Chapter Two
"Tavian, put your backpack in the living room on the coffee table then come get a snack. Vaughn and Laney, please get your dirty laundry and bring it downstairs. Saylor my love, are you hungry?" Brooke quickly multi-managed her family as they walked into their house.
"Vewy hungy." Saylor nodded and Brooke set her down in her high chair by the kitchen table.
She was going to go make snacks for all the kids when it all came rushing back to her. Sitting here, in this kitchen with Lucas, not today when he had admitted his homosexuality, but a few years back. They had been happy then.
"The kids are gone… we're home alone." Lucas pulled his beautiful, six month pregnant wife into his arms and kissed her softly, "What do you say I fix you dinner and we eat out on the terrace? Then I'll take you upstairs and ravage you."
Brook laughed loudly, relishing her time in his arms.
"I love you Lucas Scott. How about we skip dinner and go straight to the ravaging?"
"Yeah?" The glint in Lucas' eyes shone bright as he pressed her back against the counter, "I gotta take you upstairs for that? Or can I ravage you right here?"
Brooke wrapped her arms around his neck, pushing her stomach against his and leaning up to kiss him softly.
"Take me here sailor." She whispered against his lips.
Their tongues met almost before their lips did and she groaned as his hands roamed the length of her body. He was about to pull her shirt over her head when he felt a hard kick in his own stomach. He looked down and smiled, seeing the little movement being transferred from his wife's belly to his own.
"I think she likes this." Brooke laughed happily, "We should do it more often."
"I think she just likes hearing the word sailor come out of your mouth. I know I do." Lucas leaned in and kissed her again, this time slowly and passionately.
Brooke returned the kiss fiercely and arched up into him.
"Maybe we should name her sailor then."
Lucas raised his eyebrows and then grinned as he felt the baby kick again.
"I think that is the perfect idea."
"MOM!" Laney and Vaughn brought her crashing back into reality as they screamed her name.
She snapped out of it and noticed she was standing in front of the refrigerator, one hand with cheese slices in it, the other resting against her lips. The fantasy had felt so real…
"Sorry. What's going on?" Brooke closed the refrigerator door and turned to the counter to grab the bread for grilled cheese sandwiches.
"These were on our beds. They're from dad." Laney held up two white envelopes, each with a name scrawled on it.
The twins stared at her, returning her own blank gaze, as she was at a loss for words. Why had Lucas left letters? And where was he anyway?
"Did you read them?" Brooke choked out, unsure of her own voice.
"No." Vaughn stepped forward and handed hers to her mom, "When I opened the envelope it said to talk to you first."
Brooke opened the envelope she had been handed and looked over the letter quickly.
"Dear Vaughn,
You'll find this letter to be identical to the one sitting on your sister's bed. There are so many things that I wish I could say to you, but none of them could make what I need to tell you any less real and any less painful.
Fourteen years ago, when you and your sister were born, I was so thrilled to be a father. It was all new to your mother and I. We had twin baby girls and we were thoroughly in love. In love with each other. In love with you… No matter what happens now my sweet baby girl, you have to remember that I will always, always love you just as I will always, always love your mom and your brother and sisters. But I have to tell you that things are going to change now because I've realized that I'm gay. And because I know that this is a hard thing for your mother to deal with, and it's going to be hard on you, I thought it would be best to give you all some space to deal with this. I've moved to St. Louis.
Again sweetheart, you have to know that I will always love you. You can call me anytime you need to talk, even if you want to scream at me. I want you to be able to express how you feel about this.
Love always and forever,
Daddy"
Brooke wiped a tear from her cheek and then folded the letter back up and replaced it in the envelope. She took Laney's too.
"Mom, what's wrong?" Laney watched her mother take the letters and toss them in the garbage, quickly wiping away her tears.
"You sister's hungry and I'm sure Tavian is too. I um…" Brooke took a deep breath, "I'll explain everything to you when I have them settled ok?"
Laney and Vaughn shared a look then shrugged.
"Ok." Vaughn agreed, "Is it bad? Why are you crying? And where's dad?"
"Just… give me five minutes girls ok? Just go… watch TV or something."
The twins nodded and then went into the other room.
Brooke managed to compose herself while she made grilled cheese sandwiches for the kids.
"Mommy… what does gay mean?" Tavian entered the kitchen and sat down at the table placing a white envelope in front of him.
Brooke's head whipped around and she groaned audibly, staring at the envelope clearly marked for Tavian on the table.
"Where did you get that?"
"It was on my bed. What does gay mean?" Tavian repeated himself, "Daddy wrote me a letter and it says he's gay."
"Woah, dad's what?" Vaughn frowned at her little brother as she re-entered the kitchen, snapping his letter off the table and opening it, "Dear Tavian, I'm gonna keep this simple since you're just learning to read. I love you but I'm gay and so I had to leave. Ask mommy. Love, Daddy."
Brooke turned off the stove where the grilled cheese was finished and silently took them off the grill, serving one to Saylor and one to Tavian.
She finally got up the courage to look up at her teenage daughter, standing in the doorway, now joined by her other teen, and she sighed.
"I just found out today."
"Is that what ours said? Dear Laney and Vaughn, sorry but I'm gay? What the hell mom?" Vaughn crumpled up Tavian's letter and threw it to the floor, "This is bullshit. Where is he?"
"Don't use that language Vaughn. Go to the living room. I will talk to you there."
"This affects all of us mom. Tavian and Saylor should hear too." Laney stood firmly in the doorway.
"They don't understand Laney. You and Vaughn do. We will talk in the living room."
"I wanna know what gay means." Tavian spoke up, "Please mommy. Don't leave me in the dark."
Any other time and Brooke would have laughed at her son, just for knowing that saying. Today, it was different. She didn't want to taint her little boy's outlook on the world at such a young age. She wanted to protect him. Protect all four of them. Lucas had made that impossible now.
"Gay means… it means daddy likes guys sweetheart. Daddy is attracted to guys."
"What's attracted?"
"Dad likes to kiss guys Tavian. Like he used to kiss mom. He likes to kiss guys like that now." Vaughn groaned, "Where is he?"
"That's gross." Tavian frowned and looked up to his mom, "Is that what it means?"
Brooke began to cry again, her tears flowing freely as she sat down at the table. She didn't have the strength to explain this right now. It was just hitting her. The love of her life… Lucas, the man who had fathered all four of her beautiful children, liked men. Not her. No, he didn't love her anymore. He would rather be with a man. And it was all too much. Sure she had been mad at him at first, but she had also expected to come home and talk it out with him. She didn't expect him to be gone when she had returned, leaving her the impossible task of explaining this all to her kids. How could she explain it to them when she didn't understand it herself?
"Vaughn, the note said he went to St. Louis to give us space. Tavian, that's what it means but sweetie, we don't know that daddy is doing that ok? He still loves you. And right now, he's just re-thinking some things. You don't need to worry about it."
"Dad's gone and you're telling Tavian not to worry? No way. I'm calling him." Vaughn rushed across the kitchen and grabbed the phone from the wall unit, quickly dialing her father's cell phone number.
"I don't want daddy to be gone." Tavian's eyes were starting to water up and he pushed his sandwich away, "I want him to come back. He's just at work right mommy?"
Brooke looked up at Vaughn who was tapping her foot impatiently while the phone rang on her ear.
There was nothing that Brooke could say to make this better and she knew it. Saylor was still eating, but she kept throwing glances from her mom to her sister to her brother and around again. Laney still stood, leaning against the doorjamb, as if she were unsure how she should be reacting to this. All Brooke could do was pull Tavian into her lap and hold him as he began to cry.
"About time you answer your phone." Vaughn hissed angrily into the phone, "Where the hell are you?"
"Vaughn listen to me…" Lucas started.
"No, you listen to me. You wanna be gay? Fine. But do NOT be a coward and run away from us. Get back here now and explain yourself. A note is not sufficient."
"You sound so grown up…" Lucas sighed.
"Dad! I mean it! Tavian's crying. Mom's crying. I officially hate you. You have a responsibility to us!"
"Did you read the note Vaughn?"
"No, I gave it to mom and she threw it away? Why? Did it explain why you suddenly have the urge to stick it to men instead?"
"Vaughn, cut it out." Brooke groaned suddenly, "You're mad, fine. But do not use that language."
"Vaughn, I love you. I love your sisters and your brother. I love your mom. But there comes a point in a persons life when they have to realize that they've been running from who they truly are for a long time, and it's time for me to stop running."
"Funny how you're still running away to St. Louis." Vaughn huffed.
"I'm gay. It doesn't mean that I'm not still your dad and that I don't love you. I do love you. I just… need some time."
"But why are you running away from us?" The first sign of an emotion other than anger came rolling down Vaughn's cheek very slowly and she quickly wiped it away.
"I'm not sweetie. I'm going to St. Louis for a job. I'll be back. I promise."
"Not good enough." Vaughn let her tears continue freely, all the while trying her best to remain angry, "I hate you."
"You can hate me. That's allowed but I'm not gonna stop loving you."
She refused to speak after that, merely setting the phone on the counter and walking away.
Brooke laid Tavian's head against her shoulder and stood, her son in her arms, while she picked up the phone.
"Luke?" She questioned.
"I'm here." He replied, almost in a whisper.
"Where are you?"
"St. Louis." Lucas sighed, "My company is opening a new firm here in St. Louis. They asked me to head it up. I guess I should have stayed to explain things to the kids first huh?"
"Yeah." Brooke sighed, "Too late for should have's now I guess."
"Do you hate me too?" Lucas asked still using a hushed tone, "Does Laney hate me? And Tavian?"
"Laney…" Brooke looked over at Laney who was wiping away a single tear when she heard her name, "Laney's upset but I couldn't honestly tell you what she's feeling right now. Tavian is… crying but I don't think he really understands what's going on except that you're gone, and he wants you to come back."
"Me too." Saylor spoke up finally, reaching up for the phone, "I want daddy."
"Can I talk to her?" Lucas asked.
"Yeah."
Brooke handed the phone to Saylor and stood, quietly reassuring Tavian that everything would be ok while her youngest talked.
"Daddy, what's for story tonight?" Saylor asked, clearly under the impression daddy would be home for her bedtime story.
"I don't know baby girl. Mommy's gonna read to you tonight."
"But I like it when you do it." Saylor frowned, "Tomorrow then?"
"No sweetie. Daddy's gonna be gone for awhile. Mommy will read to you though. She does it even better than me."
"Uh-uh!" Saylor objected, "Mommy doesn't do all the voices like you. I miss you already. When are you coming home?"
"I don't know Saylor."
"Friday?"
It was Friday already and Lucas couldn't resist his laugh.
"Today is Friday, Say. I'll be home soon ok?"
"Ok." Saylor sighed, "I love you daddy. Kisses."
She blew kisses into the phone and grinned when she put it back to her ear, waiting for her father to return the sentiment.
"I love you too Saylor. Kisses."
She heard the kisses on the receiver, and satisfied, she handed the phone back to Brooke.
"I need to get the kids settled. Homework, baths, and bed. We need to talk about this so can I call you back in a few hours?"
"Sure." Lucas nodded.
"Talk to you later."
"Brooke?" Lucas stopped her from hanging up.
"What?" Brooke sighed.
"I do love you." He said simply, "Contrary to popular belief, gay men can still love women. I do love you."
"Good bye Lucas." Brooke hung up the phone and cradled Tavian still, walking towards the spot Laney was still glued to, "Laney?"
"I can't believe he'd do this to us." Laney sighed, standing up straight to face her mother, "And I can't believe you'd let him."
She ran away and slammed the door to her bedroom before Brooke could even move a single step.
Brooke just sighed once again before moving to the living room where she sat Tavian down then returned to the kitchen to get Saylor and bring her to join them.
The three of them watched cartoons for hours before Tavian got into the bathtub and then went to bed. Brooke bathed Saylor shortly after and tucked her in, reading her a quick bedtime story then returning to the living room.
The day still seemed like a horrible dream, even after one last encounter with Vaughn who huffed, puffed, grabbed some chips, and returned to her room. All the lights were out when Brooke returned to the kitchen at midnight.
After much debate she hung the phone up on the cradle and walked away. The phone call to Lucas never happened.