A.N. You wanted romance? Well here it is. The first bit in the whole story (and a KISS, no less!)

"…And I feel the way you hold, hold me back from this,
Chances that I've missed, now they're gone,
Apathy is all I sense, the feeling's too intense,
Sitting on a fence, can't decide,
Don't frown, don't scorn, 'cos I walk a different street to you,
You look so worn, I bet that life has got you blown,
But it will never get to me,
Somebody told me that I'd always have to bow,
If that was true I would have fallen apart by now,
The more you think, the less you act their ways,
So can you hear this? The fake sound of progress…"

LostProphets ~ The Fake Sound of Progress

Chapter 27: Finale

"So…um…what are we doing again?" Firowen and Legolas sighed in unison.

"You se those pots on the top of the red-tipped poles?" Firowen began, as if speaking to a naïve child. I found myself far too tired to care. "Well, you have to try and break them without touching or moving the red poles, and without falling off."

"You also get more points if you break more targets in one hit."

"Aright. Sounds easy, just…um…be a dear and wake me up when they call my name out." I put my head on Firowen's shoulder. To hell with propriety, I could barely keep my eyes open. Definitely my human side. I let my eyelids flutter close, but could still almost hear the Elf's overdone shock. "Oh, don't be surprised, I've been eyeing your shoulder since we met," I mumbled. "So comfortable, so…"

"What happened to you last night?" The Prince inquired, obviously worried.


"I wasn't able to drop off, that's all." I murmured, snuggling further into Firowen's shoulder. To my dulled mind, bony though it as, his shoulder was as cosy as any feather pillow, and slowly I felt myself slipping into the world of human dreams. I just prayed I wouldn't be greeted by the haunting and thoroughly disturbing vision that had broke my sleep the night before.

~*~ Interlude ~*~

"Firowen Arminasion!" The announcer's nasal voice rang out through the assembled twenty competitors. He cringed.

"I do wish my father hadn't insisted on putting that down for my name." He lifted his head which had previously rested atop Yuna's, much to the bewilderment of myself and the crowd.

"What are you going to do about her?" I inclined my head towards the aforementioned. He looked about as thoughtful as I was sure he could for a moment before getting the well-known glint of mischief in his eyes.

"You take her." Before I could respond, he deftly replaced his shoulder with both hands and looked at me impatiently. "Well, hurry up before I drop it." He nodded towards her limp torso. "I have to go! Come on!" He hissed. Grudgingly, I obliged and came forward, at which point he unceremoniously dropped her head on my shoulder. "Have fun when she wakes up!" And was gone.

I thought I heard a mumbled curse escape her mouth as she snuggled closer. Then, with no warning, she proceeded to slide slowly backwards. For a split second I contemplated the dire consequences of her thinking I dropped her head on the floor, against an arm preventing her from doing so. Via a stroke of genius, I chose the arm, bringing it about her back before she could slide too far and propping her upright again. It didn't strike me until much later how this would appear from any point of view, especially seeing as I neglected to remove my arm until I was forced to wake her and endure any possible wrath.

~*~ Interlude ~*~

"Yuna?" I felt someone nudging me gently. "Yuna?"

"Uh huh?" I replied, still keeping my eyes firmly shut.

"It's your turn next."


"Huh….?"

"If you don't get up now, you won't make it in time." He nudged again.

"Okay, Firowen, just give me a minute." I yawned. There was a slight chuckle from my living pillow. I sat upright slowly, stretching my arms out in front of me. "What's so…gah!" I stared hard at Legolas, then rubbed my eyes. 'Still there. Damn.' "Where's Firowen? Why was I on your shoulder instead of his?" 'Why didn't I notice them making the switch?'

"He was called up not long ago, and we decided it would be best not to wake you. Besides, you looked far too adorable." 'Adorable? He'd been out in the sun too long.'

"Lady Yunalesca." An elf had materialised in front of me. "Your name has been called, if you do not go now, I'm afraid you'll be disqualified."

"I'm coming." I groggily got to my feet. Alright, so maybe that was a bit of an overstatement. I was halfway straight before gravity got the best of me and I ended up in exactly the same position.

"Can I be of some assistance?" Legolas inquired smugly. I glared daggers at him.

"I'm not an invalid. I can do it myself, thank you."

"If you say so," He smirked. I rolled my eyes, rocked back, pushed hard against the earth behind me, and sprung to my feet, practically colliding with the now thoroughly shocked elf that had come to fetch me. Grinning, I stared him straight in the eyes for a moment before prancing off to the starting area leaving Legolas still sat on the grassy sidelines. We were using the same forest of poles situated over the lake that we'd used previously. The only difference being that on each of the red-topped beams was placed an earthenware pot of sorts. Grasping the ladder that led to the starting line, I made my way up. All around, the crowd erupted in cheers with the occasional shout of 'nice ass, darling' or 'careful you don't break a nail' from the unmistakably human occupants of the grandstands. They, however, were soon shushed by the growing number of Yunaists in the crowd. Upon reaching the top, I stood for a moment to wave to the onlookers, though with far more confidence than the last time I'd been here. The scariest thing, however, was that half of them waved back. I turned back round abruptly, took a deep breath, and began the course. Almost immediately, the masses grew silent, and to me, almost ethereally so. But it did allow for a large amount of concentration.

The task was simple, and, as with previously, the first few targets were broken easily enough. The only hindrance they presented was the fact that most were low, and the problem of crouching down whilst maintaining the power to shatter the objects in one blow was, at times, difficult. Soon, however, the problem became that of reaching the targets. I could count about thirty or so altogether, and had now broken more than half. From what I could tell, the rest were situated at chest height to over a metre above my head, though if I climbed higher it could be less. I shattered the closest one with a swift kick, as always being careful not to make any contact with the pole. Though the next was atop the twenty-eight foot pole I'd had trouble with when last here. After a moment of tricky climbing, I had managed to get level with it. But there were no poles that were low enough or close enough to provide a decent platform with which to break the object on top. There was only one way. With a measure of difficulty, I managed to sit down and extend my legs until my calves were no less than five inches away from each side of the vase's surface. I gripped the pole I was sat on with my palms and took a deep breath. There was a crunch, after which I opened my eyes hardly realising I'd closed them.

There was a unanimous sigh from the audience as I carefully got to my feet and proceeded on. With about three quarters down, and no mishaps, I was on my way to getting full points. However, my entire score might have been ruined following the disposal of my next target. It was high, but that in itself was not the problem. It was the fact that there was only one other vertical beam that reached anywhere near its height, and was that still a metre away. I sighed. 'why me?' Momentum, was what I needed. Glancing behind me, I noticed the poles for about five metres in that direction stayed generally level. With luck I might be able to gain speed to easily overcome the first beams height.

I backtracked until there were five metres between me and my target. With my eyes firmly set and my muscles ready, I ran. A mere foot before collision, I jumped, latched onto the surface of the beam, swung as hard as I could to the right, and slammed the thing atop the other pole onto oblivion. Clay shards filled the air as I began my decent, landing on the very last row of beams with half my feet teetering over the edge. I could see the water bellow me, the bank not so far beyond that, and with all my weight bearing me forward, it would not be long before I could feel it too. I could hear the whispers through the crowd, 'She's gonna fall,' some sniggered, 'I knew it.' I was paralysed, any movement meant I'd plummet. But if stayed, it was most likely the result would be the same. 'What to do, what to do. Think!' It was almost painful, just waiting for my demise with a couple thousand or so people gawking at me and feeling as if, had a single raindrop fallen on me, it would mean my end.

But of course, with the irony that so much of my life held, I found myself gazing straight into the eyes of none other than the Prince. His face betrayed his emotions. Surprise, probably that I'd let myself slip so easily. Though, overshadowing that completely, was a smug sense of self satisfaction. He'd won, and without even having to face me directly. 'Well, there's no way he's going to beat this bitch so easily. I'll see him humiliated yet.' I'd take my chance. I gave him the briefest smirk before gritting my teeth, pivoting backwards and praying my feet didn't slip over the edge. I felt my hands skimming wood as my feet swung over my head and with my palms I pushed off it as hard as I could. My heals touched the tops of two poles and even though I had to struggle for purchase, I was safe. As I returned vertical I noticed the almost deafening cheers of the crowd and upon gaining my balance, gave a short bow. 'I meant to do that.'

~*~


"Just one." Legolas sighed. The event was over, scores were announced, and we were walking back to our respective rooms. "I was so close, and yet..."

"Face it, you win some, you lose some." I smirked. "It was rather a dazzling display, though." I chuckled. "To think, an inch more to the left and you would have had it. But you just had to be all showy, trying to get two in one row, what a silly little Prince."

"You mock me, my Lady." Another sigh. "But you might have lost everything. I only lost a few points."

"True. But that's the difference between you and I. I might have, but you did."

"You know, no matter what you do, you still won't be able to win this." He said, a small glimmer of satisfaction igniting in his eyes. I looked up sharply.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, thanks to your little mishap earlier on in the tournament, you only have 395 points. While I am sitting pretty on 400." We turned another corner in the hallways ever winding course.


"So? I can still beat you."

"Ah, but there's only one event left. And since I know for a fact that I'm going to win the next one, you'll still be behind." I narrowed my eyes dangerously.

"Cocky, are we?"

"Well, I do have every reason to be. The next event is one that has always ensured I win."

"What is it? And why do you know before I do? Aren't they supposed to be secret?"

"Cer felt bad for 'kicking the shit out of me' as you so eloquently put it."

"Well, he really did kick the--"

"He's twice my size!" I snorted.

"From what I've heard about what you get up to with Oliphaunts, that shouldn't present too much of a problem."

"What!"

"On the Pelennor. You really are all some of those…bimbos will talk about."

"Yourself excluded then?"

"Forgive me if I don't find obsessing over an unattainable goal remotely productive." I said flatly.

"Personally, I find it fascinating. I swear, sometimes it seems like they have nothing better to do than discuss your schedule." We both stopped walking, and turned around to see a cloth-laden Gem with a pensive, matter of fact look on her cherubic face. "Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't realise it was private. But while I'm here…" She rummaged around in the piles of fabric. "I was told to get this ready for you to wear at the celebration in a couple of days…" She triumphantly pulled out a long, flowing dress, with a deep colour that no matter how one looked at it, was still unmistakably…

"Yellow." I said, utterly deadpan.

"Mm hm." Gem agreed. "Buttercup, actually. Funny thing, I had a cousin called buttercup, frightfully ugly young lady, though, and that husband of hers, well, it was like the Valar put them on this earth for each other, you know? I've always said…"

"You want me to wear yellow?" I put all my malice for the colour in to one single Look™ in his direction.

"But…I didn't…put…that…"

"You're a really shitty liar, Mirkwood, you know that?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. I thought it might…bring…out…your…eyes?"

"My eyes." I repeated, my arms folded and my voice as flat as roadkill.

"Um…yes?"

"Or maybe it's more or a sunshine yellow. I had a third niece called Sunshine once. Horrible name for a child, I'm not sure how she ever coped, very vindictive mother, and besides, I'd be more inclined to burn this thing than wear it, although you could argue that…" Gem spoke at us. I leaned in closer.

"The next time I see you, it'll be down on one knee."

"Well, only if you don't count tomorrow, or the day after that, because you'll probably see me then, but you know? I'm just going to carry on walking now in the hopes that you'll stop looking at me like that…" He backed away, which was the desired effect.


"I've been preparing a speech for you to read to him. I hope you both like it." Were my last, hope-shattering words before I realised that I was, in fact, standing directly outside my bedroom door.

~*~

"I did it!" I was certainly having an odd dream. A voice that sounded a lot like Jen's opened my door and strode through my room over to my bed. "I told my parents everything!" And shouting jubilantly. "Oh, I'm sorry, were you asleep?" And asking me strange questions.

"No, I just like to lie in bed for long periods of time in the morning." I croaked from under the duvet.

"Oh, alright, as long as I'm not waking you or anything." She sat on my bed, practically bouncing up and down."

"Told parents?" I inquired, wresting my mind from the blissful unconsciousness.

"What you said."

"I said?" She sighed understandingly.

"Before? When I told you about telling my parents about me and Cer?"

"Oh."

"Well I told them what you said. Just…in not so many words." I snapped to attention.

"You actually took my advice?" 'Oh dear Nienna,' "Wait. Tell me exactly what you said, every word."

"Don't worry! I just told them that I didn't care about what would happen. I love Cer too much to even think about anything like that. Besides, I personally think they're being a bit over the top in any case. It's not like being half human is some kind of disease." 'Debatable, but true.' "And I think I finally got them to see that, and it's all thanks to you!" 'Me? I can't actually remember saying that, but…'

"Um…you're welcome."

"Thanks! And now we're betrothed!" I did a double take.

"You're what?"

"Well, they said be that as it may, I still can't go around with him for as long as I please without marrying him. So I told him, and he asked me if I wanted to. I said yes, so he asked me to marry him, and obviously I accepted, and so now we're betrothed!"

"Um…congratulations."

"Thanks! And now I have to go and tell Narin."

"You haven't told her yet?"

"Well, technically no, but your room was closer and I thought 'why not?' because you did give me a little shove in the right direction, so you have the privilege of knowing before she does. Anyway. Goodbye!" She left in a flurry of mauve skirts, and I buried my head in the pillows as I sought rest once more.

~*~

"It's too early." I moaned at Firowen.

"It's mid-day." He said, crinkling his brow.

"I know, it's disgusting isn't it." I sighed. "How they just expect us to rush out of bed for some silly little competition. Hardly an hours sleep…"

"If you say so." He replied absentmindedly whilst practically dragging me along behind him as we made our way to the arena.

"What are we doing today that the Prince is so very 'remarkable' at?"

"An obstacle course." The elf's matter of fact tone was unmistakable.

"Oh….that sounds easy."

"I assure you it's harder than it looks."

"If you say so." I singsonged. He stopped, regarded me for a minute and then carried on. "Firowen?"

"Um huh."

"Is something bothering you?" I asked in as sweet a voice as I could muster.

"Not really, I'm just…ah, a bit preoccupied." He mumbled unconvincingly. "The tournament and everything."

"You know if you need to talk I'm here right." 'Wow, now I was even offering my services. This was the last time… probably…"

"I know, it's nothing really, don't worry about."

"Fine. But the offer still stands." We entered into the arena to the deafening sound of a heaving mass of fans all cheering on their chosen favourites. From what I could tell the majority sided with either me or…well it was somewhat obvious. Half the crowd was made up of women. In the middle of the stadium was set up an obstacle course of sorts. Only the entire thing seemed to run on a horizontal beam about six or thereabouts inches wide. Joy? On either side or, at times, beneath it were implements of destruction, such as ten foot blades or large spheres made out of stitched leather. I nudged Firowen slightly. "What's the big pit called?"

"The pit."

"Ah, very aptly named." Although all 'implements' were stationary at the moment it was obvious that they were meant to be put into motion, giving the trial just that touch more difficulty. "And how do you get the most points?"

"Fastest time and whether you can avoid all the pitfalls."

"And Legolas is incredible at this?"

"Pretty much."

"Pretty much? There are sordid details. Do tell."

"He's been known to slip up, yes. But you're pretty much still condemned, it's very rarely." He thought for a moment. "That is unless you do the whole thing twice as fast whilst avoiding slipping or getting hit by something even once."

"Alright."

"What? Just like that?"

"Yeah, basically."

"Do you know how hard it is to complete it? Let lone without making even the tinniest of mistakes."

"No…but I'm sure it's just a matter of timing."

"You really do amaze me at times." He chuckled.

"I know." I grinned back.

"Will the first competitor please take his position." The announcer shuffled through some papers. "Thalos?"

"We'd better leave before we're ordered." Firowen said, making for the way we'd entered. Before turning I noticed the same ginger haired man I'd seen at knock down making his way to the start of the course. 'Poor sod. As if going first once wasn't bad enough.' I followed Firowen out of the arena to where the other six competitors waited. The announcer came out after us and explained that we had to wait here until we were called and that one 'Táraadar' was going next.

"What Oromë are you doing." I chuckled, seeing Legolas in a pose I was sure I did not want to learn the name of.

"Stretching. And you'd be a fool if you didn't as well."

"Why ever so?" I inquired, absentmindedly tipping my head to one side.

"You'll pull a muscle again and this time I might not be so willing to help." Firowen instantly broke in. You had to give it to him. Even when side tracked he still managed to get in as many a snide remark as was possible.

"And I wasn't invited?"

"Oh, do shut up." I returned. "Fine. I'll 'stretch', but I have no intention of looking like a…a…"

"Constipated duck?" Firowen offered.

"--Thank you -- while I'm at."

"And what does an obvious master such as yourself advise?"

"Mistress, Legolas. It's Mistress." The Prince gave him a withering look, after which Firowen promptly backed off.

"Just my own five minute routine."

"And what might that be?"

"Oh, just standing into bridge, hold, into walkover into back handspring into handstand, hold, into forward handspring, hold down to split, hold, into side split, hold, into split handstand hold, into forward roll and you're done!" I smiled.

"…Oh ."

"Want a demonstration?"

"Oh, please, Lady Yuna, please!" Firowen hopped up and down, doing a frighteningly good impression of Valandil's younger sister. I stared dumbstruck at him. "Sorry, your fans weren't here so I just assumed…"

"Next time you feel the need, don't." I instructed. "Okay, I need a bit of room." I said, walking off a short way from the arena walls. What followed was at times a blur of legs and hair apart from those rare moments when I held position or such for a few minutes. Mid handstand I noticed my top gently slipping it's way down my torso. For a moment I contemplated breaking the routine to pull it back up but I figured I could do so without having to. I carefully leaned all my weight onto one hand before lifting the other up and yanking the material from a few centimetres above my breasts back up to my hips.

"That was really quite…good. Well executed." He sniffed. "I thought you were just trying to wind me up when you said all of it."

"Not everything is about you, dear Prince." I returned.

"Will Firowen Arminasion please step forward." The announcer called, peering out from the entrance to the stadium. The elf sighed theatrically.

"I bid you a found farewell, my ladies." He said before scampering off. There was a mass of cheers as he entered the stadium, obviously having fans of his own.

"Oh, Mirkwood, I forgot one thing."

"What?"

"The repeat part."

~*~

My name was called, there was a grand cheer from the crowd, which seemed to have doubled in size since the day before. I walked up to the painted line marking the start of the course, and looked.

"Whenever you're ready, my lady." A timekeeper said. "You are timed for how long it takes you to get from one red line to the other. The moment you cross this line, the event begins." I nodded my understanding as he called for the men operating the 'implements' to begin.

I stared at the course. It was a long, straight road six inches wide suspended two metres above the ground comprising of firstly large, leather covered balls which I doubted I could grab onto let alone fit my arms around. To make things just that little bit harder, they swung alternately from side to side, obviously intended to knock you off.

Secondly, there were two vertical, troll-sized boards, which slammed together, not leaving much to the imagination as to what the consequences of being caught in the middle would be. Then there was the same thing, only horizontal, and leaving a rather small space to get through in mid-air. That looked like fun.

Afterwards, two huge pillars of wood turned towards the competitor, on many spires dangled two metre tall bags of flour. With tiny holes in them. Any contact with them would result in immediate coverage of the guilty limb with flour. And of course, points were deducted if you happened to do so.

Then, there was the ominous-sounding 'pit.' A dirty great big hole in the plank with seemingly no way to get across. There was a great manner of grotesque substances within, such as last week's porridge mixed with old slop water and leftovers that had been fermenting for months now. The stench was such that there was a ring about four metres around where no spectators stood, and coincidentally enough, no grass grew.

Then, there was a jungle of rolling logs, the plank was abandoned to watch the competitor attempt to traverse the sea of alternately revolving trunks, some of which were in mid air suspended by the frame at the sides.

Then, there were five bars, two metres above the plank, which wasn't actually there. Each of them was a metre apart, and there were a frighteningly large number of spectators crammed into the space underneath. That alone was enough to spur me not to fall off.

The grand finale was a forest of blades, falling in canon one after the other on to the plank, which had now made a re-appearance.

I was aware of the timekeeper raising his eyebrows at me meaningfully. I ignored him. It was a little harder to ignore the shouts of 'she's lost her nerve' and 'What's the matter darlin'? Gone all shy?' Oh how I loathed those humans. I scanned over the course a final time. I saw a gap through the balls, a way through the boards, the timing spinning the flourbags, a way over the 'pit', through the logs, across the monkey bars, and a gap in the thick of the blades. It was all a matter of timing. And time, was something I had plenty of. What did I care if the timekeeper shot me dirty looks because I took up his precious time? The only person left after me was the Prince, and he could wait into the night for all that I cared. I observed the twisting and turnings of the perilous road to victory for a while longer before I had it all worked out in my head.

I hadn't crossed the line yet, and there was a chorus of shouts when I turned around to walk back the way I came. The timekeeper looked -- what was the word? -- flabbergasted for a moment. The small moment before I skidded around and sprinted to the line. The way I figured it, there was only one way I was going to beat Legolas and it didn't involve pausing or caution. I held my breath as I cartwheeled through the six or so large, fast moving balls and did a forward hand spring past the first set of boards. Without stopping to think I dive rolled through the second set, an instant before they crashed together. 'That was easy enough.' With a forward roll, I avoided the first pillar, a sack of flour missing my head by centimetres, following which I split my legs and swung them up over my head, doing a walkover in the split-second window that no perilous bags swung over my route. My momentum still flowing I took a deep breath and dashed the two metre gap ahead of the pit. I pushed off the beam at the very last second before it disintegrated into nothingness, trying to jump as high I could before flipping mid- air and landing with somewhat disarray in a handstand. Not what I'd meant to do but hopefully it wouldn't matter.

The odour seeping out from the 'pit' practically made my eyes water as I stood back up and clutched the nearest log that was suspended above the rest. I cartwheeled over it, seeing the other logs below me, all spinning in opposite directions, and causing the whiff of saw dust to mingle in with the various others. My feet touched down on the only other suspended log and I fought to return vertical whilst stretching over to where the first of the monkey bars was situated. There was no time to breathe. Though with the stench, that wasn't much of an option in any case. I grabbed the first bar, rocked back once and swung my legs onto the next. With my knees secure I swayed down and reached up for the next, repeating the process until I found myself back on the somewhat reassuring surface of the six inch beam. 'Wait…that wasn't…it couldn't have been. It was…' Mingled in with the other dozen or so spectators positioned below the bars had been a familiar, if not slightly crazed, face. Valandil's.

I managed a cringe before sprinting the distance from where I had landed to where the five blades waited, ready to turn anything that dared pass them into mince meat. And yet, as each closed behind me whilst I did two forward flips to complete the course, they really didn't seem as menacing as they had standing in front of them. And that was it. I did what I'd meant to do, all that was left was a spectacular finish. I hadn't stopped for a moment, fearing that if I did I'd end up losing my balance, however hard that might be. So speed wasn't a problem leading into the cartwheel and then backflip with one twist that ended my, well for lack of a better word, performance.

I stood perfectly straight, arms held high above my head, my chest heaving as I tried to regain my breath. All around the crowd were already in the throws of a standing ovation, but out of the corner of my eye I could see the time keeper talking hurriedly with the announcer. The latter motioned for the people to sit back down, but they were having none of it and the noise that their cheers produced was almost deafening. I couldn't help but smile before giving a short bow and a wave to the spectators. It was hard even for me to believe that I'd pulled off a stunt like that and from the reaction of those watching it was obvious that few had ever done anything quite the same.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. Please, quieten down so we can announce the time." The announcer pleaded. I turned my head, seeing him throw an imploring look in the King's direction. Thranduil rose from his seat and beckoned his people into silence. The announcer sighed relieved before drawing in breath. "It is my pleasure to announce that once again the Lady Yunalesca has broken the old course record. Where before the record was held by Prince Legolas at one minute, it has now been reduced to the astounding time of forty seconds." 'That's…pretty amazing.' I grinned. ' Legolas can eat my proverbial dust.'

I noticed the Prince entering the arena for his attempt of the course. I skipped up to him, blocking his advance.

"I--" I started to sing but was rudely interrupted.

"Don't even start." He walked past me. I bit my tongue and carried on, but couldn't fully resist the temptation.

"I BEAT YOU!" I shouted as loud as I could above the roar of the crowd. I saw his shoulders drop for the briefest of moments before he took his place at the starting line. And even though I knew my time was practically impossible to surpass, I still felt a little pang of fear that even so, somehow he'd manage to do it.

~*~

I rapped on his door before entering a few seconds later when there was no answer.


"Legolas?" The abnormally large room was in a state of disarray. Clothes were strewn randomly about the place, on the four poster bed, the floor, and on top of a cage housing a square foot of hairy, spindly, and rather ferocious-looking--

"Spider!" I shrieked, jumping a foot in the air. I had idly strolled to the centre of the room, and was now frozen in place. I was still screaming, an unnatural sound coming from me, when I got a grip, took a step backwards, got a shaky grip on my knife, and brought it above my head.

"Wait! What are you doing!" Legolas appeared, presumably from the balcony, and took in the scene, just grabbing my wrist before I did anything.


"Spider!" I yelled, using all the vocabulary available to me at this point. Making use of Legolas as a human shield, I somehow manoeuvred him between me and the creature, digging my nails into his -- I only now noticed -- bare shoulders. "Kill it!" I screeched imploringly, still shaking.

"What?" I was fixated with the horrid little ball of fur and legs, and almost had a stroke when it moved. The multitude of eyes stared unblinkingly at me, venomous fangs at the ready.

"KILL IT!" I yelled, pushing him in its general direction and taking cover behind a post of the bed. He looked at me as if I was insane. Justified, really, but I was desperate at this point. Nothing should have that many legs. Nothing. "Please?" I whimpered. He leant down to retrieve a white cloth and drew it over the metal cage. I shrunk back behind the post, holding on to it for dear life.

"Yuna, calm down." He said soothingly, walking over and prying my hands off the post.

"Butit'sallbigandnastyandhairyandbigand…"

"Yes, yes, it's alright. Look, you can't even see it now." He said in a soft tone as he enveloped me in a hug.

"Kill it." I begged, one last time, not even caring that I was snuggling into his bare chest.

"He's my pet." He said, by way of explanation.

"Your pet? Your pet is a man-eating arachnid?"

"Um. Yes."

"That's…odd."

"I think he's cute."


"Cute?! The Spider is one of the ugliest creatures in Arda!" I argued.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well look at it. I've always said that nothing should have that many legs! And the really nasty ones all have really tiny bodies and long legs, or with really huge, fat bodies and really short, stubby legs. And the ones that are just brown, or the ones that have all different colours on them, the poisonous ones and the ones that are just plain ugly, and the really tiny ones that breed like hobbits and are everywhere within a month if you don't kill it as soon as you see it, and…"

"So basically all of them?"

"Well…yes…but think about it! Some of them eat each other! And I heard there's one breed where the female kills and eats her mate after, well, you know, and Valar, how can you stand to touch that thing?"

"Well, quite easily actually, would you like a demonstration?"

"NO!" I became even more compact, and as a repercussion his arms became even tighter around me.

"Really, Olwë's quite harmless, he's been drained of any venom he has, and he hasn't bitten me for at least a week now."

"Olwë!? Olwë?! You gave it a name!?"

"Um…yes…"

"Isn't that some Elvish lord or something?"

"Um…maybe…" There followed a silence that was neither awkward nor comfortable. "So why did you come here?" I suddenly remembered myself and backed out of his arms.

"Just to remind you that you still have a speech to learn for tomorrow." He cocked his head.

"You really think you're going to win, don't you?"


"I have every cause to."

"With all due respect, I've never failed to win the next round since the first time I snagged the trophy.

"With all due respect, screw you, Mirkwood, and prepare to lose. At least one of the Valar must hold me in high regard -- I haven't died yet -- so I'll just call upon their abounding grace to grant me victory."

"A miracle? You'll need it."

"I shall say no more," I began as I made for the door, "Just that you shall firstly, speak of what has transpired to no one, and secondly, remember that there is no shame in losing, just humiliation." And with that I was gone, hearing him draw breath for a speedy retort then abandoning it as the door closed behind me.

~*~ Interlude ~*~

"Will the five final competitors please make their way to their starting areas. I repeat, will the Lady Yunalesca please make her way to her allocated starting area!" The announcer's voice beckoned. He was already there, though. He sat leaning against the end of a wall of hedge, his eyes passing over the crowd. She took a tentative few steps forwards, and nearly collided with a man coming from the right. She looked up to see a dark-haired human with piercing chestnut eyes and an expressionless face.

"Oh, forgive me, I did not see you." She apologised at once, the image of politeness. He gave a quiet humph and walked on, leaving her to wonder as to his identity as he took up his place as one of the finalists.

She looked back at the elf she was headed towards, a lump rising in her throat as she realised he was now looking at her. There was nothing for it now, she told herself as she strode purposefully over to him. He rose to his feet and grinned as she approached, his rakish smile putting her at ease somewhat.

"Narin! To what do I owe the honour?" He asked, his head cocking to one side.

"Well, I just came to, um…" Her gaze travelled over to the random runner leaning against the opposite wall of hedge, a long wooden pole with a blue flag in one hand. Firowen stared meaningfully at him. After a moment or so of not getting the hint, he moved away a good few metres, with his eyes firmly set in the opposite direction. "Just came to…wish you good luck, and, I, um…" 'Oh to hell with it.' Closing the distance between them in a single stride, and leaning up on her tiptoes, she planted a chaste kiss on his lips. Without even looking to see his reaction, she twirled around and made to leave as soon as was physically possible.

But he seemed to have other plans. Reaching out, his hand caught her wrist, tugged her back and spun her around to face him. Resting one hand on her flushed cheek, before leaning in to brush his lips over hers in the barest of touches. When she made no kind of protest, he gently pressed his lips to hers, easing her mouth open. His tongue tenderly caressed the surface of her lips before he was forced to pull back, all too soon for Narin's liking.

"Um…well…yes…that's done, um…good luck…" She mumbled, trailing off as she turned around and headed back to the royal box, unable to keep the broad smile off her face. Firowen grinned lopsidedly and shook his head, turning back to face the pathway before him as the announcer counted down the seconds Lady Yuna had to get her arse over to her starting area.

~*~ End Interlude ~*~

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" I shouted as I ran to my starting area, pulling on a slipper as I hopped along, managing a quick wave to the crowd who erupted as I finally came into the makeshift arena where there was planted a giant hedge maze. In the centre of which, was a stone pedestal holding the trophy, a rather tacky golden chalice, or so I had been told by the long running owner of which. Well, not today. The announcer gave me a withering look which I returned with a dashing smile as I greeted the bearer of my flag, bright crimson in colour. "Hey there. Try and keep up, will you? Or else I will be forced to break your kneecaps." He paled somewhat, obviously hoping the rumours circulating about my colourful life were purely rumours. "Just joking. Well, you hope." There was barely seconds left 'til the round started. As mine and Legolas' scores were equal at the top of the scoreboard, we would be starting first. Then Firowen, then the two Humans, the dark-haired Man, and the rogue with the hilarious ginger dreadlocks. Whoever got to the centre fast enough through the maze would be the winner of the tournament. We each had different starting areas, one at each of the circular maze's five identical segments. As well as that, men who ran behind us with different coloured standards to show the crowd our position.

"Prince Legolas and Lady Yunalesca in joint first place, take positions!" The crowd counted down with him until the sound of a horn rang out. My feet knew the sound, and began running unbidden, the flag-bearer hurrying after me.

"You won't win, Mirkwood!" I shouted out as I paused for a split second to navigate my way around a corner, having no idea where I was going but letting my feet lead the way. "Why you're even trying, I don't know!"

"Tough talk!" He shouted back, I could just hear his voice from the other side of the maze. "But this is my backyard, not yours!" Oh, he was going to die. I spurred myself onwards, flying past the intersections and dead ends of the maze, smelling victory. I was dimly aware of three more horns sounding, signalling the start of the course for the others, but I cared not. As far as I knew, Legolas and I were the only ones left in the competition. I felt the blood pounding in my ears, the adrenaline pumping through my veins, the soft earth against my thundering footfalls.

And then I saw it. The final turning into the clearing in the centre. I skidded around it, and saw Legolas in the exact same phase of movement. I stopped just as he did. We regarded each other for the short time it took for our flag-bearers to catch up to us, before breaking into a full-out sprint to the pedestal. This was it. We each drew ever closer to the prize. Valar, but he was fast. The matter of seconds it took for both of us to reach the centre passed like hours as we closed the small gulf between us. Then I did it. I grabbed one handle at my end of the chalice and pulled. Only to find it stuck on something I identified as Legolas gripping the other end.


"Bugger off, Blondie. It's mine!" I yelled, pulling it harder and digging my heels in. The crowd had gone silent from the time both our flags insisted we won.

"It was never yours. Just give it back to its rightful owner and let go." He implored.

"I think you'll find that I saw it first."

"No, I believe I did."

"I did!" I leaned closer.

"No, I did!" He followed suite.

"Is this a draw, then?" Asked Legolas' flag bearer. His was green. Typical.

"No!" We both shouted at the same time, turning our confusion into rage, and our rage onto him.

"Then what is it?" Mine asked. "Only this has never happened before, and I'm sure it'll count as a draw. We'll have to check the rule books of course, but it'll be in there somewhere." Legolas and I glared at each other.

"I demand a rematch." I said.

"Not if I demand one first." He said.

"Too late, I've already said it!" I retorted, throwing all my intelligence into a small child's argument.

"How about we all leave and let the King decide?" Legolas' flag said.

"Oh that's a stupendous idea, isn't it?" I fought. "Go and see the King and wait for him to name his SON as the victor!"

"We'll look in the rule book!" Legolas assured me. I sighed exasperatedly.

"Fine."

Our standards, Legolas, my trophy and I walked out of the hedge via his starting area, to the roar of excitement, horror and finally confusion of the crowd assembled.

"What is this?" Inquired the announcer in his most impressive announcer voice, eyeing the trophy held up by Legolas and I on our respective sides.

"I won." We said at the same instant.

"They both grabbed the trophy at exactly the same time." Said my treacherous standard-holder. I saw the cogwheels click in the announcer's mind before he came to a conclusion. And not a very good one at that.

"We must ask the King!" He turned and in one swift movement bowed to Thranduil, whom stood on the dais waiting to announce the champion. "My liege, we have a matter which requires your judgement." 'He wants a promotion.' Legolas pulled my trophy along with him, so I had no choice but to follow as he approached his father. A random plebeian scurried up carrying a thick, musty, leather-bound volume. He placed it down on the pedestal another random plebeian brought up, opened it somewhere towards the end, and scurried right back off. We came before the King, Legolas bowed quickly, and elbowed me in the ribs to make me follow suite.

"In the event that a draw is called, the victor shall be the competitor whom started last." Thranduil looked up. "And as that was neither of you, we shall merely have to make use of the other tie-breaker that we haven't needed for…well…as far as I'm aware, ever."

"Which is…?" I asked. To hell with Legolas, I was getting impatient. My trophy was getting scuffed, and I wanted to know what I would have to do to get my name on it. A part of me wondered where the intense possessiveness over my trophy came from, but the majority didn't care, and I held on tighter as the King announced the twelfth and final event.

A.N. Okay so the kiss wasn't quite what some of you were expecting, but that will come soon (read: ten or so chapters). Anyway, all you Narin and Firowen fans should be happy.

Um…

Review. Please?

Reviews:

Sparrowsnest: Yeah, we were just contemplating that. We think it adds a lot of background though. You don't even HAVE to read all of the LOTR bits, it just makes things a lot easier to understand. And besides, it's a refreshing change from some red-golden haired, purple-eyed hourglass (who is of course, the most beautiful thing he's ever seen (excuse me while I gag)) who gets in his pants within the second chapter (the first being a long, squeefull A.N).

Elrohir lover: Elrohir rocks, the sexy b-hoe. We still can't get over the fact that not only are they the sons of Elrond (Smith = Hott), the brothers of the Evenstar (pretty as hell (well, in the book, anyway)), ELVES and honorary rangers, let alone TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry. We love LP too, Chester one foot away in concert is DEFINITELY a good thing…

Michelle: Here's at least ten minutes of distraction for you, then, hun. And you still don't know who wins the tournament, but you will by next chapter. Also, a whole bunch of scandal, dances and great big hints of *cough*romance*cough* await. Hell, as if the kiss in this one wasn't enough for you vultures…

Elven wood: Shortest review ever! Hey, thanks.

Pepsibob: Firowen's EVERYBODY'S fave. And he gets a bit of tongue action in this one, so be happy.

Sylvia Viridian: As for the modern expressions, (Rai: well, I said we should put them in…) Tolkien often refers to things like trains, rockets and such, and we didn't really think anyone would care, but we are now mistaken. Thanks. No, just kidding, we luv you all, and of course, constructive criticism is ALWAYS welcome. The awful Mary-Sue princess will be dealt with accordingly, but we've tried to make her likeable (as far as you can like someone that perfect), and not just some outright bitch who would have no hope of getting Legolas to consider marriage.

Illona: What is with you people and posting up our entire storyline on the review board! Okay, it may be obvious, but just let it play out.

Arcamenel: Re-using an old and favourite line to strange reviewers: 'hun, you're scary, I mean, we're scary, but you're scary.' Thank you for the longest and probably most helpful review we've ever got. It was weird, we were just talking about the same thing when we read it, and don't worry, it'll be believable. Or, as much as it can be, in any case. With so much back story and detail to the world of Arda, it's almost impossible to make something as large as what we're planning fit in perfectly, but we're still going to try. As you said, we worked out the fic around two years ago, and its only recently that this thing has started sounding in any way close to happening, as we never even thought we'd get this far. But we're here now, and have every intention of writing the most plausible impossible Mary-Sue that has been seen in a long time. Thanks for your time, and let us know what you think as the fic goes on.

Seremela: Don't worry! The romance is just around the corner with a great big chainsaw waiting to take everyone by surprise! We also think everyone knows a Firowen somewhere in their lives, perhaps an uncle, or a dear friend, it matters not. Keep up the input. ;)

Melia: Fruitin'? That's so sweet! I (Rai) once got three e-mails sent to my account from Xing (ff.net admin) warning me about keeping my language in reviews to a strictly G rating. I replied that I was English, and did not use the same rating system, so how could I possibly know what G meant? I was, um, kicked off shortly afterwards…so it's probably a good idea to say fruitin'. That word's so cool, I may have to steal it.