark Lords. Each time, as the man behind the mask of Nicholas Flamel got older, he would eventually find a new person to take over the name and continue the legacy."

Harry paused to see if they were connecting the dots yet. "Then in the late nineteenth century, one man who had been Nicholas for barely a decade saw the rise of a truly brilliant wizard. Right away he could see this man was going to be the hero and leader of the wizarding world for a long time even more so than he could be. He approached him, and discovered the young man had a desire to make his own name in the world. Thus when he spurned the opportunity to be the next Nicholas Flamel, the knowledge of the secret was obliviated and kept from him. Seeing an opportunity, Nicholas did help the young man to greatness, when they worked together on discovering the twelve uses of Dragon's Blood."

Harry smiled. "And so it was for much of the twentieth century, the name Nicholas Flamel was heard less and less, and Albus Dumbledore was the icon of the light. If it weren't for Albus, I suspect all of you would have been looking up to Nicholas as the brilliant wise old man he appeared to be."

Lily, the only one capable of speaking, asked what Sirius and James were thinking. "Do you mean…"

Harry nodded. "Nicholas could see he wouldn't be able to keep up with Albus. He helped him where he could with Grindelwald, and tried to stay out of his way when Voldemort rose to power. He was still waiting for the next person he was going to approach as he was over 170 years old and knew he didn't have too much longer. He had an intuition that he trusted telling him to wait until a suitable candidate arose to pick up where Albus would leave off."

Sirius and James were franticly pointing at their mouths. Harry obliged them with a wave of his hand.

Sirius' eyes shone with amazement. "Do you mean to tell us that you're training to become the next Nicholas Flamel?"

Harry stopped and looked at them all. They were all thinking this exact same thing apparently. Harry just laughed at them and saw the confusion on their faces. Harry's eyes twinkled and he metamorphed himself into his other most recognizable appearance. "I mean, Mr. Black, that I have been Nicholas Flamel for over six years now."

All three of their jaws dropped open and their heads looked like they were trying to spit out their eyeballs.

"You were on my team!" James yelled out.

Harry shrugged. "You picked me." He shifted back into his Harry Potter appearance.

"No wonder you were the only one who could prank Harry," Sirius insisted. "Err… I mean you… yourself. Oh brain," he finished grabbing at his head.

Lily let out a loud breath and clutched her heart. "Oh thank Merlin."

James curiously turned to his relieved looking wife.

Lily smiled brightly at Harry and cheered, "You're not gay at all!"

James and Sirius slapped their foreheads, turned to each other and said, "Ohhh."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Not in the classical sense, nope."

"Classical?" Lily asked.

Harry shrugged. "Ancient Greeks?"

Lily nodded. "Goodness Harry. That's a pretty damn big secret."

Harry nodded. "Yup, and while it is my secret to tell, I also kind of have to keep it a secret for the memory of all the past Nicholas Flamels. Everyone who knows it has been put under a strict secrecy charm, but I figured since you're all going to be enslaving your souls to me shortly, that charm would be a bit redundant."

"Wait," James asked. "So who does know?"

Harry smiled. "This list may look familiar: Albus, Hermione, Tonks, Severus, and Draco."

Sirius grumbled. "Your whole flipping team knew you had a secret agent on our side."

"I certainly didn't pick them for their pranking skills," Harry agreed.

"So does Bob know?" Lily asked.

Harry nodded. "Yup, Bob was actually the first to know before any of them. When I met Bob, we sort of hit it off. Somehow we thought it would be hilarious to become blood brothers."

Sirius snorted.

Harry nodded. "Exactly. That's why I liked the idea so much. But neither Bob nor I had any clue what the hell would happen. This was while I was still training with Wesley on becoming Nicholas Flamel."

James' mind was blank for a moment before he remembered where he had heard that name. "Wesley who built that time room and gave you your own island… was the Nicholas Flamel before you. That makes a lot of sense now."

"Yeah, actually that island has been with the Flamels for several centuries now. Though the time room was Wesley's creation because he knew I didn't have a lot of time to take the name from him, as well as schedule in fighting the Death Eaters and hunting down Voldemort."

"Damn you were busy," Sirius said with wide eyes.

Harry nodded. "Yup, and seventh year I was both going to classes and teaching DADA." Harry smiled brightly. "I got the best grades in my class."

"Teacher's pet," Sirius complained.

"Yeah, back to what I was saying, was that I took a sample of Bob's blood to Wesley to check it out and see if we could become blood brothers. He went bonkers over the stuff as he began to realize how powerful it was. We did become blood brothers once Wes said it would be safe. During my seventh year, Wesley was working on breaking down the blood, figuring out everything he could on the make-up of dementors, and theorizing their history, since Bob doesn't remember much other than a lot of naps. And Wes was also making sure I wasn't completely crumbling under the pressure of being Nicholas Flamel."

"Well I hope Albus at least was helping you out some," Lily stated.

Harry shook his head. "It was only about two years ago that Albus and Hermione found out about Nicholas. Just a little over one that Severus and Draco did. Tonks did shortly after that. With all the time travel I was doing, those two years leading up to Voldemort's defeat took me a good five years."

Sirius, Lily, and James all struggled to even comprehend that.

"I decided I'd earned a vacation by that point. Took it pretty easy for the next year or so after that."

Sirius frowned a bit in thought. "How come you never told Moony? Or anyone else?"

Harry shrugged. "No need for them to know. Once I finish up the Dementor Blood stuff, I think both Harry and Nicholas are going to try and fade into the background as much as possible. And the fewer people that know about Nicholas the better. Because I really do believe it's not just my secret to tell. If all the ones before me managed to keep it secret for over six centuries now, then I'd better not ruin the work they've all put into him."

Lily nodded. "That makes sense. Though I'm surprised you told Severus and Draco."

Harry shrugged. "I'm the Master of their old Dark Marks. Severus figured it out when I messed up, and Draco's his apprentice and was with him at the time. I know they can't betray me and frankly Slytherins are probably the best at keeping secrets anyway."

James frowned but didn't disagree.

Lily sighed, still thinking about the whole situation. "Wow."

Sirius nodded. "Yeah… wow."

Harry smiled. "And now you know my biggest secret."

James, Lily, and Sirius were still absorbing this news and just sat there quietly.

"If you're all ready for this though, I'd suggest we invite everyone you want to dinner, say your goodbyes… of a sort, and we can give it a shot later tonight."

"Moony's already coming," Sirius explained. "He's the only one I'm all that concerned with that's not at Hogwarts anyway."

"Same here," James nodded, "Sounds good."

Lily shrugged not really even considering it a goodbye, just a procedure.

"I'm going to miss you so much…"

"There, there," Albus soothed. "You're not going anywhere. Even if something happens, you'll live on in our hearts."

"I know. It's just… just… Oh Minnie! I'm going to miss you so much!" Minerva could only gulp nervously as she was engulfed in a tight hug.

"Knock it off, Padfoot!" Lily scolded.

Minerva was leaning back, "Seriously, Mr. Black. Get a hold of yourself."

Sirius sniffled again and wiped the tears from his eyes. "Filius!"

"Padfoot!" the Charms professor called back and embraced in a hug. Sirius picked the little guy up off the ground and spun them both around in circles.

Remus looked at the overly emotional man. "He's always been a pussy."

"Oi!" Sirius exclaimed unceremoniously dropping the tiny Professor Flitwick. "You know how I feel about being called anything catty!"

"Remus?" Lily asked innocently. "Since this may be my last opportunity, can you lay down on the floor for me?"

"What?" Remus questioned in the face of such an odd request.

"Just do it," Lily pleaded before turning on her sweet, kind eyes. "Please?

Remus sighed and sat down on the floor.

Lily got up and began walking to the other side of the room. "Lay down sweetie. Pretty pretty please."

Remus reluctantly did as asked, despite fearing the absurdity of it all.

Lily began running straight towards the laying down Remus, and just a few steps before him popped in mid-air into her animagus form. She had enough momentum to maintain a gallop as she leapt into the air. Remus' eyes were wide in fear that the massive heifer was going to crush his ribcage, crash landing onto him. She managed to successfully clear him and fell to the ground, popping back into her natural form as she slid across the floor.

Harry just groaned out loud. "I cannot believe you just did that."

"What am I missing?" Minerva asked as Albus also groaned, and Remus was clutching his heart.

Lily felt no shame and shrugged. "I had to do it. It was inevitable."

"Why would you do that?" the still scared Remus said as he dusted himself off.

Lily grinned way too brightly. "The cow jumped over the Moony!"

Everyone in the room who hadn't been groaning certainly groaned now. James mumbled out, "I want a divorce."

"Sorry Remus," Lily said though she clearly didn't mean it. "Couldn't help myself. Thanks for being a sport though."

"I'll be sure to think of you," Remus smiled, "Every time I get a burger."

"That's the spirit," Lily replied.

Another lull in the after-dinner conversation clinched it for James, who spoke up, "I think it's time. Moony, come over here and give me a hug."

"Don't worry Prongs," Remus said as he obliged his friend. "You've got Harry running this show. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?"

James, Lily, and Sirius got a little bit uncomfortable when everyone else at the table simultaneously burst into laughter. Their discomfort wasn't eased any to see Harry laughing the loudest and wiping tears from his eyes. "Good one, Moony."

While no one else knew too many details, they all knew there was a risk it could be good-bye, or perhaps good-bye to an average-sized humanoid body, so it was hugs all around the room. Surprisingly only Sirius grabbed anyone inappropriately, and even then Minerva didn't seem to mind it so much. No one else knew exactly what was going to happen, but Remus was going to wait in the Headmaster's office with him. Drinking firewhiskey, like family members waiting for the doctor to come back from surgery.

Harry grabbed hold of his father, mother, and godfather and popped them all down into the Chamber of Secrets.

Bob was there waiting patiently, and skimming through the latest Witches Weekly. "We all ready to pervert the laws of nature some more?"

"I know I am!" Sirius cheered.

Harry nodded and double-checked everything. He had the Polyjuice counter potions, he had the potions geared to pull their souls from Bob. The dark arts soul portraits were all empty and shiny. The blood mixture for the sacrifice to call back the Dursleys was prepped. The concentrated mixture of basilisk venom and phoenix tears was clearly marked. And in absence of respectable clothes, Harry had just stolen some muggle terry cloth robes from a fancy hotel in downtown London.

"Alright folks," Harry pointed to the labeled vials. "Those are the potions to counteract your Polyjuice. That's going to be step one, but before you do that, I need some hugs from your proper bodies." This time, it was James who was unable to contain his girlish squeal as he ran over and squeezed the dickens out of his son. "Great Godric, I'm proud of you." Harry blushed a bit, not realizing how much hearing that would mean to him. Part of Harry wondered if he had been drugged.

Sirius was the next to squee and viciously grabbed Harry's back in a hug, while Harry was still in the arms of his dad. "Merlin's balls Harry. This year has without a doubt been the best of my life. If you know, it counts as my life."

Lily waited until the two men had released him before properly hugging her son for what she feared would be the last time. There were a million things she wanted to say to him, but all she could get out was "Hablugguggah."

Harry laughed at the sounds his Mum was making through her tears as he hugged her back. "I love you too Mum." Harry stayed that way for over two minutes past the point he was ready to let go and well into uncomfortable areas. Finally he said, "Okie Mum, that's enough."

Lily seemed reluctant but did release her son, and pointlessly wiped her tears away. It took about a second before they pooled at the corners of her eyes and were spilling down her face again. For a moment, Harry wondered if that was why he was attracted to Cho at one point. He wisely chose not to mention this aloud.

Bob helped set the mood by announcing, "I'm sure if I could cry, I would right now."

James, Sirius, and Lily exchanged the last of their hugs with each other. They all settled themselves, stripped out of their clothes, and put on the bathrobes. James and Lily were holding hands and shared a look with Sirius. On unspoken agreement, they all at the same time, tipped back their Polyjuice counters and gulped down the disgusting sludge.

It took about twenty seconds before all the changes were complete. Vernon and Petunia were still holding hands, and Dudley and Harry were smiling at each other. Petunia got an evil smile on her face and flashed everyone present, resulting in a number of gags, and a dementor's hacking cough. Bob once again said out loud, "I'm sure if I could cry, I would right now."

Harry announced, "I'm going to stun you all, because Bob's got to let his power out to kiss you. Hopefully the next conscious thought you have is either in these bodies again, or in the portraits. Good luck." Vernon, Petunia, and Dudley all nodded resolutely as Harry hit them with stunners.

Bob went over to Dudley's body first, letting out all of his power as he gently picked the man up. Even though he was unconscious from Harry's stunner, his body was still shivering. Bob kissed him and laid the man down on the ground away from their main worktable. He was licking his lips and said, "Tastes like chicken."

Harry rolled his eyes at Bob as he went over to Dudley's lifeless body. While Harry began prepping it, Bob administered the Kiss to both Vernon and Petunia. He carried them over towards where Harry was working, setting Vernon down on Dudley's left side, and Petunia on his right intertwining their fingers so that they were all holding hands.

Harry looked at Bob. "You know, I'm really scared right now, but I'm not even sure which outcome scares me more."

Bob shook his head. "It's a waste of time being scared, as it'll probably be an outcome you've not even imagined."

"Don't talk like that, Bob," Harry whined. "God dammit. Now I'm even more scared."

Harry cast an Ennervate on all the lifeless bodies, and they all seemed to be breathing if empty at the moment. "You ready?"

Bob nodded and rubbed his belly. "I think I can feel them kicking."

Harry nodded and poured the blood sacrifice mixture down Dudley's throat. Even soulless, his body was still capable of swallowing with minor urging. Harry rubbed some salve onto all the fattiest areas, and cast the spell activating them all into the mixture. The magic in the air was palpable.

Bob lurched a little bit and took a step back. "Whoa! It's working, they want to go. Hurry up and open a portal." Bob moved a bit further away and sat down with his arms wrapped around his midsection, holding in the fighting souls of James, Lily, and Sirius.

A small cut on Harry's palm spilled a few drops of his own blood, activating the rune he had prepped and with his wand cast one of the darkest spells around. This was basically the first half of a demon summoning ritual, but it had been found to be able to contact dead people who were light and pure as well as dark and malevolent. It was their best bet. Harry could see the fat in Dudley's body was sizzling a little and burning away, so time was of the essence. A swirling black spiral opened up in the air right behind the Durlseys' three bodies. Harry was continuing the long incantation on the portal, and they could only hope this would work.

A small black imp looking creature jumped out of the dark vortex shouting off some gibberish, while Harry struggled to keep the portal stable. Bob ran over to it and stepped on its head with a pop and squish. "Let's not release too many demons into the world today. Please." A second deformed looking gnome of sorts came shooting out of the vortex. This time Harry caught it with his hand and just chucked it back in.

"We're running out of time, Harry." Bob announced seeing crackles of light start jumping around the blackened portal.

Harry left the portal where it was and fell to the ground by the Dursleys. He pulled all three of them into a hug, and tried focusing all of his love on them.

"Oww!" Bob yelped visibly flinching. "Don't use love, Harry! Just will or determination. Your love is in my belly."

Harry recouped again as more and more lights and sparks were flying out of the blackened vortex. He tried wishing for them to come back, he tried willing them back, he was running out of time, and tried the simplest thing he could. "Accio Dursleys' souls?"

He may not have quite yelled the spell, as much as questioned it, but the charm for some odd reason worked. Three different formless ghostly shapes came flying from the vortex and into each of the three Dursleys. Harry fell back in surprise and hurriedly closed the portal. Once the black cloud began dissipating, Harry banished the remnants of smoke with an elemental push, and wiped the rune clean.

Bob was seated again and looked exhausted. Briefly he wondered just what it was that was stuck between his toes, but knew better than to look.

Harry was feeling the same exhaustion too. Harry crawled over towards the three Dursleys still on the ground and began to inspect them. They appeared halfway normal, if a bit pale. Dudley's body had clearly lost a lot of weight, but looked almost relatively healthy. For a brief moment there, Harry relaxed and thought they'd been successful.

Then Dudley sat up and screamed.

A blood curdling scream that made the hair on Harry's neck stand at attention. It was the sound of torture, of a kick wide right, of an unplanned pregnancy, of defeat, of loss, and of pain. Dudley turned his head and caught sight of Harry sitting there staring at him. He stopped screaming and was panting trying to catch his breath. "Ha- Harry?" he said. His voice sounded coarse and rough, like he had been screaming for days.

"Dudley?" Harry asked a bit redundantly. "Can you understand me? Are you alright?"

"Oh God, Harry, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry." Dudley began prattling off and mumbling incoherently. "Help me Harry. Help. Us. Help us. Harry, help us."

"What's wrong?" Harry asked curiously. "You're talking a bit nutters. You need to slow down. You're not making sense."

Dudley became even less and less intelligible. "Them! They need it… I did it… we deserved it… we… help… Harry?"

Harry was flabbergasted and wasn't sure how he could help. It didn't matter much because at that moment, Vernon and Petunia both sat up and screamed. Their screams were not like Dudley's. Dudley had sounded like a wounded and frightened man. But Vernon and Petunia's unholy shrieks of terror didn't sound like anything human. Both of them began crawling away on the floor without any rhyme or reason. They were moving around almost testing their abilities as if they were the oldest, ugliest babies ever, outside of France. They continued to shriek and scream non-stop so badly that Harry couldn't even hear himself think. Nor think about how loud he thought.

"Shut them up!" Bob called out covering his where his ears would be.

This surprised Harry, as Bob was not easily rattled, but apparently the sounds Vernon and Petunia were making, were as bothersome to him as they were damaging to Harry's eardrums. Harry sent two quick stunners at Vernon and Petunia only to gape in shock as the spells just bounced right off of them. Harry tried two more, this time with about triple the power of the last pair. Again, they just glanced off as though the spell couldn't penetrate their hide.

Harry tried a few silencing charms on them, which seemed to merely be absorbed and have no effect.

"Magic… Harry," Dudley gasped out. "You magic…help… Harry. Forget." Dudley said as he began to shake. Harry was impressed because before when Dudley shook, it made for slights shifts in the tides, but this time it wasn't even entertaining. Dudley quietly muttered, "Make… forget."

Petunia and Vernon were now attacking each other while shrieking. It didn't seem to be communication or to serve any purpose. Just screams and shrieks as they clawed at each others' face and arms. They were both covered in scratches and completely unconcerned with their injuries.

"Harry… save… us," the now convulsing and shaking Dudley pleaded. "Forget… everything… forget… memory…"

Harry had no clue what had happened or was happening, but he at least understood what Dudley was asking for. The stone floor of Hogwarts rippled like a wave coming to shore, sweeping Vernon and Petunia over right next to Dudley. Dudley sat up and was able to turn to Harry. "Please…" Dudley wheezed out though it seemed to be taking all his strength just to say that.

Harry nodded at the three of them together, gathered his magic and yelled out, "Obliviate!" Only to be frustrated and forced to duck as the spell rebounded off of them. Dudley's eyes began to water, and in barely a hoarse whisper, he again begged, "Please…"

This time, Harry tapped into the power he got through his blood brother, he tapped into the power he got through Hogwarts, and he gathered every last ambient bit of magic in the air that he could. He closed his eyes, centering himself, ignoring Dudley's quivering, and the screams and shrieks coming from Petunia and Vernon. Harry's eyes snapped open with an ice cold focus. He calmly intoned, "Obliviate!"

He was aiming it with his wand, which he had needed for the portal. The spell flickered the tip of his wand on for a second and then off in a brief moment of darkness, before rocketing in a massive explosion of light and heat that tilted Dudley's head back in a smile. The maelstrom of magical energy was like a furnace blowing over all three Dursleys. They all stopped screaming and moving. Their bodies were floating off the ground, fluttering in the wash of the supercharged spell.

The three Dursleys landed softly on the ground, heads aimed towards Harry with only blank empty stares. Harry had been intending to put as much as he could into the spell, but he also wanted to make sure it wouldn't damage them physically in any way. He wasn't sure if it had worked, given the stream and funnel of magic he just cooked them with. Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw Bob just looking at the scene in utter confusion and was not going to be any help.

Dudley opened his mouth, and for a moment Harry wondered if he was going to say something when he let out a gasp and gulp as he exploded in magical energy. A swirling purple cloud appeared behind the three Dursleys in the exact location the blackened portal had been. It was sucking in and siphoning off all the heat and energy the Dursley's steaming spent bodies were pumping out. Harry had a moment to blink in confusion as he watched Petunia, Vernon, and Dudley all get yanked straight back into the purple spiral. Harry didn't even think about it as he jumped headfirst into the magical disturbance reaching out to grab onto his relatives. Harry felt the magic tearing at his body as he was being pulled along with them into God knows where. His magic responded with its own instinctual shield. Harry hastily tried sending a spell at the Dursleys to protect them as well, only to see it bounce off them and fly outside of the funnel of wind pulling them all.

Harry was horrified to watch the skin and flesh peeling away from their bodies, shriveling and decaying right before his eyes. He caught up with Dudley and grabbed firmly onto his arm, only to feel the flesh in his hands withering away. Dudley turned to look towards Harry in confusion. He saw his skin melting off his body, while Harry struggled to hold onto him.

Suddenly, Harry felt a magical tug behind him, pulling him from where he came and away from the Dursleys. Petunia and Vernon were getting smaller and smaller as the distance between them grew and they were silently being carried away to oblivion. Harry held onto Dudley, with all of his might, scrambling and scratching his arm, refusing to let him slip away too. It was a battle he was losing. This was not something Harry was used to, and he was fighting it as hard as he could. Dudley's glassy eyes looked into Harry's. Dudley looked calm and unconcerned as he examined his surroundings. His hoarse raspy voice whispered, "Where am I?"

Harry knew the memory charm had definitely worked now, but that was no help as he was pawing onto Dudley's arm refusing to let him go. Dudley asked in an empty voice, "What am I?"

"I won't let you go!" Harry screamed as Dudley began slipping from his grip. Harry was only holding onto his left hand now, as the force pulling Harry back was gaining momentum, and Dudley just kept getting pulled away. He looked up into Harry's eyes, as the last of his fingertips were torn from Harry's grip. "Who am I?"

Harry watched Dudley get sucked away as the flesh was flaking off Dudley's body. Harry looked down at piece of ring finger from the second knuckle up that he'd managed to rip right off of Dudley's left hand and in that moment, Harry finally understood.

Harry smiled as he felt a well of emotion stirring. He called out as loud as he could, fighting the rapidly growing distance between Dudley and him, "Your…" Harry got a little choked up and raised his voice, yelling with pride, "Your name is Bob!"

Author's Note: Props to padfootjr24 for guessing this after the first chapter of this story. Naturally I did my best to divert actually answering what he said, but this was the bunny for the story. Final chapter is all that's left. Let me know what you think.