Chapter Five

The phone rang three times before he answered.

"Lucas Scott."

Brooke's voice caught in her throat and she hesitated to speak.

"Brooke…"

She sighed.

"How'd you know it was me?"

"Caller ID. Why didn't you say anything?"

"I don't know." She shrugged and sank into the couch, "I didn't know what to say."

"Hi would have been a good start."

"Are we gonna fight Lucas or is this going to be a productive conversation?" Brooke was beginning to get agitated.

"I'm sorry." Lucas sighed, "How are you? How are the kids?"

"Same as yesterday for the most part. I got Laney and Vaughn to shop and that helped a little. We talked. Saylor and Tavian are asking more questions. The whole thing confuses them."

"What'd they ask?"

"The most popular question is 'when is daddy coming home?' but they seem to be understanding a bit better that you're not."

"I never said I wasn't coming home." Lucas snapped, "Why would you tell them that?"

"Face it Lucas. Even if you did come back, it would no longer be home. You're gay. That changes everything."

"It doesn't have to. We're still a family Brooke and I don't want my kids thinking I abandoned them."

"But you did! You left them and you left me. We are not a family anymore, not in the real sense of the word."

"How can you say that? We're married. We love our kids. That's a family Brooke."

Brooke's mind was reeling already and they'd barely been on the phone a couple minutes. Lucas was making no sense.

"So let me get this straight. You want to be married and you want to be a family but you also want to be gay. Explain to me how you think that's gonna work."

"I don't know! I can't lose you guys though."

Brooke wanted to scream at him and her mind wanted to begin freaking out, but she managed to keep her cool and speak calmly.

"Sounds to me like you're confused Lucas. So when you figure yourself out, you let me know. Until then, I am going to continue taking care of my children the best way I know how."

"That's not fair Brooke. I deserve to have a say in their lives. A say in what they're told about our situation. You can't just decide you're gonna tell them something without letting me know."

"You just decided you were gonna leave and you sure as hell didn't let me know before you did it. I am going to tell them what I see as the truth and if you want to contend with that, then you can bring your ass home and deal with it."

"Why are you so pissed off?"

Brooke grew quiet. There were so many answers to that question. None of those answers would please her husband, but at this point, she was growing angrier by the second. He pissed her off with his nonchalant attitude about all of this. How could he think that he could decide he's gay, leave her and their kids, and then just act like everything's the same?

"Why am I pissed off Lucas? I'm pissed off because in the last three days, I've lost every semblance of normal that I knew. My kids are upset and I hate it when my kids are upset. They're confused and… Laney and Vaughn are at an age where they should be more worried about what boy they want to go to the spring dance with then whether their dad is going to come home or not. They shouldn't have to be worrying about your sexuality. They should be dealing with their own! I'm pissed off because you think that all of this is just going to fall into place. You act like nothing's changed when everything has! I love you! I love being married to you and I love everything about you… and now, I can't have you, because you're gay Luke. You like guys and… I'm not gonna try to change that if that's the way you feel, but you need to realize that it hurts us. Me, the kids… even Nathan. We're all affected and nothing is ever going to be the same. That is why I'm pissed off."

Her rant was met with silence on the other end of the line and for a second, Brooke thought he had hung up on her.

Then she heard him breathe. A slow intake and release whispering it's way through the receiver.

"I'm sorry I hurt you."

Brooke sighed.

"I wish I could say it was ok Lucas, but I don't know if it's going to be. It's still very new."

"What should we do? Where do we go from here?"

"You're positive you're gay?"

"Yes."

"You're not gonna change your mind?"

"No."

"Then we get a divorce. It's the only rational thing to do."

She was met with silence again.

"Luke?"

"I wish it was all different. I tried so hard not to be gay."

She believed that. She could feel the honesty in his voice, even through the phone.

"I know honey."

"I'll have one of my colleagues draw up the papers tomorrow then?"

She nodded and then realized he couldn't see her.

"That's fine. Send them over when they're done."

"I do love you."

"I know." Brooke sighed, "I love you too."

After she hung up the phone, she felt spent. Emotionally, she had nothing left to give. She was 37 years old, a stay at home mother of four, and she was about to be divorced. This wasn't how things were supposed to turn out.

Marrying Lucas at 22 had been a no-brainer. They'd been dating for eight years already. They had lived together for three of those years, ever since their sophomore year of college. She had graduated with her degree in Sociology and he was set to go on to Law School. Since they had been engaged since high school, their wedding was planned to happen as soon as he was done with law school. And then she'd found out she was pregnant. Wedding plans were pushed forward and they'd married before she was even showing. And it had worked just fine. She gave birth to the twins. He went to law school and his dad paid for everything they needed until he was done. They were happy. He got a great job at a great firm and he'd been there ever since, making partner by the time he was 30.

She couldn't remember a time that Lucas Scott wasn't in her life. Since she was five, Lucas and Nathan had been there. And now, Lucas was gone.

"Mommy?"

Brooke snapped to attention and realized Saylor was sitting next to her on the couch, staring intently at her. The small girl reached up and wiped a tear from Brooke's face. A tear Brooke hadn't even realized she'd shed.

"How come you're crying mommy?"

Brooke looked around and saw that her other three children stood close-by with Nathan, looking on quietly.

"Sorry baby. Mommy was just thinking about something sad. Um… how was dinner guys?"

"Dinner was great." Nathan tried to lighten the mood immediately, ushering the kids into the living room.

They all sat down, Nathan sending a reassuring smile over to Brooke.

"We had really good food. Really, really good dessert. Saylor started a food fight and we got kicked out of the restaurant."

"What?" Brooke looked over at Saylor who smiled bashfully at her mom.

"It was an accident." She sighed, "My fork was in the mashded potatoes and when I put my arm down, it hit it, and the fork went flying across the room."

Brooke watched Saylor tell the story animatedly and she had to resist the urge not to laugh. After all, they had been thrown out of the restaurant and that wasn't a good thing.

"So everyone started throwin' stuff and the lady with a frown on her face told us we had to leave." Saylor sighed, "I didn't mean to mommy."

"Oh, I know baby." Brooke smiled and pulled Saylor into her lap, "You're ready for bed now though right?"

"Not yet mommy. Just one movie, please." Tavian begged.

"I'm going to bed." Vaughn said simply as she stood, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright sweetie. Sleep well."

Vaughn nodded as she kissed her mother's cheek and then headed down to her room.

"Laney, how bout you babe? Bed, or you gonna stay up for a while?"

"I have a little bit of homework to finish. I'll see you in the morning." Laney sighed as she too stood and kissed her mother's cheek, "Night Uncle Nate. Night Say. Night Tavian."

"Night Laney." Everyone chorused.

"Alright you two, Tavian? Is your homework done?" Brooke asked.

Tavian cringed.

"I have two pages left."

"No movie then. Go get your packet so we can work on it."

"But mom…"

"Nope. Move it. Homework time."

"I'll help him with it." Nathan volunteered as he stood with Tavian, "You and Saylor watch a movie."

Saylor grinned at Brooke who couldn't resist.

"Thanks Nate."

It wasn't even an hour later, only halfway through the movie, and Saylor was fast asleep in Brooke's arms. Nathan returned from Tavian's room and announced that Tavian too was fast asleep after completing his homework and the lights were out in both Laney and Vaughn's room too.

Nathan picked up Saylor from Brooke's arms and carried her down the hall to her bedroom, returning to sit down on the couch next to Brooke and pull her into a friendly embrace.

"What'd Lucas say?" He asked, cutting straight to the chase.

Brooke sighed and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Lucas is confused. He says he's gay, but he doesn't want to lose me or the kids and so he's struggling. It was a short but difficult conversation to have. We decided to get a divorce."

"Just like that?" Nathan was surprised. He hadn't expected Brooke to give up on her marriage that easily.

Brooke sat up and looked at him while she spoke.

"Well what else am I supposed to do. Lucas likes men. I can't compete with that. I mean… if it was another woman, I have no doubt given a choice, he'd pick me in the end. But men? There are vital parts missing in that scenario."

"So divorce…"

"He's having one of his colleagues draw up the papers tomorrow."

"Custody of the kids?"

"Didn't ask but they won't be going to St. Louis, that's for sure. If he wants to see them, he's gonna have to come here. On that point, I will not budge."

Nathan nodded.

"And the house? I assume you're keeping it."

"He's not using it. I think I should get to keep it."

"Alimony? Child support?"

"I don't know!" Brooke snapped and immediately she regretted it, "I'm sorry Nathan. I'm just… it was a rough conversation. We didn't discuss specifics. We just agreed to divorce. That's all."

"I'll quit asking questions. I'm sorry." Nathan ran his fingers through her hair and she laid her head back on his shoulder.

They were quiet for a few minutes, sitting there and taking in the night. The Care Bears were still on the TV screen, jumping happily all over the screen. It was a bright contrast to the mood in the room.

"I should get home. I have to work in the morning." Nathan broke their reverie and waited while Brooke sat up.

"I thought you were staying the night." Brooke frowned at him, stretching sleepily.

"Nah. The kids are asleep already. You don't need me to take care of them while they jump off the walls."

She shrugged.

"True enough."

There was another moment or two of silence and then she smiled.

"Thanks for being here Nate. You've made this first weekend without him a lot easier."

"You're welcome." He leaned over and for a second, Brooke thought he was going to kiss her, but instead, she felt his lips connect lightly with her cheek, "Sleep well."

"You too." She mumbled as he stood up and headed for the back door.

"Goodnight."

The door closed softly behind him and she watched through the front window while he drove away into the night.

As she turned off all the lights and the television, her mind wandered to the moment when she thought Nathan might kiss her. If she didn't know better, she would have sworn she had wanted him to do it. But that wasn't possible. She and Nathan were just friends.